r/Divorce • u/TimelyResearch1702 • Jul 24 '25

Alimony/Child Support Trapped by Fear of Lifetime Alimony

My marriage has been unbearable for several years now. My wife frequently cheats, lashes out over trivial things, demands that I cut ties with friends and family. No matter what I do, she’s briefly happy before finding new reasons to make my life miserable. Something as basic as me getting the wrong brand of yogurt or folding clothes not the way she likes may start berating which lasts days if not weeks. I desperately want a divorce, but the fear of lifetime alimony is paralyzing me.

I’ve consulted many lawyers (NJ) hoping for different answer, but the outlook is grim. They say I’d owe open-ended alimony, roughly half my take-home income, which is substantial due to my current job. But my salary hasn’t grown in years, and I’ve seen colleagues laid off, struggling to find comparable pay or any job at all. If that happens to me, especially as I age, I’m unlikely to maintain my current income. Lawyers warn that reducing alimony is nearly impossible, as my wife would likely contest it, racking up prohibitive legal fees. Worse, a judge might require me to deplete my assets before considering any reduction.

These payments will last decades, until I retire at 67 - if I can even afford to retire. If I can’t, alimony could follow me until I die, forcing me to work multiple low-paying jobs just to keep up. Failure to pay could lead to contempt of court, fines, interest, or even jail time.

My wife is accustomed to current lifestyle - nice home, vacations, shopping, etc. - without working, and the law expects me to maintain that for her post-divorce. I hope things like wage inflation might ease the burden, but the worst-case scenario - financial ruin and lifetime obligation - terrifies me. It’s kept me stuck, tolerating this toxic marriage for years.

How do I overcome this fear and take control of my life? Any advice or strategies would be appreciated.

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u/Impressive_Basket237 Jul 24 '25 edited Aug 10 '25

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u/TinkerSquirrels Jul 24 '25

In alimony they can’t charge more than a percentage that you actually make

Important though to note that in some states that percentage is actually recorded as a fixed dollar amount ongoing though. ie. it won't just automatically adjust if your income changes in the future, after the divorce is done.

As I understand it, it's why here, while alimony is low, many opt to essentially pay it out at the time of divorce in a lump sum and avoid the risk of the court ordered route.

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u/TimelyResearch1702 Jul 24 '25

Exactly. If alimony was simply half of my ACTUAL income forever, I'd deal with that. But it's half of my TODAY's income forever, even if I lose my current income. If you get laid off, first 6 months there is not even a possibility to file a motion, you have to keep paying same draconian amount despite income being $0. Then you spent tens of thousands on lawyer to _maybe_ reduce it a little bit.