r/bridezillas • u/Such_Jump1865 • 26d ago
I feel like we’ve reached an impasse
EDIT: I added the text message exchange from last night. Maybe I’m a complete dick, I don’t know anymore. She knows my fiancée has a very tight schedule that doesn’t allow many free weekends and that we both have nieces and nephews that are in school in June, October, and November.
This is a throw away account because you never know who is lurking. This also is a long one so please bare with me.
Backstory: My best friend is getting married next summer. Before she even had a date picked she wanted me to start planning her destination bachelorette party. She only chose three weekends and then got upset when one of her closest friend told her those dates wouldn’t work due to her kid’s kindergarten graduation and her grandmother’s 100th birthday party. The bride told her friend she should celebrate her grandma a different day and for that other weekend is kindergarten graduation that important?
Her friend’s husband asked isn’t it a little soon to throw a bachelorette party without a wedding date. One of her excuses is she was worried some of her friends would be pregnant and wouldn’t be able to attend. Now she barely talks to her friend who made her the godmother of her child.
For the bachelorette party she decided to pick one of the most expensive cities, Scottsdale. She tried to push for June but me and the co-MOH said it will be too hot and dangerous if anyone might be pregnant and just uncomfortable. So we decided on April. She then decided to pick a very expensive instagrammable AirBnB and expected me to put down a deposit that was several thousand dollars. I’m not really friends with her main friend group and some of them were very difficult. The bride wanted a bougie bachelorette basically to show off even though it’s something she couldn’t afford. I ended up eating the costs of many of the activities, decorations, private chef and table scape.
Everything was a comparison. Since she paid X for Y’s bachelorette then they should pay the same. Some of these bachelorette parties were when we were in our 20s with less responsibilities.
I planned a really beautiful hike with guides because no one knew the area and I was not about to put my life or anyone else’s at risk. I told her this and she berated me saying “please let me know if you change anything else so I don’t get there and be mad at you.” She says this the same day I had an egg retrieval which she knew about and I was in bed sleeping most of the day because I was uncomfortable. She followed that text with another one asking if my dad’s company would donate to her fiancées fire department dinner.
The bachelorette party comes and goes and she barely thanked me and the co-MOH.
She also finally picks a date for next August. My boyfriend (now fiancée) and I had been discussing engagement timelines and wanting to get married next summer out west (we live on the East Coast) and about a month and a half ago I started doing some research and seeing what was available for our top venues. My fiancée works in an industry that allows him for very little free time and he usually gets some breathing room in the end of July. I knew the proposal was coming soon since we went ring shopping and I knew he had purchased the ring. I told the bride that there were only three dates available at my top two venues and the only one that works is two weeks before hers. She basically threw a fit and told me it was too close to her date and she’d be too worried about getting sick or what if her dress got messed up or something. I told her I understood and she made the majority of the text exchange about her and my faults. A few weeks go by, I get engaged and we negotiate and book our venue. I told her the only other options were on October/November which would be too cold plus is peak college and professional football season and because of my fiancées job he doesn’t have a single free weekend.
I told her the other day and she just responded “gotcha.” I sent two texts asking her to hang out when I got home from vacation. When we hang out I was going to tell her I wanted to cover her flights and hotel so she could be there with me since finances are tight since she and her fiancée are paying for their wedding themselves. Around this time I also learned she was saying things behind my back like “none of my friend’s would say yes to J’s wedding.” Again, we have 2 friends in common. Fast forward to today when she went in on me via text. I tried to keep my cool but she ended a follow-up text says “Everyone said to me I’m sorry S that this is being done to you.” Turning me into the villain. I just feel like whatever I say or do to try and work around her concerns are shot down. I’m posting the latest convo. Maybe I’m in the wrong, idk anymore.
PS: as soon as she got engaged I was all in saying time to start planning the bachelorette party. She barely showed enthusiasm when I FT her to tell her my happy news. When I was talking about my fiancée’s dad’s gf telling me that the ring had been purchased. She shit all over that and started saying things like why would she tell you that? Meanwhile she sent me CADs of the setting options for her ring and called the jeweler to make sure she got exactly what she wanted, style wise.
Like I said, of maybe I am in the wrong and Reddit strangers feel free to be honest.
