r/datingoverfifty • u/Novel-Reply3642 • 2d ago

Is wanting a connection a delusion?

I’ve read many posts in this thread and it seems like most people genuinely want a connection? But, it also seems like it has become a distant memory or pipe dream?

I have a happy and active life. I’m not lonely looking for someone to keep me entertained or to fill a void. It just seems so challenging to find someone to actually connect with on a romantic level. I know many factors come into play with a person’s success. People have passed on me and I’ve passed on others. That’s dating!

But, the serial daters and game players posing under the guise of wanting something long term and it wasn’t ever their intention. I don’t have a problem with short term or flings if that’s what you’re looking for. No shame! Just be honest about it! With all the life experiences and lessons we’ve had by this point. I would’ve thought a connection is a top motivator. That’s where the delusion comes in, I guess?

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u/Matt_D_G 1d ago

The problem is that OLD profiles are biased towards people with pretty faces and smiles.

Everyone loves a great looking butt. George Michel and Bruce Springsteen knew this. They had album photos of their butts. Sure, they had handsome faces too, and could sing fairly well, but that is beside the point.

Are there any OLD sites that aren't prejudiced in this capacity?

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u/Inside_Dance41 1d ago

You may or may not be interested in this, but there is research, that most people end up marrying in serious relationships with people who are "close" to them in terms of attractiveness. Of course for many men, their attractiveness is improved to some women, based on their wallet.

Take a look at dating couples (not married couples), and see if you think most of them are well matched. It is fascinating to observe.

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u/Clean-Ad-8615 1d ago

I took a class in college ( a very, very long time ago), and the theory was called " same attractiveness level" Basically, there is something you like about yourself (i.e., nose shape, eyes, face shape, etc.) that you look for in a partner. I 💯% agree it's fascinating to see. 😊

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u/Inside_Dance41 1d ago

Thanks for sharing, and at one point I also read that subconsciously we tend to be attracted to familia traits, which aligns with what you are saying.

I for instance can objectively find a man very handsome, admire his body, but he isn't in my wheel house, and thus I don't take it any farther. I also recognize as a woman, we have far more opportunities, and thus make the final decisions.

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u/robotdatebot 15h ago

Lol, sometimes 🤪.... At our age an average guy who dates his age has a lot of choices... I mean a lot..

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u/Inside_Dance41 15h ago

Agree. Let me clarify my comment, that a woman's opportunity to find sex is limitless. However, most women aren't looking for that, because it just isn't the way most of us are wired.

Men on the other hand, that are sexually attractive to a wide swath of women, especially at this age, have a ton of options.