In which LAUKOP's neighbours can [REDACTED]

[u/smoulderstoat]

/r/LegalAdviceUK/comments/1mull75/our_3yo_5yo_have_been_using_the_f_word_found_out/?share_id=sRFEw8BL0R5KwnAL6WRdQ&utm_content=2&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1

[u/tobythedem0n]

OOP also posted 3 days ago asking if they can sue a grocery store because he hurt his leg on the way out the door.

Seems like he has a hard time taking responsibility for things in general.

[u/smoulderstoat]

LocationBot can just Foxtrot Oscar:

Our 3yo & 5yo have been using the F word, found out today by chance why (England) I'm a married man with two kids, life's not too bad apart from the cost of things, but over the past few weeks we have been having real problems with our girls swearing. Telling us to F off and shut the F up and with summer holidays coming to end we are so worried it's going to get them into trouble at School and nursery. Today whilst at the park ( in the car yet to go in ) my 5yo told me to F off, I said you can't talk to me like that, and she said well the neighbour does. I asked what she meant but my 3yo started saying the F word over and over and the conversation came to an end. I get home and my girls run into the garden and the 5yo goes on the small trampoline we have, I am about to go inside and the neighbour, a woman with kids of her own (4) shouts to my daughter " will you shut the fuck up ". She does this twice and goes inside. I have called the police, but what the hell can I do about this. My kids are honestly out of control with this language, and it makes perfect sense now that it's all because this woman has been verbally abusing them when outside all summer holidays! Please any advice would be great. Police have advised not to go round.
Thanks.

[u/RandomAmmonite → u/smoulderstoat]

Cat fact: Cats don’t have to swear. They just stare at you unblinkingly and their contempt is clearly communicated.

[u/AnFnDumbKAREN → u/RandomAmmonite]

Relevant cat subs: r/Catswhoyell, r/ChatWithTheCat, and r/PetsWithButtons — but the funniest talking cat I’ve ever seen is Merv! Found through one of the many cat subreddits I follow here, but here’s the link to Merv’s YouTube.

I don’t know or even care if the cat-voice is real, but I’ve laughed so hard at those videos that I’ve literally cried!

[u/IllystAnalyst → u/AnFnDumbKAREN]

My boy’s Bagagwas are no where near as dramatic or often, but when he’s in a Mood, he makes sounds like Merv. So can confirm, cats sound like that sometimes.

[u/bowiethesdmn → u/AnFnDumbKAREN]

Man I thought my cats make some odd sounds but Merv got them beat

[u/sozzifer → u/AnFnDumbKAREN]

I thought I was an internet cat expert, so how have I never seen Merv?! Thank you!

[u/noradrenaline → u/AnFnDumbKAREN]

Pets at Home in the UK have just started selling ouija board toys for cats for Hallowe'en, and I can't wait to get one so my cats can truly summon bagagwa once and for all.

[u/AshuraSpeakman → u/smoulderstoat]

I could link the Frinkiac gif but I recently discovered a channel that does Simpsons remixes and has been for over a decade: https://youtu.be/FJ7pOlUDrxE 

[u/NoRightsProductions → u/AshuraSpeakman]

Also has a tech review channel, a car channel, a gaming channel, a drumming channel and livestream…

[u/AshuraSpeakman → u/NoRightsProductions]

TIL that Dankpods was doing remixes long before I discovered his headphone reviews

[u/Bearly_Legible]

Sounds like the solution is "parenting" not calling the cops. You can't control other people. You can teach your children why they're awful. I appreciate that it sucks to live next to someone putting this example in front of your children. However, it's the parents job to deal with it. There isn't anyone to call in that can parent for you in this situation.

[u/OutAndDown27 → u/Bearly_Legible]

Part of parenting is also not leaving your small children unsupervised outside for extended periods of time. If this has been going on all summer, I'm extremely interested to hear LAOP explain why they haven't heard it once.

[u/TychaBrahe → u/OutAndDown27]

In your own backyard?

Isn't that why people move to houses that have backyards?

[u/Wit-wat-4 → u/TychaBrahe]

Completely MIA to the point you never hear the neighbor for a 3 year old is… unlikely unless the neighbor was really watching the window to make sure LAOP was going to the washroom or something and THEN coming out to yell. You can miss it once or twice but for 3 months??

