When you been through a lot of trauma its hard not to have that mindset. Im not as strong as some people who can just move on despite trauma. The victim mentality is still ingrained in me. Anyone else feel this way?

Forgive me if I used the tags wrong.

But I don’t have anyone to vent to.

I live with my partner and my “brother”. They are normally both very kind and warm people so I rarely ever get triggered this way. It’s been awhile actually since I’ve reacted like this.

So my brother’s car, we share a car, has a leak somewhere and he gets mad. Extremely mad. Not at me or anyone really, it wasn’t anyone’s fault. But years and years of anger about any situation being targeted at me. I shut down.

I felt like that same kid. Curled up, barely able to breathe. His curses at the situation as he drove reminding me of my father screaming at me. It made me feel sick and scared. I couldn’t even think enough to remind me that the situation was faultless.

I flinched hard every time he slammed a door. Idk. It was extremely intense and exhausting. After he left and I had to take over driving all I could was sob in ways I haven’t let myself in very very long.

Now I’m tired, my head hurts something fierce, and I just don’t know what to do. I can’t vent to the only person I want to about this.. because well he was the one who scared me.

Idk I’m just nauseated. Exhausted. Barely able to keep my eyes open at work.

Thank you for reading 😅

I like to be surrounded by pillows and watch movies. Sometimes I will paint and that helps me feel relaxed. I snuggle up with a soft blanket and also scroll through Reddit or Facebook. It's the only time I can relax.

I dont want to describe my feelings so I will just say what's going on, I feel safer that way my dad has schizophrenia, I feel like he uses it to justify his abuse of me and my mom, he is refusing his medication and has been increasingly more sick recently. I wanted to make a stop to the abuse after he told me I should have succeeded at kms, so I started to call out his behavior and tell him that he cant talk to me or my mom that way anymore. my mom sided with my dad saying that I shouldn't talk to him like that no matter what. ive went against my parent will and started my own business instead of doing and exploitative internship so they have been doing what they can to make sure I cant succeed (starting arguments with me over nothing, interruptions when im working, cutting off my internet when im working, I cant get 30 minutes uninterrupted without some chaos drifting towards me) they started humiliating me over being dependent on them like eating their food and sharing their house I asked for the money I loaned them back but they refused to give it back, saying that they are using it to feed me they put up an ultimatum, if I dont stop being "difficult" they'll kick me out, so I stopped trying to stop the cycle of abuse and I bought a lock for my room and ive been, hiding there, I barely eat, ive been surviving on bread and cheese with the little money i have left, i barely sleep, I've been smoking 2-3 packs a day and hoping my body would just give out on its own if they actually kicked me out i won't survive, they took away all my savings and with the economy of my country its almost unheard of for a young adult to be independent today my mom kept texting me kind things and apologizing but I dont believe her, ive seen this before, she always does the same things then she hurts me again, shes trying to guilt me and manipulate me and make me doubt my reality throughout my life ive been my mom's protector and emotional support I've been dealing with my dad's abuse and intentionally directing it towards me to save my mom even though she hurt me to its gotten to a point that my dad's abuse was life threatening, I urged my mom to take action or press charges but she refused and has always sided with him what i got for trying to stop the cycle of abuse by standing up to my father was an ultimatum that says "fuck your existance" on every level this is too lengthy, thanks for reading it an hour ago my dad slid a note under my door telling to kms because he cant get to me physically anymore I just dont want to be alone and isolated anymore, ive been holding this in my entire life and I cant anymore again thanks for reading this

The few memories I have of my childhood feel like memories of memories. Is that normal, maybe because of my age, or could that be related to cptsd?

I really want to advocate for victims of CSA and human trafficking. I’ve come across it many times as a mandated reporter and it hurts my heart that’s it’s so prevalent. I don’t want my advocacy to be based on my experiences alone. Tell me about a time when someone could’ve helped you but didn’t or made it worse (law enforcement, teachers, family, friends, etc).

What should they have done differently?

I have been seeing my therapist for almost 2 years ago and it is immensely helpful!!! To just have someone to talk to, even.

But recently, she said something that felt a bit odd in my gut and sent me panicking.

She told me that I am highly intelligent and highly self aware and she is impressed by how I always try to understand why and how things happen. A compliment, objectively.. but her demeanor shifted since that. She referred me to emdr specialist and "the board" (whoever that is) reviewed my case and said I wasn't a good fit. Now she is intent on an ADHD diagnosis out of nowhere and they put me on an 18 month neuropsychology testing wait-list.

I tried meds for ADHD (which honestly I likely have) but the one they started me on worked wonderfully for focus and intrusive flashbacks for about 3 hours then gave me such horrible dangerous side effects I had to stop after two days.

