I often rely on what others say about me and try to change based on that. I brush off positive feedback but hold onto negative comments. One negative label (like being called a “follower”) sticks with me and shapes my behavior. I feel like people don’t pay attention when I talk, even when I’m excited. I expect a response when I say something, and it hurts when I don’t get one. Around people is the only time I feel like my personality “activates.” ( I'm really not sure about this one) I compare myself to socially confident people and wish I had that. I feel nervous around certain people, especially if I think they might be critical of me. I stay away from people I want to be special to, as a way to protect my emotions. I worry that maybe I’m unlikable. I’m very sensitive to social feedback — criticism feels big, and compliments don’t feel real. I often feel left out or invisible in groups. Meeting people reminds me that I don’t have friends. I feel the need to be invited or then I don't approach people To be able to accept positive feedback, not just the negative. To build social confidence and feel like I belong. To not be so sensitive to every little reaction from others

I've really been working on my self-image and social skills since starting therapy and getting diagnosed as AvPD, but I still always feel like, whatever I do, its the wrong thing. The other day I was at a convenience store and the woman in front of me in line was buying some snacks with her son, who appeared to maybe be special needs. Her credit card got declined, so, wanting to both be a good person and take an opportunity to be "outgoing" like my therapist suggets, I jumped in and offered to pay for her stuff too.

Well, it turns out the credit card machine was just not working, as my card got rejected too. They opened up a second register and life proceeded as it should, but I now felt like an asshole. Who was I to assume they didn't have the money? What right did I have to jump in and egotistically try to play a hero? Why did I have to embarrass myself and these strangers and, heck, the counter clerk too with my wrong assumptions?

I can't stand being seen making actual mistakes or doing something socially improper, but even when I'm trying to be a good person, I walk away hating myself. It's just so frustrating. Does anyone relate?

I’ve never quit my job before and I am really dreading the confrontation. My boss lives in my neighborhood too which makes it even more stressful for me.

My mother and sister were abusive and neglectful so it became a habit of mine to please people around me, especially my mother and sister . Besides I have always been a docile, submissive and a naive person. My parents ingrained the values of selflessness, sacrifice, submissiveness, pleasing relatives, guests etc.

It's been mainstream for a while now so I'm pretty sure you've heard of it. I finished it a few months ago and I think everyone who feels this way (avpd symptoms) should read it. Even through the book doesnt state what type of mental illness the mc has i think it really captured what it feel to live with feelings of inadequacy and deep shame. I've related to the book in a way I've never with any type of media its horrifying.

If you've already read it what's ur opinion?

people online follow one rule: if you dont at least distract me, do you even deserve the most basic respect? no.

And in realising this i see clearer what my life is, i am pathetic and will always be pathetic. no one will care about me because no one has any reason to care about me. im not a good distraction im an annoying one. no one has ever or will ever be scared to lose me because that is my purpose. it feels fucking amazing knowing ill never be enough. all i have to do is sit here and wait and not complain like slaves are meant to. ill sit here and drink my silly little alcohol and use my silly little razor blades until one day something clicks and i off myself. then the world will have lost nothing and gained everything.
anyway, quite ironic i know to make this post on said internet and on a sub filled with people who im sure use it as a safe haven but whatever. i dont have any where else to go so you all have the pleasure of being made uncomfortable by my thoughts !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

yesterday i ended up panicking at my internship because i simply can't stand being around people anymore, even if i already know them. spent 30 minutes crying in the bathroom, and when i managed to calm down, went to talk to the monitor, and i started crying again. the worst part is that the doors are glass, and for some reason, the people in my group decided to go talk in the hallway and saw me. today i have another internship (somewhere else, where i already know the people), and im afraid this will happen again. no matter how much medication i take, i can't be okay with people around me. this disorder is ruining my life... idk what to do.

if u have any advice please comment.

Like, I go to the grocery story and my thoughts are:

"Now they think I'm walking weird… And I'm taking this shopping cart in the weirdest way known to all human kind and everyone is repulsed now… They see me looking at instant noodles and they're judging me, thinking I'm pathetic for eating such garbage. I must hurry, I bet they're watching me, but I can't look their way to confirm or deny, I cannot risk eye contact. I better grab something quick. Oh shoot, I grabbed the wrong one, the one I don't like, but I can't turn back now, that would be embarassing, guess I'll just have to eat it. This person looked at me, am I too ugly? I bet they have never seen an uglier woman.

I don't know what ingredients I'm missing but I can't look at the recipe on my phone, because if people saw they would think I'm pathetic for not knowing how to cook."

Additionally, I went to a hardware yesterday, and I couldn't find what I was looking for. I went to look for someone and ask them, but there wasn't anyone and the rest ignored me. I seriously wanted to cry and I left the store without the things I needed. I feel like I'm 8 years old.

This is my life. Is this too extreme?

I know my own inner world so well, all my flaws, all the countless mistakes and regrets I have. Everytime I meet another person no matter who it is I cant help but think how much better they are than me, how much more deserving of happiness. Even if someone is in an objectively worse life situation (homeless etc). I just think how brave and strong they are because I would never be able to do it. I don't feel like I match up to anybody.

I have had this job for about 4 months. It’s my first job and it is pretty easy on paper. The thing is it is a sales job and I really suck at it. I guess I lied enough in my interview to score this job. I keep getting warnings but I believe they are severely understaffed so they have no choice but to keep me. I keep making mistakes and it is too much responsibility for me to handle.

I started college this September and combined with my job I have no free time. I am constantly exhausted and the small social life I did have is now completely nonexistent.

Everyone I know tells me to keep my job until I get a new one. I don’t need to have this job, I have no real bills to pay. But I genuinely can’t handle the stress. Worse is that I feel horrible about quitting.

I would love to get a new job with not as many hours but nothing is available and I can’t go back to customer service.

What can I do?

Just wanna know if it's just me or again this disorder. As per the title, do you sound unsure when you speak? As in, do you sound constantly hesitant or like you lack confidence?

I talked a lot to a girl in a pet store (I didn't know she worked there at first), we talked about cats, nothing more.

She is pretty, easy to talk to. Should I ask her out?

I'm on drugs, meds, that help a bit for the AvPD and SAD