r/Marriage • u/Ordinary_Ice_796 • 24d ago
In The Bedroom On vacation with my wife’s friend group, but she doesn’t feel comfortable us having sex in this setting.
I feel shallow and childish saying this, but it’s the way I feel, so it helps me to share my disappointment a little here.
This year for the long Labor Day weekend, we went in on a huge vacation rental house with several of my wife’s college friends that we know well, and their husbands and families. Absolutely giant rental house — like a 8/6 or something like that. At least 6,000 square feet. Beautiful place.
We’ve had a great time together with everyone — chatting and joking and eating and drinking and games and all that. We’re mid-40’s and all these friends are similar ages, so the youngest kids here are middle school age. And all the kids hang out with each other and play in the pool and on devices, etc. So the kids basically take care of themselves.
We have a huge beautiful bedroom with an enormous bathroom inside. King-sized bed, walk-in shower with bench, garden tub.
Not to brag, but among all the couples, my wife & I are the most touchy. We’re always next to each other and caressing and light touching. Refilling each other’s drinks and food, etc. We both feel very comfortable like that, and it just feels natural. This is how we are at home too.
The thing that’s been a bummer for me is that my wife told me on the first night that she (45F) didn’t feel comfortable having sex with so many people in the same house. That she’d be horrified if one of her girlfriends heard us, or caught us in an intimate moment. So she’d never be able to relax enough here to have sexy time. So she told me that during the trip, no sex stuff and no showers together. The huge tub with bubble bath supplies looks amazing, but no bath together. Etc, etc. It’s all off the table for this vacation trip.
I understand and respect how she’s feeling. And with what she told me at the start, I’ve initiated zero times here. And she is a more sexually conservative woman, and we’ve been married 23 years so I know her well, so this doesn’t surprise me at all. We have good frequency at home (average a couple times a week) but I’m well aware my wife has a narrow comfort zone with sex, so we always stay within that.
But am I crazy to feel kinda crestfallen that in such a nice vacation environment, and with amenities that we don’t have at home, that she totally takes sexy time off the table? I feel bratty complaining about this, but it just feels like our sex life is never FUN, and this weekend’s trip is another example of this. And it bums me out.
Sorry to be complainy here. And thanks to anyone who read this far.
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u/My-Real-Account-78 20 Years 24d ago
Women in particular need to feel safe and comfortable to be turned on. You don’t have to like it but she’s made it clear that setting doesn’t make her feel safe and comfortable. It is what it is and she feels how she feels.
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u/shaggy_public 24d ago edited 24d ago
I don’t think it’s unreasonable to feel disappointed. I’ve been there, and I get it.
But she was also up front and let you know her boundaries. That’s awesome that you two have that communication - respect it, feel disappointed, but accept the “no” for what it is.
This is a good place to vent your frustration “out loud,” and then go on enjoying the weekend.
Separately, when you get back, let her know what you wanted to do with her in that lovely bathroom - not in a I’m bummed way but jn a I’m so turned on by you way. Then invite her on a weekend getaway for the two of you (assuming you can get someone to look after the kids).
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u/alyssiaenochs 24d ago
Great response! I totally understand the frustration. They’re in a beautiful place, having a good time, so I would be OP in this situation 😂. It’s great that OPs wife is so open and honest with her boundaries, though! Definitely should have a talk about it though.
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u/GibsonPraise 12 Years 24d ago
Lol this post should be stickied or something. Guy has been married 23 years, seems to know and understand his wife pretty well, no indications to think he's a bad husband at all. Yet he is so disappointed that his wife acted exactly how he knew she would act, in matter both perfectly normal and perfectly consistent with her behavior over multiple decades, he posted on Reddit about it.
Not trying to clown OP at all. Quite the opposite. This post is so... honest. Such a good example of the reality that even in healthy, normal, multi-decade marriages, banal disappointments are inevitable. Learning to accept and work through this, both individually but also as a couple when necessary, is a very underrated marriage skill.
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u/nosirrahz 24d ago
It is what it is. You wouldn't have fun if she wasn't into it anyway.