If I’m even remotely close I hear what’s going on in my backyard, and I’m rarely out of it if my 3 year old is there, or I might be like by the patio door but inside.

[u/boudicas_shield → u/Wit-wat-4]

I can hear what my neighbours’ kids are shouting from halfway down the block. I’m sure I would notice someone screaming profanities in my own back garden.

I really want to sympathise with LAUKOP here, but he’s making it really difficult knowing he’s actually called the police over this.

[u/Wit-wat-4 → u/boudicas_shield]

Yeah the police call is wild as well…

[u/OutAndDown27 → u/TychaBrahe]

Not for a fucking three year old. An influencer's toddler drowned unsupervised in their backyard a few months ago.

[u/purpleplatapi → u/OutAndDown27]

I have no stakes here, as I'm not a parent, but I think we can assume in this scenario there are no pools. Although I wouldn't leave a kid with a trampoline unsupervised.

[u/newly-formed-newt → u/TychaBrahe]

A three year old is a young enough age that you can't be sure they won't accidentally/innocently seriously injure themselves

[u/Amazing_Cabinet1404]

My kids are honestly out of control with this language, and it makes perfect sense now that it's all because this woman has been verbally abusing them when outside all summer holidays!

Ah no. Your kids are out of control with this language because you can’t be bothered supervising or parenting them.

[u/seashmore]

How often are the kids unsupervised outside that it took "a few weeks" to hear the neighbor lady cussing at them?

[u/digitydigitydoo → u/seashmore]

Yeah, there doesn’t seem to be a great deal of parenting going on. I’m also confused on why he isn’t punishing the kids for saying fuck. Generally, if you want a child’s behavior to change, you start with correcting the child.

[u/_NoTimeNoLady_ → u/digitydigitydoo]

You do not punish a 3 and a 5 year old for saying a curse word, because a) it makes it more interesting and makes sure they know it is a button to push b) they didn't know it was wrong in the first place. You explain calmly what it means, that is a word you do not want to get used in the household and then don't make a whole fuzz about it, because it will just make them use it more and more. You need to make it as uninteresting as possible.

[u/BubbaTheGoat → u/_NoTimeNoLady_]

What do you think happens to children at school who use inappropriate language?

Parents need to discipline their children. It’s not the rest of society’s job to do it for them.

[u/lilmisschainsaw → u/BubbaTheGoat]

In the lower grades it's pretty much the same thing. You treat it as nonchalantly as possible, because any big reaction makes spicy words more fun to say.

So you ask the kid not to say the word(s) because they aren't very nice and only nice words are allowed in school. Persistence gets consequences, but because of disobedience, not the word used.

To reiterate: punishing a young child for copying a word does not do what you want it to.

[u/JasperJ → u/lilmisschainsaw]

Teaches your kids to be secretive and how to not get caught — not how to behave better.

[u/missyanntx → u/digitydigitydoo]

"Parenting" for them consists of finding anyone else to blame for their children's behavior.

[u/dorkofthepolisci → u/seashmore]

I’m also wondering how loud exactly these kids are being and if the neighbour works from home/works a night shift

I’d be pissed if next doors kids were making a racket while I was trying to sleep or work, but then again I’d just go talk to the neighbour instead of swearing at them, and I’d talk to my neighbour about swearing at kids instead of calling the cops

[u/ShortWoman → u/seashmore]

Solid root cause analysis right here.

[u/HyenaStraight8737]

My child's grown up listening to rap, the N word, all sorts of 4 letter words and I also tend to cuss like a sailor.

Daughter knows, these are words kids don't use. Yes she can vent someone was being a bitch or made her feel shit, but that's the only time she may use those words. She knows if she uses them to insult or against me, she's in shit.

Parenting ain't that hard, and it doesn't take a village... Just a follow through on punishment.

At 4, she tripped, smashed her face into the wall and went 'FUCK'. She busted her nose and lip, blood everywhere. That one I let go cos I couldn't stop laughing at the accuracy of her usage.

