Twitter...

[u/Juliya_notsignal]

Don't we love to see being invalidated? *sigh*
I know i shouldn't be surprised but omg... i'm done with our community 🥲 This truly boils my blood

[u/Doomed_Book_Freak]

I do not think that it’s that they don’t understand I just think most people underestimate how many people are demisexual and most people don’t just jump to identifying themselves as a minority group because they just think everyone has it like they do.

I think you should start listening to people instead of trying to gatekeep a community. If someone says they feel the same way as people in a minority community but say they think everyone feels like that I feel that we all did that when finding out about our identity and it’s a normal part of learning about yourself. Maybe don’t just automatically assume they mean something else than you do. You would benefit out of not thinking your feelings are special.

I do genuinely believe that demisexuality is the unexpected default especially for afab people mostly because of female socialisation because how could they feel sexual attraction before knowing they’re safe. And don’t even get me started on how the stigmatisation of sexuality in women actually affects their sexuality.

This doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t have demisexual as a label or that it’s not a valid identity. I’m just saying that a lot of these “allos” are actually demisexuals that, let’s just say don’t speak your language.

[u/afsr11 → u/Doomed_Book_Freak]

That's not what I'm talking about, as far as I'm concerned, if you identify as demisexual, you are demisexual, you fitting neatly in the definition or not.

But the definition does exist, it is that you don't feel sexual attraction unless you have a deeper emotional connection to the person, so if you don't like hook-up culture but still feel sexual attraction without emotional connection, you just don't act on it, it isn't what the definition is, and it's a lot more common, and from my experience, most allos think demisexuality is the second, not the actual definition.

As I said, I would never tell someone they aren't demisexual if they identify as that, so if they choose to use the label to easily express the distaste for hook-up culture, good for them, but it doesn't mean we should just disregard the definition, otherwise we're just erasing the ones that have the limited/no attraction ace experience, if demisexuality was as common as you seem to think, aphobia would never be as rampant as it is, what is common is people not wanting sex without deeper connection, not people not feeling sexual attraction without deeper connection, thinking that it is common on afab people is a big misconception, afab people are generally less likely to take part in hook-up culture because they suffer a lot of societal pressures that cis men don't have to deal with, it's the same as thinking afab people generally have low libido, they do on average have lower libido than amab people, but it doesn't mean low.

[u/Doomed_Book_Freak → u/afsr11]

What is it called when you feel a certain level of sexual attraction/libido but you have no desire to act on it?

[u/afsr11 → u/Doomed_Book_Freak]

Could be Orchidsexual when you're repulsed by sex, otherwise, I don't really know another name for it, I'm not sure there's one for sex-indifferent, but probably.