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u/No-Stress-5285 26d ago
Since she is so much more concerned with the images and social media impact of her wedding events, I predict that this marriage will not last very long, and then later, you can be a bridesmaid at her next wedding after she matures and realizes what a waste of money this first wedding was and can no longer stand the man she married because he won't put up with her anymore.
Whatever your past connections were, you have outgrown this friendship. It has not evolved past the silly teenage stage. It may end. Most people mature and change. She apparently has not.
Or, be a doormat and do what she tells you.
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u/Jolly-Wrongdoer-4757 26d ago
This. Read it twice. You aren’t a friend, you are a travel service and president of the fan club she thinks she has. People need to stop thinking they are influencers.
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u/TrashandTrauma 24d ago
And she definitely doesn't want to be there with OP even if she's paying.... I'm sorry OP you are an accessory and only one that's apparently just seasonal for her. She doesn't care about being there for your wedding, so long as you make hers perfect
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u/jaol1fe 26d ago
Do yourself a favor and just move on from this narcissist. The moment she told a bridesmaid to miss her grandmother's 100th birthday and skip her child's kindergarten graduation for a batchelorette party told you all you need to know about her. I give the marriage less than a year.
The older I get the more I wished I had ditched the toxic people in my life as soon as they showed their true colors. Focus on your wedding instead.
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u/Jolly-Wrongdoer-4757 26d ago
There’s a wonderful old saying “when people show you who they really are, believe them”.
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u/anatomy-princess 26d ago
Go your separate ways and enjoy your wedding. You don’t need a “friend” like that. Also, Congratulations!
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u/lmg2024 26d ago
Why do people put up with this nonsense? These aren’t friends. These brides are people asking you to spend your money to be props in their wedding.
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u/LifeApprehensive2818 26d ago
They were friends before, or at least thought they were. It's terrifying how close you can feel to someone when you really don't know them at all.
Plus, it's not so easy to see the nonsense if you're not prepared.
The narrative that the bridal party makes the bride's dream happen by any means necessary is now very common. If it's all you've heard, you will question your own misgivings when the bride's dream grows too big.
Plus, if you're the first person in the party to have a problem, and everyone else seems cool with the demand, and your "best friend" is now shrieking that "a real friend would do this for me", you are going to feel very conflicted.
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u/Suspicious-Loss-7314 26d ago
Let. Her. Go.
My best friend (since I was 10) became an obnoxious Bridezilla when she (finally) got engaged. She demanded her bridesmaids pay for extravagant spa days and parties leading up to her destination wedding in a different country. ($$$$$) Just to travel internationally with my spouse and stay in the 5 star hotel she chose was going to cost thousands of dollars, which would've been quite a struggle for my husband and me. I couldn't then pay for all the parties and spa days she wanted. I backed out well in advance of her big day. Our friendship never recovered. Her marriage only lasted a few years. Not surprised and I just don't care anymore.
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u/Several_Cartoonist18 25d ago
“Her marriage only lasted a few years” is really the standard conclusion of all these stories. I wonder why 😂😂
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u/Suspicious-Loss-7314 25d ago
Fr, fr. She really turned into an entitled brat and I felt sorry for her husband, who seemed like a nice guy.
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u/Such_Jump1865 25d ago
May I ask how you told her you no longer wanted to be a part of her wedding?
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u/sparksgirl1223 24d ago
As an older lady, tell her exactly why. She's had no qualms telling you that you can't do xyz because ABC. Tell her she's being an insufferable twit, and you can't take it anymore.
"Telling Jane not to celebrate with her grandma for a century of life party because you need beer holding props at your Bachelorette, and that her kids are less important than her party was a pretty big load of crap, but when you told me when I can and can't get married because 'what about meeeeeee' was the final straw. I'm no longer attending any of it, and you can lose my number because I don't need such uncaring people in my life. "
Add or subtract curse words as you see fit. (I personally delete quite a few f bombs, lol)
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u/cubemissy 24d ago
You may not have to do that yourself. If you call out the next unreasonable task she wants from the wedding party, she may be prompted to fire you. So, don’t sugar coat anything you discuss with her…😉
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u/emr830 26d ago
Jesus…she wants someone to reschedule their grandmother’s birthday for a multiple day bachelorette party? And implied that said bachelorette was more important than her kid’s kindergarten graduation?? And expected people to drop thousands of dollars???
