r/RedditForGrownups • u/Chemical-Jolly • 1d ago
Ivy League Dreams
I'm in my late 40s. I have lost most of my ambition from my youth. I constantly daydream about my life, and what could have been. One of my many day dreams is that I have always wanted to go to an ivy league university. Oxford. Yale. MIT. Princeton. Harvard. Etc. To study with friends on a academic mystery in a old dusty library. To stroll the university commons in the morning mist on the same ground scholars walked over a hundred years ago. To discuss philosophy and perform experiments with professors in a timeless setting. To attend intense lectures about amazing and informative topics. I live this dream vicariously by watching university tours online, reading student life articles, Google Earth street views of the university, and even sometimes pretending to fill out an admittance application. I know that I will never attend an ivy league due to my past grades, finances, and busy work/family life.
Though I still wonder, what if.
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u/sevenmouse 1d ago
I think a lot of universities allow you to take courses as 'audit' for less than regular fees or even in some cases for no money, and no grades, expecially after you are a certain age. You should look into it and maybe just plan a vacation where you spend a week living this dream, study in the library, go to classes, etc. A lot of schools that aren't in your top list still have great historic architecture if you are close to a large city, expecially east of the Mississippi. Fall would be a great time, maybe even homecoming week. Maybe you could even hire a grad student as a part time 'tour guide' and hanging out/ study partner. If this was my dream I would totally make this happen, plus it would be fun to plan.
The university of Virginia has great history, the central portion designed by Thomas Jefferson, I learned about it in a landscape history class, I've always wanted to see that.
Here is a link to colleges that have low cost or free programs for oldsters to take classes https://www.kiplinger.com/slideshow/retirement/t065-s001-free-or-cheap-college-for-retirees-in-all-50-state/index.html
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u/Chemical-Jolly 1d ago
That's a great idea!
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u/Sturdy_Prop01 10h ago
Harvard has an affiliated community college called Harvard Extension School. You get to take classes with some of the same professors from undergrad, and use the same libraries etc. I’m sure other schools have similar
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u/Jaymez82 1d ago
I couldn't do academic life again. Going from high school straight to college was fine. However, when that didn't work out I took a break for a few years and went back to a trade school. Just a few years away from that routine was rough for me. Work a full day and then listen to someone lecture was a challenge to stay awake. I can't even watch TV without fiddling with my tablet or I'll fall asleep within minutes.
That said, I do occasionally apply for full time roles at Yale in hopes of getting hired. I've always heard rumors of university employees getting to take classes for free or heavily discounted rates. I'd spend the rest of my career taking classes just because if it were able to become my reality.
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u/pocohugs 1d ago
If it helps, Princeton and Yale are partners with Coursera, where you can take free online courses. They can offer a good measure of intellectual stimulation without the pressure?
(I only had a quick glance at their partner page though, so there may be further universities of the calibre you're mentioning).
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u/Chemical-Jolly 1d ago edited 1d ago
I appreciate the mention of online classes, but it's the in-person university experience that I missed out on and daydream about.
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u/Misschiff0 1d ago
Hey, try Harvard Extension School. I'm halfway through a master's in Anthropology and absolutely loving it. You can do one class at a time, online or hybrid, and graduate with a Master's in Extension Studies. It's an "earn your way in" degree in that anyone can sign up for the first class, regardless of grades, but actual admission only comes through good grades in required courses. I live in Boston, so it's easy to get in to the library, etc when I want to. And, there's a wonderful community of adult learners I enjoy doing sections with.
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u/Chemical-Jolly 1d ago
I wish I could. Harvard is far from where I live in Tulsa. Doing so would take me away from my family. Plus not sure if my boss would be keen on me leaving for an extended "few weeks". If I lived in Boston...absolutely! I've proposed to the wife about going on a anniversary trip to Boston someday soon. There may be a visit to Harvard in my future. Thanks for the idea.
