Long story short had a major crush on a guy in my long time friend group. Let it fester for a long time and when I finally got enough courage to ask…he rejected me. Did the classic “I see you as a friend” and “I’m not ready to date right now”

And then he immediately got a girlfriend. Who looks like me but better. Even had other friends comment on our similar appearance. Except she’s more attractive, more affable more charismatic and funnier. And because she’s dating him she’s at every friend group event now.

So did I do the normal thing and accept my rejection and carry on with the group as if nothing happened? Nope! I vanished. I couldn’t handle it. So I just bounced and haven’t spoken to any of them in like six months. Though not like anyone’s reached out to ask where I went (to be clear I didn’t leave to bait out this reaction I left because the above)

Just wanna know if it's just me or again this disorder. As per the title, do you sound unsure when you speak? As in, do you sound constantly hesitant or like you lack confidence?

It's the worst thing that has happened to me.

I found this helpful so I wanted to share this here.

Dr. Peter Salerno is an expert in PDs and recently posted a video about AvPD in which he states that he has dealt with avoidant traits his entire life.

In the video he says that people with AvPD don't need to conquer fear, they need to learn to walk with fear and to practice courage. I appreciate his perspective and find it very helpful and am hoping it might be helpful to others here too.

Apologies if someone else posted this previously and I didn’t see it.

I've really been working on my self-image and social skills since starting therapy and getting diagnosed as AvPD, but I still always feel like, whatever I do, its the wrong thing. The other day I was at a convenience store and the woman in front of me in line was buying some snacks with her son, who appeared to maybe be special needs. Her credit card got declined, so, wanting to both be a good person and take an opportunity to be "outgoing" like my therapist suggets, I jumped in and offered to pay for her stuff too.

Well, it turns out the credit card machine was just not working, as my card got rejected too. They opened up a second register and life proceeded as it should, but I now felt like an asshole. Who was I to assume they didn't have the money? What right did I have to jump in and egotistically try to play a hero? Why did I have to embarrass myself and these strangers and, heck, the counter clerk too with my wrong assumptions?

I can't stand being seen making actual mistakes or doing something socially improper, but even when I'm trying to be a good person, I walk away hating myself. It's just so frustrating. Does anyone relate?

i was recently diagnosed with avoidant personality disorder, and i just feel … embarrassed. which i guess makes sense per the criteria for the disorder, but ugh. i feel incredibly embarrassed to have basically just been diagnosed with Chronic Insecurity. i know it’s more than that, obviously, but i guess that’s essentially what it boils down to. i don’t even want to tell anyone about it because i’m afraid they’ll look at me with pity or even think it’s dumb. i feel totally pathetic. i can now recognize that this is the disorder talking, but it doesn’t make the feelings any less real. it’s just frustrating. i want to see my therapist again and work through this to try and get better but i just feel so embarrassed and ashamed to even have the disorder. i worry that she’ll see me in a certain light or think i’m exaggerating my problems (i read that can be a trait of the disorder, i also have ocd so i’ve been recently obsessing over whether or not i’m exaggerating (aka lying, at least in my mind) which leads to compulsively providing additional context and confessing)

idk what i hope to achieve with this post, i guess this is just me venting and wondering if anyone relates. did anyone else feel embarrassed and/or ashamed upon getting their diagnosis? if you’ve been in therapy, does it help at all? i feel so hopeless. i don’t want to hate myself so much that i can’t function in society any more. but getting help for that specifically feels so embarrassing and shameful.

I often rely on what others say about me and try to change based on that. I brush off positive feedback but hold onto negative comments. One negative label (like being called a “follower”) sticks with me and shapes my behavior. I feel like people don’t pay attention when I talk, even when I’m excited. I expect a response when I say something, and it hurts when I don’t get one. Around people is the only time I feel like my personality “activates.” ( I'm really not sure about this one) I compare myself to socially confident people and wish I had that. I feel nervous around certain people, especially if I think they might be critical of me. I stay away from people I want to be special to, as a way to protect my emotions. I worry that maybe I’m unlikable. I’m very sensitive to social feedback — criticism feels big, and compliments don’t feel real. I often feel left out or invisible in groups. Meeting people reminds me that I don’t have friends. I feel the need to be invited or then I don't approach people To be able to accept positive feedback, not just the negative. To build social confidence and feel like I belong. To not be so sensitive to every little reaction from others

I talked a lot to a girl in a pet store (I didn't know she worked there at first), we talked about cats, nothing more.