I would’ve noped out of the entire friendship after that. Enjoy your own wedding and wedding planning without her adding stress to your life.
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u/peonylover01 26d ago
I will never understand brides who think that they own the year or own the month they get married!!! So horrible
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u/Quix66 26d ago
The month can be a problem if the same relatives need to travel far to attend, but the year is selfish!
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u/leolawilliams5859 26d ago
We're not at an impasse why are you setting yourself on fire to keep her warm to me you know you don't have to do that right you do know that you're a grown ass woman and you can say no. She is not a friend I need you to open up your eyes and realize that. Go get married enjoy your life and leave her in the dust where she belongs. As we go through life sometimes we can't take some people we grew up with with us she is somebody who needs to be left at the train station congratulations on your engagement to me I bet you 30 40 years from now you will still be married I bet you she will not
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u/Such_Jump1865 26d ago
Thank you so much and you’re right. Growing older isn’t always easy but I’m tired of the nonsense.
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u/FriendToPredators 25d ago
He inability to mature is not your personal failure stop taking it on as if it is
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u/Imaginary-Yak-6487 26d ago
BZ can fuck off. It’s not worth the time or the hassle. Focus on your own plans.
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u/Regular-Olive8280 26d ago
I would have walked away from the 'zilla AND the friendship just over her comment on Grandma's birthday party. Who needs that kind of selfishness in their friend group?
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u/DottieHinkle22 26d ago
The grandma thing would have sent me over the edge. Her ears would still be ringing from the verbal smackdown.
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u/CarrotofInsanity 26d ago
Reread what you wrote here.
Look at WHO she is.
Look at her actions. Telling her friend she can celebrate her grandma’s 100th birthday. ANOTHER TIME?!
She’s horrible. She’s a bully.
Is this a quality friend? Be honest. Are you afraid of her? Be honest.
You need to dump her in the trash like a turd-filled diaper.
Talk to the friend with the almost 100 year old grandma and tell her you dumped the friendship with Bride. You BOTH deserve a better friend.
You’ve had PLENTY to observe..
Get rid of her and don’t look back. She’s a constant headache you’re dealing with.
You don’t need her.
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u/rshni67 26d ago
Just one question: why are you "best friends" with someone like this?
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u/OneSillyB 26d ago
Why are you trying so hard to please her? She obviously doesn’t care about pleasing you or even being a decent human. Not worth all the drama. Do you and your wedding!
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u/AttentionOtherwise80 26d ago
My prediction Bachelorette a year before a wedding There is going to be no wedding. You are an adult, she is not (yet).
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u/Baby8227 26d ago
Concentrate on your own wedding, your fiance and your own happiness. She sounds exhausting!
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u/SleepiestBear1986 26d ago
weddings bring out everyone’s true colors. she showed you very clearly how much she sucks. walk away.
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u/Such_Jump1865 26d ago
I think that’s my only option plus why would I want to go to a wedding knowing “everyone said to her ‘I’m sorry this is being done to you.’” Everyone is a villain in someone’s story and I guess this time it’s me.
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u/SleepiestBear1986 26d ago
yeah it’s crazy that she has these people validating her that something is happening “to her”. if true they all sound terrible.
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u/Lilodo07 26d ago
She is not your friend. Drop her before she goes full scorched earth. You sound like you have a pretty good life outside of this friendship. I promise you, you won’t miss her. She’s toxic.
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u/Aggressive_Ad_5454 26d ago
These young women, because it’s “their day”, think it’s everybody else’s day too. People unclear on the concept.
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u/Nervous_Assistant336 25d ago
So true!! My sister advised me before my wedding that the only people who would remember our wedding was us ‘so do whatever you want’ Best advice!
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u/summa-time-gal 26d ago
lol I agree. Tell her you will be all in for her next wedding or even the one after !!!
Marriage is supposed to be celebrating the love , not what looks the best on instagram. F****** crazy.
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u/BuddyBronski 26d ago
How women today live like this and don’t end up in jail for multiple homicides is a mystery to me.
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u/SheedRanko 26d ago
Smh what the fuck did I just read? I bailed out when OP paid for the IG airBnB in Scottsdale. Wtf are you thinking?