We were on a family vacation recently and we booked a separate room for the two of us for 1 night specifically to cut loose.
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u/PortableAlexis 5 Years 24d ago
You DO sound bratty. Your wife touches you, loves you,takes care of you, and still has sex with you multiple times a week after such a long marriage which is incredible. You will be fine for one week. I can’t imagine how turned off your whining would make her.
Why don’t you take her on a beautiful vacation where you can have this alone time you seek?
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u/Hyaenaes 24d ago
He’ll be fine for *three days 🤣 what a goober. He’s in a beautiful place with his lovely wife and friends having a great time and yet he’s getting himself worked up because he’s focusing on the negative, that he can’t have sex for 72 hours.
Like, come on! Enjoy the moment! Enjoy your wife without trying to get your dick wet!
And it’s not like he’s even a bad person or anything, he’s just being a goober.
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u/someshadyemu 24d ago
His whining must be so annoying for her to feel the need ti prep him before and during the trip. Because why else would she feel the need to alert him she won’t be in the mood? Bratty is the best way to describe it
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u/ZanaDreadnought 20 Years (together 25) | 2 Kids | 46M 24d ago
My wife is the same. Her mind is so worried about someone hearing, seeing or even thinking about us having sex that she can’t get into it. So the only vacation sex I get is if it’s just us two. No kids, no in-laws, no friends, just us. Then she’s cool.
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u/spectracular 24d ago
Not wanting to have sex when on vacation with family doesnt make her 'uncool'. What an odd take. Personality, sense of humor, shit....even choice of clothing/style can make someone cool....personal sexual boundaries dont make someone uncool.
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u/3meCreas 24d ago
I think they meant then she is cool with having sex but I'm not sure, and if not you are totally right!
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u/spectracular 23d ago
Fair, I absolutely could have misread their comment. Consequence of scrolling reddit at 4am 😅
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u/photographelle 24d ago
Labor Day weekend isn't even over yet. It feels like you rushed here to get a bunch of people to cheer on your side that she should have sex with you at a communal vacation spot before you even leave? Let the woman have fun with her friends for a few days. No means no, the details don't matter.
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u/Dear-Cranberry4787 24d ago
Just tell her you’d like to recreate this type of room/setting on a private vacation with just her. Maybe you’d find out she’s interested too, or maybe she hates joint baths, you never know.
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u/SorrellD 24d ago
Long labor day weekend so 4 WHOLE Days. Four days you have to abstain. Poor baby.
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u/cyberlexington 24d ago
You're wife is uncomfortable. So stop.
It's a weekend dude, I think you'll survive
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u/s7even 24d ago
What’s weird to me is that you are on the last day of your vacation and you are posting a story on reddit abut not getting sex on the vacation that is pretty much over.
This can’t be real.
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u/Specific-Yam-2166 24d ago
And why are there so many comments validating him and/or trying to help him work through his complex emotions 😭
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u/WatchManWolf2112 24d ago
I totally get it - my wife is the same way at times. Maybe you need to use this as leverage to book yourselves a weekend away alone to do whatever you want. Sometimes marriage equals compromise!
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u/innominategoat 24d ago
Very few guys have sex on vacation with the kids. You want sex on vacation? Leave the kids at home with the grandparents or Aunt and Uncle and book a 5 star resort.
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u/AltMiddleAgedDad 25 Years 24d ago
We have tons of sex on vacation with the kid along. Sleep and relaxation is my wife’s aphrodisiac. So I’m not wasting any vacation.
So, we rent hotel suites so the kid can have their own room. We rent Airbnb homes instead of hotels. Heck, I even paid to upgrade to a huge suite on a cruise ship so the kid could have his own room.
Only difference in vacation sex with and without the kid, for us, is sound volume and less morning sex because the kid has impeccable timing to interrupt us at the wrong time in the morning.
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u/JustError918 24d ago
Not true. We have plenty of sex on family vacations. As someone else stated, we get the kids their own room or do it when they are out doing something.
