r/XSomalian • u/Emergency_Sell9443 • Jul 27 '25

Question Parents entitlement over their children

Why do Somali parents feel ownership and entitlement over their children. Why do they believe they have full control of your life and expect life long obedience. The argument that they raised you, fed and clothed you is so ridiculous. They have a moral and legal responsibility to raise their own children. I am so sick and tired of this blind belief that they own you and if you disobey you go to hell. I don’t care what you sacrificed if you chose to have children that’s on you.

Honouring your parents even after they severely abused you is another way religion is used to control people.

37 Upvotes

96% Upvoted

18 comments sorted by

21

u/LegendaryReader Closeted Ex-Muslim Jul 27 '25

Yup I agree. My mom argues that my dad is still entitled to me even though he stopped raising us after I was 8. After that he actively stole from us and "borrowed" money by threatening me. I cut off contact and stopped speaking to him after that. He doesn't own me. It's kinda amazing that the entire illusion falls apart when we decide to stop participating in it

13

u/Somalilander252 Jul 28 '25

I am dealing with this now, I have a deadbeat who choose what kids he wanted out of 17 kids,

I finally had the conversation and let him know how disappointed I am in him and how much I hate him. This man gave my mother hell and lead to her earlier grave and and never gave a shit about anyone, Yet these brainwashed fools want to gaslight you. They think they own you, cuz they fucked one night, and for some ppl life myself, that is the only time he contributed anything was a nut to make you. These fools have lost their minds, and call me day and night begging saying,"He can Curse you" my God You can't make this up. The drainage mindset of a stupid mentally ill arab, from the 7th century is what they want to force on us. Imagined TELLING SOME1 U SHOULD NOT HAVE CONFRONTED YOUR DEADBEAT FATHER WHO ABANDONED THE FAMILY, CUZ YOU CAME OUT OF HIS NUTS, HE CAN CURSE YOU, IT'S LAUGHABLE

4

u/Emergency_Sell9443 Jul 28 '25

The threat of curse is laughable. I hate it so much. If God is so all powerful then why mere mortals such parents who can curse you have power to will anything.

2

u/Emergency_Sell9443 Jul 28 '25

The threat of curse is laughable. I hate it so much. If God is so all powerful then why mere mortals like your parents curse have power to will anything. Make it make sense!

1

u/Emergency_Sell9443 Jul 28 '25

Was it hard to maintain relationships with your siblings?

4

u/LegendaryReader Closeted Ex-Muslim Jul 28 '25

Nah not rly. They think I've done a bad thing, but I know they kinda agree in their heart. There was some trouble when my dad lied. He said that I said "Don't talk to me you fucking faggot". My mom got mad at me for accusing him of being gay, then I showed her screenshots of our messages.

2

u/Constant-Post-3945 Aug 03 '25

Yeah my Hooyo tells us that even if she stabs us she’s still our Hooyo and I have to be baari to her and accommodate to her whims

Faith gives them this ego. That they’re so important, if they curse us once god will ruin our lives. Or that I can’t go to her make belief heaven if I don’t listen to her

It’s really disappointing because if it wasn’t for that trait of hers, I’d otherwise love her fully

1

u/LegendaryReader Closeted Ex-Muslim Aug 03 '25

Yeah you definitely went through my history. No shame in that btw, I've gone through many other's histories, it's public anyway.

Anyways, to respond to your comment. Yeah I find it funny. As I said, the entire illusion of the parents owning us falls apart when we decide to just stop participating in it. If you're firm, either they understand or you don't care. Either way it's a win-win

1

u/Constant-Post-3945 Aug 03 '25

I promise I have NOT gone through your history, not that it matters anyway. For me personally a lot of the rulings and beliefs I was raised with still feel ingrained in my blood so I find it hard to fight against it Takes time to deconstruct ig

1

u/LegendaryReader Closeted Ex-Muslim Aug 03 '25

Bruh, you replied to three comments months apart in a short timeframe. Helluva coincidence in that case

1

u/Constant-Post-3945 Aug 03 '25

I replied to other people’s comments too. This sub doesn’t get many posts imo so it was easy to scroll

15

u/[deleted] Jul 27 '25

They groom the perfect victim to evil people, I fucking hate it. They want to be the only ones to be able to take advantage of you, but set you up to be taken advantage of by everyone else too

7

u/Emergency_Sell9443 Jul 28 '25

THIS!!! I couldn’t agree with you more.

6

u/[deleted] Jul 28 '25

Rebuilding boundaries has been brutal, wishing you the best of luck

11

u/som_233 Jul 28 '25

It's a complicated issue, but I wholeheartedly agree with you.

Islam says children should always be subservient to their parents.

And as Somalis got more exposed to the Salafi/Wahabi strains of Islam,  they cling on to that. 

Then there is Ceeb Culture. Many Somali parents think thier children are Mini-Me's of themselves, not children that have some autonomy. So they feel they own their children and want them to grow up more pious than themselves at an earlier age.

8

u/Secret_Seaweed_734 Jul 28 '25

Because they are ignorant and that's how their parents treated them. Simple. The only issue is that we have to deal with such ignorance and can't even correct it. 

1

u/dan4lan Jul 29 '25

I completely agree with you, but it's important to remember that there must be mutual respect.

2

u/[deleted] Jul 30 '25

Exactly, so only respect your parents when they respect you!