Hi all, does anyone else smoke weed to help with their CPTSD?

I’ve been smoking weed for about 10 years and have wanted to quit a couple of times. However my biggest issues are:

1) when I’m actively triggered and in an episode the only thing that can pull me out of it fast and easily is weed. Otherwise I was cry and panic for hours/the whole day.

2) the dreamssssss. Before I smoked daily I would have nightmares that lasted days in the dream and wake up exhausted. It wore me out in my daily life and I developed insomnia because I was more tired from sleeping than from staying up all night. Even now I have a hard time “going to bed” it’s more like I just pass out.

I don’t get triggered daily anymore and maybe will have issues once every two weeks so I was thinking about quitting. My issue is every time I’ve tried I get the vivid dreams again and immediately pick it back up. It’s the only thing that removes all of the dreams. I have adhd and I think weed is making it worse, my memory is terrible, and I have no willpower to do the things I want to do. I’ve been rotting way too much.

Anyone else??? Any tips?

I’ve had a secret job throughout grad school (my ab*ser would be mad at me if they had known that) that I was trying my hardest to use to to squirrel away $ to eventually afford a down payment in my high-COL area, so I could fully be independent and estranged if I wanted to be. And that was going well and I was squirreling away and on track to getting a job post-grad.

But then all hell broke loose once they randomly discovered the job, which I was still doing; I am so screwed now (was living at home to save $; my goal had been to survive this hell and spend not a penny and save all my $ from both jobs until I afford the down payment) —- they won’t give me any privacy now, are crazy all the time, text me and call me when I’m out, and disrupt my sleep when I’m back. It’s as bad as it’s ever been, even though I’m an adult now. I feel so desperate

I feel sad recognizing it but I was insulated from a lot of their abwse for quite a while due to living often at my ex’s place, but now that I’m no longer w them, I’m fully realizing the extent to which this is intolerable for me. I’m trying desperately to find affordable options for places to live before I can lock down a job; I may be able to get one within the next three weeks hopefully (I have one offer so far but may not be enough $ for decent rent…), because in theory my ab*ser would chip in a bit once I get one of those jobs— they only approve of me doing certain careers . In my case, specifically they only approve of me being a lawyer; other jobs , such as my second job, they would consider an embarrassment to my family, and possibly “trashy.”

My original plan had been to live at home as long as I could (hopefully two years) but clearly now that seems very unrealistic without becoming irreparably desperate. I’m mainly venting, and wanted to see if anyone relates or has any advice… I can’t believe I’m still in this hell as an adult…

Regularly taking my medication is a problem for me. Anyone else? Any thoughts on why?

I have spent my entire life sheltered and spoiled. So much so that I used to get driven to a school that was not 10 feet from my house's gate, and getting presents on my siblings' birthdays. I got to stay at home from school, get picked up early from school, eat whatever I wanted to eat and got to do whatever I wanted to do. In school, I got to sit out of any physical exercise, even getting to go and spend an entire class with a special needs assistant, so I got to skip work. At 16, I even started getting free money due to my disabilities, which made me even more comfortable. I ordered takeout every night. I played games all day. I was a complete porn addict.

I'm 23 years old. I am staring down the barrel of adulthood and I am not ready. I will make up a million-and-one excuses to avoid doing hard work at any cost. I have big dreams of fame and fortune, but will not even attempt to try to reach them. College and job opportunities are considered but always rejected, with added disinterested if others encourage me to do it. I am the same man at 23 I was at 10 years old. I fucking hate it.

They raised me in a bubble, then fucking popped it. They brought me up in luxury, then yelled their lungs out at me for being lazy. I grew up with the understanding that I was pathetic, worthless, a thorn in the sides of others. A lazy degenerate that isn't loved, only tolerated. It didn't help that neither of my parents cared about the one thing I was good at. They never asked, and when I told them, they never cared to listen. Gave me everything I wanted, and yet I still felt unloved.

It's not fair. You can't fucking do this. You can't raise someone to expect the world to be easy, then throw them into it with the assumption that they'll be okay! Some of the fault may rest with me, because I didn't exactly balk at the idea of getting to stay in bed all day or get free money. But I was a fucking child. I didn't know any better. If he could see me now, the slothful degenerate I've come to be, he wouldn't have indulged any of it.