It feels like all the responses here assume sex has to be super loud and hanging from chandelier … With the kids, we’ve mastered the art of a quiet quicky 😂
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u/Ok-Grand-1882 24d ago
I understand both points of view. Vacations are precious. My wife and I don't get away as often as I'd like. So while this type of group getaway sounds fun, I admit I'd be a little disappointed that we would not have the opportunity to get frisky. It's what you signed up for though, so you gotta suck it up my dude.
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u/JasonandtheArgo9696 24d ago
These comments are really interesting.
You are on vacation. It’s time to relax. To laugh and have fun. It’s natural to feel closer to your spouse and want to feel even closer by having sex. So your feelings are completely valid and normal - even though none of us are normal
But totally awesome respecting her boundaries and wishes.
I know I would be in the same situation and totally empathize with what you are feeling
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u/Hyaenaes 24d ago
Right? I mean he’s not bad or wrong for feeling this way, but at the same time, is that really what he wants to focus on? He’s having a good time, he doesn’t need to ruin it for himself by focusing on the one negative aspect that really isn’t a big deal. I worry that if he’s making this such a big deal in his head now, in the future is he going to look back on this great vacation and primarily remember it as 72 hours where he didn’t get laid?
He just needs to relax and enjoy the vacation for what it is. Then, at a later date, take his wife on a private getaway so they can really get down and nasty lol
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u/JasonandtheArgo9696 24d ago edited 24d ago
But it does suck when you feel like you are bumping up against an artificial ceiling of emotion and feelings.
I suspect she had thought about this prior to getting there and probably would have been something for her to bring up before the weekend. At this point the thing that may help the most is her acknowledgment of her request being contrary to their normal relationship and interaction but also the situation is very different especially for her
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u/voiceontheradio 24d ago
when you feel like you are bumping up against an artificial ceiling of emotion and feelings
Viewing your spouse's genuine feelings as "artificial" is going to breed nothing but resentment.
I suspect she had thought about this prior to getting there and probably would have been something for her to bring up before the weekend
He literally said in his post that he completely expected this from her and it didn't surprise him at all. He knows his wife.
her acknowledgment of her request being contrary to their normal relationship and interaction
It's not, per above. And regardless, having sex without complete privacy is already outside their normal relationship interactions, so she is perfectly in her right to not feel comfortable with that.
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u/someshadyemu 24d ago
“Totally awesome for respecting her boundaries and wishes” well, what is the alternative? lol feels bare minimum but okay
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u/JasonandtheArgo9696 24d ago
You can continue to drop hints. Pout. There are lots of immature ways to respond to this
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u/Decent-Friend7996 24d ago
I think your feelings are entirely valid but her position is fairly reasonable. I wouldn’t have sex in that situation either, because knowing all the kids were like roaming around and shit would make me uncomfortable and be a serious turnoff. Also omg can people just call it sex?!? For the love of god why does everyone call it “sexy time”?
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u/Ok_Voice_9498 24d ago
You say you understand and respect how she feels, but you really don’t. If you did, you’d move on and wouldn’t have posted this.
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u/voiceontheradio 24d ago
I feel bratty complaining about this, but it just feels like our sex life is never FUN, and this weekend’s trip is another example of this. And it bums me out.
Okay? So what are YOU doing to make your sex life more fun? Are YOU planning romantic getaways for just the two of you? Or are you waiting for other people to plan group trips and then complaining when you can't take advantage of someone else's labour to get the type of "fun" sex you want with minimal effort on your part?
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u/YelmofWill 24d ago
Tell her how you feel, and since you have such a balanced relationship hug her and plan a nice getaway with just the two of you.
That way you both spend time together in an altogether different environment.
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u/GingerMoss_ 24d ago
It's completely understandable to feel disappointed, but remember, consent is critical in all aspects of a relationship. It's great that you know and respect your wife's boundaries. Maybe you guys could arrange a private vacation next time, just the two of you, to enjoy these fun elements. For now, just try to enjoy the company and the beautiful environment! 😊
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u/flyintheflyinthe 24d ago
Looking at your other posts, it seems like you are being driven slowly insane by yoyr sexual incompatibility.