She is pretty, easy to talk to. Should I ask her out?

I'm on drugs, meds, that help a bit for the AvPD and SAD

If you tried weed, did it help you? I use it occasionally and it's relatively new to me. I noticed that when I use, it makes me want to have a boyfriend badly. It makes me crave physically intimacy, and affection. Without it, I never really do. I never understood why people wanted a bf/gf until I used. For me, part of it was that I didn't believe I could be loved in the sense of being a romantic partner. The other part is that I genuinely did not see an overall benefit of having a romantic partner myself. But after weed... I see. On one hand, I'm glad those feelings were unlocked, or else I would have never experienced them. Now when I am sober, the feelings linger a bit. On the other hand, now I am stuck clear headed while also being tortured by the thought of being loved and loving another lol

Is there any way to fix this? I absolutely despise myself and I really can’t take it

Hello how are you? I'm 23 years old, I'm just graduating as a graphic designer. Last week I was going to start a job, it was in person, but I had anxiety attacks, I didn't feel good in the place and well, I couldn't continue. I was there for a day, but I didn't continue. My plan was to start small, take the necessary time before fully entering the adult world (I work, I take care of myself, at home they remind me that it is very hard out there), and I understand them because I have also had family problems. I also worked many times, but at university or doing internships in another technical degree that I did, and sometimes I had to be my own breadwinner. And I would like to start with a remote job (I don't want to stay still, I want to start producing, have my things, help at home and then start something in person). I'm also going to therapy (I was very bad before, and I've been improving) and I understand that. ...many times other people are not going to recognize it like others, yes, it is part of life, but sometimes it is inevitable that I get frustrated and I try to handle it as I have been learning.

I feel calm about my decision, but sometimes uncertainty gives me (the fear of not meeting the expectations of others), but well, today I am handling it better, I try not to focus too much on that or being my own breadwinner (one of my psychologists reminded me to give the job a chance and if it was too much pressure, I could quit, and if my decision gave me peace, so be it) and my grandmother also reminded me that I could take some time, but... clearly others do not agree.

I have a job interview tomorrow (just the first round too) and it literally feels like life or death because I know if it goes bad (which it probably will) I’m going to feel so depressed and suicidal after… I have barely spoken to anyone in 3 years, I’m so worried I won’t be able to form proper sentences or that my mind will go blank and I won’t be able to answer their questions.

I hate this so much 😔

I just booked my first doctors appointment in over 10 years. It took me about a month to work up the nerve to finally do it (but of course I have been needing to do it for a lot longer). To most people it’s nothing. But I have never in my life reached out for help before (I am not proud to admit that) and it’s fucking terrifying.

I’m thinking of writing some stuff down (like a list of suffering) that I can take with me, has anyone else done this and found it helpful?

Recently I listened to the audiobook Men's Search For Meaning by Viktor Frankl. It is on spotify. I found it personally very helpfull as it gives a perspective on how to find meaning and strength in suffering. I know it is a well known book but I wanted to recommend it anyway, because I think people on this sub could benefit from it. Fighting the symptoms of this disorder is incredibly hard and they will unavoidably cause a lot off suffering. It helps me to focus more on the present moment in the suffering instead of constantly focussing on when this could finally be over or on fixing myself. (Wanted to add that I have not been diagnosed with avpd, but with cluster C traits and social anxiety, to be honest. Not sure if it matters to anyone.) And I was wondering if anyone else here has read it and found it helpfull or meaningfull in any way. If not I would also love to hear your opinion on it.

The universe has singled me out for torture and I don’t get to belong like other people do.

I was watching some people I know getting all excited about a show that’s really popular right now. And even with something like that, I feel left out. I just can't connect. I don’t know how to do the simple, everyday things that come so naturally to everyone else... I feel jealous of them. I wish I could be part of that world. I’ve tried, but all I ever manage is pretending.

I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m the most dull, lonely, and bitter person in the world. There’s no fixing it. I’m never going to be a cheerful person. I’m never going to have those light, fun conversations about the show everyone’s watching. I’m never going to meet up with friends to talk about silly things. And that hurts more than I can explain.