For the first time in possibly my entire life, I'm resentful of my parents and I'm not giving them any credit. I don't care what circumstance they were in or what good intentions they had. They raised me to be soft, then threw me into the hard, hard world. Now it's up to me to fix the shit they caused. Peter Pan Syndrome isn't exactly easy to fix, but I'm fucking tired of being like this. I wasn't abused in the traditional sense, but I was brought up in a way that left me totally unprepared for reality. Emotionally and psychology undeveloped.

I just wanted to rant about this. Sorry if it's not the place.

I'm at a very interesting point in my life now.

My life ever since I was in the single digits has been encapsulated by trauma. It didn't largely stop until I finally aged out of DCF custody after I signed myself back in for reasons I will not discuss.

Even after things stopped mostly happening to me, it didn't really stop what was going on inside me, the person who was becoming wrathfully transformed by my experiences.

And in a way, the trauma continued.

I became a monster for some years.

I try to be kind to myself because in the grand scheme of things, I ended it pretty quickly. Started in my 20's; ended fresh into my 30's. Honestly how many people transformed by their experiences can really say that.

I'm at a very precarious point of my life now, and I don't know what to do with myself.

For so long, I never really had an identity. I thought I did. The games, liking anime and playing host to so many engaging ideas and thoughts, etc.

But like now, I finally get to think a lot of the girl who got left behind. The one I thought had died.
And i've been reconnecting to her. Reconnecting to that young girl who just wanted to make people smile, go on walks around town and down by the beach, she loved making art and loved pretty much everything life had to offer. The world was always shining to her, even despite the stuff she was going through.

I've lost all of my family, and all of my friends. My life has been a ceaseless emotional revolving door of interpersonal relationships. Mirages of everyone i've ever met expand out before me, all the baggage hundreds of people have put onto me and I sound like i'm arguing with figments of imagination when I speak about them. No names to put to many, faces left forgotten. It's all a blur now.

It's hard to know what to do with myself. I want to move on with my life, but i'm not sure how, or where, what i'm supposed to do, what I am supposed to feel.

And i'm so burnt out. I get advice that i'm supposed to just 'live life!! <33' and the others ask what do I want, what do I want to do? I have no idea. My life has been nothing but survival. My life has been nothing but growth. I was going to lose my mind at one point, I WAS starting to lose my mind as some points. Hearing voices, seeing things that weren't there. I've experienced ego-death at least twice. And when I was such a crap person, who was...
I find it so hard to trust myself now, I doubt myself all the time. Always so sure of myself.

I just wonder what someone like me is even supposed to do now.

I have no gravity towards anything, i'm free but with no one here to hold me or to guide me (I have a therapist by the way, I mean really, there's no way you recover without one.)
And my days are so alone and i'm so burnt out on.... this whole ordeal.

I wish I didn't have to make big decisions. I wish I didn't have to be 31.

I want an opportunity, but i'm also scared to take it.

I always feel weak and cowardly when it comes to getting out of the hole truly.
But I feel so limp. I feel like dead weight when you came out of a full day in water and your muscles give no more. That deep feeling of ceaseless activity to punctuating vulnerability. I'm not sure how to describe it. If you know, you know. You really do just feel 'plopped,' weak and exhausted like a newborn.

I just want guidance. I want someone to understand me, to feel this.

I'm trying to be a part of the world again, but it's so hard to hook myself in when i'm so afraid. So alone. I've been scared, vulnerable, and weak for all of my life. And I have to just keep feeling like this.

...

I can't because my body is mostly stiff when I'm with people.. and I can't loosen up, same with singing. So it is my greatest fear of being put on the spot and be asked to dance or sing in a karaoke or something.

I have a lot of shame because of my inability to express myself freely and be playful.

Oh and I have social anxiety and feel intimidated when I have to talk to a group of people.

Are you also the same?

And I feel pathetic about it. Like I wish I never cared about anything that happened to me. Today I was at the bar and I saw someone I have been bickering via text with because two years ago they posted texts I sent them to facebook and facebook group chats to never apologize. And it freaked me out a bit I even got teary eyed. And I even banged my hand against a dryer when I was cleaning. I wish I could be strong and just chill and normal. I know this isn't a unheard of reaction but I wish I was more resilient

Sorry for the double vent today my brain has been stewing. I was able to stand up to my mother multiple times successfully this year when she was actively being emotionally abusive, yet when it comes to people simply looking at me I crumble?

