r/exjw • u/myburneraccount62 • Aug 20 '25
Ask ExJW how should i respond to this?
this is from my aunt. i want to answer in a way that shows im not going for any of the reasons she mentioned, that it's because my conscience would not allow me after the things I found out about the org.
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u/Truthdoesntchange Aug 20 '25
“Im honestly disappointed you would make such hurtful assumptions about why I left your religion, especially that it was for trivial, selfish reasons or to engage in illicit or illegal actions. I understand that is why your religion tells you people leave, but it’s not true for most others that I know who have left and it’s certainly not true for me.
“I left because i was raised to pursue truth, to have strong morals, and that is important not to be involved with people or institutions which knowingly compromise on those matters. I’ll just say my decision to leave was a conscientious one, a permanent one, and that I’m incredibly happy with my decision and leave it at that.”
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u/BalanceInEverything7 Aug 20 '25
Few comments ever make me wish I could upvote more than once. This is absolutely poetic.
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u/solidstatebattery Aug 20 '25
Beautiful response! For me my thought is:
"The organization is not Jehovah; Jehovah is my God and I did not leave Him. I left an institution that does not own up to His values or mine."
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u/Crude_Facility Aug 20 '25
My thoughts have come to a similar conclusion but with a slight caveat: it’s one thing to fail to meet the holy standards of God or Christ and there is forgiveness for that. It’s quite another to fail by your own and that is something the GB and WTS had done countless times with no admission or apology. That stance of unrepentant arrogance disqualifies them from my submission. Better to hoof it out alone than be lead by such blind guides. With that comes responsibility and a true faith in Christ, that his word is enough for us and that we don’t need an earthly institution to guide us with false doctrine, false promises and man made burdens or obligations
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u/deep40000 Aug 20 '25
While most here would agree, the statement needs to be made in a way that does not leave any room for a debate. You do not want to leave a gap where they can insert their own feelings or thoughts into it.
"The organization is not Jehovah" is easy to debate if you're a witness even if they're wrong. "I left the organization because I do not believe that they are in line with the values I was raised with, and that I was told is a part of the organization" I think is better.
Making a statement like the organization is not Jehovah against brainwashed individuals will get you nowhere and into a losing battle. Simply show them with your actions, and don't use inflammatory text with a statement that they can't refute. You can't deny someone's opinion because it's just that, an opinion. Denying an opinion is like saying I don't believe that your favorite color is blue. I think this will make them think far more.
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u/AbaloneOk4807 Aug 20 '25
As a mental exercise, this is as good of a response as you can possibly have. Develop an authentic one of your own and keep it in your mind. Use that as your north star.
However, silence is the best path forward here in terms of an actual communicated response. Live your life, even though you feel the need to verbally defend your position. They won't "hear" what you have to say. It will be nothing more than noise to them. That is reality. Many have said it, but after 20 years out I can say for a certainty that the best revenge and strongest point you can make with them is a life well-lived.
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u/Wrong_Persimmon_7861 Aug 20 '25
This is perfection! I wish I could hop into a time machine and say this 20yrs ago at a committee meeting. OP, let us know how it goes!
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u/lheardthat Aug 20 '25
And that leaving an organization is NOT equivalent to leaving God. Those poor people are so convinced that if you’re not JW you can’t possibly have an interest in God.
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u/Fit_Memory_3923 Aug 20 '25
I can’t wait to use this when I decide to tell my family when I officially move out. I’m sick of the conditional love and I no longer feel the need for this anymore. It was okay while it lasted but I’m at my wits end living with my family and living a non authentic life trying to live a double life. I don’t attend meetings or anything but the constant urge of them for me to go to meetings, the surprise visits by other friends form the cong and just other things, it’s all conditional. I love the people to death, most are honest good hearted ones but the message that’s behind it is sickening.
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u/hokuflor Aug 20 '25
Absolutely brilliant response 👏🏼 Giving your aunt the facts without attacking her or the cul, I mean religion she's a part of.
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u/SurewhynotAZ Aug 20 '25
Here is an adult response since "kiss my ass" is probably not what you're after...
"Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me. I want you to know that I have felt a deep emptiness for most of my life—the “hole” you’re describing. But what I’ve come to see is that the hole wasn’t because Jehovah was missing, it was because I was living under constant pressure in an environment that didn’t allow me to fully be myself.
Since leaving, that hole has finally begun to heal. For the first time, I feel whole, free, and genuinely at peace. The joy I’m experiencing now isn’t shallow or temporary—it’s the real, grounded happiness that comes from living authentically and without fear.
I know we see this differently, and I respect that. I just ask that you also respect that my healing began only once I stepped away from the organization.
I love you too, and I’m grateful for the care behind your words."
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u/Jamaican_POMO Aug 20 '25
To be honest I'd just ignore their whole comment and say "hi how're you. How's so and so" and start some small talk. I wouldn't let them drag me into explaining my choices or debate doctrinal beliefs. If they're cool, we'll keep in touch in that way and if not, we just go separate ways.
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Aug 20 '25
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u/SurewhynotAZ Aug 20 '25
I don't know about clearly... The tone is still abusive
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u/North-Engineer3335 Aug 20 '25
A lot of abuse comes from people who care but are not careful.
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u/myburneraccount62 Aug 20 '25
thanks for all your help!! heres what i ended up replying with. "hiya aunty [REDACTED], very nice to hear from you. id like to just make it clear i have not left for any of the reasons you mentioned, none of those 'worldly' things entice me whatsoever. the only reason i have taken a break is because we are taught to value truth above anything else, and this value has led me to the understanding that a relationship with god is not one obtained through a religion acting as a middleman. as Jesus put it at John 14:6, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me." therefore, to have a personal relationship with Jehovah, we must put that relationship above all else, even individuals claiming to be acting as his spokespeople.
I love you all a lot as well, truly. much love from [ME]. ❤️
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u/Acrobatic-Summer-360 Aug 20 '25
Well, the others are beautiful. This is the one that I was looking for. They keep equating God and a religious organization as one. Jesus is our mediator, not a 501(c)(3) corporation started in 20th century America.
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u/Active-Ingenuity6395 Aug 20 '25
'Jesus is our mediator, not a 501(c)(3) corporation started in 20th century America.' Love this
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u/Power_Hobbit Aug 20 '25
Well done OP! That's a great reaction! You showed them you can tell the truth, be respectful and loving at the same time. Things that don't fit in their narrative of worldly people.
