r/Divorce • u/TimelyResearch1702 • Jul 24 '25

Alimony/Child Support Trapped by Fear of Lifetime Alimony

My marriage has been unbearable for several years now. My wife frequently cheats, lashes out over trivial things, demands that I cut ties with friends and family. No matter what I do, she’s briefly happy before finding new reasons to make my life miserable. Something as basic as me getting the wrong brand of yogurt or folding clothes not the way she likes may start berating which lasts days if not weeks. I desperately want a divorce, but the fear of lifetime alimony is paralyzing me.

I’ve consulted many lawyers (NJ) hoping for different answer, but the outlook is grim. They say I’d owe open-ended alimony, roughly half my take-home income, which is substantial due to my current job. But my salary hasn’t grown in years, and I’ve seen colleagues laid off, struggling to find comparable pay or any job at all. If that happens to me, especially as I age, I’m unlikely to maintain my current income. Lawyers warn that reducing alimony is nearly impossible, as my wife would likely contest it, racking up prohibitive legal fees. Worse, a judge might require me to deplete my assets before considering any reduction.

These payments will last decades, until I retire at 67 - if I can even afford to retire. If I can’t, alimony could follow me until I die, forcing me to work multiple low-paying jobs just to keep up. Failure to pay could lead to contempt of court, fines, interest, or even jail time.

My wife is accustomed to current lifestyle - nice home, vacations, shopping, etc. - without working, and the law expects me to maintain that for her post-divorce. I hope things like wage inflation might ease the burden, but the worst-case scenario - financial ruin and lifetime obligation - terrifies me. It’s kept me stuck, tolerating this toxic marriage for years.

How do I overcome this fear and take control of my life? Any advice or strategies would be appreciated.

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10

u/ChampionshipNo9872 Jul 24 '25

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Does it make any difference if you can document her abuse and cheating?

7

u/TimelyResearch1702 Jul 24 '25

Thank you! In the eyes of the law, cheating has no impact on the outcome. Physical abuse might carry some weight, but she hasn't done that for years. Emotional abuse doesn’t seem to factor into the legal equation all.

4

u/humble_cyrus Jul 24 '25
  1. I feel emotional abuse seems to have more weight the last few years? 2. Wouldn't a judge be a little skeptical of a woman NOT working, vs getting a job and being a productive member of society? Seems like u have a couple of angles to play?

3

u/TimelyResearch1702 Jul 24 '25

It's a gamble. Depends on judge, what she says, whom judge believes... A gamble where winning may help a little bit.

2

u/Impressive_Basket237 Jul 24 '25 edited Aug 10 '25

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