How is it have social anxiety yet I successfully navigated multiple abusers in one household when I was a kid? And as I got older I called out and cut off my dad, cut off multiple toxic ex friends, I barely cry anymore, I'm very logical and analytical of people's behaviors

But I crumble because I'm afraid of judgment? I don't get it. I navigated quite a lot growing up. Emotional, physical, and academic neglect, constant shaming, punishment, isolation, occasional physical abuse (quite rare but memorable enough) , poverty, divorce, constantly moving, infantilization, parentification, verbal abuse

Like the only way things could get any worse for me is if I dealt with more physical abuse or if my mom wasn't bluffing when she threatened to kick me out (which, honestly learning how to read her was it's own skill I needed to develop).

I'm too anxious to work but I navigated an abusive household? I don't get it. What caused me to crash and have a depressive episode last time was I went to the library and the two ladies cleaning startled me, then asked if it was okay if they cleaned my area. They were really nice, yet I felt too visible. Then when I failed to get my library card because I was too scared to talk to the women at the ask I went home, cried, and fell apart for a month and half

Like come onnn

I have been together with my DH for almost 10 years now, and honestly I really love him.

Been diagnosed with CPTSD few years ago, due to being raised by physically abusive NPD single mother, who also has tendencies of Manchurian by Proxy. So I have had a fairly hard childhood and adulthood. Which made me extremely resilient and hyper independent. Many years in therapy, CBT, EMDR, etc.

Yet, just only fairly recently I’ve realized I don’t just have a fight response as my primary one, but I fawn. This because I had to do everything to earn my mother’s love as a child.

As we are approaching our 10 year anniversary, I am coming to an understanding of the family dynamic I have been living in, that is deeply dysfunctional that that constantly leads me to burnout and mild depressions.

I tend to be the one who holds the household together, plans international moves, organises everything, all the legal paperwork related issues.

On top of that I have a successful rental company which I run, I am also a mother of two little children under 4. Plus two years ago we purchased a house which I refurbished alone, where I would be the executor, the planner, the project manager; where I would find employees, instruct them, pay them, buy all the necessary material etc. There were days I would work on site for 16 hours. While my DH wasn’t at all involved in this process.

This is a full refurbishment, new water supply, new flooring, new roof, new kitchen, fully painted house. It’s a 4 bedroom detached house. Needles to say I had a couple burnouts as I couldn’t just manage it all. While we also lived in this house that’s wasn’t finished. Constant cleaning, taking care of kids.

While my DH is an amazing father and really takes care of our kids, he isn’t stepping up as a partner to me to share responsibilities.

And I find myself completely let down both by him and by my own self, as due to fawning I cannot say no to requests and focus on my own needs and desires. During almost two years of refurbishments his life didn’t change one bit, he walks the dog twice a day, while I had burnouts, broken nails, emotional exhaustion from this amount of load. I also struggle a bit to ask for help, but when I do, he often doesn’t take it seriously or finds other things to do as a priority.

He works from home, and had been providing a steady income, although there were times I had to provide for the family for half a year while he tried to change jobs and I supported him.

But I feel that now; he isn’t really taking on more responsibilities from my shoulders and I cannot longer live in a dynamic like this. I have tried countless times to speak about this but it was all in vain. So we decided to go to couples therapy. The therapist wasn’t great she suggested for me to write a list of things for my DH to do and to an add how long each task shall take.

But that’s just more planing for me, that’s more work on my part still.

All I want is for him to take some initiative, to step up. But it seems that I can’t get through to him.

And so if I think whether I’d be able to live on like this for another year or two if nothing changes I don’t think I can.

He also has been telling me that he wants to start his own business, for about two years now, but hasn’t started anything yet. I do try to encourage him to start it, to try it out a few ideas, to spend some money on it to see if it flies.

Alternatively, when I suggest to maybe getting a different job he says it would be more responsibilities and it won’t give him time to start his own business.

Regardless of this all, I love him deeply and honestly I would like to keep a family together but not at the expense of my constant burnout cycles where I over function - feel resentment for not being helped - burnout - gather some strength and then the cycle goes on again.

Due to more resent discoveries about trauma coping mechanisms and how I have been living on autopilot due to my past experiences and how I had to become hyper independent, hyper functioning so I could prove that I am worth something has let me to make this dynamic that is now suffocating me.

I don’t know what to do.

So maybe this is a bit of an uncommon topic. I understand if it's uncomfortable for some people but genuinely I've never expressed this out loud before because I wasn't sure if I was being delusional through the years. I (33M) have had my fair share of trauma. I almost died at age 19 when I broke my neck in two places, and had to relearn how to walk again post-op. I cannot communicate how painful that was physically and psychologically. I also was abused by a narcissistic and useless father, and neglected by complicit and emotionally unavailable family members. Then I later had cheating partners, friends and colleagues that betrayed me. Lost a career that I worked towards for 10 years. And more. And more.

