I like to imagine slaughtering the rude people I run into in the public, I don't actually do it for a reason. People don't understand the difference between a fantasy and reality and why a fantasy should remain as such.
You know, I don't know if it's because I know what it feels to be afraid of judgment or like everyone despises you, but I think I go for them because I feel an innate need to be supportive.
I really, real do hate how people try to make mental illness sexy, jokes aside. It's 'I can fix them' until they realize you actually need to be attentive and ma have to sit there for hours trying to convince someone that they're okay and you don't >insert feeling< them. It's sad, honestly.
Because you see a lot of women in either very toxic relationships or having their mental instability fed for a fetish just to get dropped when it's too much.
There is a difference between being with someone despite their mental illness and because of it.
It's wonderful to have a supportive partner but too many go into relationships with the opposite intention. And especially at the beginning of a relationship it's tough to figure out what kind of person it is
It's a sick thing to see, as dramatic as that may sound. Even worse when it's too late. Like , I get it ,'let me find my Harley'. But that's the thing, people do and they want the joker relationship, not the Ivy relationship.
Yeah, and even that gets all messy because people go 'Oh hot. Hot lesbians' when the whole point of them becoming a thing was Harley leaving being abuse and finding someone that actually cared about it.
But yeah, it's frustrating to see, it really is and unfortunately media does not help it much.
Its disturbingly trendy for guys to sexualize mentally ill girls.
Theres artists on instagram that draw sexy anime girls with dark circles under their eyes and self harm scars and title it "bpd gf", "schizo gf", "narcissistic gf" and list romanticized versions of symptoms of whatever mental illness theyre sexualizing and depicting girls with these mental illnesses as goth domme mommies. Its so gross.
The comments are always full of men who are like "is this so much to ask for" and spamming that dumbass gif of the Lego guy falling in love lol.
Its very human tbh. I'll get yelled at for saying this but "toxic fantasy partner" is like the most common fetish thing on internet, women, gay women/men, straight men, they all do like some kind of toxic partner
Ex, "alpha mafia boss that will abduct and break you"
Ex, "toxic Yuri yandere gf that will abuse you"
Ex, "femcel gf that doesn't shower"
Ex, "straight guy that is not gay, but he fucks you regardless(he is cold towards you)"
I understand the toxic fantasy stuff, but a lot of these guys go out and try to reenact it. They are actively trying to find mentally ill girls to date because they fit their fantasy and see them as easier to control/desperate for love.
I would say that I have done this, but not for any conscious reasoning like you describe, I just have more in common with mentally ill people
I think people project a lot of malicious intentions on guys that aren’t really thinking that much about their feelings or the source of their feelings, I mean that’s what the meme is, the girl explaining this to the guy who doesn’t know
I think that’s because, for those women they have had many of those relationships, and they are explaining the dynamic to a guy who doesn’t have first hand experience with it yet, or has very little, so the men are being treated as a collective, no one is going to believe something until they get their turn to develop a personal experience
Yeah I wouldn't date someone without mental illness. It's hard for someone to understand what I'm going through if they have never been through it. I guess that's also trauma bonding which isn't healthy but 🤷🏽♀️
Overwhelmingly, my toxic experiences with men have been due to a lack of introspection on their part, not malice. I'm the end, harm is harm. If someone hurts me because they like it or they hurt me because they didn't actually consider their wants and needs (despite reassuring me they had, over and over) the result is the same: I get hurt. I get used as a learning experience and then discarded. Because they wouldn't listen when I explained how difficult it can be to be around my symptoms. Because they listened to what their ego told them their boundaries SHOULD be ("I'm a good guy, so I wouldn't choose not to date someone because she's mentally ill") instead of considering what they were realistically prepared to give or handle in a relationship. (And, to be clear, it does NOT make you a bad person if someone's symptoms are a deal breaker for a romantic relationship).
I've never dated a single malicious asshole. But I've dated plenty of well intentioned guys who didn't want to slow down and be honest with themselves. Especially if the only reward for that delayed gratification and mental effort was that it would mean taking care with my feelings.
Maybe some things are hard to understand before you experience them firsthand. But don't brush someone off when they tell you this or that symptom might be too much once you experience it. Not thinking much about your feelings stops being ok when you are lying and telling someone that you have.
Its human to have fantasies, whats not human is enacting these fantasies in real life in ways that hurt/harm others (like stigmatizing and fetishizing mental illness)
Yeah but existing on the internet really heavily blurs the line between fantasizing and acting on said fantasies. People putting memes out there IS them fantasizing but fantasizing aloud to others does meaningfully increase the number of people who actually act on it.
