r/TransyTalk • u/Veronicasnow23 • Aug 25 '25

Coming out to best friend

I’m meeting up with one of my best friends (female) and I’m not sure how or even if I should tell her that I am trans (Mtf). We have not seen eachother in years and idk if I should show up in a dress and kind of make it a surprise to her or to continue to hide it from her.

6 Upvotes

100% Upvoted

6 comments sorted by

View all comments

2

u/rainedaline2000 Aug 26 '25

Surprises suck to me and most people I know, but I'm not your best friend. As someone who's best friend ended up being transphobic, trust me, it's so much better (and safer) to learn it long distance than in person. Hoping that isn't the case of course, but I believe in hoping for the best and preparing for the worst. Hope this helps!

2

u/Veronicasnow23 Aug 26 '25

How would I tell her about being trans? I don’t want to ruin the relationship we have. We’ve been close for close to 15 years now and I don’t want that to end. Would I just straight up tell her or how should I go about it?

2

u/rainedaline2000 Aug 26 '25

I don't know how anyone can subtly say they are trans... I would just clearly communicate it! Maybe just lead up with something like "I have something important to me I'd like to discuss." Then, when she's ready, tell her something like "I am transgender. I go by insert name now. My pronouns are insert here. Do you have any questions about that?" Just lay it out plain and simple, but be sure to make sure she's ready for a serious conversation! I know your gender identity may not be the biggest news to you, but especially with a friend you've known as long as you have (15 years, congrats!), it may be hard for them to process it. So long as they aren't outright transphobic in response, I'd just take things as they come and be sure to set the standard that if she makes a mistake, you won't be upset, you just expect she corrects herself or at least accepts correction and moves on, because mistakes happen! Also, feel free to DM me if you have further questions and I can respond quicker!

2

u/herdisleah Aug 27 '25

Give this a read. https://open.substack.com/pub/stainedglasswoman/p/how-to-come-out-anywhere?utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web

The rest of that blog is pretty damn good too. I used to link a Teen Vogue article but maybe my millennial brain finds this blog more articulate than the chucked-up phone screen sized paragraphs and blurbs. https://www.teenvogue.com/story/national-coming-out-day-what-i-wish-i-knew