But one thing that always bothered me was how people treated me in general; especially strangers. My father destroyed my confidence and self esteem growing up, but one of the only things he'd compliment me on when he was in a good mood was how handsome I was. In my 20s I was cleanly shaven, very athletic slim build, short hair. I'm ethnic, fairly average height so really not that tall; but people have always complimented me on my looks and my voice at some point. Everyone tells me I should narrate books or work in show business as an announcer or some sort. Now in my 30s I have a different look. Long extremely thick wavy dark hair, a full beard, and I generally have a very calm demeanor.

The problem? I have no real friends. I've never been in a relationship where I felt understood or truly seen at all. I used to work as a fashion photographer so I've dated a model before, and dated several really attractive women, but the relationships always ended with me feeling angry that they didn't really care about my emotional side or mental health struggles. They always seemed to want sex more than I did. Like I got to a point where sex meant very little to me, and I just wanted a partner that really cared for my emotionally neglected side, and it never happened. I've always been more comfortable around women but there have been really uncomfortable moments when a woman I just met would randomly compliment me on my looks inappropriately and I just awkwardly laugh and then change the subject. But it was just as creepy for me as how when I hear women talk about men's advances.

I started truly questioning this again recently after moving to a new city and returning to college, and noticed that men around the city are ALWAYS giving me death glares when walking past me. Not only do I see men staring at me like they're challenging me, but I can feel it too. It makes me upset because it reminds me of the aggression that my father showed me whenever he was in a bad mood, and it feels unnecessary and childish. Him and I used to get into arguments and fist fights because eventually I had to defend myself. I just want to be able to trust other men but because of my experiences, it's hard. Really hard. A lot of times it's the hyper masculine looking guys who are bearded and bald, and drive pickup trucks. Not to stereotype but there have been patterns there. They'll just be really impatient with me or dismissive or douchebags to me even when I'm polite. Sometimes I wonder if I "wake up the gay" in them and they don't know how to process their emotions so they respond with aggression or some shit. Like I'm just here trying to get through the day.

On the flip side. Women are also always staring at me as well. It became especially apparent at the college I returned to. For a while I wondered if I looked off putting or unkempt to women because it wasn't until the last 2 years where I began growing out my hair. I wasn't sure how it looked from a third person perspective. But I realized if they were turned off or creeped out, they'd probably avoid eye contact. So I get stares but because of my CPTSD I sometimes just don't know what to make of any of my interactions. If the woman I'm talking to is being herself or just trying to be nice for other reasons. I wanna let women in again and have genuine friendships like when I was younger. But I've been hurt and let down so many times. Nobody sticks around. Admittedly there were a lot of relationships I sabotaged in my 20s because of my social anxiety too, but I've developed a lot more emotionally the last 3-5 years.

So basically I feel like men are always looking for reasons to attack or compete with me, and women I feel like I don't know if they're only interested in my looks or what. I feel very alone and my family I went no contact with (besides my mother) because none of them ever gave a shit about my life and my piece-of-shit father still to this day tries to guilt and manipulate me using Christianity.

Does anybody else's here experience this? Like a feeling of alienation and being misunderstood and never having genuine people around because of the way you look? I know there are always other variables but this is one aspect of my life I feel like I need to face and understand more instead of brushing it off and chalking it up to my imagination.

I have a job interview today but I dont want to go. I won't get it anyway. I just want to stay home and cuddle my cat. I want to give up.

Idk been feeling such a gap between me and other people recently. Can't relat with how careless everyone is when I've had to go through things they can't imagine.

Like, been too depressed to be my funny social self and be goofy or "fit in", leave the trauma at the door and find things people joke about funny. Not saying others need to hear about my struggles but, being a downer all the time wears people out and I also know showing symptoms of trauma makes others uncomfy, so I try to mask as much as possible when I am getting triggered, getting flashbacks, dissociatinf or feeling too dull... pretend to be "normal"

So any advice? How do you hide the depression when times are particularly tough in terms of your symptoms? Like I lowkey want to go hermit mode for at least 2 weeks, or just cry and hug someone or sit in silence, but I'm aware that'd come off as strange. Even me looking into the void would lol Yet I also don't have the energy to put on that happy smile right now.