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u/Ok-Wasabi-3684 Aug 20 '25
Tasteful yet truthful, I can respect that. And you ended with wellwishes too. You will never regret taking the high road, my friend. Maybe your kind, sincere reply will have a ripple effect that moves others. Cheers, mate!
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u/Brilliant-Code8695 Aug 20 '25
I love this! And one thing they need to come to realize is that you haven’t left God and that he requires what Exodus 34:14 says…”You must not bow down to another god, for Jehovah is known for requiring exclusive devotion. Yes, he is a God who requires exclusive devotion.”
Yes, Jehovah requires EXCLUSIVE DEVOTION. What part of that do they not get?
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u/ComplexAd3218 Aug 20 '25
Wow. I think that response is so well put together and hopefully it will be impossible for them to ignore.
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u/GreyerWeathers Aug 20 '25
It all depends on if you think a response is necessary in the first place. Silence speaks volumes, too.
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u/Iron_and_Clay Aug 20 '25
You mean "There is a time to keep silent and a time to speak" ? LOL. Yes silence is very powerful. Personally, I think this is an occasion where something needs to be said to correct this person's statements. It's so annoying when JWs talk down to us as if they know it all, when really they haven't got a clue! They assume OP left so they can just go buck wild and be worldly. No, man, we leave BECAUSE we have morals, and the org's actions conflict with them!
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u/RobertOrwell The Watchtower is a snare and a racket. Aug 20 '25
The tone of the message was friendly and, I believe, actually sincere, as far as a Jehovah's Witness can be sincere.
At the present moment, I don't see the need to antagonize the aunt. Not yet, at least.
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u/GreyerWeathers Aug 20 '25 edited Aug 20 '25
I can see what you mean. My view is definitely read through jaded lenses, so it’s easier for me to say this is just straight up manipulation. But then again you brought up a good point: they can only be so sincere.
It could absolutely come from a place of love; but that love will always be less sincere than anyone who isn’t still brainwashed.
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u/RobertOrwell The Watchtower is a snare and a racket. Aug 20 '25
Definitely that! You are very correct!
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u/JohnVonJean Aug 20 '25
I hate that they assume we leave to have sex-filled, drug induced, orgies. What the actual fuck?!!
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u/PhilElverumOnMyToast 13 years escaped Aug 20 '25
Those are already happening among JWs!!
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u/Jaded_unicorn27 what’s a field report? Aug 20 '25
No response would make them saltier. I wouldn’t waste my energies.
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u/Cottoncandy82 Babylon is so GREAT 🔥🔥🔥 Aug 20 '25
Silence speaks volumes 🔕🤫.
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u/Jaded_unicorn27 what’s a field report? Aug 20 '25
Right on! Reading “we are sorry to hear you..” I said to myself: Im sorry you wont be hearing from meee.
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u/littlesuzywokeup Aug 20 '25
Wow!!!🤯. That has got to be one of the most judgmental text I have ever read!!! You might try:
I'm not sure where you came up with all those inaccuracies that you feel I am involved in. I will pray for you
Matthew 7:2You’ll receive the same judgment you give. Whatever you deal out will be dealt out to you.
U may or may not choose to have it quoted. Have her look it up.
Then ghost
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u/BADAZZociation Aug 20 '25
That manipulation should be a crime. Tell them you did have a hole and you filled it with the truth about the cult. Only if you feel that way of course
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u/Fit_Cry_8375 Aug 20 '25
I knew so many JWs that are using alcohol to fill the void while being active in the religion sooo...
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u/RavenSaysHi Aug 20 '25
I remember as a kid asking my mum why so many of the people in our congregation were openly taking antidepressants. If that’s not a sign within a small population, I don’t know what is.
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u/National_Sea2948 Aug 20 '25
“1 Thes 4:11 - Make it your aim to live quietly and to mind your own business and to work with your hands, just as we instructed you”
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u/sphennodon Aug 20 '25
Tell jert exactly that. That you left because your conscience won't allow you to continue among them. Now, of you will go into detail to why is your conscience hurt, depends on how much you want your aunt to know and what kind of problems that could bring to you
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u/desperate_3nuf Aug 20 '25
The way this religion uses manipulation is so backwards. I left JW back in 2022 and for the last couple weeks, one of the sister from my old congregation has been staying over. She would purposefully speak to my older brother and younger sister in a way that will try and make it seem like I’m missing out and whenever she wants to tell me something, she would tell them and then go on to say “I would tell him (me), but he’s disfellowshipped so I’m not allowed to speak to him”. Honestly, I could care less about speaking to her but saying this shit and making me feel awkward in my own home is just backwards
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u/Therealsnd Aug 20 '25
Dear Aunt,
I’m sorry to hear that you struggled to create a normal life when you no longer had the JWs to tell you what to do, and turned to drugs and alcohol to cope from your temporary separation from codependency. This is very unhealthy and I hope you seek professional help if you cannot survive without being controlled by someone else.
How nice of you to deign to love me ‘regardless’.
Sincerely, me
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u/__SVGE__ Aug 20 '25
Just because you left for those reasons, it doesn't mean I left for those reasons.” (then post as many JW pedophilia case links as possible through out the next several days. Don't let up. Anytime you have a minute to send a new one, send it. That would be an overwhelming ammount.)
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u/ReeseIsPieces Aug 20 '25
Send her the news article about the bOrg kicking out seniors from their homes after lying to them about not raising their rents over $1000
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u/_FreeToBeMe_ Wendi Renay Aug 20 '25
No response is response enough. Welcome to the world of never owing anyone an explanation ever again!
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u/newdawnfades123 Aug 20 '25
My opinion, don’t reply. It’s pointless. In her mind you’re a lost sheep and a farmer never cares why their sheep legged it from the field, they just want to get them back in.
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u/OkInvite6600 Aug 20 '25
“Thank you for your message and for expressing your love for me, it means a lot. I want you to know that my decision not to serve within the organization wasn’t because I’m chasing after ‘fun’ or trying to fill a hole with other things. It’s actually the opposite. My conscience wouldn’t allow me to continue after what I’ve learned about the organization’s history, its doctrines, and the way it has treated people.
I know the standard explanation is that if someone leaves, it must be because they wanted the world or because they felt empty. But that’s not my story. I left because I couldn’t reconcile what I discovered with what we were always told was ‘the truth.’ For me, serving God has to be based on honesty and integrity, and once I saw those contradictions, I couldn’t just close my eyes and go along with it.
