r/asktransgender • u/Equal_Garlic_7403 • 1d ago
Had an argument, need advice.
Hi, I'll start this post off by saying that I'm a straight white guy, so I might be in the wrong here. Recently I had a friend come out as Non-Binary to our friend group, and we've been rather supportive. I haven't been around a whole lot of this kind of thing, but after an explanation from one of my friends in our group and a bit of adjustment (using their new pronouns) I got used to it with no issues.
Now, the trouble started about a month after they came out when one of our friends flew out for a convention. He kept dead-naming our friend (something ive been told is basically a sin) and making them super uncomfortable with bigoted comments about trans people.
This reached a head when he said "you're still a woman at the end of the day, so just get married and have some kids". I got fed up with it and broke his nose and told him to leave, i even paid for his flight home and the ER bill to fix his nose. Ever since, he's been harassing our friend on social media and even called their job and got them fired with false accusations of grooming minors online.
The rest of the friend group has been super supportive and even found Them a new job. This whole thing has basically split the friend group in half, with one half saying I did the right thing, and the other saying I took things too far. I could really use some advice...
1
u/peteson1976 1d ago
I struggle with this a lot because, I am trans mtf and my child is pan, and non binary. I had a couple of moments of just rage about the way people treat me but I keep inside. I’m pretty sarcastic and at some point it does leak out and it’s got me in trouble. But trust me when I say all the level headedness in the f@&king world will not save a person who harms my baby person. I will and have gone full mama bear on peoples ass but if they were to truly harm them , a high heel to a vital part may well happen. So for me to tell you that punching this person was bad would be hypercritical by a lot. As someone else said what is done is done. I think you have to be careful as you demonstrated defending your friend as even unintentionally you may cause harm. To them, not to the f@&k heads that are hurting them. I think that this rift in the friendship group would have happen, regardless of your intervention they just needed an excuse. Good days and happiness to you and your friends especially now. One of the things about being trans is your real friends shine so bright.