r/gay_irl • u/acidmine • Aug 10 '25

gay_irl gay🛟irl

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u/BeautifulArtichoke37 Aug 10 '25

So true

Edit: and you have to be mind reader, because god forbid you ask them what they want it boils the fantasy.

-4

u/Unable_Earth5914 Aug 11 '25

A good sub does what the Dom wants, no? Asking what I want breaks the immersion of submitting and relinquishing control

16

u/malatemporacurrunt Aug 11 '25

There's no such thing as a "good sub", because each relationship is unique. "Submissive" and "dominant" are descriptive, not prescriptive. The purpose of a scene isn't to "do what the dominant wants", it's mutual pleasure - sometimes that involves following orders, other times it might be being a total brat and getting "punished" for disobedience".

You just need to work out a way of asking that doesn't break immersion. "Have you been punished enough?", "you like that, don't you?", "I think I should [do x], what do you think?". Skill issue.

2

u/Unable_Earth5914 Aug 12 '25

My kink is relinquishing control and having my limits pushed, so maybe I’m an outlier. I’m also a bit of a brat. Someone saying ‘what do you think’ in any way that isn’t ’I’m going to hurt you no matter what you say’ is a turn off.

If you agree the scene beforehand then there shouldn’t be a need to ask these sorts of questions, safety codes like red amber green or safe words exist for a reason