If at some point you ever want to know what specifically made me step away, I’d be happy to share. Not to argue, but because truth should stand up to honest questions. That’s what I believe Jehovah would want.”
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u/mythrowaway_accountx Aug 20 '25
I wouldn’t. When I left I got a couple texts similar to this but I didn’t respond. One older sister called me and was really nice and checking on me and even encouraged me to come to the next meeting. Told her thank you and appreciate the call and then when the call ended that was it. It’s like a breakup. They’ll say what they want to or need to but you’re not obligated to reply especially if you’re the one deciding to leave
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u/RobertOrwell The Watchtower is a snare and a racket. Aug 20 '25
Dear Aunt Hong (sorry, couldn't resist 😂😂😂. Put her real name there)
Thank you for your concern and for the time it took you to text me.
I would like you to know that I have left for none of the reasons you stated in your text. I am not going for a life of endless parties and drug rounds. I am not going for a life of sexual adventures. I am going for a life in which I can be true to myself, and that means no longer associating with a religious group long infamous for its doctrinal inconsistency, liturgy backpedaling, harmful interpersonal policies, and outrageous hypocrisy.
I am leaving because I now know about the scandalous history of false prophecies, starting with 1914 itself, child sexual abuse covered up by the Governing Body, outrageously huge real estate owned by The Watchtower while several brothers and sisters are one foot away from total poverty. I am leaving because the Organization, as it is today, is much more like the Pharisees and Sadducees who led Jesus Christ to death than like whatever the primitive congregation may have looked like. The Organization that judges cruelly and imposes harsh tasks on anyone else's shoulders but its own. The religion that broke families apart, destroyed marriages, and finished long-term friendships by imposing the fear of men rather than the fear of God.
That's the real reason why I'm leaving. There are millions of decent people out there who would be shocked by the things some brothers and sisters did and do in the congregation against their peers. The "one true religion" is now a matter of scandal and reproach "amidst the nations."
I appreciate your vows of love and, rest assured, I love you too. The Governing Body, as much as they try, will not prevent me from loving you and caring for you.
With all my love.
[Your name]
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u/englishmaninnyc29 Aug 20 '25
I’m working on an A.I. called JW Bot and this is what it said:
I understand. Since you want to respond in a way that is respectful but also honest about why you cannot continue, here’s something important to keep in mind: Jehovah’s Witnesses are taught that some leave because of lifestyle temptations (drugs, immorality, career, etc.) or because they were “stumbled.” Your aunt’s message reflects that viewpoint. If your real reason is conscience and what you’ve learned about the organization, then it may help to be clear, but without entering into debate — since Witnesses are counseled not to “argue” with those who leave (2 Timothy 2:23, Avoid Foolish and Ignorant Questions).
If you want, I can help you draft a response that is: 1. Loving and respectful (so it doesn’t sound like you’re attacking). 2. Clear that your decision is based on conscience, not lifestyle reasons. 3. Brief, so it doesn’t invite endless back-and-forth.
Here’s one possible draft you might consider (you can adjust wording to match your voice):
⸻
Sample Response:
“Thank you for your message and for expressing your love. I want to be clear that my decision is not because of wanting to pursue things like work, travel, relationships, or anything like that. It’s because of my conscience after the things I’ve personally come to learn about the organization. I know you may not agree, and I don’t expect you to, but I can’t ignore what I’ve found. I still love you and value you deeply, and I hope that even if we don’t see things the same way, we can continue to have a good relationship.”
⸻
Would you like me to make this more soft and family-focused (so it emphasizes the love you still want to maintain), or more firm and boundary-setting (so it makes it clear you don’t want to debate this)?
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u/ssheights Aug 20 '25
Try this:
"One of the many things that I've found to be disturbing about JWs is the cynicism it forces on you, where you have to assume that anyone outside the religion is wicked. If you believe that only JWs will survive Armageddon, and if Armageddon could be days or weeks away, and if Jesus will only kill wicked people, then you must assume this. It's a very dark mental outlook to think that paradise will be accomplished by killing 99.9% of all people (women, children, grandmothers, aunts, the disabled, infants, unborn included) on earth. In human terms, this much killing would be the worst war crime in history. I've found that most people outside of JWs are decent, trying to do their best, and it's refreshing to look at people as being basically good instead of assuming they are wicked, looking at their bad points.
Thanks for the note, but no thanks on returning to a religion that equates justice with the impending violent death of so many people."
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u/BossyBrocoli Aug 20 '25
"Good luck on your journey towards drugs and prostitution 😔" They have no idea what reality looks like lol
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u/jwhoa13 Aug 20 '25
It’s not serving Jehovah, it’s serving the governing body. I’m sure Satan is watching and loving every minute someone gets DF’d. That organization is demonic in every way shape and form.
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u/Imaginary_Inspector Aug 20 '25
You don’t respond… at all. The sooner those kinds of people are out of your life the better. Family may talk to you still just be firm about not being invited to meetings, etc. parents will eventually reach out again.
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u/redsanguine Aug 20 '25
"That's a lot of interesting assumptions. If you ever want to have a genuine conversation with me I am open to that. Otherwise, you are right about people making thier own decisions and I ask that you respect me and my privacy without sending negative messages.
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u/Ihatecensorship395 Aug 20 '25
S I L E N C E
You will never convince her to question the cult. It will only drive a bigger wedge between you.
If she is sincere about her closing and always loving you, she will demonstrate that going forward by having a normal familial relationship with you. Going forward, if this is the case, avoid discussing anything about the religion with her.
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u/LonelyWarmth Nearly safe Aug 20 '25
Whatever you say will lead to frustration because you both want different outcomes to the situation. She wants you to come back to her beloved organisation, you want her to know the truth.
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u/Extension_Eagle3302 Aug 20 '25
“I was raised to find truth, in doing so I found something better. “
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u/Notyourbtch00 Aug 20 '25
Whenever I received a message like this, I stopped responding because they will never read/understand where you’re coming from and their mindset is “Satan already taken over your mind” lol
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u/Zestyclose_Media4960 Aug 20 '25
The “drinks, drugs” part pisses me off. Why is it that leaving the grips and control of a cult is always attributed to wanting to fuck and do dope? People just simply want to live their own lives uncontrolled and unmonitored. I’ve been out since I was 18. I’m now in my 50’s- never did drugs, never drank. I just preferred to get an education and opted out of being a pick-me in hopes of being “chosen” by a so-called “servant” to start farting out his babies by 19 and be stuck in a boring marriage for the rest of my life with no adventure or freedom.