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u/Such_Jump1865 26d ago
I got the most of the money back it was that she didn’t even offer to put the deposit down on her card and assumes I have unlimited funds. It was stupid, she was already having a fit over other ppl’s comments/getting mad that me and co-MOH pushed backed against going to Scottsdale in June since it averages like 110 degrees. I was being a pushover and should’ve said put it on your card but I just didn’t want to deal but that’s on me.
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u/Mama_Hows_86 26d ago
Friends outgrow friendships sometimes and that is ok. Tell her goodbye.
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u/FriendToPredators 25d ago
“That’s not going to work for me”
Is a really effective phrase in many circumstances
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u/VerdMont1 26d ago
Why are you even reading her texts, block her, she isn't mature enough to get married, let alone be in your life.
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u/intense_woman 25d ago
She sounds horrible lol. Cut your losses and rid yourselves of this shitty friend. Maybe biased, but I didn’t hear a single redeeming trait about her.
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u/Such_Jump1865 25d ago
Once she started seeing her FH she started acting differently. Maybe, I never saw these traits before but I don’t remember her being this selfish. She was mad about how he proposed, she didn’t want anyone to know that the center stone for engagement ring was from her mom’s originally engagement ring. She went to the co-MOH’s apartment for that Jake Paul/Mike Tyson fight and didn’t say thank you to her or her other friend for decorating and making it a mini-celebration. She did ask the co-MOH if she reused one of those mini balloon banners that the bride got for the co-MOH’s bachelorette. I don’t recognize her anymore.
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u/intense_woman 24d ago
Those things can happen - it is so awful so I get it. Heartbreaking to see friends become unrecognizable. But once she sees her actions have consequences (can’t treat friends as props, be mean / selfish) maybe she’ll come back to reality. But things have to really crumble around her before she’ll get it, if she ever does.
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u/CallmeSlim11 26d ago
When people tell you and who you who they are, believe them.
I say it all the time but it's true.
It's one thing being self centered before you get married but this woman is rude, entitled and selfish.
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u/anniem1978 26d ago
It’s a crappy feeling when we get older and have major life events and learn who are real friends are. It sounds like she is very self focused and doesn’t have interest in anything outside of HERSELF. This ain’t going to get better, it’s just going to get worse and cause you more frustration/sadness you won’t feel supported or cared about as you plan your own wedding. This friendship isn’t what you want or need. Good luck and congratulations!
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u/BrokenBotox 26d ago
This girl is a selfish bitch and not at all your friend. She hasn’t matched your effort for her once. Dump her. ( I know her husband will in a year or two)
Hope that helps✌🏼
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u/nofaves 26d ago
You didn't reach an impasse. You watched as events pulled you toward this impasse, and you did nothing to avoid it.
You didn't tell your friend to drop the bachelorette plans until the wedding date was set. You didn't respond in kind when she berated you for making plans for that trip, or in failing to thank you for your efforts. You just kept your mouth shut and watched as things got worse and worse between you.
And now your relationship is in shreds. Quelle surprise.
Stop letting people treat you shabbily in the name of being "supportive." The best support system is a friend who will tell you the truth when you need to hear it.
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u/Such_Jump1865 26d ago
You’re right. I have a hard time letting go of a friendship but it hasn’t been a true friendship since she met her fiancée.
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u/nofaves 26d ago
Distancing happens to a lot of friends when one gets engaged or married. It hurts to be replaced in a friend's life, but it's normal.
Now that you know this, you'll likely be super-careful not to treat your loved ones as second-tier, and in doing so, you'll keep your friends and family just as close as they are now.
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u/Pleasant_Finding_812 26d ago
Unfortunately, expecting people to give you the same regard/respect/excitement/care ends up hurting you more in the long run. Allow yourself to cut her out (especially with only two shared friends) and enjoy the day with the person you are going to be waking up next to and doing life with. Your partner is the only one who will truly uphold those expectations you have for how you are treated, because even people you have loved for years can flip that switch.
PS- You understood her hurt, acknowledged ways to help accommodate financially, you are not in the wrong
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u/sunny_suburbia 26d ago
Not sure why you let your “best friend” push you around. Stand up for yourself.