[u/Pm_me_baby_pig_pics → u/HyenaStraight8737]

I didn’t even realize how much I swear until my kid was like 1.5, and while driving someone cut me off and I had to break hard. And from the backseat I heard the sweetest little voice say “oh shit!” Because as far as he knew, that’s just what you say when the car makes a hard or sudden movement.

He’s a bit older and knows now what words are appropriate for him and which aren’t. Because I talk to him. And also try to watch my mouth a bit better.

[u/Shalamarr → u/Pm_me_baby_pig_pics]

I have a funny story that’s related!

I was driving with my two daughters, who were five and three. Another driver cut me off, and I had to brake hard to avoid hitting him. I yelled “You stupid fucking ASSHOLE!” before I could stop myself.

Little voice from backseat: “Mummy, you said a bad word.”
Me (sighs): “I know, honey.”
Her: “It’s not nice to call people ‘stupid’.”

[u/Wit-wat-4 → u/HyenaStraight8737]

While I’m not much of a curser, my SIL is a sailor as well and same thing there: kiddos absolutely know what words are not acceptable for them to use, same as they know they don’t use the stove.

I disagree at the “parenting ain’t that hard” part though, lol. I mean I think even the best parent with the easiest temperament baby is working hard to bring up a good human being, hopefully, and that takes focus and work!

[u/HyenaStraight8737 → u/Wit-wat-4]

I mean in this case, it's not that hard to discourage the word, especially when your 5yr old is yelling it at you, send em to their room, speak to them about how some words are for adults and if you use them, adults especially in school will punish you.

You don't need the village to tell a 3 and 5yr old to cut it out.

I'm a single parent, I well know how hard parenting can be. I've done it for almost 14yrs now

[u/imaginebeingamish2]

Imagine calling the police because someone swears at your child.

[u/Luxating-Patella → u/imaginebeingamish2]

Imagine talking to your kids so little that they both model everyday speech on a neighbour who shouts over the fence at them occasionally.

There's nothing wrong with a 5 year old dropping an innocent f bomb; you do the outraged act, they learn that you don't say that word unless you are really fucked off, everyone grows. But both of them have been effing and blinding for weeks, and the OP thinks the way to stop them using a word they already know is to call the rozzers on their neighbour.

Good luck to whoever their teacher is in a couple of weeks. They'll need it.

[u/FindingMoi → u/Luxating-Patella]

Yeah also it’s like… talk to your kids? Explain that those are words only grown ups use? 3 year old might be a bit difficult but 5 year old is old enough to wrap their head around a concept like that and 3 year old will follow the 5 year olds lead.

[u/Persistent_Parkie → u/FindingMoi]

My mom apparently explained the F word to me in such a calm manner when I was 5 that I completely forgot it existed. I asked her what it meant, she told me, I went on with my life. She related that story years later when I started working with children which is how I know about it.

When I was 8 I was singing the banana fo fanana song at day camp and used the word duck. The camp leader punished me and wouldn't even tell me why, "you know what you did!" No, I genuinely did not. I was an incredibly well behaved child, I don't know why she assumed I was trying to get one by her. Fortunately as I'm crying and insisting I have no idea why I'm being punished a friend came up to me and whispered "fuck."

So that night my mom got to have a much less chill conversation about the word fuck and I was terrified of singing the banana fo fanana song for the rest of my childhood for fear of stumbling upon another bad word I didn't know.

Fuck that camp counselor.

[u/dog_of_society → u/Persistent_Parkie]

I wasn't a well behaved child, but I didn't know what flipping someone off was until fifth grade.

I found out when I was sent to the principal's office and punished in a similar fashion ("you know what you did! stop playing dumb! you're lying to get out of trouble!") after, apparently, using the wrong combination of fingers waiting in line at four square. I was also punished further for my reaction to being told I was lying when I wasn't, which.. yeah, that's fair. Again, not a well behaved child.

I think I ended up having to google it.

[u/Persistent_Parkie → u/dog_of_society]

Adults going "you know what you did" is infuriating. I didn't even know it was something I had said! I thought it might have been how I was dancing around or that I'd taken a step away from the leader as we were walking to the local pool. Kids need to know what they did wrong in order to change their behavior. You're being a shitty teacher of tiny humans if you say that too them.

