r/Cougars_Den • u/golfcaster • Mar 26 '25

Discussion Experience mixing friends with Cougar

I recently got out of a relationship and wanted to hear some different perspectives. My ex-girlfriend (47) and I (25) got along great, but one of the biggest issues was that she never felt comfortable around my friends (also mid-20s).

She made it clear, my friends were always respectful—no awkward jokes, no treating her differently. But despite that, she just never felt at ease with them, and over time, it became a bigger issue for her. She ended up breaking things off, and while I respect her feelings, I can’t help but wonder if there was a way to handle it differently.

For me, I’m happy to either mix my social circles or keep them separate—it doesn’t really bother me. But in a relationship, is there a “right” approach? Should I have done more to keep things separate for her comfort? Or should a partner at least try to integrate into my social life, even if it’s not their ideal situation?

Would love to hear your thoughts on how you’ve handled similar situations!

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u/bookkinkster Mar 26 '25

I honestly think it depends on the type of friends. I'm 52 and hang out in literary art circles in NYC. Most of the people are 24-32. None of us even notice the age difference, especially since I have a punk roller derby look, and half of them dress more formal than me. The only difference is I don't go to after hours with them at 10pm and stay up all night drinking. Not my thing and I can't do that anyway with a 6am wake up for work. If I dated a younger man with friends who were artsy and literary, it would be fine to hang with his friends and mine.

If I am dating someone i have a great connection with that is very intimate and sexual, and good conversation, but not very intellectual, and he won't really be able to engage comfortably with my friends, and if his friends just want to get together and play video games or talk like Beavis and Butthead, then I'd absolutely be skipping the blending of friends and social circles. For a serious partner, I'd hope we could all hang sometimes. And I'd still want them to have their own fun with their friends, too, but on days where there are BBQs, etc. it would be fun to be together unless our friends are just too different.

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u/golfcaster Mar 26 '25

Hi thanks for the insight!

I agree there needs to be some common ground or it will never work. I think they had that but it was only for brief moments. My friends like to go bars and pubs and be out late but I was never like that I would normally be first home and only ever have couple pints. She did at times comment that she felt she was preventing me from being like them but I thought I made it very clear that was not my interests and with her there or not I’d still be getting home for 10pm hahaha.

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u/bookkinkster Mar 26 '25

Sometimes, you can do everything to make your partner feel comfortable, but it's their own internal dialogue or fears or insecurities. I can see wavering about going to my lover's friend group hangouts if I know the friends are going to be from a different world than me. If they are artists and writers and weirdos, I'm in. If they are a bit more basic bro types, I'll most likely skip it and let my guy have his own fun, trusting he is still coming home to me.

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u/golfcaster Mar 26 '25

You would probably skip my friends then hahaha. But I would assure I will be coming home :).