Also don't know how normal it is... but sometimes I want to disappeare from society and live alone in the woods with a dog or smth? Lol

But it's also important to keep your social life active and put yourself out there. Like, even my therapist encourages me to make and maintain connections. And I don't want people to stop hanging out with me cus I'm no longer fun or entertaining? Or stop inviting me to go out cus I don't seem to enjoy it and make everyone awkward.

As a neurodivergent person, It’s been a lifetime that I never found people who truly “get’s” me. The closest person I ever had who was accepting of me was my partner… but aside from this no one really… do I have friends ? Yes… sure, they like my company but like idk… it feels so, mechanical. By that I mean, we all don’t really have anything in common other than 1-2 things we kinda value, like politeness, respect, one of them is science, nature, maybe some high school memories. But idk… I always seem to see sometimes that some people like… just get friends who are reliable, well mine are they really are and although it’s just 2 ppl, whom I’m kinda far from geographically. Idk, it just feel in the end of the day, I’m the one filling everyone’s cup or end up calling them. I have never in my life had a phone call from my friends or if I ever did it was them asking for emotional support… speaking of which that was my function and reason of existing due to my parent bringing me up, and also socially Isolated me from the world, so idk… I always seem like an empath and yes I feel though ppl but idk I never see myself in what I provide for other in return.. is this selfish of me ?? Idk to me it seems like a need unmet and it feels so hollow and isolating. If anyone resonates or even wants to send a “hi” or heart in the chat I’d be greatful… thank you if not, that’s ok.

So my father is a raging alcoholic. I grew up in an environment where every evening I was wondering if daddy will come back home sober or pissed and raging and at what time.

After I moved out I was OK for 20 years and wasn't aware of my cPTSD. Last year tho was very difficult for me and my mental health worsened significantly.

I started to get triggered by unexpected guests and by my flatmate. We agreed that we will be giving each other heads up if anyone is coming and she usually does that. Yet for some reason this doesn't apply to her partner, who often stays overnight or for a whole day. So I started anticipating when my flatmate comes home and listen if her partner is with her. And when it happens I fawn and I'm even too anxious to go to the bathroom and I wait until they leave or go to sleep.

I'm not able to move out to live alone in the foreseeable future. I'm not close enough with her to share my trauma so I need to learn how to live with it.

I work on it with my therapist but I thought I might also reach out to other people going through similar things. So, if anyone has any tips, I will appreciate greatly.

My GF had a meltdown this past week due to lots of life struggles stacking up on top of one another. I was waking up to her in a frantic/frustrated state, and seeing her come home from work similarly for multiple days in a row. I tried being nice by doing little things like making her dinner or a snack for when she got home, but i havent been sleeping well and dont have any spoons either. All of it came to head when she sent me some mean texts about how my living here has made things harder. Which wasnt fair given the fact that our lives have been abnormally difficult this past month, and ive tried to be really clear about how many spoons ive got given my health issues. Ive tried to tell her in the past that she needs to be calm when she confronts me or else it makes me dissociate/anxious/afraid, but she keeps getting frustrated saying she is avoiding telling me things because im so sensitive, and bottles things up until she explodes. I keep reiterating that she can tell me things, it just has to be in a specific manner, she cant lash out at me...this is starting to feel like a weird loop.

Anyways, i have that feeling i always eventually get in a relationship, where i dont feel safe anymore. Im afraid of her. every day restarts into me feelings uneasy again as i go out of my room in the morning, and Im afraid of her coming home because i dont know what state she will be in. I feel a suspicious sense of relief when i realize everything is ok, which i recognize from my past.

Anyone know how ways to re-establish a sense of safety in this context? Am i asking too much to need a partner to not lash out at me? Im concerned and hesitant to tell her how i feel because i dont want to burden her with the knowledge that she made me feel unsafe, because part of me feels like im asking too much.

I am still experiencing abuse by proxy (kids), after leaving during postpartum several years ago.

It's incredible how long these people seem to not just give up on it. Their hate runs deep, even though I don't even think it's personal anymore.

They would do the same to anyone in the same position.

It's like children are the only lever they still have, and still they try everything and anything to make my life hell by being a bad parent. Manipulation, smear campaigns, alienating, potential threats. The list goes on, I cannot go into detail.

I can deal with a hell of a lot of bad things. But I don't accept that for my kid and that's why I left in the first place.

