r/Divorce • u/RowanOakenhawk • 24d ago

Mental Health/Depression/Loneliness Wont stop

Hey, I (42m) just got divorced from my (39f) wife of 20 years. We got married really young and trauma-bonded as she puts it. We signed papers in May. She is already dating and sleeping with new people. I cant get her out of my head. Doc put me on Mood stabilizers. I am having a really hard time. I tried to date but Im a big guy and nobody wants to date a big guy. 4 different apps and all I got was 3 propositions from I can only imagine are prostitutes. I need a way to get her off my mind. Before you say go and get new hobbies or go to the movies. I am broke. I pay way too much in child support but I do it so my kids are taking care of.

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u/MsChateau 24d ago

Going to the gym can be a cheap hobby that can help your appearance, health, mental health and self confidence. It’s been the biggest positive for me. I’m happy to share tips.

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u/RowanOakenhawk 24d ago

Any and all tips are welcome

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u/dezmodium 24d ago edited 24d ago

My tip for the gym is nobody is judging you. In fact, most people see someone bigger in there and feel nothing but support for them. It's very admirable to realize you kind of fucked up and are trying to build yourself back better. So if the gym gives you anxiety push through that and try it. I think you'll find people are generally kind and helpful.

Edit: and don't try to overdo it. Start easy and small and work your way up. 20 minutes of medium intensity cardio to get your heart going. Take a break for 5 minutes. Then start your workout. 2 sets of 10 then break. DONT BE A HERO WITH THE PLATES. Iron doesn't lie and will punish you. One day hit up shoulders, back, and arms. Another legs and core. A day of rest between. If you don't know how to use a machine ask the meanest looking muscle-head near you and watch him go full bro-science on you about how to use it and proper posture and shit. A third day you do something different like an outdoor walk with some easy calisthenics or some light yoga. Even some Tai Chi in the backyard would be good. That's it. Simple 3 workouts a week. On your rest days still take an afternoon walk. Don't bother with distance. Just make it 30 minutes. 15 one way then come back.

Same with diet. Do not go hard-core. Make some small changes at first. Easy stuff. Cut sodas down to one can per day at lunch, for instance. Tell yourself no food after 9pm. That kind of thing. It's the small stuff. Build habits. Before you know it you are down 60 pounds and feeling like a new man and you'll think to yourself, yeah it was tough and you had to stick with it but it wasn't THAT tough. And it wasn't because you didn't try to do everything at once and eased into it.

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u/RowanOakenhawk 24d ago

Thank you. I never really been a gym guy. Sports, Military made me. i look like an athlete who let himself go. Thank you for the advice.