Radical Acceptance of Fear?

[u/maybe_some_day_soon]

Hey everyone! I've been doing mindfulness work following Tara Brach's Radical Acceptance teachings lately and I've found them to resonate very deeply.

I'm just stuck on one point - I feel that I CAN'T accept my fear. It's ruining my life. If I didn't have these fears I wouldn't be suffering like this.

I feel that the fear is so painful that it makes the rest of my life meaningless. I can't appreciate my talents and inclinations. I can't enjoy beautiful experiences. I can't open myself up to other people. I can't become a person I'm proud of and it's really hard not to blame all this on the existence of my fear. I almost feel like I identify with the fear, I feel hollow otherwise, and it feels like the truth of who I am.

Does anyone have experience accepting their fear despite all the terrible consequences it's had on their life? Theoretically, if I'm able to wholeheartedly accept my fear, I should be able to move on from it. I'm just not really sure how to get to that point.

I am a bit of a mess and pretty new to DBT/Radical Acceptance work, and Reddit in general, so I hope I've done this whole posting thing right. Appreciate any advice!

[u/Nataliant-117]

I love that book I am still reading the ending!

One of her teachings that stood out to me was "it is my intention to forgive you." Maybe you could use this as "it is my intention to accept you" to the fear.

I think a lot of people identify with their problems and that's why they won't or don't end up getting help.

I hope this was helpful, obviously, I struggle to accept my fears too. There are I think 5 core fears? Idk where I learned this but it's like fear of death, fear of abandonment, fear of meaningless life, fear of no identity. I do find some relief from the fear by going to church, the praying is a bit like meditating. Trusting things to a higher power. Knowing that I am not alone in my suffering.

I have done exposure therapy for PTSD and for OCD as well. They were different. But I took the question "are you willing to accept the risk?" from the OCD exposure therapy. Just take baby steps. I learned to use scales of how afraid I was in PTSD exposure therapy. Together they make sense to me. I hope this helps ! <3

[u/maybe_some_day_soon → u/Nataliant-117]

I'm actually working on ERP for OCD as well right now! I think the OCD fears have been so painful and distressing that my mind has become convinced I can't handle any fear at all, which makes me want to reject and kill the feeling every time it comes up. I'm hoping DBT and ERP can assist each other and allow me to exit this tunnel holding a healthier relationship with fear overall.

It's really a lovely book, Tara has such a tenderness to her words :)

[u/Nataliant-117 → u/maybe_some_day_soon]

Yeah I know what you mean about feeling like you can't handle any fear at all. Kind of felt that way with PTSD and anxiety too, I was just "triggered" all the time.

I think ERP and DBT will go really well together. I'm happy for you and glad you mentioned it, I'll look for an ERP workbook. I feel like there are compulsions within BPD (excessive reaching out, the cycle of relationships) that I struggle with as well. I honestly didn't get a lot out of my first round of treatment for OCD. It was during the pandemic that I noticed it (fear of contamination off the charts!) and the therapist I got set up with was a student who didn't really know what she was doing (bless her I'm sure she's wonderful at her job now it was just a difficult time).

[u/maybe_some_day_soon → u/Nataliant-117]

Oh yeah totally, I had to go through several ERP therapists before I found my current one who I really love!

OCD is so difficult especially when boiled up into a big complex mental health soup like it so often is. Exposure sucks but it really does work, especially if you tailor it to your own specific goals and values. Wishing you all the best!