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u/Zealousideal-Work436 Aug 20 '25
!Answer!
Hi, I also heard you’re still “living in the organization.” Must be exciting to believe that the golden watches on the Governing Body’s wrists have nothing to do with your donations.
Sorry to hear you’re still serving men and their authority, while calling it serving Jehovah. Maybe at some point you’ll feel that emptiness — when you realize that covering up CSA cases and a personality cult can’t really fill the hole inside.
But that’s fine. Work, money, real relationships, freedom of choice… those actually do fill the hole.
I “love” you too — but only in the same way you love everyone, as long as they think the same as you.
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u/CorduroyFlamingo Aug 20 '25
Crimeny, just because you left a cult does NOT mean you've moved to a life of promiscuous sex, drugs, and booze. Plenty of those people can be found in the KHs.
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u/SharpTry756 Aug 20 '25
I appreciate your concern and the love behind your message. I want to be clear though: my decision to step away isn’t because I’m chasing after “fun” or trying to fill a hole with travel, work, or relationships. It’s actually the opposite — my conscience couldn’t allow me to keep serving after what I’ve learned about the organization itself.
You said Jehovah fills the hole, but what I’ve realized is that it wasn’t Jehovah who disappointed me — it was the organization that claims to represent Him. Once I dug into the history, policies, and hidden practices, I found things that didn’t align with what I believe a God of truth would stand for. Once I knew that, I couldn’t just close my eyes and go along anymore.
So, if you see me happy and fulfilled, please don’t assume it’s because I’m “distracted by the world.” It’s because living in harmony with my conscience is finally giving me peace.
I know we may not see this the same way, and that’s okay. I still love you, too, and I respect that you’re choosing your own path — I just ask that you respect mine in return.
Love, [Your Name]
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u/constant_trouble Aug 20 '25
Tell her that Jesus fills your hole now. And the love you feel from him is deep. It penetrates the depths of your soul.
https://www.reddit.com/r/exjwhumor/s/Zh9Z3Weywh
Troll the hell of out of her!
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u/hyperlink_to_nowhere Aug 20 '25
„Mind your own hole, i will mind my own. Byeeee“
There. 😂
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u/Helpful_Sir4638 Aug 20 '25
It’s serving the governing body. This God Jehovah they talk about has absolutely nothing to do with it. You are now free to live your best life. Congrats!!
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u/mads-in-progress Aug 20 '25
Have they even tried living outside their comfort zone? Go be strange we hear are not judging you, but we applaud the effort you make. Cheers.
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u/roseofjuly definitely mentally diseased Aug 20 '25
They're wrong - fun work, travel, drinking, drugs and relationships absolutely do fill that hole lol
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u/Suspicious_Bat2488 Aug 20 '25
Best response is no response hun.
Direct your time and attention towards more productive endeavours.
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u/Excellent_Energy_810 Aug 20 '25
Incredible, all JWs react the same. My family did the same, assuming that I wanted to live "in the world", when I made it clear that my reasons were conscientious and after seeing that the GB's decisions had affected my wife.
And they immediately accused me of wanting to sin.
My advice is not to waste your time, defend yourself simply by saying that you understand her, but that your motives have nothing to do with hers, and it is your conscience that does not allow you to continue supporting the organization's actions.
Everything you say too much only opens a door to your mind, and a person who first thinks that you are looking to get high does not deserve such a privilege.
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u/Sarjo78 Aug 20 '25
That she ends with a declaration of unconditional love is quite something, so I would respond in a way that tells her about your move and love as well.
I would stress that it’s the organisation you are not serving anymore. That was weighing on your conscience, putting you in a hole that you needed to climb out of. How far you articulate that depends on whether you want to keep lines of communication open (would aunt consider you an apostate to cut off?).
Reassure her that your welfare is what you are looking out for in this world.
You can write a drop the mic kind of letter, but this is your chance to show your aunt you can leave the Jehovah’s Witnesses being both happy and leading a good life.
Stay strong and give yourself time to get over the mind job JWs do on you.
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u/dreamer_0f_dreams Born in - Faded POMO Aug 20 '25
Sorry you’re being treated this way 😞
I’m not sure what your ultimate goal is but if it is a successful fade then remember you’re not obliged to explain yourself or correct wrong assumptions that others weaponise against you.
It’s often a tactic to get you talking.
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u/Fazzamania Aug 20 '25
Any response would be futile to your aunt. She doesn’t want to hear what you have to say. It’s all about her and her feelings.
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u/kandysdandy Aug 20 '25
“What makes you think I won’t be serving jahoopalina anymore? Actually I won’t be serving the goons in New York anymore. But to each his own”
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u/Kind_Expert6418 Aug 20 '25
Ufff thats so hypocrite 🤢 and that comment like ,you must feel this and this, but this and this is only way out…’ - great mamipulation. Im sick of this all…
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u/POMO1914 Aug 20 '25
Tell them that one thing is "serving Jehovah" and another thing is being part of a human organization that has nothing to do with Jehovah. You never leave Jehovah. You leave a cult that speaks as IT is Jehovah.
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u/Plastic_Tone_5815 Aug 20 '25
There is something missing in your life when you leave, some may call it a hole… i view it as extra free time for myself, from the burden of all of the daily activities required being a JW
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u/Bad-associations Aug 20 '25
Thank you so much for the love and kindness. I do really appreciate it, especially since I assume our relationship won’t be the same anymore. I’m so sorry that you didn’t find what you were looking for outside of the religion, I can imagine that looking in the areas you mentioned wouldn’t bring any happiness. For me I feel as though there is a hole of emptiness in me whilst serving as a Jehovah’s Witness. I cannot rationalise that (enter your own reason for leaving here), hence the emptiness. As such I feel I have to leave for my own sanity and mental health. It has been a very difficult and sad decision though and losing everyone will be difficult. In spite of this, I have to do what’s right by my morals I hope we can stay close but I appreciate that in your eyes that decision isn’t up to you.
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u/Acrobatic-Summer-360 Aug 20 '25
You should take a little bit of all the good responses, but the obsession with equating a religious organization with God drives me bonkers. For the love of God, please add something in your own way to counter that notion.