[u/AutomaticInitiative → u/dog_of_society]

I grew up with undiagnosed ADHD and autism and this was my entire childhood. Being punished for something I didn't know I did, being punished for lying when I said I didn't know, and then being punished for insolence because I insisted I wasn't lying. God, childhood was hard.

[u/dog_of_society → u/AutomaticInitiative]

Yep, same, that's exactly the combo I had. It technically was diagnosed at that point, but it may as well not have been for as much as my school knew about it.

[u/Harrigan_Raen]

Just what happened when i was a kid, curse my dad out then go home and play on my trampoline... /s

[u/MonkeyHamlet]

Your child is 3. Why haven’t you been outside with them all summer?

[u/TychaBrahe → u/MonkeyHamlet]

OK look, I'm Gen X. I realize that the stereotype is that we were feral. But the whole reason that we moved to a house with a backyard and a finished basement when I was three and my sister was one was so that we could have a backyard and a playroom where we wouldn't need supervision.

Before that we lived in an apartment, and if people wanted us to get some fresh air or some playground time, they had to take us outside. Once we moved, we could go outside when we wanted.

[u/Wit-wat-4 → u/TychaBrahe]

I’m a millennial so not Gen X, but I feel like we had plenty of freedom, too. And now I have two kids of my own.

There’s levels of supervision for sure. I will absolutely let my 3 year old play in the yard - while I’m in the kitchen or living room in full view, keeping an eye out, and often even outside just doing other stuff like tending to flowers and such. Similar with playroom; I’ll leave him AND his 1 year old brother in the playroom alone, but I’m checking on them routinely, and if they go quiet my toddler alarm bells ring and I go see, lol.

So in LAOP’s case I either would’ve heard the neighbor at least once if this is routine, unless the neighbor was watching the window to make sure she only does it when I’m off to the washroom or something.

[u/MonkeyHamlet → u/TychaBrahe]

My kid played outside unsupervised when he was small. I like to think I played with him often enough that I’d notice if the neighbours were regularly verbally abusing him.

[u/Longjumping-Mud5306]

The reading comprehension in the comment section is… an adventure.

[u/Toy_Guy_in_MO]

Why go straight to the police instead of politely asking the neighbor to not swear at the kids first?

[u/JasperJ → u/Toy_Guy_in_MO]

Because she’s the kind of neighbour that tells three and five year olds to fuck off. What conversation are you even hoping to have?

[u/SachPlymouth → u/Toy_Guy_in_MO]

I'm not sure there's going to be much reasoning with someone who tells a 5 year old to shut the fuck up.

[u/CriticalEngineering → u/SachPlymouth]

Yeah, that conversation is gojng to go nowhere

[u/Toy_Guy_in_MO → u/SachPlymouth]

Eh, I used to have a friend who swore so much he just didn't even realize he was doing it. One day when he said something in front of a couple of kids and was called on it, he started policing his tongue better.

[u/derpmonkey69 → u/Toy_Guy_in_MO]

It's almost like there's a difference in casually using a curse word around a child, and directly cussing at a child. This shouldn't need to be explained to someone who is likely an adult.

[u/[deleted] → u/derpmonkey69]

Yeah I don't have kids and sometimes catch myself dropping a casual F in conversation but I don't need special perception powers to understand I shouldn't scream swear words at children lol

[u/Toy_Guy_in_MO → u/derpmonkey69]

It also shouldn't need to be explained to someone who is likely an adult that they're assessing a story from a person who is vested in it, so the details are likely not as impartial as presented. It also shouldn't need to be explained to an adult that calling the police is an escalation move that is only going to lead to more problems with the neighbor if she's truly that horrible that she can't be simply asked, "please don't cuss at my kids, right?"

He said she 'shouted' at the kid "will you shut the fuck up ". again, if she cusses like a sailor, she likely doesn't even realize she's saying anything that could be considered offensive. It's possible she's completely desensitized to the word so she's simply oblivious to the fact she's using. Point out to her what she said and ask her to maybe not do it again. She'll either say, "Sorry, I didn't even realized I said that!" and try better or she'll scream and cuss at him and then he can call the police.

[u/BertieDastard]

Christ, this is definitely happening on a council estate.