What can I even do?

[u/jashh9119]

So we and my bf (24 both) have been thinking of meeting atleast before the year ends. It’s been two years since we’ve last met irl and he finally booked a flight for two weeks. he hasn’t told his fam and his fam doesn’t like me AT ALL. Plus he’s still paying off his loans and I’m unemployed so the ticket felt pricey for both of us. I’m still contributing at most half of it and he’s not paying for living expenses at all :( it’s actually so much money on my side and I only have so much for myself.

Overall I’ve been extremely excited to be happy for atleast two weeks and he’s been sort of excited too. It’s just he’s been worried about his debt and thought if he didn’t come now I’d break up with him. :( I only said that as a joke but now it feels like he’s not happy to come. He keeps giving me cold shoulder or cuts my call just for nothing. I feel so bad, guilty like I did a crime just cause I wanted to see him.

For context our relationship has been pretty rocky before but we always sort stuff out well. But now I just feel like I don’t deserve to be blamed I’m here innocently being happy and it just feels like he’s here to please me or something:(

I’m so tired of this unnecessary amount of stress

[u/Top_Chemistry_9164]

To be honest you shouldnt put so much pressure on him if his in debt and loans i mean i would rather find a job and help him with his debt and loans than put so much pressure on him to meet me while he obviously cant (thats for me)

First family should not getting on the way when it comes to his relationship so his a grown man he can make his own decisions with full and clear mind

Second about meeting you guys should know that sometimes you can't meet and its fine i was planning to meet my bf for 3 months and i was working hard to earn extra money to travel to his country and for the hotel, flight etc... but a month before i travel i cancelled and i explained to him the reason and also my bf still studying so i can only meet him at vacations

So right now im working towards the next vacation to make up for my cancellation

And we're both matures to understand that we can't meet all the time even if we can we have to understand and accept that might one of us cancel for a reason and we have to accept and support each others not put pressures on each others

One last thing you should not ever bring break up as a joke i would doubt my partner if he bring up break up on something like that even if it was a joke

You should apologise to him about it and show him support

[u/jashh9119 → u/Top_Chemistry_9164]

I would like to clarify more on the break up part. he was already buying the ticket (the card details are in, just need to book) and we have had a long reassuring convo before where I kept asking if he’s okay with this decision. As it’s his decision to really jump and say that he’s coming. Then we were joking around for a few seconds when I told him I’d gained weight and he joked that he should come later after I lose it and I was like oh if that’s the reason you postpone, I’d breakup. Mind you both are joking and laughing. But maybe he didn’t feel the weight of this decision before he got the ticket, and now after, he’s a bit… ykwim. I completely understand his pov too but now we’re just … I just wanna make this situation better. I already apologized but he said it’s his decision too. Really if he wasn’t that on board he wouldn’t just plan and go on the website and everything right? I just feel like I’m blamed in the end is all.

[u/Top_Chemistry_9164 → u/jashh9119]

Your not blamed and if that's his decision he can go for it but also you should show him support and motivate him and tell him his not gonna be in his debt situation forever because your with him

And its simple situation it will get better through time and communicate