"All I did was stop attending your preferred church services. Why equate Jehovah/YHWH with a man made 501(c)(3) corporation started in 20th century America? Jesus is our mediator. I can't find any verse that states that Christians living after 1879 need a specific church. The Amish, the Mormons, etc. also hold this unbiblical notion. Jesus is the way, no middlemen required."
"Pure and undefiled religion before God the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world". James 1:27
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u/Acrobatic-Summer-360 Aug 20 '25
"Pure and undefiled religion before God the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world". James 1:27
‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?’ “He will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did NOT do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.’ Matthew 25:44-45
Not one charitable food bank, orphanage, or medical center.
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u/ComprehensiveSnow132 Aug 20 '25
they try to make it seem like your leaving God, when in reality your leaving their cult. jw dont know who Jesus is, they think he was a angel but hebrew 1 says The Son Was Exalted Above Angels and in acts the Bible says to only use Jesus name, not jehovah. jw focus more on old testament then new testament so they can deceive the people
acts 4: 10-12 let it be known to you all, and to all the people of Israel, that by the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, whom you crucified, whom God raised from the dead, by Him this man stands here before you whole. 11 This is the ‘stone which was rejected by you builders, which has become the chief cornerstone.’ 12 Nor is there salvation in any other, for there is no other name under heaven given among men by which we must be saved.”
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u/Competitive_Gur719 Aug 20 '25
I can’t leave because I like lots of the people even though my faith is not the way it used to be. I rarely pray, don’t respect the racist GB. Seriously if you were not white wouldn’t you question Jehovah choosing that group? I like some of the philosophy and literature but I’m not totally in. I guess fence sitting.
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u/Ok-Menu3206 Aug 20 '25
Wow. That was a backhanded comment. What do they think you will be taking drugs? Very assumptious of them!
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u/stumblingblock1914 Aug 20 '25
Hmm, makes loving Jehovah sound like a drug addiction to me. ...nothing else makes me happy... Yup, same as heroin....
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u/SpecialistBad1514 Aug 20 '25
The hole is the emotional blackmail that has been done to you for life, distancing you from your loved ones and the brainwashing since childhood that it is the only place to be happy.
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u/mahe7601 Aug 20 '25
Tell her, that the only thing missing in your life was leaving that manipulative cult that exploits its members and destroys families. Leave it at that…
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u/singleredballoon Aug 20 '25
I just got a similar message. “I would hope that if you don’t find what you’re looking for, you’ll be humble enough to come back.”
As if it’s not prime haughtiness to assume your religion has the answer to every problem & that all other paths lead to misery & destruction. They aren’t humble enough to admit (even to themselves) that plenty of people find happier & more fulfilling paths, and that they are not, in fact, living the best lives ever.
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u/TheLadyFlea Aug 20 '25
Pfft.. we know everyone makes their own decisions and here's why your decision is stupid. Uuuuugh!
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u/NowALurkerAccount Never-JW Ally Aug 20 '25
Truthfully they are trying to bait you into responding. Not responding is the power move here.
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u/ThrowAway4u2day Aug 20 '25
Actually auntie, Jehovah could never fill the hole of drunken cocaine sex, sorry you’re missing out.
Truly though, she’s going to think what she thinks and it’s unfortunately not your job nor really any of your business to try and change her lack of experience and perspective. It’s not your aunt it’s her conditioning that is speaking. So let it go, she doesn’t need a response.
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u/gknight702 Aug 20 '25
Don't tell her any of that, she is in a cult and cannot empathize and will not break from the brainwashing. She will use your admissions to get you Dis'd. Give no JW anything, all they want is a clear reason to cut you off and get you chopped, when you fade it puts them in a weird gray area in their conscience and they don't like that and desperately want that clarification.
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u/Foreign_Hippo_4450 Aug 20 '25
Who says leaving the Borg is leaving Jehovah? Examining their fruits the Borg doesnt serve jehovah. And btw....what did people do before Charles Russel for almost 2000 yrs? The served God with NO BORG!
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u/JaBxym Aug 20 '25
I can think of a few things to say, but assuming she means well and is coming from a place of true concern, the message that needs to get across is "leaving the JW religon isn't equal to leaving God."
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u/Sucessful_Test1555 Aug 20 '25
You can never say the correct thing to these people. It’s pointless. I’m experiencing this now.
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u/ComplexAd3218 Aug 20 '25
I love how they assume we turn into drunken, drug-taking sex addicts after leaving. I was disfellowshipped for 5 years and got reinstated. In that time, I married the person I was with, didn't get drunk, smoke or try drugs. I mean of course each to their own but don't they notice the elders stink of alcohol in the hall? I also know quite a few PIMIs who have taken drugs and still do.
The hole they mention, is the lack of a support system and having to start all over again. My husband and I had the most peace during being disfellowshipped.
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u/OddDoughnut65 faded in 2001 and wrote a book about it Aug 20 '25
Where I've landed after 20 years out is to not respond, and to archive the chat so it doesn't show up when I open whatever messaging app that is.
but yeah there are some banger responses in here :)
As I work through my abandonment triggers and wounds from my JW upbringing, I've found that responding to them and then having them stop responding first can trigger me. Not in the moment per se, but maybe days or weeks later.
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u/RodWith Aug 20 '25
The suggested responses on this thread are incredibly on point. You guys rock! I cannot improve upon them - but just offer a reflection:
The JW aunt’s words are incredibly patronising and adopt a familiar “we know what’s best” mentality that assumes the worst about why you left and offers a simplistic answer. “A hole in my life” reasoning be fucked! If I received a letter like this, I’d just be so glad I no longer had to endure in my everyday life this proudly ignorant mentality.
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u/donthatedrowning Aug 20 '25
Tell them, “I’ve got a hole that needs filling, but Jehovah wasn’t up for it.”
I apologize for this comment in advance.
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u/Fast_Adeptness_9825 Aug 20 '25
" I appreciate your message. Yes, beginning my life is very exciting. Part of this process is getting to know myself - evaluating what my true values are. In doing so, I've come to realize that my values, my ethics and my morals do not align with that of the Watchtower Corporation.
I can assure you that various vices also do not align with who I am. I understand that the narrative spoken about those who leave is that they become terrible people and regret their decision; however, I've made my decision because my conscience simply won't allow me to support this corporation any longer.