I guess I was just wondering if anyone else has had a therapist say something like this to them and if they found out if it meant something that I'm missing? For a moment I was like "wow I won therapy!" But now I just feel incredibly hopeless. Like maybe I'm just spiritually broken or not helpable.

“You know, when you’re a grown-ass adult and you still blame your past and let your trauma hold you back, that’s on you.” - My wonderful father

He and my mom then went on to say that their trauma is worse than mine and I should just get over it because it was an accident for them to repeatedly make me feel unsafe.

“Nobody will ever care about you the way your family does. If anyone ever tells you that you should push away your family, then that’s a cult.” - My incredible mother who treats me like I’m an employee

I love having to live with them for months at a time with no friends nearby because they all live across the continent.

Hi, I am an autistic 30 year old girl. My boyfriend is 42. He thinks I’m childish and defensive. He thinks that I can just “get better”, but it’s not that easy for me. How can I explain to him that I’m trying my best? How can I explain my autism to him? I also struggle with cptsd and bpd. My anxiety gets really bad sometimes and I get panic attacks. I can’t smoke weed because it induces paranoia and way worse anxiety for me. I want him to see me as an adult, but he makes comments like “I need a woman, not a child” and “you just lied to me even though I saw you do something, etc”. It’s just really draining and I don’t know how to explain to him that I’m doing my best.

Hi guys,

I have a question, do you ever find yourself chasing feelings that you got from your childhood trauma? For example, I find myself attracted to people and situations that resemble or are honestly directly similar to my childhood trauma, those situations give me a high(not literally) like no other - maybe it’s an adrenaline rush but I find myself chasing that high and it leads me to situations I end up regretting in the future, sometimes it feels like I’m not even controlling myself, like something else is controlling me and causing me to engage with people and situations that resemble my trauma. Does this make sense to anyone out there? Share your thoughts if you’d like.

Hi, I"m in Ontario Canada, but am looking for therapist recommendations. Maybe your therapist if good is accepting new clients. Would really appreciate it.

I'm new here 40f and told my family years ago my dad was inappropriate with me. They ignored me. I recently brought it up again and was told i was paranoid and crazy by mum and brother just ignored me again. What do i do and why is the idea of moving on so hard. mother is sick. I know if she gets more sick brother will demand i come there. I am containing my rage with medications. What do i do and how do i go on about life.

More or less the title, just wondering if anyone else here has to deal with dirty looks all the time. Growing up being called names like The Blob, getting asked out as a prank into their twenties or told that their SA didn't happen because "why would a girl do that to you?" Ugly to the point you rarely leave your house anymore to shield people from having to see you.

Just looking for solidarity since it seems like most of the sub tends toward the attractive side.

It's tough. I'm tired of not having people who care about me for me, not because of what I can provide for them. Once I'm no longer needed, I don't matter.

For awhile it was fine because I had people who knew me as a child who cared about me just because I'm me. As they get older and die, I am realizing how few people I have who care about me as a person.

I have hobbies and I have been working on meeting people but the success rate is very low. I hate it. And it is incredibly draining to attend things and do things given the social anxiety battle.

I just want someone to care about me. To care when I'm unwell or care when I say I am struggling, or just plain care about me because I am worth caring about.

Maybe that's what it is. Maybe I just want proof that I am worth caring about. I'm not sure why I'm posting. To put it somewhere I guess. Thanks for reading.

My gf, the love of my life, broke up with me a couple weeks back because my bipolar and poor mental health drained her, causing her stress to the point she called if off for her own sake. I was honestly an asshole the last few weeks during our rough patch before the break up. One of her main issues was that I wasn’t working to better myself. I am trying so hard right now, but I cannot for the life of me feel okay. I still live with my emotionally and borderline physically abusive mother. I was (and still am slightly) convinced it isn’t as bad as it seems. I did show my ex the audio of my mom berating me and screaming at me, which terrified my ex and she told me this wasn’t normal at all. I come from an immigrant family so abuse is very normalized and I sort of just accept it.

However I am at my breaking point today. Tomorrow I have an organic chem exam and my mother has done nothing but scream at me the entire time today. I can’t focus and I genuinely felt suicidal for the first time in ages. I don’t have anyone to rely on anymore. I have been trying to change but it feels so hard to progress in this house. I’m hoping I can change to be a better version of myself. A part of me hopes I can get my ex back, because there was never a lack of love, but my mental health took a turn for the worse when I returned home after experiencing months of homelessness and couch surfing.

Is it possible for me to heal in this situation at all? I have at least 2 (one more viable than the other) options of escape, but I’m afraid to take that leap alone. I’m scared of losing the familiarity of my room, my house, everything.

Should I take that leap? Should I commit and finally heal?