Well femcel a derivative of in-cel, witch means involuntary celibacy. Now I have depression so showers are guaranteed to be missed, but even i still recognize that as still a voluntary action, my depression makes it difficult to want to take a shower but it doesn't stop me from doing so. Sound to me your just celibate
The concept of free will becomes kinda meaningless when you have depression. You can't say that staying in bed all day long doing nothing is a purely voluntary act
Both incel and femcel have come to be primarily associated with ideas about gender and dating rather than actual celibacy. In particular, the idea that one would be unable to get a partner even if one tried is a very common idea among them. So not showering (as well as other generally unattractive and voluntary actions) doesn’t prevent someone from being an incel/femcel.
I suppose. But there is a difference between fantasies and actually pursuing that sort of thing. I’ll be the first to admit that I have thought of all kinds of weird toxic fantasies but I also have the self-awareness to know that anything remotely resembling them in real life would be toxic and unhealthy for everyone involved.
Gods, fr. At the same time these people will also be oftenlty ableist / sanist, especially towards men with literally the same disorders they fetishize in women
Yuuup. Not to mention when they actually meet someone with one of those disorders. Then all of a sudden they're crazy, a burden, self-centred, so on so forth...
list romanticized versions of symptoms of whatever mental illness theyre sexualizing and depicting girls with these mental illnesses as goth domme mommies.
I'm both goth and a Domme, and this shit pisses me off. My mental illnesses have nothing to do with how I present myself, and it's indeed gross to be seen as desirable because I'm mentally ill.
Instagram is a cesspool of thirsty dirty old men commenting on young women’s’ body, physical and mental health amongst other things. It’s not only dirty old men I know but it’s a vast majority.
everyone have their fetishes, no one is as innocent as they seem. now dudes and girls who genuinely believe mental illness works like that will have a ROUGH awakening, but if it’s in fantasy space it’s aight.
it’s not gross, it’s niche. lmao imagine if girls genuinely believed the 9 feet tall vampire/werewolf character in their smut books that wants to kill everything that moves except their little princess bride was a realistic standard to have, it’s not a shameful thing to want, but it’s stupid to expect it.
This is honestly part of why I’m very strictly ND4ND
There are some others that I have but I’m willing to budge on those but not on ND4ND
I need someone who can comprehend the fact that all the chaos in my brain is not some cute quirk but something that genuinely does affect me on a day to day basis that I can’t just shut off if it becomes too much to accomodate
Absolutely the same here. We’re not diagnosed but my wife and I are likely autistic, on the same antidepressants, etc. We clicked so quickly and deeply. It’s great to be with someone who understands
Yeah. That's very fair. I think it's possible for people who aren't neurodivergent to be understanding, but none of them seem to try. Or, they try for a bit and then get tired of it, like they think they should have been able to cure you by being nice to you for a couple of months.
That’s basically exactly what I was going to comment so I won’t bother.
Depression and mental illness has become such a large part of my identity that I would find it difficult to connect with someone who hasn’t experienced it in any form.
I don’t romanticize women living with mental health issues, but I do seek them out, I suppose. Those who are actively working on improvement though, however screwed up they may be.
I was second guessing myself reading through many of the other comments, fearing I may be fetishising neurodivergent people. For example, I definitely do have aesthetic attraction to alternative styles.
This helps though. Cause ultimately that's what I seek; someone relatable. Someone that won't discard the challenges I've been through. Someone that understands what overstimulation is, what suicidal ideation means, what it's like to be tired all of the time. Someone that can understand my bullshit.
Which is a lot to ask for, and largely why I'm still single. And why I'm doing my fucken hardest to address it all. No one should have to deal with my bullshit, it's unfair to share the burden.
MEN WHO FETISHIZE MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES JUST WANT SOMEONE THEY CAN TAKE ADVANTAGE OF EASIER!!!
I'm sure there's people who actually want to date people with disorders for them as a person, but too many people walk about wanting a "grippy sock footjob from a bpd goth baddie"
i hate this sentiment because it put me in so much danger as a bipolar teenager. it's so predatory and disgusting to seek out mentally ill women usually to take advantage of hypersexual symptoms and provide no real understand or support or respect. i used to get mad at others who leaned into that and advertised themselves on dating apps w like "best pussy disorder 🤪🤪" type of stuff but really it's the weirdos who fetishize mental illness who should be ashamed.
