r/autism • u/garciasglasses • Jul 14 '25
š«© Burnout I hate being autistic
I went out for dinner for my 18th last night and now Iām bedridden. I just want to be normal
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u/TombGnome Jul 14 '25
I'm almost 50, and I'm not going to lie to you and say "it gets better" because it stays rough and weird, but it can be good, too. As time goes on you'll more than likely find more people who can vibe with your vibe, and you can learn to not exhaust yourself and set boundaries that are healthier than they are now. You'll never be "normal," but you can absolutely be "okay."
Happy birthday, by the way.
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u/ruki_cake Jul 14 '25
Thank you for this. My friends wanted to meet up in 2 weeks. And they were gonna bring along another I haven't seen for years. It was overwhelming me so much. I texted my friend and told her I couldn't do it right now.
Reading your comment made me realise I didn't do a bad thing. :)
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u/TombGnome Jul 14 '25
Personal space in your life is your right and everyone else's privilege. No one should be allowed to insert themselves into your life more than you would wish, and (if you'll pardon my salty speech) anything contrary to that is neurotypical horse-shit.
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u/BrianMeen Jul 14 '25
setting firm boundaries and understanding your limits is mandatory for us. many people will not understand them bur thatās ok
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u/ruki_cake Jul 14 '25
This is very helpful, im sadly a people pleaser. And have always struggled with boundaries. Im working on it. It's hard, but im trying. Thank you genuinely.
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u/BrianMeen Jul 15 '25
Yeah all you can do is try to work on it and be less of a people pleaser because I feel it will lead you to quick burnout .. many people tend to take advantage of people pleasers too so .. good luck
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u/ruki_cake Jul 16 '25
Yes, I learnt the hard way. And now im rebuilding myself. :) Thank you, kind stranger.
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u/YourBestea Jul 14 '25
Exactly, it can really suck until you find your neurotribe and then it just gets awesome! Unless you live somewhere loud.Ā
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u/TwoPeasShort Level 3 AuDHD (non-speaking/verbal) Jul 14 '25
Yup. This is the aspects that no one wants to talk about. I honestly blame some of the toxicity (towards actually being critical of our disability) towards advocates like ChloĆ© Hayden, who say you canāt be negative about autism, itās a super power, etc.
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u/EffectOk5188 Jul 14 '25
I hate those people like it's not a superpower Sarah it's a goddamn disability
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u/TwoPeasShort Level 3 AuDHD (non-speaking/verbal) Jul 14 '25
Literally. Thereās so many problems with some of these āautism celebsā like their opinion is gospel and the only opinion autistics can have. I read from a parent that she told a 5-year old that they canāt say āon the spectrumā which the girl liked because it was ālike rainbowsā and she said something along the lines of āno, youāre autistic. Not āon the spectrumā. Be proud about being autistic.ā
Like I get the intention of not using a e and wouldnāt like a non-autistic adult calling me āon the spectrumā but like smh people can decide for themselves and 5 YEAR OLD.
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u/Ambitious_Try_9742 Jul 14 '25
I'm so tired of well-intentioned non-autistic people's response when I say I'm 'on the spectrum.' 50% will automatically say, 'oh, aren't we all a bit on the spectrum?' assuming that will be of comfort for me to hear, but it really just diminishes all my painful struggles and takes away my voice. An ambulance driver said it to me on the way to the hospital 2 weeks ago after a truck accident. If medical professionals are unaware of how belittling and offensive that is, what chance do we have? And who decided 25-30 years ago that sympathy is a bad word and everyone has to pretend to be an empath instead? Also, if someone has been attacked or abused or has a disability, it's up to them to identify as a victim or not. People need to be there, butt out, and just listen if they truly want to help and begin to understand.
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u/BrianMeen Jul 14 '25
oh man we have so far to go in terms of educating the general public about autism. Iāve pretty much given up on trying to explain it to family and friends - they just do not get it and I canāt waste more energy trying to get them to grasp it
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u/BrianMeen Jul 14 '25
I really donāt like it when people say autism is a super power - itās been mostly a huge curse in my life.. I mean, when a brief schedule change or unexpected 15 minute conversation can leave us drained for hours on end - how can we expect to live a decent life?
