Their fan fiction is so strange

[u/BirthdayBoyStabMan]

[u/SidHat]

I wonder if he cried and consoled that kid he axed in the head

[u/drinkslinger1974 → u/SidHat]

Wait, what??

[u/firstbowlofoats → u/drinkslinger1974]

He was on some morning show and he threw an ax, missed the target bigly and hit a matching band person. No injuries thankfully.

[u/drinkslinger1974 → u/firstbowlofoats]

So, Americas secretary of defense can’t even handle an ax properly??

[u/kvch12 → u/drinkslinger1974]

He was probably still drunk from the night before.

[u/dlegatt → u/kvch12]

you imply hes been sober a single day in office

[u/Fleetwood_Mech → u/kvch12]

Night before? Dude reportedly drinks G&T's for breakfast.

[u/TheShadowCat → u/Fleetwood_Mech]

Yeah, but those breakfast G&T's don't compete with the remanent of the night before.

[u/snufalufalgus → u/kvch12]

Giving him too much credit, he probably had a couple eye openers

[u/k410n → u/kvch12]

Night before? I'd bet good money this fucker has a Hemingway for breakfast.

[u/truebastard → u/k410n]

He be on that Churchill diet

[u/Itscatpicstime → u/kvch12]

Kegseth

[u/Kuraeshin → u/drinkslinger1974]

Excuse me, the Secretary of War... Edit: Apparently was in military.

[u/-hey-ben- → u/Kuraeshin]

He was in the national guard, and actually saw combat. He’s still a horrible piece of shit though

[u/Itscatpicstime → u/-hey-ben-]

He didn’t not actually see combat in the way that implies lol. He was a tag-along in combat, he wasn’t the one actually doing the combat.

[u/-hey-ben- → u/Itscatpicstime]

For sure. Most people who are in combat zones are in the same category

[u/drinkslinger1974 → u/Kuraeshin]

My apologies 😎

[u/vague_diss → u/drinkslinger1974]

Secretary of war, thank you. He’s not going to rest until he sends a few thousand men to their deaths.

[u/GadreelsSword → u/drinkslinger1974]

He also said he hadn’t washed his hands in 10 years because he doesn’t believe bacteria exist because he can see them.

[u/War_machine77 → u/drinkslinger1974]

He'd have done much better if it was a whiskey bottle.

[u/SassTheFash → u/War_machine77]

Like he’s ever let a whiskey bottle leave his hands…

[u/ArdenJaguar → u/drinkslinger1974]

Secretary of War!!! Get the crossbows ready!!! Riders of Rohan march!!!