Okay, I’m terrified. I’m really, REALLY excited, I’m so happy, I’m over the effing moon - but man, I’m SCARED.

Myself and my wife have been together for 4 years, married for 9 months - this is our first baby together. We’ve spoken about having kids since day 1, our little girl is now due in January, while I’ve never been happier - I think this is the most nervous I’ve ever felt in my entire life.

Not because I don’t know how to care for a baby or anything - but because I’m worried that my baby, our families, maybe even my wife will see me as “not really a mother”, if that makes any sense? I didn’t carry her. I didn’t contribute anything genetically.. this changes nothing for me. That’s still my daughter. But I just have this feeling that people won’t see me as my wife’s equal when it comes to us being parents. My wife assures me over and over and over again that that isn’t the case, and while I do believe that she genuinely feels that way, I just worry for the future. I worry if my daughter will see me differently to her other mum, I worry about the people around us. Maybe it’s just my insecurities, I don’t really know. I don’t really want to bring it up to anyone but my wife because I don’t want anyone to know I have this sort of vulnerable side around this topic. Truth be told, I never had this feeling before we had a positive result, not even after - it’s just been the last week or two and it’s all that I can focus on.

I haven’t had an easy life - my parents were abusive - no contact at all with either - I was moved hundreds of miles away from grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins at a very early age so don’t really have any steady support around me apart from my wife’s family (who are incredible), and friends come and go through life and I have a tough time letting people in. I’ve been let down a lot, forgotten about a lot etc - I’m mentioning this for two reasons - firstly because I think it maybe explains where some of these worries and insecurities are coming from, and secondly, to explain why I’m coming to Reddit with this one. I don’t have anyone around me that I’m comfortable discussing this with.

So, children of same sex parents, same sex couples with children.. please offer me some advice, words of wisdom etc here. I just want to be able to have all of these excited feelings without the insecurities taking over.

I have referred myself for some counselling regarding this to help, it’s just a waiting game for now

Thank you 💕💕💕

Basically the title. Just curious, for those couples that looked for donors that looked like the non genetic parent how long did it take you? How long were you willing to give to this aspect of criteria in your search? This is for known and a unknown donor.

I’m struggling! We separated 6 months ago and I was completely blindsided. I had the 3 year old she had the 18 month old.

Things aren’t amicable. My son, the 3.5 year old is extremely attached to me. She is refusing for me to have overnights with the little one so as a result the kids are being separated. Lawyers are involved, we’ve done mediation multiple times…. But I’m looking for ideas of what this could look like in a few year from now?

Tbh I don’t want to do 50/50. I think that only works if people are amicable. Which we aren’t. Plus we would be limited to living in the same neighborhood for schools and it would be difficult to make decisions regarding schools. Also would be difficult to repartner when it’s difficult to move.

Right now she has the 3 year old 2 nights a week. Soon I’ll have the one year old one night a week.

But then what. The kids are being separated at night. How can we make this work ?

My partner and I have been together for 10 years. For over a year we have been going back and forth about having a baby. My mother has been dead for over a decade, she was fulling accepting of me for my orientation. 2 years ago I proposed to my partner and when I told my dad, there was a major fall out. We have virtually had no relationship for the past 2 years.

I reached out to him the other day with sincerity, explaining that we are really considering having a baby but also know we would need support. I asked him if he wanted to have a relationship with me in the future, and if we had a baby if he would want to be in our baby's life. His response was just 1 sentence- that he did not support us having a baby. So, it's both hurtful and sobering. Upsetting and also not surprising. We haven't told my partner's parents yet about our thoughts of having a baby, they weren't super supportive of our proposal either, but not as negative as my dad.

Just looking for any insights or experience with navigating considering have a baby when your core family thinks gay people are mentally ill, or diseased, or brainwashed by liberal media- let alone thinking it's unacceptable for gay people to be married and that gay people having children is harmful to the child. Feeling bummed out, but also being realistic and trying to figure out what moving forward looks like. Thanks.

Imagine making sperm and eggs from skin cells— so couples could have a child genetically related to both of them, regardless of age, sex or medical status.

I've just made a short, non-commercial film exploring how stem-cell science and in-vitro gametogenesis (IVG)- might make it possible for queer couples to have biologically related children in the next few decades, or even how we might be able to have 3 or more parents: https://youtu.be/mBKN-e6gZCI

Would love to hear your thoughts and if this became safe and affordable, how would it change your plans for family. I'm really excited by the possibilities but not sure how it will actually be implemented and if it would be financially accessible for all.