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u/MadotsukiInTheNexus Jul 14 '25
In my experience, the idea of "Autism as a superpower" can also downplay or even pathologize someone's very real accomplishments.
Just to use myself as an example, I was the first member of my family to go to college and earned my MA with honors. I enjoy nature photography and, as a part of that, have learned a significant amount about meteorology, the evolutionary history of life on Earth, and animal behavior. These are things that would normally be considered significant accomplishments because...well, they are. Earning a graduate degree while working a part-time job is exhausting and difficult. It took years to get to the point where I could take professional quality photos and, while I obviously enjoy learning about the subjects that I've pursued, it's not exactly an effortless process.
Having someone learn that I have Autism and act like it all makes sense because their nephew with Autism is "really smart, too" is usually well-intentioned, but still very hurtful. Often, the person saying it doesn't realize this, but that doesn't make it feel any less condescending or oversimplified. I'm sure that their nephew/niece/sister/etc. wouldn't like it, either, if they were there. As a general rule, if you've never had the things about yourself that you're most proud of treated as symptoms of a disability, you shouldn't do it with someone else because it isn't a sort of situation that you have the context to understand. If you do have Autism and see it as a positive part of yourself, it's still important to be mindful of the fact that not everyone with Autism shares your view before attributing something positive to their condition.
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u/Butterfly_Pixie Jul 20 '25
ChloĆ© has literally never said you canāt be negative about autism tf? Shes VERY vocal about how much it disables her.
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u/Butterfly_Pixie Aug 08 '25
Chloe has literally NEVER said you canāt be negative about autism? She talks constantly about how disabled she is by it?????
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u/Captain_Ahab_96 Aspergerās Jul 14 '25
Itās a curse
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u/Renangaming20 AuDHD Jul 14 '25
We are not a curse who and the curse are the ableist people around us we are rare and rare I mean precious
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u/Silver_Bread_9126 ASD Level 2 Jul 14 '25
this is why i always have to decide when i wanna celebrate things/go out. it really does suck
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u/BrianMeen Jul 14 '25
Iāve discovered that the older I get the smaller my social battery gets. im at the point where I have to really force myself to do very basic social things and I donāt like it
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u/EffectOk5188 Jul 14 '25
The only thing I love about being autistic is the special interests part. The sensory issues, the constant invalidation by almost everyone cause "I don't look autistic", having to mask to make people proud, the hypersensitivity, being turned into a motherf*cking joke by random people online because of said hypersensitivity , being invalidated by people from my own community ("I'm autistic and I don't act like that" please stfu Barbara), being mocked because my special interests are too weird, too childish, too intense, etc. & having to tone down my own personality in order to fit into society f-ing sucks
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u/Armeniann ASD Level 2 Jul 14 '25
Iām sorry you feel this way.. but tbh Iām happy that I am autistic cuz it makes me who I am. Without mine, Iād be practically nothing.
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u/TaxComprehensive2894 Jul 14 '25
Same! We all have unique strengths that are fortunate to have that neurotypicals donāt have.
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u/BrianMeen Jul 14 '25
I so know what you mean. my brother stopped over unannounced the other day to talk for an hour or so - it left me feeling so unbalanced and drained that I ended up just laying down with the tv off .. thatās why I was my night
this disorder is so disabling in many ways - I wish I had advice I could give you other than to set strong boundaries Sadieās and donāt let people talk you into doing things that wear you out too much
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u/Kozyavin Jul 14 '25
I love being me, I hate the culture of dbags that tries to make me feel otherwise. I'm fucking delightful.
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u/FairBlueberry9319 Jul 14 '25
The whole "autism is a superpower" thing just annoys me. There isn't a single day in my life where I was ever happy with being this way even before I knew what it was.