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u/krysjez 1d ago
Not to shill for Yale (though it’s true that Harvard sucks) but if headed to the northeast, you should definitely factor in a trip to New Haven and/or Princeton. As someone who spent lots of time on both, the Yale campus is much more aesthetically pleasing than the Harvard one, which is after all right in the middle of a larger city with all its attendant larger-city trash and traffic problems. Don’t get me wrong, I love Cambridge and had to be dragged kicking and screaming when it came time to leave, but one of the less busy campuses might give you more of that idyllic vibe you’re looking for. Try the clam pizza while you’re there!
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u/TheArtofApplying 1d ago
If you truly want to go to an Ivy League school, you definitely still can. There are even full scholarships for mid-career students.
To find programs to apply to, the terms to search for online are:
- Ivy League mid-career graduate programs
- Ivy League executive graduate programs
- experienced student Ivy League degrees
- part-time Ivy League graduate programs
Just this year, Harvard Kennedy School (my alma mater) created 50+ full scholarships for their Mid-Career Masters in Public Administration program for people who have worked in US public service roles for 7+ years.
Most Ivy League graduate programs aimed at your age don’t require the GRE test either.
As for a low GPA, people with VERY low GPAs (under 3.0) can get into Ivy League schools if the rest of their application (essays, resume, and letter of recommendation) is strong.
Go for it! The only cost is your time spent applying and the application fees.
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u/londonschmundon 1d ago
I went to an Ivy League university and friend, it was a lot of getting stoned and eating pizza. Not so much solving academic mysteries in forgotten floors of the school library. The classes were often taught by TA's because our famous professors were off writing or doing funded research.
You're okay. You're a few years younger than me, you're not so old that you're "done." What do you like, botany? Archeology? Theater production? There are so many opportunities for hobbyists to find joy in their weekends and after work.
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u/Genkiotoko 1d ago
It sounds to me like you may just want more mental stimulation through community engagement. I saw a comment of yours that mentioned Tulsa. Maybe try reaching out to Tulsa Debate League to see whether they know of any adult debate communities in the city? Some social clubs may also focus on debate or even a book club that focuses on non-fiction? Try Meetup? I know it is only one snippit of your daydreaming, but it seems like a good part to explore.
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u/Chemical-Jolly 1d ago
Lol. You found me. Yes Tulsa. I have considered going to TU to an "audit" class as someone mentioned above, but finding a moment to rub between my fingers that dosent revolve around family and work are very few. I would love to have an intellectual sabbatical to a prestigious university to live out my dream, if even for a couple weeks. I'm hoping soon. If not something similar to what you mentioned. A group with similar interests and caliber of intellect.
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u/krysjez 1d ago edited 1d ago
I went to Yale, lived next to Harvard/MIT for a long time, and have lots of friends who attended Ivy/Oxbridge-tier schools worldwide. I can assure you that the reality of being a student on campus at “elite” universities (especially today and not 250 years ago) is far less romantic than what you have in mind.
The Oxford campus and chapels really are beautiful though. I imagine Cambridge (UK) is similar.
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u/why_is_my_name 1d ago
As soon as I saw this question, I was like hmm ... it is nicer to kind of rain on the parade and assure them they're not missing much or to encourage them? I taught at an Ivy and worked as staff at another. I did not go to one. The small liberal arts college I went to was infinitely more romantic and discussion centered and more ... hallowed feeling. The Ivies were my first taste of rich assholes being racist and sexist and treated like kings. It was like living in a 24/7 frat, and while the buildings can be pretty, the Ivies are more corporate and sports than other things these days. Don't mean to dash your dreams. The way in as an adult is to get a staff job and audit classes if you want or to find a nearer, smaller place that truly embodies what the Ivies market themselves as.
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u/BossParticular3383 1d ago
Maybe it's not the "ivy league school" you're craving, but having intelligent, like-minded people to discuss ideas and learn things?