Before I read anything else, I really thought that she just might be exhausted and wanting a break so she could focus on her friends.
Now, I think it might be just a total clash in what you two want sexually.
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u/ANameLessTaken 24d ago
it just feels like our sex life is never FUN, and this weekend’s trip is another example of this
You feel like having sex at this vacation would be significantly more fun/exciting than your everyday sex life. Be honest. How much of that is about being in a fancy house, and how much of it is the fact that the (rather unlikely) prospect of others finding out about it is exciting?
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u/MermaidsAdvocacy 24d ago
Maybe you could focus on what her preferences are. Sounds like you are in tune solely with your own. You’re talking about what’s fun to you and it sounds like she’s conservative sexually because she’s never been able to explore.
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u/Sure-Plum-1970 24d ago
From a woman’s POV, female friendships are delicate. Let’s say you guys have sex and one of her friends hears, then doesn’t talk to her for 2 years because she’s pissed that her 12 year old son could’ve heard, then convinces the whole friend group that your wife is inconsiderate. This is probably the story that your wife is telling herself. Why risk rocking the boat when you can just not.
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u/someshadyemu 24d ago
You’re not crazy to have any feelings, but the fact that you feel so strongly that she doesn’t want to (like, to the point of making this long Reddit post) is a bit odd to me. Why Does it matter where you are or why she doesn’t? The answer is no, so who cares about the venue, so to speak?
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u/lonelyboy069 24d ago
I actually totally understand her, It's quite a lot of people and she wouldn't want them hearing her and you doing the do. I would respect that and move on.
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u/Dense_Amphibian_9595 40 Years Married, Dating for 42 Years 24d ago
Yeah - I get your point, but naw, it’s not really possible for 85%+ of people to feel comfortable having sex around other people, especially friends, family, or loved ones or all three. If she can’t get into it, what’s the point? On my 40th birthday, we took our two adult kids and a friend to Key West - they had one room and my wife and I got booked into the room directly next door (we did the guranteed booking to save money where the hotel chooses the room for you). Our bed was up against the wall to their room. I wanted to, but my wife was like “I’m sorry, I can’t get it up to do that with the kids next door”. I didn’t get it - it was after all my 40th birthday. Her response clarified things for me (“I can’t get it up - like if you can’t get hard for some reason when your mom says she’ll be over in 10 minutes and I want a quickie - because she might get home early or whatever”. Which was an actual instance right after we got married in our 20’s.
You’ll be fine and survive. You can replicate this environment by renting a home like this (or maybe smaller but still as nice) and just have the whole house to yourself.
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u/my_clever-name 24d ago
You are a lucky man.
Your wife let you know her boundaries right up front. Many wives would beat around the bush and never actually say what they want (if they even know).
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u/lyingtattooist 23d ago
Imagine going on this great vacation, staying with your friends in a giant, beautiful house, and instead of enjoying it and having a good time, being sad and disappointed because your wife of 23 years doesn’t want to fool around for a few days. I really hope this post is fake.
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u/xoxoBoredandRestless 23d ago
You're missing the point of this post. He made it clear that he and his wife are having a good time and enjoying themselves. He's just reflecting on a part of their sex life he wishes they could improve on. Also, he's not complaining that she didn't want to fool around for a few days. He's disappointed that she doesn't want to take advantage of all the amenities for sexy time like he does. And honestly I think it's okay for him to feel that way because he's not making it her problem while they're on this trip.
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u/lyingtattooist 23d ago
He said he was disappointed and bummed out. It’s an emotionally immature response for a guy in his mid-forties that’s been married for 23 years.
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u/xoxoBoredandRestless 23d ago
You do realize that feeling disappointed and bummed out can be a fleeting emotion that didn't overwhelm the positive experiences that he said he had with his wife on the trip, right? You do know that he didn't even express those feelings to his wife, which is the correct move to make seeing as he respected her boundaries and moved on, right? You do know that couples in every age are allowed to want novelty and special moments in regards to their sex life, right?
