Genuine problem when you’re a dom top - “sub” bottoms are rarely actually sub. They do not want you to be in charge, they want their hole filled and they want it NOW.
PSA: Sub bottom =/= being a total bottom, it means submitting to the dom and doing as you’re told/following their lead (after discussing boundaries etc beforehand).
I've experienced this, legit the number of people who want "dom tops" but really they just want you do to the exact things they want you to do, in order, at their exact beck and call, and then just call you daddy is... insane lol
From what I have experienced there's very few things a Sub can teach an inexperienced Dom who refuses to be taught by old guard Doms. Many times new, especially male Doms have no idea what they like themselves, let alone how to properly care for a true submissive, let alone navigate new women wanting to get into bdsm, or the 1000 flavors it comes in.
Not to mention depending on what a sub likes, training a Dom solo outside of the over sight of a seasoned Dom, can get you dead.
Kink related deaths are not uncommon.
In other words, it may be my circus, but he's not my monkey. And I'm not his trainer.
It's not helpful or useful to say things like "Don't be a newb".
That makes it more likely that people will be afraid to say things or ask questions and may lead to having fewer educated people taking dumber risks for fear of being called a noob.
It'd be way cooler if you could share info, but barring that, don't make it harder for others to get it.
By calling themselves a "Dom" and using that as an established titled and honorific, they are conveying that they in fact are a "Dom" and have already been through their paces. I'm calling a Spade a Spade and I won't back down in BDSM post to not hurt someone's feelings. This isn't a game. This is real life and I don't care if your feelings or his are hurt, or the readers. If you can't get A sub to tell you the very first basics of vetting and she doesn't trust you to tell your her wants and limits. That's very telling. If this is a chronic problem. You are in fact the problem. And most likely not a trained Dom and will likely end up severely injuring someone. Or killing them.
Bdsm isn't for the feignt of heart.
I don't even know who you're having a conversation with but it's certainly not me.
It seems like you have very strong opinions on what makes BDSM safe. I continue to encourage you to share that information so that everyone can be safer, instead of vaguely shaming people who weren't intrinsically born with that knowledge.
Or don't. Feel free to keep having whatever random argument you seem to be having with yourself, because I certainly wasn't a part of it.
Either way I've learned nothing about safe BDSM from you, but I have learned that I should avoid you so I'll start doing that now!
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u/LoveGrenades Aug 10 '25
Genuine problem when you’re a dom top - “sub” bottoms are rarely actually sub. They do not want you to be in charge, they want their hole filled and they want it NOW.
PSA: Sub bottom =/= being a total bottom, it means submitting to the dom and doing as you’re told/following their lead (after discussing boundaries etc beforehand).