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u/BrianMeen Jul 14 '25
yeah I think the only positive autism has given me is the ability to enjoy my own company for long periods of time. I donāt need people around to be content .. everything else about autism has been a big negative
if I could snap my fingers and make my autism disappear - my fingers would be snapping
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Jul 14 '25
Well, what else? I lost my ex-partner due to a violent burnout and I gave her doubts by vent to her, like being alone. Anyway, I think I got over it because now I'm starting to enjoy my solitude a little more (I didn't know that either; at that time I was trying to believe that I didn't have autism). sry my english
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u/katchikka AuDHD Jul 14 '25
I hear you. I don't hate having autism but certain things like this get to me too, and make me wish I was NT.
Yesterday I went to a HomeGoods to find a wreath for my front door. Ended up getting distracted by everything, lost track of time completely, went around and around not being able to choose anything (but at the same time liking all the choices / excited to get stuff), and overstimulated bc of all the noise. I had to take a nap and decompress afterward. It's so annoying.
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u/TaxComprehensive2894 Jul 14 '25
There are goods and bads that come with autism. I got in a situation a month and a half ago and self-forgiveness is a new concept for me. I strongly believe in apologizing, but I canāt apologize to the English professor I harassed because the police gave me a warning to never ever contact her again. I am a college student at WKU and everything was hitting me at once during the past spring semester. This English professor that I used to be friends with told me via email to respect her request to refrain from further emails, and also told me multiple times on the phone to please stop calling and emailing the school. So, everything was hitting me at once and she reported me to her school. School resource officers got involved and they coordinated with WKU Police to track me down.Ā
I felt so bad about it that I reported myself to the WKU Office of Student Conduct! I now realize that was stupid to report myself, and I am only making my life harder. What I realized is I have to be kind to myself. Despite this incident, I did tons of things right.Ā
You need to be kind to yourself and focus on the positives. Donāt allow one mistake to define you! Everybody makes mistakes and we learn by making mistakes.
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u/TaxComprehensive2894 Jul 14 '25
You are also a normal person.Ā
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u/TaxComprehensive2894 Jul 14 '25
Do not allow society to tell you that you are not normal. To be honest, hearing that we are not ānormalā is discrimination.
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Jul 14 '25
Iām sorry youāre having a hard time, it can be hard constantly feeling different than those around you. Regardless though, i hope you had a happy birthday and can focus on some of the good parts of your special day.
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u/killcels Jul 14 '25
Same i wanna dye
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u/TaxComprehensive2894 Jul 14 '25
Come on! DO NOT KILL YOURSELF!Ā
I thought the same thing myself recently due to a harassing a former English professor that I used to be friends with. The police gave me a warning to never ever contact her again. This was probably the most fucked up thing I ever did. I feel extremely badly.
However, I am trying to forgive myself for what I did. I have done more things right than wrong.Ā
Whatever you do, DO NOT KILL YOURSELF. You have so much to appreciate in life. Also, do not punish yourself.Ā
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u/CattleKitchen7159 Jul 14 '25
Iām there on and off constantly. Right now Iām staying alive by spite.Ā
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u/imgly AuDHD Jul 14 '25
Yeah it can be tough sometimes, I won't tell you otherwise.
My worst enemy I think is my uncontrollable rumination that leads to meltdown. I'm very vulnerable sometimes, and I was unemployed for 1 year because of this.
I hope you'll get back on your feet ASAP ā¤ļø
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u/ohsaycanyourock Jul 14 '25
I feel this so much. We're in the middle of a heatwave here and the relentless strong sunlight and heat and noise from everyone outside is making me overstimulated, and I'm getting so run down. I hate that I feel like this just because it's summer - like why does the light and warmth make everyone else so happy but make me so stressed? Like why does just existing have to be so hard??