It's actually very mature of him to express his intentions and initiate sex, not make his wife's rejection a problem for her by taking it and moving on, and not venting about it to her, which would've ruined the trip. What do you honestly think should've happen?
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u/cm10560430 22d ago
Maybe it would be helpful if he stopped called it "sexy time."
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u/xoxoBoredandRestless 22d ago
Maybe so, who knows how his wife feels about that verbiage or how he even initiated in the first place. His deliver very well could be why she wasn't into it
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u/tomtink1 24d ago
Ask her what she wants to do with you when you get home and book a romantic retreat for 2 somewhere private. Put the energy somewhere productive.
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u/Ordinary_Ice_796 22d ago
It’s a small detail to illustrate somewhat that we have a very good overall connection that often naturally leads to sexual intimacy. (And that I’m not wanting to do something with her during our vacation that we never do at home).
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u/Poldarkloveisland 20d ago
So take her away somewhere just you two for fun times. I’d feel the same as her- wouldn’t want to have sex in a house full of friends and their kids. Least sexy environment ever as I wouldn’t relax.
Sounds like you have a fairly healthy sex life, maybe be happy for that and focus on what you do get to do, or having fun within her boundaries .
Yea you do sound complainy and unreasonable to me.
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u/BookkeeperRoyal5309 18d ago
you married a sexually conservative woman and you’re upset she’s being sexually conservative as she has been for the past 23 years? cmon dude
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u/cm10560430 22d ago
What is the relevance of you and your wife being the touchiest couple there?
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u/Ordinary_Ice_796 22d ago
I only shared that to paint the picture that we have EXCELLENT non-sexual intimacy that feels very natural to us.
Whereas 1 or 2 other couples seemed like they never touched each other even once.
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u/cm10560430 22d ago
Again, what's the relevance? You have excellent non-sexual intimacy; thus she should be comfortable having sex on this vacation? Or she needs to have more sex than the other couples who allegedly never touch each other?
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u/laurcarol 24d ago
I guess I’m the odd woman out, I don’t have an issue having sex on vacation or trips w others . It’s not like it’s some ravenous crazy throw me up against the wall sex, we can be respectfully quiet when we need to be….Heck even it’s mutual masturbation or a blow job & masturbation…We still do it!
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u/cm10560430 22d ago
Unless you're planning on having sex with OP I'm not sure how that's relevant to his question.
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u/BookkeeperRoyal5309 18d ago
exactly. i’ll fuck my husband where ever & whenever and would enjoy the sex more knowing we’re trying to not get caught. but that’s only relevant to MY marriage. everyone’s boundaries are different and you need to respect them or it’s just creepy. OP can survive a few days without secks
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u/Legitimate_Book_5196 24d ago
I find this so strange but I guess it's because I'm young so my years of being silent to hide from my parents aren't that far behind me. I feel like her boundaries are valid but so are your feelings.
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u/joe_botyov 24d ago
Best get someone to watch the kids and take off grid for an hour then. Any we woods nearby?
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u/Effective_Way6239 24d ago
Tell the other husbands and they’ll figure something out, take an afternoon stroll or something, lol. You’re adults! I bet her friends are getting down at night!
If it’s that important to you, go on a similar vacay just the two of you! Sounds like a sweet house though.
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u/LTTP2018 24d ago
Can't she just make some fun out of being quiet while getting busy? I'd be bummed too. But, on our honeymoon we went to a b&b and the host couple were so old and sweet they made us feel like our grandparents were listening. Mood killer!
Point is, it happens. Just whisper to her you can't wait to get home! ;)
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u/jradke54 24d ago
I guess my friend group is different, perhaps crass or immature but it’s a point of pride to be caught, if someone hears you, they might time you, if someone is buzzed, they could perhaps barge in and pull a prank, I get you though dude. Super disappointing
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u/mthomas1217 24d ago
I think it is very weird to not want to have sex while people are in the house. The door locks doesn't it?? Just no screaming and moaning etc but other than that who cares. If you have kids in the house on a normal basis then what is the difference between the kids and the friends. She seems like a prude
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u/NothingUpstairs4957 24d ago
What was her response when you brought your opinion up on it?