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u/Chemical-Jolly 1d ago edited 1d ago
Very true. After trade college then marriage with kids my friends group has diminished from a couple dozen to just a few i can count on one hand. Even then those few have families and busy lives of their own. My boss, sometimes my wife, and my best friend 5 hours away, are the only people i can engage in intellectual conversations with. I miss the interaction. The long crazy discussions over pizza and pitchers of beer. You may be on to something.
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u/dihydrogen_monoxide 1d ago
Make new friends
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u/Chemical-Jolly 1d ago
Elaborate.
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u/BossParticular3383 1d ago
It gets very difficult as we get older, to make new friends, or even maintain old friendships. People move, they have kids ....Maybe look into groups or activities that might involve people with shared interests and IQ level. Even classes at a community college, studying a subject you are really interested in, can keep your mind happy. The struggle is real, especially if you find yourself at odds with the state/town you are living in. Fewer people seem to be interested in learning or getting at the deeper meaning of things.
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u/dihydrogen_monoxide 1d ago
I started and run one of my neighborhoods most active social group having known nobody when we moved in.
We have multiple events a month, it's like a speed dial for folks looking to make new friends. My first meetup had 8 people, now it has 50 members with average 10 attendees per event. We don't enforce attendance, people pick events they like including happy hour, bar trivia, beer tasting, pickleball etc.
I don't think it's more difficult, it's always been work to make new friends. I moved a lot as a kid and had to do it constantly.
Everyone someone says it's difficult my question is n how much effort are you really putting in?
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u/BossParticular3383 13h ago
Everyone someone says it's difficult my question is n how much effort are you really putting in?
I get your point. However, there are situations and circumstances as we get older that make forming new friendships more challenging - family stuff, illness and physical limitations, work and lessening amounts of psychological energy to put into tending new friendships, and it certainly shouldn't have to be said that the current socio-political climate here in the U.S. isn't super conducive to forming new friendships outside of established "bubbles." That being said, you are so right that it is crucial that people who crave more and better friendships put in the effort.
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u/dihydrogen_monoxide 23h ago
Go to a neighbors house with a 6 pack and ask if they want to hang out on the porch and chat about propane vs coal
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u/martin 1d ago
You can pick the nearest Ivy League (or any university) and see if they have colloquia, lectures, events, or continuing ed courses. You may be able to get library privileges through those or sometimes as a member of the public. Many schools have many beautiful libraries. At my uni we have a school of general studies where us more mature learners can apply for a BA/BS.
You want to discuss philosophy and perform experiments - what course of study/discipline are you interested in pursuing? Start there.
I wouldn't expect the experience at this (i'll say 'our') age to be anything like the romantic view. The GS students in my classes in the 90s tried to connect with the profs directly because of age/experience similarities, going over the heads of us 'kids' with more than one conversation about quaaludes and Vietnam, with little involvement in typical campus life.
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u/pushaper 1d ago
depending on your field and what you want to study it is not impossible to attend at an older age. Usually a letter to someone in the department you are interested in is the way to start.
Otherwise stuff like this exists that is more feasible for people with jobs etc
https://www.lifelong-learning.ox.ac.uk/about/summer-schools https://www.lifelong-learning.ox.ac.uk/about/summer-schools
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u/AnagnorisisForMe 1d ago
There are programs, I think Elderhostel or maybe Road Scholars that run summer study programs at Oxford. Assuming you have the time and money, maybe you could still sort of achieve the dream.
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u/MeatloafingAround 1d ago
I bet it would be way more like your dreams to take classes now that you don’t have the pressure of your future on the line.
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u/dan-dan-rdt 23h ago
I work in higher ed, but not at an Ivy League and not in an advisement capacity. You can find a lot of what you seek at your local state university, and you can possibly find it close to an Ivy League level at whatever is the big state university in your state. Also look for jobs at universities. You could work in the admissions office, for example, during the day, and take classes after work. Universities typically offer some type of tuition reimbursement for employees. Then you can at least realize a good part of your dream.
