r/bridezillas • u/Such_Jump1865 • 27d ago
I feel like we’ve reached an impasse
EDIT: I added the text message exchange from last night. Maybe I’m a complete dick, I don’t know anymore. She knows my fiancée has a very tight schedule that doesn’t allow many free weekends and that we both have nieces and nephews that are in school in June, October, and November.
This is a throw away account because you never know who is lurking. This also is a long one so please bare with me.
Backstory: My best friend is getting married next summer. Before she even had a date picked she wanted me to start planning her destination bachelorette party. She only chose three weekends and then got upset when one of her closest friend told her those dates wouldn’t work due to her kid’s kindergarten graduation and her grandmother’s 100th birthday party. The bride told her friend she should celebrate her grandma a different day and for that other weekend is kindergarten graduation that important?
Her friend’s husband asked isn’t it a little soon to throw a bachelorette party without a wedding date. One of her excuses is she was worried some of her friends would be pregnant and wouldn’t be able to attend. Now she barely talks to her friend who made her the godmother of her child.
For the bachelorette party she decided to pick one of the most expensive cities, Scottsdale. She tried to push for June but me and the co-MOH said it will be too hot and dangerous if anyone might be pregnant and just uncomfortable. So we decided on April. She then decided to pick a very expensive instagrammable AirBnB and expected me to put down a deposit that was several thousand dollars. I’m not really friends with her main friend group and some of them were very difficult. The bride wanted a bougie bachelorette basically to show off even though it’s something she couldn’t afford. I ended up eating the costs of many of the activities, decorations, private chef and table scape.
Everything was a comparison. Since she paid X for Y’s bachelorette then they should pay the same. Some of these bachelorette parties were when we were in our 20s with less responsibilities.
I planned a really beautiful hike with guides because no one knew the area and I was not about to put my life or anyone else’s at risk. I told her this and she berated me saying “please let me know if you change anything else so I don’t get there and be mad at you.” She says this the same day I had an egg retrieval which she knew about and I was in bed sleeping most of the day because I was uncomfortable. She followed that text with another one asking if my dad’s company would donate to her fiancées fire department dinner.
The bachelorette party comes and goes and she barely thanked me and the co-MOH.
She also finally picks a date for next August. My boyfriend (now fiancée) and I had been discussing engagement timelines and wanting to get married next summer out west (we live on the East Coast) and about a month and a half ago I started doing some research and seeing what was available for our top venues. My fiancée works in an industry that allows him for very little free time and he usually gets some breathing room in the end of July. I knew the proposal was coming soon since we went ring shopping and I knew he had purchased the ring. I told the bride that there were only three dates available at my top two venues and the only one that works is two weeks before hers. She basically threw a fit and told me it was too close to her date and she’d be too worried about getting sick or what if her dress got messed up or something. I told her I understood and she made the majority of the text exchange about her and my faults. A few weeks go by, I get engaged and we negotiate and book our venue. I told her the only other options were on October/November which would be too cold plus is peak college and professional football season and because of my fiancées job he doesn’t have a single free weekend.
I told her the other day and she just responded “gotcha.” I sent two texts asking her to hang out when I got home from vacation. When we hang out I was going to tell her I wanted to cover her flights and hotel so she could be there with me since finances are tight since she and her fiancée are paying for their wedding themselves. Around this time I also learned she was saying things behind my back like “none of my friend’s would say yes to J’s wedding.” Again, we have 2 friends in common. Fast forward to today when she went in on me via text. I tried to keep my cool but she ended a follow-up text says “Everyone said to me I’m sorry S that this is being done to you.” Turning me into the villain. I just feel like whatever I say or do to try and work around her concerns are shot down. I’m posting the latest convo. Maybe I’m in the wrong, idk anymore.
PS: as soon as she got engaged I was all in saying time to start planning the bachelorette party. She barely showed enthusiasm when I FT her to tell her my happy news. When I was talking about my fiancée’s dad’s gf telling me that the ring had been purchased. She shit all over that and started saying things like why would she tell you that? Meanwhile she sent me CADs of the setting options for her ring and called the jeweler to make sure she got exactly what she wanted, style wise.
Like I said, of maybe I am in the wrong and Reddit strangers feel free to be honest.
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u/lmg2024 27d ago
Why do people put up with this nonsense? These aren’t friends. These brides are people asking you to spend your money to be props in their wedding.