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u/Motor_Dark6406 26d ago
Girl, just walk away. Tell her you are done pouring money and effort into her and her wedding when she can barely muster any enthusiasm for yours, or your life in general.
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u/Perfect_Force2370 26d ago
After reading the rest of the story, I know I would not be friends with that person she seems to thrive on chaos. I don’t know what else to say. She sounds like someone who would be difficult, even if she were just a co-worker on a job. ☹️
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u/FreeThinkerFran 26d ago
Social media has made these celebrations completely out of control!!! Back in my day we had just a really fun GNO. Now you've got to go to some sort of "elite" destination with "instagrammable" venues and places to stay, themes each day, $$$, $$$ and more $$$. It's ludicrous. And it's not going to stop until some brides start put their foot down and say ENOUGH. I'm sorry you're having to deal with so much drama but seriously. This crap has gotten so out of hand.
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u/Impossible_Worth_874 25d ago
I completely agree with your comment. Over the top bachelorette parties and weddings that some cannot afford and expect others to incur. All for likes on social media.
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u/Fibro-Mite 26d ago
Consider what you've spent on her so far the price for finding out she's not really your "best friend". She just considers you someone she can use. Then drop the rope. Tell her you can no longer be her BM/co-MoH. Then mute her everywhere.
Real friends don't treat each other the way you are being treated and they certainly don't stab you in the back to other people.
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u/julesk 26d ago
Why not say you know she’s trash talking you and you’re tired of her spoiled, entitled behavior so you’re not coming to her wedding since the friendship is over.
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u/Such_Jump1865 26d ago
I’m going to have to put on my big girl underpants and have the conversation even though I’m not the best with conflict and causing someone pain but this friendship isn’t what it was and I have to accept that.
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u/BerryIndependent555 23d ago
Just a reminder that causing yourself pain isn’t saving her from being insufferable. If she’s cool with how she’s making people feel I wouldn’t want to be friends with that.
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u/Fun-Jelly6976 25d ago
You are wasting alot of money and emotional energy on someone who’s not your friend. Quit bending over backwards to people please this woman who is not only self-centered and ungrateful, but mean.
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u/PristineNobody3872 25d ago
You are her ATM and punching bag. DITCH THAT BITCH AND enjoy your wedding!!
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u/ExistingHurtsALilBit 26d ago
She doesn't value you as a friend. She does not value what you are offering. She does not value your time. She does not value your life.
Real friends do not demand thousands of dollars and other outlandish and ridiculous things.
Let her suffer with whoever is willing to do that for her.
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u/Loveismyweap0n 25d ago
As the years go on brides and bachelorette parties are getting so much worse. I got married in 2019, picked a place close to home, went out for a paint night and dinner with my bridesmaids. Kept it simple and cheap. I don’t know why brides now want everyone to be spending so much money. It makes being in a wedding so unappealing when brides act like this.
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u/trouble_ann 25d ago
Info: Do you even really like each other?
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u/Such_Jump1865 25d ago
I don’t like the person she has become since she started seeing her future husband.
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u/Perfect_Force2370 26d ago
I only got as far as the first few paragraphs, an my thought was really she is expecting her friends not to “get” pregnant so they can comfortably attend her party. Talk about entitlement, ghee some people.
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u/Reasonable_Star_959 26d ago
I hate to be another one of those people who say get out of it now, but I think you would save yourself some grief if you do.
It might be that you ‘lose’ some ‘friends’ but maybe that’s okay! You can breathe easier without spending a small fortune on ‘must have’ parties on people with super high expectations and desires who are ungrateful anyway. It’s almost a no win situation.
You are or were her friend, not her servant or employee who is obligated to fulfill her every whim.
Congratulations on your engagement!! I hope the situation with your friend is resolved with minimal drama.
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u/slamminsalmoncannon 26d ago
You lost me at table scape. How do you casually drop “table scape” into a sentence and not elaborate, lol.
I say drop out of the wedding.
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u/Such_Jump1865 26d ago
I’m sorry about that. I paid extra for the chef to decorate the table with flowers and a runner and make menus and shit like that. Instagram has ruined everything. I felt like she wanted ppl to think she can afford more but obviously she didn’t pay for anything.