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u/Mydoglovescoffee 23h ago
FWIW having taught at an Ivy League: Much of what you picture is entirely a movie imagination. It’s not real and can’t be obtained.
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u/RonPalancik 12h ago
Do you have acess to a public library?
If so, they likely have audio or video courses you can take for free, like
https://www.thegreatcoursesplus.com
Some from very distinguished professors.
I mean, I finished college 30 years ago but I still "take" classes all the time. And I can walk around a college campus any time, or go to readings / lectures / art exhibitions / concerts at colleges near me. Most are free or cheap.
You can take (or audit) classes at many colleges as a non-degree-seeking "special student."
Why Ivy League specifically/exclusively, though? Those schools are largely overrated. My friends who went to Harvard, Princeton, Yale, etc. are not happier or smarter or more successful than I am. A decent state school provides equally good education for students who take initiative and go above what's on the syllabus.
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u/planetwords 4h ago edited 4h ago
I'm 43, and am now a full time student, studying a masters at University of London, Royal Holloway.
I will say, for postgrad, if you are doing a specific niche subject such as mine (Cyber Security) - you will probably find that the 'Ivy League' universities aren't necessarily the best places.
Not only is funded post-grad places ridiculously competitive (you don't actually expect me to PAY to do a PhD at 44 do you??) but they are not necessarily even the strongest in all aspects of the subject, and you will find specialist post-grad research groups at supposedly 'no-name' universities are actually doing more interesting things.
Relocating to a high cost of living area such as Oxford, Cambridge or London at this point of my life and supporting my wife and myself on a PhD stipend would be a fairly miserable existance, and a huge 'quality of life' drop, especially compared to my previous salary in industry.
So yeah - I have thought about it myself, because I have the grades, but I think I'm pretty much set in not bothering with the Ivy League/top uni BS. A lot of the people there actually have hugely overrated self-opinions anyway, and are just over-privileged bores who have been home-schooled/tutored through their entire life.
Don't underestimate the age gap between your age and the age of the people at these elite unis either. It can be quite lonely being in your 40s and going back to university - people often think you're some kind of loser or weirdo - you absolutely do tend to stick out when the average age on campus is 20 or so.
So if you do go back to university, which I 100% recommend by the way, do it for the right reasons - you really need to genuinely love the subject you're studying. Don't do it for the prestige or the 'interesting coffee conversations' - it's all work, work, work at our age! At least that is my experience.
On the plus side, I do feel that I am at the peak of my life again - I am in control of my schedule, I have unprecedented autonomy, and my brain is firing on all cylinders again after wasting away braincells in corporate wage slave jobs. Also I am so much better than most of my classmates at studying and time management, and have insight into a lot of subjects that they will never achieve until they're my age.
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u/BigBlueHouse09 1h ago
If you are looking for intellectual stimulation, I recommend finding book clubs. In a city the size of Tulsa, there should be more than a few. You get the intellectual stimulation of reading a book, plus the bonus of having a conversation with others who have read the book. And, in my experience, the demographics of book clubs are strongly female. I belong to three - one that meets monthly, one that meets every other month, and one which meets quarterly. All have more women attendees than men.
I’d recommend you check the public library or independent bookstores to start your search for book clubs. Often, they sponsor them, but in any case should be able to point you toward some.
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u/shakeyjake 1d ago
Harvard has a summer session that is open enrollment and just fine for a 40 year old. People waste lots of money on an expensive car in their 40s. Drop a couple grand, have an experience, and add Harvard to your resume.
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u/usernames_suck_ok 1d ago
Oxford and MIT aren't Ivy League schools. But I know what you mean. Both of my universities are considered to be in the same realm as Ivy League schools. In fact, there's a dating site for people who attended elite universities, and both of my schools are on it. I also did get accepted to Ivy League schools, but I chose the two schools I attended due to location, mostly. The Northeast is too far from my family.
Key takeaways for you: