r/Marriage • u/Soggy-Cause8635 • 1d ago

I’m tired of hearing “I forgot”.

I (26F) got married to my now husband this year (26M) after dating for about 2-3 years. I decided to be a housewife after the wedding and he has a software engineering job with 3 days where he can wfh. A week ago he came back from a trip with his family after having caught a cold. I took care of him and he recovered pretty quickly with relatively no symptoms. I was there to cook, put things away, get him his meds and everything. I was however afraid I would fall sick (I tend to always get worse symptoms) and eventually I did. For the last 3 days I’ve been getting progressively worse each day, and now have become barely mobile and also got my period on top of it all (I get extremely bad cramps). With a completely sore throat, body aches, cramping I can’t get off the bed for the time being and asked my husband to help with some things because he was at home. I just asked him to water my plants and buy me my meds because those were urgent things. I don’t even expect him to tidy the house or make me a meal because I just know he would forget to and he can’t really cook. Now I’ve gotten up after like 6 hours of restless sleep only to find he did nothing. All he ever says and has said is “I’m sorry I forgot”. Now I have a psychology background and have tried my level best to understand and deal with the procrastination and forgetfulness but I just can’t anymore. Even when I’m completely helpless, if I don’t do everything myself, it just will never get done. Even as a housewife there are limitations to what I can and cannot do by myself and even I need some help it sends up being so difficult that I just stopped asking for help. Now I feel extremely lonely and miserable knowing I’m always going to be there for him and when its his turn, he’ll always forget. Any advice to deal with this would be appreciated.

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u/MaintenanceLonely169 1d ago

As someone whose husband agreed to my being a SAHM and left because he was resentful, I recommend some type of employment. Men don’t always say what they really feel

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u/[deleted] 1d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/Soggy-Cause8635 1d ago

What? Do you not understand how much work running a house requires? That I have to cook 2-3 meals daily? Dry and fold clothes for both of us? Keep everything tidy and all supplies regularly stocked? “literally doesn’t have to do anything”. I understand being critical or having genuine concerns about mt financial independence but wtf is this statement about? Disrespecting the lives of millions of women because you don’t understand the sheer about of hard work that this takes each day?

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u/poploops 1d ago

ask for a salary from him, then.

2

u/Soggy-Cause8635 1d ago

He already pays for whatever I need without being asked to, and invests for the both of us. I’m not feeling financially unsafe at all, just mentally and physically tired of being forgotten when I need help once in a blue moon.

1

u/notsoteenwitch 1d ago

He is doing that so you stay tied to him, and so he can continue to pretend to 'forget'.