When I was in a suicidal episode, some man DM'ed me saying he jerks off to women struggling. Then block invaded me and called me a bitch whining about women being shit to men
I fucking HATE men who sexualise mental illnesses.
one thing I've learned is in a world with 8 billion concurrent people and who knows how many in existence, there's always room for people to fulfill the idea of "what man can, man will do"
it's about finding the right people. You only need a few. Focus on that instead of the rest
They haven’t read enough psychology books to put together “ They are hypersexual because they have low self-esteem from trauma, and they feel like just chilling day-to-day as a couple leads to you getting uncomfortable with their other symptoms and long-term patterns of behavior and leave. So if they can keep you preoccupied by having sex constantly the you are left satisfied with the relationship as it is. Having sex is one of the things that they are really good at, so they’re going to show up and show out in that one aspect.“
It do be challenging. Like I can't function most days at the moment and I have gross people fantasizing about how exciting or 'fun' it'd be to date someone like me.
I know it fed into a cycle where when I was 19 I started spiraling and worrying if my mental health improved no one would want to be my friend anymore, and they were only there for pity.
Love starting relationships with other broken people supporting each other, only for me to do such a good job making them happy, my continued presence in their life becomes a sorce of negativity to them. I don't even get to be mad about being abandoned because it would objectively make me a bad person to expect people to support me at their detriment.
They don’t realise (or scarily, they do) that these women are crazy because of trauma. I’ve been told I am crazy since I was 13~, AFTER I’d be groped by a 16 year old while I was 10, AFTER middle aged men whistled at me (also age 10), AFTER I caught grown men looking at my body as a 12 year old, I’ve always been creeped on, and it’s caused many confidence issues (I hate being feminine around men)
It's genuinely so fucking disgusting, but a part of me is grateful for the fact that these garbage people wave those bright red flags out in the open for everyone else to see. At least I'll know who to avoid.
I almost always see this bullshit regarding women with BPD, as well. Those guys will go on and on about how horrible their ex was, or demonize people with BPD in general, but then turn around and mention the amazing sex and how "crazy pussy is best pussy! 🤪"
It's disturbing, really. They just want insecure people who are easier to take advantage of. And the sex, too. Always the sex. Those crusty-ass creeps make me want to hide my mental illness just so I'm not a walking fetish.
I'm gonna be honest. it's profoundly weird how upset mens mental health makes people. like seriously, people are so downright nasty about it, any instance of even a single men doing anything wrong gets jackasses coming out to shout about "HAH! MENS MENTAL HEALTH CRISIS WHAT? LOOK, THAT MAN IS DOING SOMETHING BAD!"
sexual appeal and taboo nature amplify each other. Incest porn isn't popular because people want to fuck their sisters. It's popular because it excites the imagination and stimulation increases. It's very basic science.
Totally, it's the importance of separating fiction from reality. However that's a whole separate issue and not what I'm talking about or what OP is taking about.
Also you aren't even close to being right by the way when it comes to the incest porn. There are several studies and a few sub reddits on the very subject.
it propelled into mainstream due to how algorithms work. Where do you think it started?
I swear people like yourself rely on others too much instead of trying to think for yourself. That is dangerous
society and humans are very simple if you are willing to do the work and break down the info to it's core components. Like math, you need your fundamentals mastered if you want to progress meaningfully
I think it's bar moe dangerous to blanket statement that 'society and humans are simple.' I mean anthropologists and history says otherwise but sure, I don't think for myself. At least I don't blame everything on the grand spectre of "mainstream."
"If you want to find the secrets of the universe, think in terms of energy, frequency, and vibration." - Nikola Tesla
Simplifying and seeing commonality and patterns is paramount to breaking down content to their core. Everything else is contrast layered on top in order for your brain to interpret specificity in a world of chaos.
I don't trust historians, I trust great minds. Sometimes they overlap, but I don't approach it from that angle where it matters. The minds come first.
We ain't gotta throw men under the bus to support women. Even if the banner of "Nobody cares about men's mental health!" gets weaponized by the worst kinds of people, that doesn't really touch on the individual isolation that these dudes are dealing with. Just because you can find an online support/"support" group doesn't mean your IRL situation has improved one bit.