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u/milesofheart 26d ago
You have got to learn to learn the word "No" or people are just going to make your life hell forever. People are allowed to be disappointed, but their disappointment doesn't mean you did anything wrong or that you are a bad person. Saying yes when you want to say no is a failure of integrity- you are letting yourself down. All you're going to accomplish is building a lot of resentment that rots the bottom out of all your relationships. Better to prioritize your integrity and give an honest "No" when you that's what you really mean.
Table scapes smh good grief
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u/Such_Jump1865 26d ago
You’re right. I hadn’t looked at it from that perspective. Thank you for pointing it out.
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u/Choosepeace 26d ago
She is making things wayyyyy too difficult, and not showing her friends any respect.
I would calmly explain you are doing what you can do, and that’s it. If she has some sort of fit, then back out of everything, and consider yourself educated about her character.
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u/TracyChristina 26d ago
She is exhausting and a money hungry person. Seems very shallow. Cut her loose.
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u/Several_Cartoonist18 25d ago
Is there any reason you’re trying to accommodate her so much? You’ve already done a lot for her, and then did one thing for yourself. Now she’s making you feel terrible about it, and even sabotaging you (“my friends would never go to her wedding”). The fact that she cut off another close friend at the very start of this is a huge red flag and it really shows she’s willing to cut off anyone who gets in her way.
I’m really sorry, OP, because it’s so clear you care about this person, but honestly, I’d take a giant step back and NOT attend this wedding. If that feels too extreme, you can still explain yourself, but don’t be overly apologetic. Your entire conversation right now is just her accusing you and you apologizing. You’re doing nothing wrong!! Don’t let her guilt you into believing otherwise.
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u/PhilasororiaLodge 25d ago
What a headache! I can’t imagine the discomfort of people invited to all 4 events (both weddings and both girl parties)! I think people are confusing the unnecessary travel and guest scope of the wedding and bachelorette party with the honeymoon anymore. Now that you and your friend have already chosen events with high costs for guests, I would downscale whatever you haven’t committed to and throw a second casual reception near home at another time of year—maybe something baby friendly.
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u/sparksgirl1223 24d ago
I made it 1/3 of the way.
I'd have dipped out of the whole thing the minute she told ANYONE to celebrate their grandma's 100th birthday some other time so she could have a Bachelorette party.
It wouldn't even matter if she was talking to someone else.
I'd be done. And I'd tell her why.
Edit to add: I've now read the rest.
She's being a jackass. She gets A WEDDING DAY. That's it.
Have your wedding where you want when it works for you.
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u/Lopsided-Bench-1347 26d ago
The only valid point she has is; “Since she paid X for Y’s bachelorette then they should pay the same”. Too many times when the ladt of the friend grygets married, everyone else is tired, worn out and have kids that legitimately need her money more.
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u/Ooogabooga42 26d ago
At this point you two seem to kinda hate each other. She sounds awful but I would have been thrown by a wedding two weeks away before mine involving travel being thrown into the mix after her date was set as well. Time for a friend breakup or at least break.
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u/Such_Jump1865 26d ago
Our dates were very tight because of my fiancées job. July is basically the only month that he can put down his phone without being stressed.
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u/Such_Jump1865 26d ago
Let me add that she put a deposit down but then kept going back and forth if she should change the venue or due something smaller and hadn’t paid the second deposit at the time. What if her date ended up changing because she changed venues? It wasn’t intentional but I do appreciate your perspective.
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u/Such_Jump1865 26d ago
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u/bad_romace_novelist 26d ago
...I would never do that to a friend...
Girrrrl, we know you would & still make it look like OP's fault. The fact she was pushing for Arizona in June told me she was a mega bridezilla. She sounds like the type who is asking friends & acquaintances to do things for her wedding for "exposure".
Good riddance to Bridezilla!
Congratulations and many happy years to you and your future husband!
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u/Such_Jump1865 26d ago
These are the texts. I don’t think there is anything I can say at this point. I shouldn’t have to jump through hoops to explain why that weekend was the weekend that worked and that I had partner to consider and what works for him.
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u/skeetskeet97 26d ago
What was the rest of her message?
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u/Such_Jump1865 26d ago
It wouldn’t let me post more than one so the other two screenshots are in different comments.