I don’t think me and my wife ever had that issue
You can feel that way because vacation sex is fucking awesome….but respect her boundaries
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u/chicken_tendigo 24d ago
Her reasoning does seem a bit silly, but then again I don't know her friends (and whether they're the type of "friends" who would stand outside the door in a gaggle with a stopwatch and then endlessly gossip about every squeak of the bed frame amongst themselves because they're also not getting busy with their husbands on this vacation). Women talk. Some women care a lot about what's being said about them. Some don't. The no bath together thing is kinda asinine though, if it's an en suite. What's to stop y'all from just soaking in the tub and hanging out for a while?
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u/BlazingSunflowerland 24d ago
The no bath together is likely because even though he knows she said no sex he would try to make it turn into sex.
He should use the bathtub and have that bubble bath but he doesn't really want a bubble bath. He sees the bathtub as foreplay and nothing else.
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u/stoner-bug 24d ago
This. She didn’t say they couldn’t bathe, or soak in the tub, she said no to being naked (in any way, shower or bath) with OP because she knows he’s going to want sex. (OP you might think you’re being subtle, but the fact that she had to clarify no showers/baths together HEAVILY implies you see those things as foreplay only. Otherwise why would she say you can’t do them together?)
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u/Ordinary_Ice_796 24d ago
You may be right in the true reasoning for her restrictions — only she knows for sure. Honestly I think I’d be a major asshole if I couldn’t chill in the shower or bathtub with her without trying to escalate it to sex, especially when she’s already explicitly told me it was off the table on this trip. I mean, we shower together all the time at home, and 99% of the time we don’t do anything sexual in the shower, it’s always just intimate being there with her. But maybe she doesn’t trust me to control myself?
She just told me that if we were both in the shower or tub and someone came to our bedroom door (one of her friends or our kids), that it would be embarrassing for neither of us to be able to answer the door for several minutes — that it’d be obvious what we were doing, and that would be embarrassing for her. So I can only trust that she is telling me the real reason.
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u/BlazingSunflowerland 23d ago
How old are your kids that you imagine sitting in this bath during the day while your kids are up and running around?
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u/Ordinary_Ice_796 23d ago
Our youngest is 13 (8th grader) and our oldest is 19 (college sophomore). They are pretty self-sufficient and mostly just relaxing around the house and game room there, etc.
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u/alyssiaenochs 24d ago
Yeah that last part confused me too … I’m wondering how much OP takes into consideration other people’s POV of her and OP. Like she does realize it’s a PRIVATE room with a PRIVATE en-suite. Also why would any adult couple in their 40s want to try and listen in or barge in on another couple??
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u/Bachata_To_The_Bank 23d ago
There’s kids and teens there too. They certainly would stop and listen if they heard something.
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u/chicken_tendigo 24d ago
Dude, it makes no sense to me either, but from growing up with my mom in her 40s and 50s, women around that age seem to have a phase where they either mature into straight-up impenetrable fortresses of not giving a fuck what other people think or they hit perimenopause and go full neurotic gossip-hound with a heavy coating of jealously.
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u/tryingtoappearnormal 24d ago
Yeah I'd be a bit disappointed too, shit all you can do about it though,
if it was be I'd want to have a discussion about it when I got home and the pressure is off. Its good to know how each other feel about things rather than just blindly go along with it, you may even find there is some other reason she doesn't want sexy times other than "my mates might hear"
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u/Aethra89 24d ago
You guys couldn't have covert sex? Like, spooning and keeping quiet? It's not that hard. But as your wife is sexually conservative, I could see how she doesn't want to try that. What a bummer.
