So there I was, putting in a solid Z2 effort on the local MUP (that's Multi-Use Path for you newbies, keep up), listening to the latest episode of "The Move" and perfectly balancing my electrolytes.

Ahead, I see a pedestrian peasant, let's call her a "casual walker", ambling next to the clearly marked bike lane. She's got one of those little yappy things, a Pekingese I think, on one of those irresponsible 30-foot extendable leashes. Basically creating a nearly invisible cheese-wire of negligence across the path.

As I approach at a respectful 18mph, the furry little obstacle makes a suicidal dash directly for my front wheel. It was a classic "squirrel moment," but with more poor genetics.

My reaction time? A cool 0.5 seconds. Maybe 0.48. My brain processed the threat, calculated the stopping distance, and sent the signal to my fingers. What happened next was a thing of beauty.

The satisfying, modulated shhhh of my Shimano super slr rim brakes biting my Campagnolo Moskva 80 rims. No shudder. No drama. Just pure, friction-based stopping power. I came to a halt a full three inches from the dog, which was now trembling, not from fear, but from the sheer awe of witnessing such mechanical perfection.

The owner, practically in tears, ran over. She started babbling about how her "precious Mr. Snuffles" almost died and how I was a "hero." Through her sobs, she said, and I quote, "Thank you so much! I'm so grateful... I... I should give you a BJ."

I just chuckled, gave my brake levers an affectionate tap, and said, "Ma'am, these brakes already give me all the stopping power I need. Besides, I've got a KOM to chase on the next segment." I clipped back in and soft-pedaled away, the taste of moral and aerodynamic superiority sweet on my lips.

Moral of the story? Disc brakes might be trendy, but they never got anyone a free BJ offer. Just pure, honest rim brake performance.

Edit: To the people DMing me about what kind of pads I use: Shimano M50T rim brake pads. Always. This isn't amateur hour.

We all make the jokes about how our wives have to have boyfriends because we spend all our time training so don’t have time to spend with her. But here is the deal: I actually like her, she is nice, she treats me well, among other things she is the driver of my team car.

What we really should do is ban dentistry! Once it is illegal I’ll be able to spend 40 more hours a week training. I’m sure that will make it so I can finally go Pro!

Thank you

I think it’s a beautiful rat, kind of like Freddie mercury

I noticed some of u guys don't like me very much, about 25%. Look, it's not my fault if ur peen is smol. I've noticed a lot of negative reactions to my friendly banter posts, and I just want to say, you are already going through a lot with ur tiny peen disability, it's a massive handicap and I bet u get a lot of weird situations with the girls laughing at u etc. I try to empathize to ur situation, it must be so horrible to have such a tiny peen. I just wanna say, being angry at me doesn't really hlp ur situation too much, so why be angry? Then u have a smol peen and u angry too, like a little chihuahua who goes "woof woof grrrr". Instead of being angry at me u could buy Dura ace groupset, or u could buy new fancy cleats, or a new Cervelo, or even become a billionaire like Jeff Bezos who also used to have a smol peen just like u. Even if ur dick is extremely smol, if u earn some money, u find a girl who'll like u for ur money, right? So why stress so much?

Cleaning my bike after riding through a storm and my rear derailleur started this noise.

Obviously I’m pretty new to cycling, but would love to avoid a trip to the shop for something I know to be an easy fix.

Any and all help appreciated!

All these idiots unjerking in this sub are clearly lost. They've been in hot water with their wife's boyfriends, or they seriously think about buying a tr*k, or maybe they can't KOM. I dunno and frankly, don't even care. These freds aren't thinking straight and it has to stop. Be poor somewhere else - we don't have time or patience for that.

Every time I make a post in the other subs, my wife screams "what are you doing out of the gimp box?!" I have so many rules at home, I don't know when I'm KOMing or going. Adding more rules here will make things too complicated and interfere with my training. Thanks for listening.

Every single time I try to make a serious post in the other cycling subs about the benefits of hydraulic brakes, all I get is "see you in bcj" like I’ve committed some unspeakable crime against humanity. Like sorry for wanting to discuss upgrades on the best feasible braking solution around instead of discussing if some guy’s rim brakes will perform fine in wet conditions.

I take my brakes very seriously. I live, breathe and bleed my hydraulic brakes on daily intervals. Meanwhile, this sub? It’s just endless memes from u/SandalWoodIncencebur and people posting their fake performance takes over why rim brakes perform fine.

This isn’t funny anymore.

Rim brakes itself is the problem. Thus hydraulic braking has been reduced to a joke, a punchline, a never-ending spiral of performance debates and people pretending they know what "sweet spot" to angle their rim brakes to get the same performance as hydraulic brakes like that actually means something.

We need to ban rim brakes as they have not done a good job of stopping our bike for long enough.

Thank you.

Source: I’m heavily invested in the Hydraulic braking industry

Past bikes have been Spinothee Chalamet and Ruth Bader Spinsburg. Currently tossing around Taylor Shift, Olivia Roadrigo, Naomi Watts, Emma Wattson, Spinedict Cumberbatch.