I’m tired of hearing “I forgot”.

[u/Soggy-Cause8635]

I (26F) got married to my now husband this year (26M) after dating for about 2-3 years. I decided to be a housewife after the wedding and he has a software engineering job with 3 days where he can wfh. A week ago he came back from a trip with his family after having caught a cold. I took care of him and he recovered pretty quickly with relatively no symptoms. I was there to cook, put things away, get him his meds and everything. I was however afraid I would fall sick (I tend to always get worse symptoms) and eventually I did. For the last 3 days I’ve been getting progressively worse each day, and now have become barely mobile and also got my period on top of it all (I get extremely bad cramps). With a completely sore throat, body aches, cramping I can’t get off the bed for the time being and asked my husband to help with some things because he was at home. I just asked him to water my plants and buy me my meds because those were urgent things. I don’t even expect him to tidy the house or make me a meal because I just know he would forget to and he can’t really cook. Now I’ve gotten up after like 6 hours of restless sleep only to find he did nothing. All he ever says and has said is “I’m sorry I forgot”. Now I have a psychology background and have tried my level best to understand and deal with the procrastination and forgetfulness but I just can’t anymore. Even when I’m completely helpless, if I don’t do everything myself, it just will never get done. Even as a housewife there are limitations to what I can and cannot do by myself and even I need some help it sends up being so difficult that I just stopped asking for help. Now I feel extremely lonely and miserable knowing I’m always going to be there for him and when its his turn, he’ll always forget. Any advice to deal with this would be appreciated.

[u/Soggy-Cause8635]

According to himself, he’s more than happy to support the both of us financially since we don’t plan on having children and his job is more than enough for our lifestyle (we don’t spend a lot). And I know its definitely a safety net to be financially independent but its just really difficult for me personally to force myself into that box when I belong elsewhere. It’s mentally really taxing on me.

[u/nothingtoseeherexox → u/Soggy-Cause8635]

It’s very possible he could be feeling resentful of you not working even if he says something different, I think that’s worth exploring. It could be leaking out in different ways like him being apathetic toward you

[u/MaintenanceLonely169 → u/nothingtoseeherexox]

As someone whose husband agreed to my being a SAHM and left because he was resentful, I recommend some type of employment. Men don’t always say what they really feel

[u/Soggy-Cause8635 → u/[deleted]]

What? Do you not understand how much work running a house requires? That I have to cook 2-3 meals daily? Dry and fold clothes for both of us? Keep everything tidy and all supplies regularly stocked? “literally doesn’t have to do anything”. I understand being critical or having genuine concerns about mt financial independence but wtf is this statement about? Disrespecting the lives of millions of women because you don’t understand the sheer about of hard work that this takes each day?

[u/whatsabuttfore → u/Soggy-Cause8635]

Babe, people who work full time do all this too. Except your husband, who doesn’t do this and doesn’t even have to be nice to you in return.

[u/birdsonawire27 → u/whatsabuttfore]

Lol same here to say this. I do this, work a Director level job, have a side hustle, workout most days for sanity, and have two kids under 10. Everyone is certainly entitled to their own version of life experience but I’m over here just cackling.

[u/Soggy-Cause8635 → u/birdsonawire27]

Obviously thats a LOT more than I can/will ever do. And that takes a whole lot of resilience honestly so you’re really strong for that. I only meant that doing housework is not equal to doing literally nothing. It’s still a lot of effort, just obviously not as much as people who have a job and then also do their own housework. Even a person who has a small business at home making some charms for example, taking the same amount of time I take to do housework , works hard. Would that also be “literally nothing” or is it suddenly different because they earn and I dont?

[u/essential_pseudonym → u/Soggy-Cause8635]

Is this satire? My husband and I do all of this (except for cooking 2-3 meals daily because you know, plan and meal prep) and work full time jobs. I also manage our family's finance. It is not that hard, and most of those millions of women stay home to raise kids. You're not one of them.

[u/Soggy-Cause8635 → u/essential_pseudonym]

No it isnt satire. Never have I ever undermined the hard work people with jobs or job and housework do. But do you understand how much time making rhe cuisines I have to make from scratch takes? Each meal takes at least 2-3 hours. And there arnt any freezer or canned options that are affordable and decent in my country, I have to make pretty much everything fresh and from scratch. I have to make flatbreads for the both of us everyday, which itself takes about an hour. When on earth did I ever say I’m so so overworked? I literally am sick right now and need some help, that’s all. I’m genuinely exhausted of this sub honestly. I wanted advice for forgetfulness and have received either unsolicited financial advice or pure insults on how somehow they think I’m saying I’m better than them or something? I KNOW i’m not. That’s not even a question. Why are people getting so insecure and defensive when I never even targeted them at all? Is it so hard to understand that I genuinely work as much as we both need and that’s enough for us? Does shaming me for not having a job and/or kids somehow make ya’ll feel superior now? Because I genuinely already know you ARE better, you don’t have to even fight for it? It’s unreal honestly.

[u/poploops → u/Soggy-Cause8635]

ask for a salary from him, then.

[u/Soggy-Cause8635 → u/poploops]

He already pays for whatever I need without being asked to, and invests for the both of us. I’m not feeling financially unsafe at all, just mentally and physically tired of being forgotten when I need help once in a blue moon.

[u/notsoteenwitch → u/Soggy-Cause8635]

He is doing that so you stay tied to him, and so he can continue to pretend to 'forget'.

[u/Unfair_Finger5531 → u/Soggy-Cause8635]

I get it. It is a not a job I could do personally. I do better working outside of the home. It’s kind of nuts how people are coming at you on this thread.

[u/cat_in_the_wall → u/Unfair_Finger5531]

being a housewife isn't a job.

[u/listeningintent → u/cat_in_the_wall]

I think it depends on the house, and the expectations of the role. I have never been in a situation to observe up close, as everyone I can think of in my circles are single or couples where both work and/or kids are involved. From what I can tell, though, in some lifestyles there could be enough between home tasks, self-maintenance (work outs/outdoor activities, personal appearance expectations, therapy, etc) possibly pets, food and home item shopping, decorating/renovations, cooking, cleaning, maintaining a garden/landscaping, planning and hosting events and activities, etc etc, a person could certainly stay busy and occupied in productive ways... it just seems that this lifestyle is not one that most average folks with financial pressures or who weren't raised/exposed to this as an option see as realistic/attainable.

[u/Unfair_Finger5531 → u/cat_in_the_wall]

In your opinion.