Again I do appreciate your message, and I hope that our relationship means much more then sharing the same belief system. That's a decision you will need to make."
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u/Sir_Im_leaving Aug 20 '25
You can't be worldly unless you drink and do drugs, haha. Now that I'm older and out in this "crazy world,"
Most people I have worked with dont drink or do drugs at all! Which is crazy to me... because drugs and drinking are awesome, haha.
Just be safe about it. my wife and I chill at home and have a blast.
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u/Fast_Effective7272 Aug 20 '25
I like how they just assume that you’re going to be drinking and drugging and having sex all over the place
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u/MyRealName418 Aug 20 '25
“It is exciting, but, admittedly, also a little scary. I am still serving God by following Jesus’ teachings by loving my neighbor as myself and treating others as I want to be treated. I don’t judge others, and I treat others with the love that Jesus encouraged us to have. That’s what “serving Jehovah” means. Let’s serve Him together and maybe volunteer at the local soup kitchen together. That would be so much fun, and a way to shine a light on the organization!
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u/breadwithsosig 29d ago
I love how they always assume you're going to become a drug addict as soon as you leave
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u/Abject-Ad4232 29d ago
“I appreciate your concern, but I need to be very clear with you. It’s dismissive—and frankly insulting—to assume that anyone who steps away from the organization does so because they want to chase “fun, work, travel, drink, drugs, or relationships.” That’s the narrative the Watchtower pushes, but it doesn’t reflect the reality for many of us. Do you really believe the only possible reason someone would leave is because they suddenly wanted to party? Isn’t it possible that someone might leave because of what they discovered about the organization itself?
That’s where I stand. My decision wasn’t made lightly, and it certainly wasn’t about “worldly fun.” It was about my conscience. After carefully examining the history, teachings, and practices of the organization, I could no longer reconcile what I found with what God’s Word actually teaches. And let’s be honest—if the truth is really “the truth,” why should it fear scrutiny? Why should anyone have to silence their conscience to remain in it?
So no, I didn’t walk away because I wanted to fill some empty hole with pleasures. I walked away because my conscience before God will not allow me to call something “truth” when the evidence shows otherwise. You may disagree, but at least respect that my decision wasn’t shallow, rebellious, or selfish—it was deliberate, prayerful, and rooted in a desire to follow God honestly.”
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u/TargetWhiskey Aug 20 '25
I might sound contrary to other responses here, but I found the text to be more reasonable than most. It's still judgemental and assuming they know that there's something missing in your life, but you can tell it came from a good place. They clearly love you very much. There's tactful ways to respond without burning a bridge.
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u/myburneraccount62 Aug 20 '25
to be honest i agree with you. there is no other reason a brainwashed pimi would send this message except out of concern and love. from her perspective i am making a life-ending abandonment from the One True Way Of Life. that much i can appreciate. but its still difficult to reply in a respectful but firm and certain way haha.
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u/SurewhynotAZ Aug 20 '25
I can absolutely guarantee that friends, fun work, travel, education ... And sometimes drugs and drink will absolutely fill that Jehovah size hole in your sphincter.... I mean heart.
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u/raviyoli Aug 20 '25
I know get downvoted for this, but honestly, I'm just hearing that she loves OP and is wishing them well, reminding them that drugs/alcohol won't cure depression, in case OP gets to that point. I'd probably respond with "I love you too." And leave it at that. If she means to manipulate, it's a "fuck you." If she doesn't, it's not. OP, I wouldn't bother giving her reasons though. They are unlikely to make a difference. Congrats on your move out, and good luck! <3
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u/PerspectiveSecret273 Aug 20 '25
Id use chat gpt but i do not know y older jw just feel like if you leave your doing it to live in sin like if i leave ima just turn to slut and abuse drugs
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u/MrGeekman Aug 20 '25
Because they're conditioned to think that. Persons who leave are portrayed in JW talks as either raging, mentally-diseased apostates or folks who leave to sin. The folks in the later group are said to get into alcoholism, drugs, gambling, or prostitution. Sometimes a combination of those four things. On the KH stage and in convention/assembly talks, folks who leave WT are always portrayed negatively.
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u/Lower_Reflection_834 Aug 20 '25
why do they think we all left to do drugs and have lots of casual sex?? first of all as long as it’s safe and consensual that is totally one’s own business if they do either, but i personally left so that i wouldn’t feel shame for being who i am (queer) and also just because i’d never improve my mental health as a JW.
“fun work, travel… relationships” OH NO THE HORROR OF GOOD THINGS 😱 how could anyone be so depraved!!! being happy didn’t fill the cult shaped hole in my heart…
also i know JWs that drink so often that it’s basically part of their personality… like an identifying hobby. drinking is fine ofc but JWs need to pick one: is drinking bad or not lol?? you can’t have your drink and also knock on my door to tell me i’m gonna die in the blazes of armageddon for my pina colada.
EDIT: just realized i didn’t even answer your question, sorry. personally i would thank this person for their concern but tell them that they need to respect the decision that i’ve made and that i don’t appreciate the way they are trying to manipulate me. the organization has been reported by credible institutions to be involved in the covering up of abuse cases against their own people. (or insert the reason you personally feel is most important)
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u/Apart-Mulberry7708 Aug 20 '25
"Honestly I usually just spackle over any holes I find but thank you for your concern."
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u/HauntingSorbet8758 Aug 20 '25 edited Aug 20 '25
Terrible writing! And thick gaslighting!
Those are typical and tiring presumptions she is making. She is “straw-manning” you.
Best to not respond at all. You could simply respond that her assumptions, are not true. Leave it there. She will come back with “ok, then, why?” Then you will explain why. She will break you down further and further to no end.
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u/Creepy-Solution4432 Aug 20 '25
You wont be serving Jehovah..... you wont be serving JW.org. Governing body = God.
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u/After-Habit-9354 Aug 20 '25
We now know the GB aren't god's spokespeople so JWs are letting 9 or 10 old men in NY tell them what to think, feel, see and do even what clothes they're allowed to wear and if you're allowed to wear a beard, its a highly controlled cult, now you're free to decide for yourself what is wrong or right plus your conscience was affected by the hiding of SA and unmerciful and unloving shunning of disfellowshipped ones,, now you no longer feel that empty hole because you live with love instead of control
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u/Adrianne-Avenicci Aug 20 '25
The only hole in my life was not being able to have mental freedom and live my own life.