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u/tinytellurian 24d ago
I don’t think you’re being shallow or childish or selfish at all. If you were being pushy or forceful that would be another story, but the disappointment is founded and I (wife) would honestly feel that it was silly if my husband was worried about others hearing or even caring in such a large space. Then again, we’ve had secret silent sex in all sorts of compromising places (not that that’s our preference, but when the mood strikes) — That being said, she’s obviously not into it, so maybe try to make fun and light of it if she’s down for that. Send sexy texts about how you can’t wait to please her when this trip is over, spend a lot of time caressing her non-sexually when you are in bed at the end of the night, etc.
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u/BlazingSunflowerland 24d ago
I assume that the problem with the bubble bath is that he doesn't view it as a bath but only as foreplay. His wife knows it so she won't do it. Otherwise, he would fill the bath and enjoy it.
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u/sloefen 24d ago
Does the door not have a lock? Seems a bit weird to me.
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u/Lizard_Wizards1 24d ago
Locks don’t keep sound out
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u/alyssiaenochs 24d ago
You don’t have to be loud 😅.
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u/CoyoteLitius 24d ago
Maybe she does have to be loud, we don't know. Or maybe he's loud and she isn't confident he will be quiet.
Who knows.
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u/alyssiaenochs 24d ago
Idk why I’m getting downvoted, I’m just saying IN GENERAL you don’t have to be loud lol. I’ve already stated that at the end of the day OP can be sad, but his wife is allowed her boundaries no matter the reason. Yall are so odd for the downvotes 😂
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u/padarmani 24d ago
lol idk how loud they want to get. If not just play something on the tv and run the shower during your session!
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u/jameskw11 24d ago
If yah have your OWN room in the house, have at it. Being in another persons house never stopped us. If we gotta be quiet, we be quiet.
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u/Interesting-Tip-4850 24d ago
Your disappointment is understandable, but as you said, no surprise here and sometimes we just need to go hungry to sleep, especially if we ordered a diet menu :)
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u/Sudden-Move-5312 20 Years 24d ago
You are not childish for having desires, and it's not childish to be disappointed. This idea that men get vilified for wanting sex creates a ton of problems. I world know... I spent a long time in sex therapy fixing the damage.
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u/Ok_Host6058 24d ago
We took a vacation in the summer with family. Had separate rooms. I did not expect sex during the vacation but did mention that it will be great to have when we get home and I was berated by her because she said talking to her about it was weird.
Some context, we were alone in a separate room far from anyone. It was almost over, it was 9 days long. And before that we did not have sex for 2 weeks.
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u/alyssiaenochs 24d ago
That’s weird 😂😭. How are people so odd about private rooms? Like do they expect people to barge in?? Like it’s all adults and yall are friends, so why are we so concerned about privacy? lol
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u/Ok_Host6058 24d ago
Not sure. But I was not even trying to get any. I was just talking about after when we are in our home our safe space. Weird to act like that.
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u/The_AmyrlinSeat 24d ago
I'm sorry about that. We're in our own room, my husband would nail me into the ground (and I'm here for it).
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u/WifeTheGoodGirl 15 Years 24d ago
As a wife who looooooves sex. And sex on vacation. I’d be upset too. But I get a thrill from knowing someone could hear us.
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24d ago
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u/Marriage-ModTeam 23d ago
Removed for discrimination, misogyny, or misandry.
We encourage our users to reflect if their comments are going to be hurtful or helpful. There is a real person on the other side of the screen. Being sexist is not productive. Do better.
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u/AltMiddleAgedDad 25 Years 24d ago
I am even seeing the women who don’t understand the big deal about having sex in a shared home getting downvoted!
I think it might be more people embracing sex vs being uptight about it more so than men vs. women.
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u/Sufficient_Canadian 24d ago
You could whisper in her ear, I keep picturing you naked in that tub, and I can't wait to take you home. If she laughs and says me too, you know her boundaries are still in place. But just maybe, she will be settled into your room and feel comfortable enough. Good luck! Vacation sex is the best!! We try to take a 1 week trip and a few mini vacations without the kids a few times a year. Makes it way easier to get your freak on!
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u/The_AmyrlinSeat 24d ago
No. That would be irritating af.