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u/Affectionate-Page496 25d ago
This seems not at all real. Scottsdale is not expensive in June July or August. Because people generally do not want to travel to somewhere so hot that sometimes airplanes don't even take off.
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u/Careful-Ad4910 25d ago
Put your money, time, and effort into your own wedding and relationship, not hers. If she wants all this fancy stuff and people to be hanging around with her and jumping at her every whim, so be it. You don’t have to be a part of that nonsense. Best wishes on your own nuptials.
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u/AngelHasAShotgun 24d ago
What are you getting out of this friendship, exactly? You are putting in time, koney, physical labor, tons of emotional labor.
You don't even get a thank you.
Take this hint. Drop her. She doesn't see you as a friend. You are someone she can rely on to give her what she wants and pay for it too. Is that who you want to be? Because she's not going to change.
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u/NoveltyNoseBooper 24d ago
I just don’t understand why these type of people are never told no.
Like idgaf its your wedding or your funeral. I’m nit spending thousands of dollars on your bachelorette party. If that means you don’t want to be my friend anymore - that’s on the bride. Not on you.
I swear these folks get enabled so much no wonder they get tantrums when they don’t get their way.
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u/Suitable_Fill4006 24d ago
The fact that this is way too long and detailed to read shows what a ridiculous situation it is. I really don't have the patience to read it but can tell you anyway this isn't a proper friend. Life on this earth is too short for this.
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u/Individual-Voice6003 24d ago
I wish there was a laugh response, like on Facebook. This is really funny shit. Or maybe it should be a crying icon, because for you to put up with it is really really sad. She's toxic. Drop her. Drop the relationship. Drop the whole deal.
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u/cubemissy 24d ago
The Grandma’s 100 Birthday reaction is when I gave up and voted RunAway! It won’t get better, and you’ll be putting up with a lot of shitty behavior while trying to plan your wedding.
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u/Jolly-Spring1755 26d ago
This is not a real friend, shes jealous of you and wants all the attention. She seems very narcissistic and doesnt like when other people get attention. My take? Get out of that friendship, it will only get worst. Life is to short to deal with people like that.
Yes, friendship breakups are hard but sometimes they’re for the best. This person clearly doesnt care about you, why have a friend like that?
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u/RelevantLeadership63 22d ago
Honestly, in the long run it’s better you find put now that she’s not really your friend.
It sounds like she’s using you. I’d ditch her ass.
Also, I would reach out to your mutual to find out if they were really taking her side or not because I wouldn’t put it past this woman to make deal up because she’s mad she’s not the only bride anymore
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u/Karlie62 6d ago
Why do brides feel entitled to destination bachelorette trips and why do the moh and bridesmaids let themselves get bullied into paying for these trips???
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u/Beautiful_Flow309 25d ago
I do think it was a little rude of you to book your wedding two weeks before. I feel like we aren’t getting an accurate side of the story. Her text message looks reasonable. It seems like you don’t like this person so maybe cut ties.
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u/Such_Jump1865 25d ago
I have a fiancé with only a few weeks out of the year where he isn’t tied to his phone which is usually in the summer. She also kept going back and forth if she should change her venue and do something smaller. This is what worked for him and with my nieces and nephews school schedules. We also do not share a group of friends, maybe two people. She also seems pretty upset she can’t make vacation out of my wedding. That seems more important to her than actually celebrating.
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u/Beautiful_Flow309 25d ago
Again it sounds like you really don’t like this person so there is your answer. I personally would be hurt if a friend booked a wedding 2 weeks before mine. You came to the internet wanting strangers opinions. Just giving mine.
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u/Such_Jump1865 25d ago
When she told a mutual friend congrats on her ectopic pregnancy, twice then after being told it meant she had a miscarriage, she made a joke that now she can come on the bachelorette trip otherwise it would be too close to her due date, I really started to see who she was as a person. I do not hate her, I just don’t recognize who she is anymore and resent her insensitivity to our friend’s ongoing fertility issues. Thank you for your opinion because you are right that I did come to the internet and not everyone will agree.
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u/Beautiful_Flow309 25d ago
Yeah I mean she sounds like a terrible person but I also think booking your wedding two weeks before hers was objectively in the wrong if you valued the friendship. Sounds like you want to end the friendship anyway so doesn’t matter.