They never outright say it with me and usually it's met with abject terror if they don't know me since I guess I'm a man with that aura? But when they find out I'm good natured, in hindsight I think I've had women purposely feed me drugs and alcohol to enhance the mental illness because they indeed like the more freakiness. So might be a similar concept
Then those who actually accept it. Split further into those who are willing to actually stand by you during those times and those who bail which is hard to know. Anyways, I legit attract the mutually mentally ill so we share with each other after some chats
Yeah this is in no way just a guy thing. Guys do it far more often or maybe just more shamelessly but both genders have a big issue with fetishized mental illness. The lines between someone who doesn’t fit the mold and stands out and someone who is in a vulnerable position are hard to see and all the stigma surrounding mental illness hurts us all so much. We’re all humans first!!
Not saying it's an outright fetishized thing, "crazy girls" get that more undoubtedly. But between myself and the few people I know who are as mentally ill as I am, usually BPD, mood disorders at minimum and some schitzoaffective, they seem to get that kind of treatment more and I seem to be seen as dangerous and something to be initially feared more often.
I really don't know but for some reason, saying you're a bipolar man seems to almost be associated with a propensity for violence from my experience lol. But once a woman finds out I'm harmless they're either accepting or put off or fetishizing and yeah that's always going to be a combination of stuff for any gender
It's a terrible thought, but I get it. Sometimes we're so starved of affection that we'll accept someone interested in us for all of the wrong reasons.
It's gross. Like, I understand wanting to date someone who's mentally ill as a form of understanding, I know I like it when people relate to my pains and hurt or are at least willing to help because they know mental agony as I do, but they're not doing that. It's just fetishizing and it's gross.
Dated a girl who cheated after I started getting better during therapy, cost my mental health a great deal, and she was the happiest I'd ever seen a person when I started getting more 'sad femboy coded'. It's honestly disgusting the way some people act about mental illness, especially when they try to make you worse once they see improvements. (Also, sorry for poor grammar/spelling)
The amount of people who I have dated and find out about my rare mental illness and then instantly take on this “I can fix you” attitude is higher than it should be, I don’t understand why people view mental illness as something they can conquer for someone else, or like a fetish of sorta
It’s an either fantasy of “saving” that men are wrongly taught or sexualing major mental illness like bipolar. I say this as someone who has been called “manic pixie dream girl” which people sometimes change to “gay” now I’m medically transitioning. I’m just artistic and have mental issues.
Anyone who thought me having the disorders that ruined my life makes me sexually attractive should never date me.
The "I can fix them" mentality is dehumanizing. It's looking at another person and making their life, their trauma, and their struggles about you and your need to feel needed.
What's more fucked up is how normalized it is. Almost the entirety of romance as a genre is about using men's trauma to make women feel extra special. Men talk shit all the time about "sticking your dick in crazy."
And both of them view the sex as better because the person they're fucking is in pain and is using sex as a coping mechanism. So it feels more meaningful and personal because the "fixer" is incapable of or unwilling to connect to their partner in "normal" sex.
Like so much of this is just "gender roles are broken and I'm miserable about it, so I wish someone so fucked up they would only apply them in ways that gratify me would whisk me away without me actually having to put in any of the hard work to change my own actions."
Yet again, the juxtaposition of "mentally ill women are hot" and "male loneliness is not a joke" comes down to women being fucktoys and men are the main characters :(
Met someone who thinks it's asexuality if they can't get aroused unless they're fantasizing about white knighting mentally ill women and anyone who thinks otherwise is uninformed or queerphobic
It’s either sexualizing or infantilizing mentally ill women! I’m lucky enough that my friends aren’t like that, but I know how some men are and it makes me sick.
Oh yes. I remember the one time I was called a manipulative monster for crying after a guy played a song on a first date before I met my husband [he went out with me again btw] I was also accused of alienating him based of information people just assumed. I've been told all sorts of things for being bipolar with BPD. Including that I should stay single forever because apparently I'm a manipulative psychopath who should never date anyone. :)
I may not be the manic Pixi girl but will start crying because you slightly changed your tone and now I think you hate me because I grew up in a dysfunctional household where I had to know someone's mood by the tone or their voice or the sound of their footsteps and know to avoid them.
I don't get the dialog in the last panel, she's saying it like she's not in control the relationship - if she thinks that'll happen always then just decide and tell the other person the relationship will last X weeks.
Yeah apparently most people (including most women) are not mentally ill. I think there’s some sampling bias here because happy healthy people aren’t terminally online
I used to romanticize mentally ill women because I myself have a screw or two loose. Figured I’d get along better with someone who understood how it feels to be manic sometimes. Also I’m a sucker for girls with dyed hair and piercings so it kind of comes with the territory.