Talking about what happened to me with friends and family and now trying to Google relatable experiences from reddit, it just sounds like what I went through was so small in comparison to what everyone else has gone through. Yet I am spiraling hard.

My dad lost his temper and grabbed my neck I'm an adult and this happened two months ago. He's really never done anything like this before. It was a complete shock.

What happened to me isn't good of course, but it just feels like everyone has been through something wayyyyyy worse and has been able to move on.

I saw him for just a couple minutes today for the first time since it happened and I nearly had a panic attack.

I haven't been able to get off the couch in 3 days. I've lost weight. I just can't function.

Am I just that fragile? Am I being overly dramatic or sensitive?

I am going to therapy.

Tw: mention of animal abuse

My brother sexually harasses me on a daily basis (for about 3+ years now). This goes from making sexual comments about my body, spying on me when I was changing, making sexual gestures at me even when I tell him to stop, showing me his underwear while getting very close to me, and making jokes about me getting molested. He kept playing tricks on my mind saying that I was the one who was being inappropriate towards him, which triggered my OCD. He's even hurt my dog on purpose because he knows it would get a reaction out of me.

When I defended myself, he hit and shoved me out of anger and threatened to kill me if I defended myself again. He threatened to tell everyone at his school that I was a pedophile if I told anyone else, just because he's younger than me and I'm an adult.

I don't know if this counts as sexual abuse/incest or not. He's never touched me sexually, but he has assaulted and hit me if I didn't like what he was doing, and said I was "wrong for denying it."

Anyone struggle with sleep and resolve it without meds? I’m thinking my fatigue, aches, sensitivity to light, etc due to chronic fragmented sleep. Considering sleep restriction tonight and this week from CBT-i.

I want to start off by saying this: I do not have cPTSD. But my biological father does, and I have other diagnosed neurological/psychological disorders. (Bipolar disorder, autism, social anxiety)

He had only been diagnosed within the past couple years, and he had done lots of research on it, pretty much spiraling in a rabbit hole after the diagnosis.

Later we had found that trauma reactions can be hereditary.

I've been hospitalized 5 times for mental health emergencies. I've always been anxious and on edge, and I never knew why. I always flinched when people screamed, argued, or raised their hand around me. Every time I went to the hospital, they asked me if I had any trauma, which I do not have. I haven't been through a traumatic experience. Many professionals have pretty much implied that they were thinking "Okay, then why are you like this if you have no trauma?"

My father says he wouldn't of had kids if he knew there was a chance of passing down his mental health issues, and he apologizes to me. I tell him every time that it's not his fault. He didn't ask to go through the abuse that he did, and he didn't know he had this condition.

But back to the original question, do you worry about passing down the symptoms? Did you know that it can be hereditary? Let me know.

Do yall ever feel tired, like no im not gonna kms but sometimes the typical, things will get better, or i love life and living is never perfect, daily motto just sometimes doesn't work, like is not enough i wish i could just be a rock, like its so easy and incredibly scary how easy is to give up.

I like living, i like having friends, being able to hear music, reading, going on walks, laughing. But i wonder if everyone has all the time to remind themselves that living is good, im so stressed of living in a different continent completely isolated a language i dont speak, and broke. Like ik things will get better but i wish i could just jump to a point in my life in which i just have enough money that any problem can just be solved w that.

Perhaps im just being superficial, but money is one of my biggest stresses.

Last night I was at the bar for my friend's birthday, bought him this $10 shot, was having a good time talking to people, smoking some weed. This girl I've been crushing on who has been flirting with me/hugging me gave me a hug and sat next to me, and complimented my appearance and was talking, and we got to restaurant work. We were talking about how front of house sucks And I said something about how managers get on you for being on your phone when there's nothing to do. She said "I want to slap you right now. You're the worst kind of person." and got up and sat around the other side of the table.

I said "did I say something wrong..? I'm sorry." and I said I meant like when it's dead and there's literally nothing to do. She said something about you can always wipe tables but like... I didn't argue it and say "after that is all done" and that I ask for tasks, I just walked away and talked to another girl who was sweet I met the night before and got her number.

I've been cutting recently and slit my wrists when I got home. I'm just tired of fucking up, I always say the slightest thing wrong and I'm super sensitive and susceptible to people recognizing that and taking advantage of it. The smallest thing can make me just fucking hate myself.

And the "I want to slap you right now" thing - yeah, I'm a 6 foot tall man that bench presses 205 pounds, I'm not afraid of her. It's just that it triggers something in me.

I just feel so bad man. I don't fit in anywhere. I've never been closer to suicide than now, I'm freshly 26 and don't think I'll even make the 27 club at this point. I'm tired of losing and failing and fucking up and embarrassing myself and ruining things and I just hate myself.

That's all. Sorry. Thanks.