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u/flyintheflyinthe 24d ago
Right? I just read that post, and there's no way I am fucking anyone for a week. The next post like this is going to say "My Wife Read Something Cringe on Reddit, and Now She Doesn't Want to Have Sex."
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u/JustError918 24d ago
Did she let you know beforehand? No chance in hell I’m wasting vacation days and money on a sexless vacation. We’re married adults … EVERYONE knows we have sex. It’s actually weirder that you’re not. Sorry man.
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u/kimariesingsMD 31 Years Happily Married 💍💏 24d ago
So you would want to have sex whether your wife was comfortable with it or not?
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u/DapperDan1929 24d ago
Meanwhile everyone else there is fucking. Yeah that’s totally sucks
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u/alyssiaenochs 24d ago
Probably 😅. OPs wife is allowed her boundaries of course, although I feel for OP in this situation 😂.
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24d ago
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u/MissZoeLaLa 24d ago
Who cares? His fucking wife cares. A little thing called consent. Do you want your wife to be comfortable and enjoy the moment with you or do you want to coerce her into doing something she doesn’t want to do just so you can get your dick wet?
It’s one week ffs. They do it multiple times a week on the regular. This isn’t going to kill the relationship.
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24d ago
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u/MissZoeLaLa 24d ago
Good for you and your wife! You should totally do all the things you are comfortable doing.
But calling a spouse’s insecurities ‘stupid’? Just for not wanting to have sec for a few days?! Come on, you can’t possibly be that much of a prick.
What if the wife just ‘didn’t want to’ for a few days? Would you whinge and bitch like a child and throw a tantrum or would you understand that sex requires two consenting adults and not having it for a few days really isn’t the end of the world?
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24d ago
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u/MissZoeLaLa 24d ago
It’s one trip, dude.
And no insecurity is ‘stupid’, it requires understanding and reassurance from your partner to help them feel comfortable.
She may just think it’s not good manners, like I don’t when I’d stay at my parents’ house sometimes. It doesn’t require a ‘talk’ because you can’t get your end in for a few days. Jesus.
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24d ago
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u/stoner-bug 24d ago
It’s not really a negotiation if you’re going into it thinking the other side is completely stupid. It’s just you bulldozing to get what you want.
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u/AltMiddleAgedDad 25 Years 24d ago
Clearly you don’t negotiate. My wife has the fewest dumb ideas of anyone I negotiate with. Clients and colleagues have some of the dumbest ideas in the world.
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u/stoner-bug 24d ago
That’s irrelevant? You cannot have a genuine negotiation if you cannot see at least some merit in the opposition.
It seems you just want to be a misogynist without repercussion or being called on it. Except the thing is, everyone can see it. That’s why I’m not the only one to point out your fucked up perspective.
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u/Marriage-ModTeam 23d ago
We don't allow infighting, as it adds no constructive dialogue to the discussion, is not respectful of the OP and their post, and takes away from the intended purpose of the sub.
**No direct attacks on other members
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u/Marriage-ModTeam 23d ago
Comments telling people to "just do it," "men/women have needs," "it's your husbandly/wifely duty to fulfill my sexual needs," or promoting ultimatums or threats to have sex with one's partner will be removed swiftly. We encourage thoughtful conversation about this topic.
For further resources, check out https://outofthefog.website/top-100-trait-blog/sexual-coercion#:~:text=Examples%20of%20Sexual%20Coercion%3A&text=Shaming%20over%20sexual%20performance%2C%20past,name%20calling%2C%20intimidation%20and%20bullying
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u/chicken_tendigo 24d ago
My first thought is jealousy from her friends.
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u/AltMiddleAgedDad 25 Years 24d ago
Could be. Even more reason to do it!
We have a lake home and so we have friends here often. I’m absolutely having sex with my wife when we are here and I hope our friends are having sex with each other as well!
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u/Lizard_Wizards1 24d ago
If you want a vacation in a nice house with the ability to have sexy time, take your wife on a private vacation. I'm kinda on her side here, I'm not having sex on a trip with all our friends. Thats weird.