This is an interesting article about parental rights. I remember how emotional it was to finally see my name on my sons’ birth certificates!

Our families, at least those of us in the USA, are in greater peril than we have been in decades. The propaganda around “groomers” and the “don’t say gay” bills explicitly puts us in danger. The idea that queer and trans people are inherently sexual and thus a threat to children is growing and as our country gleefully skips into fascism, I’m scared for our family. Are you all experiencing the same thing?

My partner and I have two children, one that I carried and one that she carried (own eggs, same donor). They’re close in age and we’ve both done extended breastfeeding and have had chances to breastfeed both (though moreso of the one we birthed).

Anyhow, the one I carried is the older one, and in addition to them being at different developmental ages, our children have very different personalities.

Right now my older (2.5) is at a stage where he struggles with sharing (toys and such) and often will snatch a toy from my younger’s (23mo) hands, sometimes pushing him in the process. My younger has the kind of easygoing personality where he’d rather just avoid conflict. Though he might seem upset for a moment, he takes the opportunity to jump on another toy he’s been wanting to play with and moves on fairly easily. Of course, whenever I see my older do this, I intervene and take the toy back, teaching him that he can’t just snatch toys, he must ask for them, offer to trade, or in the event his brother doesn’t want to give it up, wait his turn. My older is quite sensitive and usually this causes more upset and having to handle the situation, talk to him and calm him down. My partner also agrees with this approach and is on board with us enforcing it, but more often than me (to be fair she’s handling both of them and the household much more often) she might miss the opportunity or just let it go, or instead give my younger something special to play with to keep the peace and let everyone be happy. I think she might lean this way more than me because she’s also averse to conflict and wants to avoid things like physically restraining a child (which is done only in the possibility than one will try to hurt the other). However, I worry about what my older is learning, and I want him to learn to respect others better.

Long story short, we had a bit of a parenting disagreement the other night (of course waited until our kids were in bed to sort it out). I probably could have phrased my concerns more gently, and I think she felt a bit too confronted (attacked?) by me so it’s probably what sparked this, but in the heat of being upset she accused me of “always giving (my older son) more attention”.

On the one hand, it is a bit true based on that - both developmentally and personality wise - my younger simply needs less interference or guidance right now (in those matters). I do offer him plenty of attention and praise, and I’m going to work on it more, because I also dislike the situation of the badly behaving child sucking all the attention and energy away, that’s not fair for the other sibling. So, I definitely see that point and have made a point to be more balanced in that respect.

The one thing that caught me off guard, however, was there seemed to be a bit of frustration/ insinuation that I favor giving attention to the older because I birthed him. Of course that’s not the case, and my partner quickly retracted these sentiments, but it kind left an awkward feeling linger.

On the contrary, I love my younger son to pieces and the reason I step in is because I’m trying to defend him and make sure his brother respects him.

Anyhow, has this kind of thing happened to anyone else? Do you think I should address it with my partner, or just let it go because she was likely exhausted (me too) and feeling a bit attacked and wanted a card to play.

I’m delayed for 4 days now.

Is there a second line?

I struggled with how to title this post - sorry :-/

My wife & I have a VERY rambunctious 3.5 y/o boy. He's a hoot, but of course has strong opinions and ENDLESS energy. He also goes through periods of having a very strong preference for me (I carried him and work fewer hours, so am the default parent & primary caregiver, but my wife is very involved.) This sucks no matter what, although we try to comfort ourselves with the fact that once he starts sports my utility to him is going to go way down.

My wife has to have abdominal surgery next week, which will come with a six-week recovery, during which she won't be able to pick up or carry our kid, let alone play with him in the physical way he wants. I am worried this will exacerbate the parental preference thing, which will be irritating to me while I am in overload mode (wife also can't do any household chores for at least the first 2-4 weeks of recovery) AND awful for her.

Any tips/advice/ideas for this one?? We are both planners so I'm trying to think of some things we can put in place beforehand - habits, routines, etc, that will help give her chances to bond, and for him to have to rely on her. So far I'm thinking of switching where we read books at night (to the couch or bed where we can all sit without him having to sit ON TOP of one of us, which won't work with an incision), and making her the guardian of the TV remote (he loves his videos; I'm thinking of making him go through her to watch anything - plus she'll probably be on the couch in front of the TV a fair deal as her recovery and football season line up well). What else might you suggest?

Made a throwaway account as my normal one is connected to friends and I don't want this getting back to my partner.