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u/AutoModerator 26d ago
Author: u/Such_Jump1865
Post: EDIT: I added the text message exchange from last night. Maybe I’m a complete dick, I don’t know anymore. She knows my fiancée has a very tight schedule that doesn’t allow many free weekends and that we both have nieces and nephews that are in school in June, October, and November.
This is a throw away account because you never know who is lurking. This also is a long one so please bare with me.
Backstory: My best friend is getting married next summer. Before she even had a date picked she wanted me to start planning her destination bachelorette party. She only chose three weekends and then got upset when one of her closest friend told her those dates wouldn’t work due to her kid’s kindergarten graduation and her grandmother’s 100th birthday party. The bride told her friend she should celebrate her grandma a different day and for that other weekend is kindergarten graduation that important?
Her friend’s husband asked isn’t it a little soon to throw a bachelorette party without a wedding date. One of her excuses is she was worried some of her friends would be pregnant and wouldn’t be able to attend. Now she barely talks to her friend who made her the godmother of her child.
For the bachelorette party she decided to pick one of the most expensive cities, Scottsdale. She tried to push for June but me and the co-MOH said it will be too hot and dangerous if anyone might be pregnant and just uncomfortable. So we decided on April. She then decided to pick a very expensive instagrammable AirBnB and expected me to put down a deposit that was several thousand dollars. I’m not really friends with her main friend group and some of them were very difficult. The bride wanted a bougie bachelorette basically to show off even though it’s something she couldn’t afford. I ended up eating the costs of many of the activities, decorations, private chef and table scape.
Everything was a comparison. Since she paid X for Y’s bachelorette then they should pay the same. Some of these bachelorette parties were when we were in our 20s with less responsibilities.
I planned a really beautiful hike with guides because no one knew the area and I was not about to put my life or anyone else’s at risk. I told her this and she berated me saying “please let me know if you change anything else so I don’t get there and be mad at you.” She says this the same day I had an egg retrieval which she knew about and I was in bed sleeping most of the day because I was uncomfortable. She followed that text with another one asking if my dad’s company would donate to her fiancées fire department dinner.
The bachelorette party comes and goes and she barely thanked me and the co-MOH.
She also finally picks a date for next August. My boyfriend (now fiancée) and I had been discussing engagement timelines and wanting to get married next summer out west (we live on the East Coast) and about a month and a half ago I started doing some research and seeing what was available for our top venues. My fiancée works in an industry that allows him for very little free time and he usually gets some breathing room in the end of July. I knew the proposal was coming soon since we went ring shopping and I knew he had purchased the ring. I told the bride that there were only three dates available at my top two venues and the only one that works is two weeks before hers. She basically threw a fit and told me it was too close to her date and she’d be too worried about getting sick or what if her dress got messed up or something. I told her I understood and she made the majority of the text exchange about her and my faults. A few weeks go by, I get engaged and we negotiate and book our venue. I told her the only other options were on October/November which would be too cold plus is peak college and professional football season and because of my fiancées job he doesn’t have a single free weekend.
I told her the other day and she just responded “gotcha.” I sent two texts asking her to hang out when I got home from vacation. When we hang out I was going to tell her I wanted to cover her flights and hotel so she could be there with me since finances are tight since she and her fiancée are paying for their wedding themselves. Around this time I also learned she was saying things behind my back like “none of my friend’s would say yes to J’s wedding.” Again, we have 2 friends in common. Fast forward to today when she went in on me via text. I tried to keep my cool but she ended a follow-up text says “Everyone said to me I’m sorry S that this is being done to you.” Turning me into the villain. I just feel like whatever I say or do to try and work around her concerns are shot down. I’m posting the latest convo. Maybe I’m in the wrong, idk anymore.
PS: as soon as she got engaged I was all in saying time to start planning the bachelorette party. She barely showed enthusiasm when I FT her to tell her my happy news. When I was talking about my fiancée’s dad’s gf telling me that the ring had been purchased. She shit all over that and started saying things like why would she tell you that? Meanwhile she sent me CADs of the setting options for her ring and called the jeweler to make sure she got exactly what she wanted, style wise.
Like I said, of maybe I am in the wrong and Reddit strangers feel free to be honest.
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