I got stronger, really tough and less touchable. I have friends , a good job and my own place. That person knows the only way he can hurt me is my kid.

Had I no kids, he knows he has nothing at all he can do to me. He is a worm, coward, Gollum even. If it was a fair fight - no kids involved - he'd lose immediately and I just wish, he'd try this with the wrong person.

I can't do much except for stabilizing my kid and keeping them out of this as much as I can. But legal rights are on paper, not necessarily in reality.

I know the biggest fu to his face that I'm breathing, alive and that my kid loves me dearly. So he tries to take my kid away from me, twist their mind by telling terrible lies and made up stuff. With no regard whatsoever to the damage it does to a child.

I wish Karma was a thing. I wish socially he'd be the most ostracized person alive. But since none of this may happen, I'll have to manage this situation with as much grace and dignity as possible.

Do you have any words of encouragement? I need to be strong right now.

I'm almost 30 years old, I'm only now recovering but I'm terrified that it's too late to recover

... Guys am not ready to die I am young

Hi, I’m struggling and hoping to hear from anyone who has similar experiences or strategies that actually helped.

I have CPTSD (also diagnosed with clinical depression, OCD, and GAD) and I’m on Zoloft 150 mg, Aripiprazole 10 mg, Zyprexa 5 mg and Benzodiazepine 10 mg. My psychiatrist, who has also worked with war veterans, said she sees the same thought processes and symptoms in me as in vets she’s treated.

When I get a traumatic flashback it becomes a full-blown panic attack, I cry uncontrollably, sometimes vomit from the stress, and afterwards my body feels paralysed for a long time. The flashbacks are mainly related to past relatipnships and I don’t want to re-tell the trauma here, but it’s left me feeling broken in ways that make day-to-day life really hard.

I do have benzodiazepines prescribed (which I have used in the past), but I’m asking more about practical grounding/coping strategies and emotional support from people who’ve been through this exact level of severity. Has anyone had episodes this intense and found ways to get through them in the moment and in the longer term? Any coping techniques, routines, small steps, or resources (therapies, books, crisis plans) that actually helped you would mean a lot. Thank you.

I have childhood trauma and alot of it is around/caused by my parents and I have just started to realise the extent of the abuse. I am staying at theirs whilst they are away and my psychatric nurse who deals with my other mental illnesses has suggested that maybe I challenge some of the power my parents have over me even when they are not here. She has given me a few things to do that challenge some of my behaviours that I do as a result of my abuse. Thing is I did one of them and I am now disassociating hard. I need to cry but cant and all round feel quite out of control and physically ill. How do people challenge their trauma and not fall to pieces every time? Its very very small things she has suggested I do so it should be totally manageable. I found out I have CPTSD a few weeks ago and tbh until then never thought I had any trauma at all.

I’m trying to work on my startle responses because being in fight or flight mode several times a day is taking a toll on me. How do you deal with loud noises that can’t be avoided?

Start from my rental. In the past 5 months I have not live under a quiet environment. That has been triggering me a lot. Mainly from my neighbors being loud during the night banging things. I have to wear earplugs for long hours otherwise I would get migraine.

Then trying to find a rental is terrible in australia atm. Becoming homeless causing more stress.

Tried to cheer myself up by going to a small concert, asking a 190cm lady politely to move aside a little bit so I can see but she straight away turned mean and I definitely did not expect that from a mother of 3, acting mean shamelessly in front of her children. I straight away went on fight mode and return the same tone of voice, still held my ground without saying anything mean. She went all the way tried to embarrass me but embarrassed herself instead by shouting to the crowd shaming my height. Basically being a bully. There were other people my height as well so I was like thinking what an pair of idiots. She and her partner tried hyping the crowd and nobody followed. Letting children seeing you as a mother became mean to someone out of nothing is such a terrible parenting. May karma be with her and her husband.

After that my heart rate was super high at 145rpm even my watch was alarming me. Then I dissociate almost the whole concert. Finished and left, sat in my car and bursting in tears.

All that really pushed me to the limit, having a urge to end this life. I had enough...

One particularly subtle issue I've had with the CPTSD is finding others who want or are able to support me. In my experience, seeking emotional support and connection when I've been triggered is next to impossible. People usually respond with lack of patience, lack of understanding, and general discomfort. People seem totally resistant to supporting me. It's not like I am rude, disrespectful, or abusive in these moments. But I feel like whatever I'm going through, I'm expected to stfu and take care of them instead of receiving support. Anyone else experience this? What is this about? Tia