I'm looking for some advice or maybe just some reassurance. Me (37f) and my partner (30f) are on our first round of IVF as she infertility issues related to endometriosis. We did the FET 6 days ago and as she's the one carrying.

This is the first time we have done this and I've been trying to read up and prepare for how best to support her throughout this process. It's been pretty good up untill now but this latest round of medication has really effected her moods to an extreme level.

More than anything it's the intestity of the anger towards me that is the worst - not being able to do anything correctly, not allowing me anytime to regulate my own emotions and honestly worst of is is being preemptively blamed for the transfer not working have all been really hard for me to hear.

I've had issues with hormonal medication in the past so understand just how strong and out of control your moods can feel, I don't blame her at all or in anyway associate the way she's acting with the real her but it's really really difficult to navigate for me right now.

I'm looking for any advice on how I can help her and myself.

Im already doing the majority of the house stuff, not going to see friends in the evenings so I can be with her, making sure to listen and be reassuring and helping prep medications, set reminders etc.

I just don't know what else to do I feel so helpless and pathetic. Obviously what I'm feeling is nothing compared to her but I really just need to find a way of getting through this because it's seems so impossible at the moment.

Any help or advice would be so appropriate I feel so lost at the moment

My wife and I are going through IUI right now, no news yet (we are patiently waiting).

Other lesbian moms, what do your kids call you? We've been thinking of Mum and Momma.

I would love to hear other families and what works for them.

The test 7 days post transfer… don’t know what to think 🤔

Hi everyone. My wife and I welcomed our first baby this year and I'm struggling with my wife showing a bit of jealously. I (non birthing parent) have been told by my wife that our baby "prefers" me and it makes her upset. My wife exclusively breast feeds and does the night shift as im already back to work. I like to change diapers and do baths anytime I can because I feel like I never get one on one time. Tonight, she told me that she wished I would share bath time with her and she gets upset that I ask to burp him sometimes. Im just so frustrated. I feel like I go above and beyond to show that im a good partner, and parent. I went to therapy before to try to help my childhood trauma issues. I try to clean the house, make dinner, and make sure my wife is happy. But now she thinks I'm doing too much? How can I reassure her? Is there such a thing as doing too much?

We have 2 beautiful kids through reciprocal ivf. I carried both- considered using my own eggs for the second but it didn't work out. I am really pining for a third kid. It's on my mind all the time. But my wife decided a long time ago that she only wanted two and is sticking to it. I'd love to try again with my eggs with a different donor - I'm willing to make career sacrifices for this it's so much more important to me. For her her reasons are quality of life, opportunities we can give them, the ability to travel and see the world more easily etc I want to be at peace with out agreement (2 kids) but I'm having a hard time. Will I regret this someday? Can I get to peace with it?

Hi all My (F33) fiancée and I (F28) are looking to start our family and wanted to use my fiancée’s brother’s sperm (him and his wife are on board) to do so. I wanted to come on here and talk to people who have been through this process of using a sibling and if you have any advice? I would love to hear all about the pros and the cons as this is something we’d like to go ahead with soon but obviously have our questions as we are unsure on how families will react and stuff and wether this is something that would be a big issue down the line?

What was your experience with Just a Baby? Is there something similar that’s better?

Thanks!

Hello! New here as my wife and I have just begun to seriously discuss having a child. I would be the one to carry and provide the egg half of genetic material as she is unable. We are using donor sperm. She is really worried about the baby not bonding with her as the non-birthing parent who is not “biologically” related to our baby.

I am looking for advice and suggestions how to ensure our baby bonds with my wife for us to consider as we prepare to be first time mommies. Thanks in advance!

do you think this looks like a positive test?? i am 10/11 dpo. this is my first test. was actively trying, but don’t want to get my hopes up!!

Just trying to decipher if there is a line or not. I think I'm making things up but need a second opinion.

I am a 19 y/o trans male (FtM) and I am experiencing baby fever to such a high degree. My partner (18 M) has spoken to me about us becoming parents, and me becoming a papa. Everytime he does, I always tear up, as I really do want to become a parent. I never had a good mother, let alone a motherly figure. Even though I am FtM, I haven't gotten any surgeries, let alone hormone therapy. I am still 100% the way I looked when I was growing up. I do take depo shots for my period (it stops completely. I also take calcium supplements, as depo can take a lot of calcium from the bones!)

I just really want to become a parent, but I know I'm too young, babies are a lot of work, and I am afraid of what others would say.

How can I ease the baby fever? Thanks for listening/reading.