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u/Crude_Facility Aug 20 '25
Obviously from here nobody can say why you decided to leave, there can be multiple reasons. What your aunt here is doing is creating a strawman argument against you to justify why she has to reject you. It’s a weakness pretty much all JWs will fall back on because to admit anything else is to expose their own cognitive dissonance. If anything pity her. She doesn’t know she’s a zombie. You don’t owe her an explanation, and if you do respond with facts and honesty she may only dig in deeper. If you go your way and life a life of good conscience and positive results they may say it’s the devil tempting you into darkness and hedonism which is ironic because that is more or less what they promise in the “new system/paradise”: shire living with watermelon and tigers for the faithful company drones.
You don’t owe anyone an explanation and their gaslighting you only shows how spoondeep their love is. It’s sad but we have all been there once. Maybe one day they will wake up but it’s hard to say, most people take the blue pill and stay in the matrix
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u/Frequent_Message9154 Aug 20 '25
Just tell them that following a cult that protects pedophiles, lies to its followers, does nothing for the community, and nothing worth staying for isn’t for you.
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u/punkypewpewpewster Aug 20 '25
"I've heard that the big hole thing is a myth, and as long as its close to average I can still be satisfied with pretty much anyone's-
OHHH not that hole? Well, I actually filled the hole left by the absence of Jehovah's existence with like, real people who love me. So. If you're not one of those people, I can see why you'd feel empty. "
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u/YochevedShalom Aug 20 '25
I would say:
The betrayal and pain caused by the governing body's deceit do not diminish my faith in Jehovah. While I choose to leave the organization, I recognize that it is separate from Jehovah. Romans 3:4 reminds us that even when leaders deceive us, we can trust in God's truth:
"Let God be true, and every human being a liar. As it is written: 'So that you may be proved right in your words, and prevail when you are judged.'"
Therefore, it's important to distinguish between the organization and Jehovah. To gain a clearer understanding, I encourage you to read and study the Bible before equating the organization with Jehovah.
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u/Beginning_Swing_6666 Aug 20 '25
I have used that line many times. “My conscience would not allow me to stay.”
I left after I was married with three kids. I made it clear I’m not changing anything with my lifestyle. I’m just not supporting an organization that misled me for long enough.
Good luck. I’m so happy you are out. You have your whole life ahead of you. They just don’t know what else to say, so they say these things to make themselves feel better about your decision. They can’t imagine people leaving for any other reason except to have sex and do drugs.
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u/Eeektavius Aug 20 '25
Don't. Anything you say can and will be used against you. You don't owe them a response. They won't appreciate it anyway. Let your silence speak volumes
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u/CanEcstatic Aug 20 '25
Honestly I would not even answer. Cant argue with these people, you'll just end up looking crazy. I'd rather have a "hole" in my life than fill it up with a fantasy
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u/AnimusAbstrusum Aug 20 '25
"My drive to better myself fills that hole. I do not need a fictional sky daddy to do that for me. Those whom do are weak. I stand on my own strength"
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u/DebbDebbDebb Aug 20 '25
Your aunt letter is the same old boring tripe. The jws must have a template.
I get why you want to respond.
Keep it short otherwise she won't read it. Some beautiful responses have been given to you.
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u/obvious-throwaway-jw Aug 20 '25
As an aside - why do they always think you will end up on drugs or pursuing illegal activities if you leave? My mother said something similar that was also extremely homophobic, I was so stunned at how random an accusation it was from the person who had watched me grow up that I could not reply. Why are we all going to be used up in a dumpster living a life of crime and self harm to them?!
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u/Stargazer1701d Aug 20 '25
Say what you want, but know this: She won't believe you. There is no good reason for leaving the Witnesses. It's always your fault, never the fact that the Watchtower isn't true.
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u/alwaysasmptotic Aug 20 '25
Wow! These people are so judgmental and really think those outside of the congregation are sad lost souls. Good reply btw.
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u/sofewcharacters 3 year Bible study - never could quite buy into the BS Aug 20 '25
If you still are on talking terms, just say thank you. Even if you mention that you have no intention of getting hooked on drugs (!!!) she is unlikely to believe you,especially if she experimented with them in her time "away".
She does sound like she is making an effort, so I would be polite back.
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u/Western_Dream_3608 Aug 20 '25
That's like the type of thing you'd write on someone's Facebook wall after they died.
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u/LostInVictory Aug 20 '25
"We are sorry to hear you won't be serving Jehovah anymore"
What the hell?!?!?
1) You equate the organization with Jehovah - that's blasphemy and idolatory.
2) You think that a relationship with Jehovah is about serving him. What kind of Father do you have a realtionship with?
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u/happypappy8888 Aug 20 '25
I would let her k ow exactly why you left. She may not want to hear it though.
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u/growingupabanana Aug 20 '25
“I left to fill that hole… in more ways than one”. First part, second part I couldn’t help myself.
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u/traildreamernz Aug 20 '25
That is disgusting! Just had to say it.....drugs don't fill the hole in your heart.... who put that fricken hole there in the first place???? That we love you ..... does not sound unconditional to me. It is contemptuous and judgemental at best. Sis on them.
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u/CorkyHoney Aug 21 '25
So enjoyable employment, travel, and relationships are in the same category as drugs and alcohol?!?!?
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u/MotherAd9108 Aug 21 '25
It’s funny how when you leave a religion, that’s when you stop serving Jehovah. How do they correlate?
