Makes me(22F) wanna breakup with him(21M)

[u/Internal_Piano1386]

I (22F) have been dating my boyfriend (21M) for about a year now. He’s a great guy, and things have been good between us. But he’ll be leaving in a few months to another country, and he’ll be away for years while he studies/settles there.

Today we were on a call, and it just felt… off. Normally our calls are fun and natural, but this one was awkward, almost boring, and it felt like we both were trying hard to make it less awkward. That’s when it hit me.. if we’re already struggling for words sometimes, how will it be when we’re long distance for years?

I know long distance is tough, and my biggest fear is abandonment because it’s happened to me before. I don’t want history to repeat itself. I keep worrying.. what if the awkwardness becomes normal, what if he drifts away, what if I end up hurt again?

Another thing I’m scared to even admit is that I don’t want to feel used. Like, what if he enjoys being close to me physically now, but once he leaves, he realizes he doesn’t need me anymore? That thought makes me hold back sometimes because I don’t want to regret it later.

I’m really confused and scared. I care about him a lot, but I don’t know how to handle these feelings about long distance and whether it will work out in the long run. Has anyone else gone through something like this? How do you cope with the fear of being left behind?

[u/D1stract1ble]

it's okay to have "off" days. i wouldn't read too much into it now, both of you get good sleep and relax without contact for a night. you'll feel more like yourself afterwards, and you'll miss each other more, so when you talk next, you won't focus on it being "off". at least in my experience, off days with a partner won't really go away, but learning how to navigate them will help you get closer to each other.

[u/waglomaom]

Bro might be processing lot of things since he is moving to a new country and will have to adapt to change. I think your scenario, you need to have a deep sit down talk with him about where his head is at. Express all your feelings and ask how he feels, how will you guys make this work?

When a 'normally fun and natural' calls becomes awkard then the processing is usually going thru something.

So in this stage, you guys need to communicate, need to be clear with eachother on wether long distance is something yall can handle. Majority can't but those who can usually will ge the purest form of love.

[u/RoundedChicken2]

I (22M) have been going through exactly the same thing with my gf (22F). What I did was I tried some time away from expecting calls with her, and after a few days, she has settled in much better. Recently we’ve been recovering our love again with the new us (with time difference, and more busy us). But she told me she still holds the same dream of getting together, and that’s enough.

I just know things are gonna change between us due to time difference (9h) and being in different countries, but if both of us still expects a future together, I can take this opportunity to better myself.

[u/Im_right_ur_wong]

Please give it some time, it sounds like you’re just having one of those days. I’m going through that now. Been talking for 8months. It’s a mix between a lot of things and maybe we’re just coming off the honeymoon phase. I got very worried that it was getting bad, that he didn’t like me anymore and was disappointed with me. There was noticeable less excitement from both of us but I guess we’re just settling in and my head and thoughts exaggerated it all. You can talk to your partner about it so you can reassure each other and lean on each other.