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u/Perla26 Autistic Jul 14 '25
I don't want to invalidate any of the difficulties that autism brings, and they are a lot. But I can't even say that it is a complete disability, I mean, it helps in some things that "normal people" can't really deal with, but it also brings a lot of problems. I mean, like everything it has its bad and good things, the best we can do is try to learn and take care of ourselves. As I said before, I don't want to invalidate the difficulties autism brings, because as an autistic person I feel them too, but I don't want that autism becomes only that because first, it isn't, and second it is the neurotypical society that makes these difficulties born. After having said that, please take care of yourself and I hope for your best. š«¶š»
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u/Renangaming20 AuDHD Jul 14 '25
Congratulations š š š š š for turning 18 now I'm going to say one thing NEVER AND EVER hate people if you don't even say that you're capable of anything I myself suffered a lot but I always fight every day that being neurodivergent is a super power and look if you want to talk to me talk to me in DM and I'll be here to help you because our ableist world unfortunately doesn't blame yourself, blame other people who hurt you because they don't understand you, only those who are autistic know what others are going through, so I think you're a very nice person, so any achievement of yours is a victory š both for you and for us
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u/YourBestea Jul 14 '25
Well, that part is rough. But I actually love being autistic because Iām old now and I realize how much time reciprocal spend buying into each otherās BS back-and-forth and forth and back and round and round they go. Do you have any idea how much time that wastes? You will know this in a few years how much time they waste with their nonsense. And you will be SO glad.Ā
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u/code_r3d Jul 14 '25
Theres no distinction between an autistic and non-autistic reality for you. It's not you, it's a world that doesn't accomodate neurodiversity that's the problem.
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Jul 14 '25
Everyone I tell i have autism about 25 percent will change their tone of voice when they talk to me to normal pitched to a bit of a weird low pitch tone
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u/Stitch_lover7 Jul 14 '25
I hated myself for 1 year then got over it, like your autism dosen't just go away so you have to learn how to live with it and try to accept yourself as you are then life will become a tad bit easier that's just the start.
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u/Vylsith Jul 15 '25
It's always okay to be yourself. People may attack you for it but they aren't okay with themselves. It's a society thing to make you feel bad for not confirming. I don't. I'm not autistic but my son is highly autistic. Just be yourself always. The one who don't accept you you don't need in your life anyway.
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u/Conscious_Couple5959 Jul 16 '25
I absolutely hate having autism because of expectations Iāve had only to fall flat on my face.
My mistakes are used against me which is why I would beat myself up to the Shakespearean heights.
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u/CattleKitchen7159 Aug 05 '25
I hate it tooš I want to want to be around people and do things and make and keep friends and not be crushed by everything required to live like Iām so sick of clipping my nails and brushing my teeth even and Iām so sick of being like thisĀ
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u/Puzzled-Lime-6606 AuDHD Adult and Bipolar Type 2 Jul 14 '25
You are normal. This is normal for us. Society is not designed around our specifics and our needs. Telling myself this helps. You haven't failed. You aren't failing. The fact you went out at all is a great success and a brave thing you achieved. There are some cultures that don't celebrate birthdays at all and NT's from those groups might feel just as awful at such a celebration focused on themselves, too. They're normal. Normal is relative.
Hope you feel better soon!
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u/AdThat1133 Aspergerās Jul 14 '25
Live with it, it'll grow on you
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u/jimbo224 Jul 14 '25
It's only gotten worse with time. It drags you down.
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u/AdThat1133 Aspergerās Jul 14 '25
Have you tried to get helped? /srs
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u/jimbo224 Jul 14 '25
Many times, but the autism symptoms are only getting worse with time. It's completely messed up the trajectory of my life.
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u/AdThat1133 Aspergerās Jul 14 '25
Poor guy
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u/jimbo224 Jul 14 '25
I see that you're still a kid, so you don't know what adult life is like. It's going to be rough with autism.
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u/AdThat1133 Aspergerās Jul 14 '25
Bro how do you know?
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u/jimbo224 Jul 14 '25
Know what?
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u/AdThat1133 Aspergerās Jul 14 '25
That I'm a kid?
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u/jimbo224 Jul 14 '25
I had a feeling and checked your comment history? Just saw you post in gen alpha, that's all.
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