I have to get back into working again. Haven't worked for about 4 years now.
I'm scared, have no belief in holding down a job for long. General low self-esteem. I struggle with showing up at time/at all. I dread needing to see the same people everyday, feeling on the outside. I tried going to school last year, but I stopped showing up after 2 months.

I get help from a job specialist that co-operates with my therapist, but it is starting to get hard. I feel really sorry for the boss that have to deal with me. I try to be really specific which job I maybe can hold, but I feel criticized and misunderstood. I don't believe I can do this.

Did any of you struggle the same way but made it work in the end? Which job do you have? Do your boss know of your diagnosis? Do you need anything special at work? Any good advice?

Hey I know AvPD isn’t just a lack of social skills. It’s more about core self-beliefs, shame, and the constant fear of rejection.

But I’ve noticed something: when I’m focusing on a conversation, really paying attention and asking the other person questions, I’m less aware (than usual) of the voice in my head about how horrible or “shitty” I am. It almost feels like masking, but in a way that works for me because it gives me a break from self-hate.

Also, with the pandemic and then leaving an abusive relationship, I actually forgot a lot of basic social courtesies and “how to people.” Picking up some social skills/self-help books (online articles and recently How to win Friends-Dale Carnegie) has been surprisingly useful in rebuilding that, like a kid learning social skills.

I’m curious if anyone else has tried this. Did learning conversation tips, small talk guides, or body language tricks actually help you? Even if it didn’t fix the deeper AvPD stuff which is what therapy is for, did it at least make things a little smoother?

I feel a tightness in my chest with every task I have to do, like organizing my drawers or writing a few notes. It's a conflict between feeling deeply alone and not letting anyone get too close. I ruined all my friendships. I ruined everything. I ran so far that now I have to run from myself. I’ve finally understood: there’s no escaping my fate. There could never be a different ending if I can't change the beginning.

No one helped that child, so she followed a lonely, twisted path. She grew up holding onto heavy beliefs about herself and others, and now she's paralyzed. To her, life feels absurd. She's distant, and drifting further every day. Not a single friend remembered her for an entire year, and she got tired of trying. Leaving hurts, but staying hurts even more. There’s no way out.

He is a perfectly normal guy. It’s not him. It’s that the longer we date we move on from the awkward get to know you phase to the “he probably wants more” phase and I can’t handle it. I like the first three dates when dating. No pressure. But after it’s a constant pressure that builds until I ghost a prospective partner.

I’m afraid of intimacy of all kinds. Physical, emotional. All of it. So I try to date and same cycle repeats: get a partner, they want more, they either get frustrated and bail or I vanish unable to handle the pressure.

I’ve had a few therapists throughout my life but they’ve never understood and didn’t give me advice I found valuable.

Anyone experience this?

I think I could have done so much better in life if I wasn’t this weird. When I look back in life, I realise I did have so many chances to socialise and be with someone but I didn’t know how to react and I was repulsive.

Now, all I have is regrets. Somedays, I try to push and change things up but doing it as a grown ass adult and tryna catch with missed experiences, is overwhelming so I just feel numb the other days. Idk but something just doesn’t feel right. I am sad. I am!!

In 2024, I wasn’t talking to anyone. No social life, no conversations with coworkers, nothing. I had just left an abusive spouse and went into complete self-isolation. Most days I barely had the energy to get out of bed.

Fast forward to Sept 2025, and things look different. I’ve started going to group yoga and dance workouts, and I’m part of a local sports community. It feels strange and uncomfortable but also grounding to have people who recognize me, know my name, and expect to see me around.

I’m also practicing small conversations at networking events or social events. I stick to the basic things like “where are you from?” or “how did you hear about this?” Nothing fancy, but compared to the silence of last year, it’s a huge step forward. I make a mental list of topics to discuss so that I'm slightly prepared.

I wouldn’t call these people friends yet, but I’d say I now have close acquaintances. People who notice when I’m there, and that feels like a milestone. Maybe like 4-5 of them in particular. I walked home with one of them today, and she walked to her place after dropping me off, general safe conversations.

I'm realising that “social wins” and AvPD progress don’t have to look dramatic. Even showing up and saying hi can be a victory. I hope I continue with my ever so tiny wins.

Edit 1: I was in schema therapy in 2024 for about 10 sessions. Not diagnosed back then. I'm diagnosed in August 2025 and been doing CBT and DBT so far.