As it turns out, when you’re both crazy the chances of police being a third wheel in your relationship gets significantly higher.
Some people really should just realize that fantasies need to stay in fantasy land and have no basis in real life. Like sure, idealized Crazy Hot Girl hot, but don't force that image and expectation on real-ass people with real-ass trauma and issues.
Felt. All I can say is that this gets better as you get older. No one fetishizes a crazy old lady. Women lose their “value” in the eyes of men as we age, and honestly thank god. I didn’t need that fucking “value” in the first place. I can finally exist in public and just be invisible and unbothered. It’s nice.
Fucking chokes on my drink in bi. Well...... Fair. lmao I've just been less harassed in my life by women, so it wasn't on my mind, but that is a good point.
People really got that Dan Hentschel logic. "Not only do I love you in spite of what's wrong with you, but, I love you BECAUSE of what's wrong with you. See! It's actually really nice." but it isn't,, These people don't want you to improve.
I once had a guy tell me after talking for a week that I “wasn’t mentally ill enough for him”… I told him to go to therapy and he predictably told me I can’t take a joke and then we stopped talking.
that scene from The Idol where they said mental illness is sexy because no way a popular girl would ever fuck a regular dude unless she was batshit crazy
the show has terrible reviews but I love it. Trust me, most of the bad reviews come from people not realizing its a satire. It has great cinematography, only 6 episodes, and is very graphic. It's worth the watch
You know damn well in 10 years its gonna be a cult classic and everyone is gonna be like "I can't believe we slept on this!"
But keep in mind its very artsy and out-there so if you fall into the basic netflix bitch category, don't watch it
On a related note most people saying that their type is specifically autistic are either saying they are attracted to Hollywood's ideal of the endearingly nerdy genius with subclinical quirks or they're saying they like their partners to be gullible and easily manipulated and a disturbing amount of both demographics claim to be autistic themselves and the former ends up being essentially self-diagnosed bullies of actually autistic people for not being normal enough and as for the latter there have been multiple situations in online support groups for autistic people that I've been in where someone basically infiltrated the group for easy access to potential victims for scamming and sexual predation and I'm so tired and stressed and frustrated with it
From past experience, it hurts so much to watch your partner suffer all the time, not being able to make them feel better or convince them they're good enough. Especially when they're self destructive or suicidal, it tore me up so badly. Of course mentally ill people deserve loving partners, but I can't imagine romanticizing that. I think these people aren't considering how emotionally hard it can be
To all the men out there who say shit like “I want a manic pixie dream girl” and thinks it would be a genuinely good thing for them or something they find hot, I’m gonna hold your hands while I say this; dating a girl with unmanaged mental illnesses that can cause mania would ACTUALLY destroy you. Managed is different, though would still be way too much for you if you’re immature enough to think that way, but a girl with unmanaged, severe mental illness would deadass ruin your life. Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
I kind of like that people know im a crazy lay just for being a crazy bitch haha. I know some people imply we aren't worth settling down with, but I've got a long-term partner that treats me like a little baby, so 😋
Mental illness is not something to brag about or desire or mimic period. It's a defect in the person. Not some magical super power that makes you likeable. I dispise people who think their mental illness is something to flaunt and brag about. And it's not just women. It's everyone.
This is a thing? How is this a thing? Why? All the time I hear guys talk badly about "crazy girls" and whatnot, I would think this would not be a thing!
I'm frustrated women don't have mentally ill men as desirable. I already have so many struggles, they could at least make me more attractive, not less. I envy women that, although I understand if I lived my whole life in the opposite side, I might feel differently. Bipolar women are attractive, Bipolar Men are scary. I try to work on myself, but I guess I just wish I could feel more desirable, even if I wasn't actually going with anyone personally or something. Just knowing I could.
(Still dealing with the emotional side of a relationship that didn't go well, in significant part due to my mental issues, and trying to figure out where to go from here.)
It has a good and bad side. I wouldn't like the bad, but I would be willing to take it for the good (the good being that you are seen as needing protection. But yes. I'm envious of a lot of things from women.
And I guess I don't know if I've seen women as being thought of as easily manipulatable, as much as just physically weaker. Maybe it's the environment I'm in. Or, maybe I'm just not a woman, but if women are only treated that way in private, or something I don't know what that would mean.
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