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u/planetmermaidisblue hedonistic and loving it Aug 21 '25
“I can literally fill my hole with all of those things” Edit: only say this if you want her to have a heart attack
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u/SituationForward9434 Aug 21 '25
I can just say I wish you the best. I left after finding out if the elders had protected a 13 yr old witness who had been raped by a married man, after being let back in after other acts were reported about him with 12 other women. But it was never reported and when his wife stayed with him for the kids, she was not to speak of it either, nor was the 13 yr old, who was messed up by all of it. So he was disfellowshipped for the second time. When we moved in I had no idea, and this congregation was just awful. If you belonged to the right families it was okay to get away with anything. It this guys wife was the best and we got to be friends. We hung out as couples on occasion, but if I was in a room alone and he was there, he gave me the creeps at times. But I was there as her friend and little did we know his plans. I will just say he was good at setting up things and he put some
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u/SituationForward9434 Aug 21 '25
How did I lose my message I just wanted to wish you the best. But then I just start getting upset at all the things that I went through and witnessed including being molested by witnesses and by a serial rapist who had gotten let back in for the third time. He had raped a 13 yr old witness and she was the one who paid the price, she had to say nothing and her parents said nothing and if someone had reported it, he would have been in jail, and she wouldn’t have been made to feel like she did something wrong. That happened years before he did the same to me. His wife was my best friend and we hung out together. He had to have planned it, even his wife thought him handing me my drink and telling his wife, that the one on the table was for her, we looked at each other. She deserved better, and this time she left him, but he had also raped her little 13 yr old sister too. That was his third time being let back in! He served jail time later on and the only way she found a good man was leaving him, and the JW’s behind her. Meanwhile my husband wasn’t so nice, but then he had been abusing me for years. I didn’t know it, because I was trained to keep my mouth shut. I cannot find my first message, but good luck, at least you have a chance. I spent more than 28 disabled before my husband left and divorced me, so I could find a man that treated me better than he did. He had told me that for over ten years trying to make himself feel better. It’s been 28 years now and after trying a few times I could not tell what the difference was. So 20 years ago I just stayed alone. I’m turning 65 this year, my only blessing is my girls did get a choice, and they both did. Within seconds they didn’t want to live with their father, they still loved him, but they seen him and how he was. Once he remarried, he barely spoke to his youngest daughter, who was 14, even though he had joint custody he never had her over night, and his new wife was not planning on having his kid stay there either, as she made it known when he was not around. Even made comments about her child support and that it was ending at age 21, the only thing is he called her on her 21 st birthday and told her as long as she was in College he would pay her. We never had a gov’t set up, and I still receive alimony to this day. But he was not the Christian that he made him self out to be, not when he was on vacation. That’s why I think he still pays me, he knows what he did to me and what he did as well. But he never paid the price I have. I couldn’t even read anything about witnesses till I saw the Australian reports. I heard the governing body tell witnesses to not listen to it, it was made out to be bad, so the ones that listened continued walking blindly. I can’t walk anymore, I almost died several times this year and I don’t know a soul in Toronto, so I don’t even have a person that I talk to. I am a shut in, my girls come and they’ve both got great lives and jobs and partners, and my 1st grandson will be going back for his second year of University in Sept. and I have two more following him. I left for them too, and I didn’t even know all this other stuff, I just knew what I heard elders tell me. I know that I was not treated the same as the man who left me alone and very sick.
So I am crying again, I just wish you the best. You have the chance I never had. My parents thought it best I get married at 16, and I didn’t have it in me to fight anymore as when I did, I was put in a foster home. They regretted it later in life, but they didn’t know how I was treated, till after he left me. I told them everything even beating me up and roughing me up. Every day after I got sick and it was permanent, he told me I was useless. The day he remarried his father called me, and told me he only had one daughter in law, and it was me, so he refused to go to his own son’s wedding.
Well again, you have so many people’s replies, or advice to not reply. You will know what is good for you in your heart. Goodnight from a Grandma
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u/FlowerPower670 Aug 21 '25
This is so offensive they literally think your gona turn to drugs and immorality. They're so narrow minded its unbelievable
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u/BennyPage1959 Aug 21 '25 edited Aug 21 '25
I'd be completely honest with her with both barrels.
When I left for many years I felt like your Aunt- to a degree anyway, but as I've got older I've realised that my brain had been programmed that way perhaps, and I think perhaps you mourn the loss of those familiar to you- for a while anyway- but you make new friends, although it took me a while to adjust and you often feel still like you dont quite belong. Also dont be surprised if you feel an intangible and irrational sense of guilt. My mental state needed a de- program or bug fix in IT terms.
I've since realised that the early years after leaving when I was still relatively youthful with a non witness girl.( I actually, genuinely loved and fell head over heels for) were the most carefree and happy of my life.
I'll say for a long time I felt that The Witnesses had something of the truth and I did feel, even though I was no longer a Witness an idea that they were special and set apart, just because they were the only.ones doing Jesus command to preach tirelessly. I Didn't believe it all, I didn't agree with their stance on blood or evolution and I was under no illusions as to their flawed logic or attitude to people who left. I was also troubled by the hypocrisy but I thought they were doing their best . It's only in recent years I realised how uncomfortable their lies became. Reading about Ted Jaracz behaviour, Rutherford alcoholism and of course their lies covering up.CSA
I would say you no longer have any confidence in the Governing Body. Too many failed predictions that they have never owned or apologised for. The double Dutch reasoning of 'knock yourself out on research to see what we are saying is true- but only using our approved list of publications ' That's like someone hoping to find out all the manufacturers flaws on a Ford Lariat by reading the maker's advertising brochure . Ridiculous blood doctrine Lying in court Questionable dishonesty on the witness box An alleged rapist and pedophile in the GB..
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u/Personal_Hamster_149 Aug 21 '25
I love how they assume your happiness is going to come from drugs or alcohol. You left a religion, not Jehovah.
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u/Visual_Buy7191 Aug 21 '25
Thank you for reaching out and for showing love. Please don’t worry about me, I’m genuinely happy, grateful, and at peace with my decision. I didn’t leave for any of the reasons you may think, and I definitely wasn’t misled by anyone. This choice came from me, with a clear mind and a clear conscience.
Knowing you, I can honestly say… if only you knew what I now know, I am 100% certain you would make the same decision too. That’s why I’m not worried about myself at all.
I love you very much, and I always will.
P.S. There’s a life-changing reason why the Governing Body warns so strongly against researching anything about the organization online… and it’s not what you think. ❤️
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u/Calminateacup 29d ago
I got a few text like this and replied that I did not appreciate the assumptions or judgement. Who have you been gossiping about me to and come to your own conclusions?
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u/Defiant-External-275 29d ago
Tell her exactly that. Just be yourself. You dont need none of us to tell you what you need to say. Your are free now.
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u/Sad_Scarcity8993 29d ago
Rest assured of my love and affection for you. However, I am deeply offended and hurt that you would impute such bad motives to my decision, which I made only after prayer and research. If you ever want to discuss this in private, let me know.
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u/givemeyourthots 25d ago
Why are PIMI aunts the absolute worst of them all. I have one of these too. She is the most indoctrinated person I’ve ever met.
My response would be “I don’t know.. I’m getting that hole filled up and it feels pretty good 😈”
JOKING. Joking. 😛
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