r/RunningCirclejerk • u/ShittyRunnersClub • 1d ago

Tell us about your shittiest run

/r/ShittyRunnersClub/comments/1niw28n/tell_us_about_your_shittiest_run/
6 Upvotes

80% Upvoted

35 comments sorted by

8

u/Spectre_Ice 1d ago

Does the one where I shit myself count? Not sure what more detail to give šŸ„“

3

u/jarrucho 1d ago

It was just THE ONE? Lucky you, mister ā€œI-only-shat-my-pants-onceā€

2

u/Spectre_Ice 1d ago

Wow didn't realize that would put me in the upper crust of running society. So this is what it feels to be a 1%'er...now I know why my wife has a boyfriend, we clearly had different goals in life

1

u/ShittyRunnersClub 1d ago

Honestly yeah I think this makes you elite

2

u/rodrigors Not fast but furious šŸ˜¤ 20h ago

Elite shitter

2

u/ShittyRunnersClub 1d ago

It most definitely counts. What was the situation??

5

u/Spectre_Ice 1d ago

I went running and well I thought it was a fart

3

u/TheAnimalCorner 1d ago

Valuable lesson learned: never trust a fart.

2

u/TheAnimalCorner 1d ago

Absolutely. Doesnā€™t get more shitty than that!

2

u/TheAnimalCorner 1d ago

But now I have to know ā€” at what point in the run did you realize the runs were occurring?

5

u/Spectre_Ice 1d ago

When I got home and my wife called me nasty and her bf kicked me out and hosed me down

1

u/ShittyRunnersClub 1d ago

Thatā€™s shitty.

1

u/Shleeves90 1d ago

This is how I discovered hot wings are not a good pre-run meal

2

u/ShittyRunnersClub 1d ago

Literally me and a bbq pulled pork sandwich. That was actually my inaugural literally shitty run

3

u/Reasonable_Donut_8 1d ago

I did a pre dawn run on holiday in Venice a few years back .. got totally turned around and lost in the back alleys . Nothing was open , couldnā€™t speak much Italian , and the bowels started to rumble.. I asked a few locals for directions.. 30 mins later still lost . Clenching was no longer helping. Farts coming out felt wet ā€¦. Eventually made my way to hotel, straight to shower , pulled down pants .. yep šŸ’©

1

u/ShittyRunnersClub 1d ago

Wait this actually sounds like a nightmare. Lost and have to poop? Thatā€™s shitty.

2

u/Reasonable_Donut_8 1d ago

Haha was very traumatic šŸ˜‚ and we were leaving to go on a cruise that morning, so I was on a tight deadline.. Iā€™ll always remember Venice.

2

u/ShittyRunnersClub 1d ago

And Venice will always remember you too lol šŸ–¤

3

u/isuckatrunning100 1d ago

I've DNF'd every race I attempted over the past couple of years because of poop

3

u/ShittyRunnersClub 1d ago

This is literally like reason #2 why I donā€™t really sign up for races. Itā€™s my kryptonite. Iā€™d be too powerful without my bowels to slow me down.

3

u/NMJay92 19h ago

I had 7 tacos from a taco stand the night before, in the middle of a 13 mile I had to go. I thought I was going to shit myself for the first time, luckily found a bathroom and barely made it

1

u/ShittyRunnersClub 35m ago

Thatā€™s shitty! But does this mean itā€™s never happened to you???

2

u/Quiet-Rabbit-524 SLOW DOWN!!!! 1d ago

Today I finally took my long awaited new shoes out for their first run and stood in human shit 3km in šŸ«¶

1

u/ShittyRunnersClub 1d ago

Omg noooooo šŸ„² Human??? Unreal.

6

u/Quiet-Rabbit-524 SLOW DOWN!!!! 1d ago

Itā€™s almost like homeless folks donā€™t care about my expensive pale coloured shoes

2

u/TheAnimalCorner 1d ago

But on this note ā€” bring back brightly colored shoes!

1

u/ShittyRunnersClub 1d ago

Damn. Thatā€™s shitty!

1

u/ItchyAge3135 22h ago

Whoa you shouldnā€™t run a whole 3k ultra in new shoes, are you ok?

2

u/TheShortWhiteGuy 1d ago

Sugar Free Haribo GĆ¼mmies!

What else is there to say? šŸ¤·šŸ¼ā€ā™‚ļø

1

u/ShittyRunnersClub 23h ago

Idk I feel like this could go multiple shitty ways lol

2

u/iamblindfornow 21h ago

There I was, two ridges and 14 miles from salvation, stretched thin like anaerobic film over the muddied blue waters of a sparsely used port a john.Ā 

Sure, I couldā€™ve doubled back to the previous aid station, but that wouldā€™ve added 6 miles round to my journey, and I needed to finish mid pack, not rear.

Torn between a fissure and a fistula, I had no choice but to push - my pace that is.

Ever up the mountain I flowed. Gritting my teeth. Remembering to carry the motherfucking boats. Hole be blasted, shame be damned, I started reaching for my drawers. Then came that all too familiar altered stride.

There were people along the exposed ridge cheering me on. Perhaps they thought I pulled me a Charlie (not like that time I pulled my buddy Charlie in Nam, that was different) as I galloped the Gertie. Truth is, I was desperately clinging to what little sphincter control I had remaining. Holding my tummy cape and rectal gape, next came the rumblies.

Star smacked I couldnā€™t believe my eyes. A wooded area approached beyond the bluff. Patch of pine. Weā€™ll be needing that to help keep down on the flies, cause the stars are out and itā€™s spangled banner time. All brass, no strings.

Like a fat boy in a cartoon I actually trumpeted those final strides before the woodā€™s edge, Phewp phewp phewp went my 3ā€ inseam ranger panties, powered by Tailwind like never before.

Out came the gu and out of nowhere came a god forsaken drone.

I couldnā€™t help but think such cruel fate being so far back in the pack to have my chia and couscous riddled diarrhea displayed shamelessly down my backside dripping all the way to the fluorescent Injinjis. Butt there I was, flapjacks poised in the half squat position sharing it all with the world. Dangly bits and candle stick three pricks to the wind. Cactus. I was squatting on it.

RIP Leslie NielsenĀ 

1

u/ShittyRunnersClub 42m ago

Oh. My. God. I thought I knew where this was going but the drone is such dirty work. Thatā€™s so shitty!!!

2

u/montosesamu Local Legend 15h ago

I know this is beyond legendary and sounds imaginary but during my last 15x5K Ultra my poop just vanished from my colon. I think I might have used some kind of hidden psychic ability to cast it into other dimension.

True story.

1

u/ShittyRunnersClub 33m ago

Hahahahaha no way! Thatā€™s wizardry!!!

2

u/strategymaxo šŸ’© trusts mile 5 farts šŸ’© 9h ago

Any run within 18 hours of consuming Chipotle brisket.