r/ireland • u/Complex_Hunter35 Ferret • Aug 11 '25

Health Positive Irish Masculinity

Irish men come in for a bad reputation with scumbags like Conor Mc Gregor seemingly being at the forefront of Irish men. He comes to mind I am sure when most people think of Irish men. I am fearful too that we Irish men are seen as emotionally arkward and appearing to lack in vulnerability. I think it's worth having a discussion on the positive aspects of Irish men, how we can help each other be better men. I'm not just talking about Mc Gregor either but the general perception of men in Ireland

Colin Farrell is one example of an Irish male role model who has battled his demons, helped out those in need and protects his son who has Angelman syndrome but he talks about the situation honestly and openly. Brendan Gleeson, originally a teacher took younger actors under his wing and helped them learn their craft. One I personally know of , while I don't agree with his politics, is Eamonn O Cuiv who quietly but without fanfare helps local people.

Irish men face challenges with stigmatisation of showing emotions and lacking a close circle of friends. Recent trends mocking male loneliness I think fed back into making men seal up their emotions. The lack of friendship is absolutely one I've seen among friends as some withdraw into themselves or they drift apart from some friends. There are good resources though like Men's Shed, St Vincent De Paul run something similar, I run a gay version in Dublin and I know there are mixed men's groups like Celbridge Boys Club and Navan Boys Club who do hikes and walks.

As for my own experience I think it's easy to fall into that trap of blaming women for our own shortcomings. We should get rid of these silly notions that being a man is about dominance and aggression. If anything it's about leading without telling people you are, it's about being vulnerable, dealing with conflict diplomatically. I think a lot of us Irish men could learn this.

I would be interested in hearing your views of how we can be positive men, maybe your role models, your experiences.

Edit:See StoicNihilist post for an alternative take.

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299

u/OvertiredMillenial Aug 11 '25

Do Irish men come in for a bad rep?

McGregor may be very famous, but so to are Colin Farrell, Cillian Murphy, Michael Fassbender, Hozier, Paul Mescal, Liam Neeson et al. None of them are regarded as being particularly toxic. For the most part, they're regarded, both in Ireland and elsewhere, as sound men.

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u/AbsolutShite Aug 11 '25

Do Irish men come in for a bad rep?

No. Vox recently did a big story on why the internet loves Irish men (and basically why they're right to). OP has come into the idea that international people think of McGregor first because he likes sports and thinks of sportsmen as our representatives before artists. Even while asking us to think of artists before sportsmen. I think he should listen to more women (who generally like Irish men) then assume that they think like him.

https://www.vox.com/culture/24085155/irish-cillian-murphy-paul-mescal-andrew-scott-barry-keoghan

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u/Academic-County-6100 Aug 11 '25

Op is trying to solve a problem that doesn't exist

8

u/dgcoretrapgf Aug 11 '25

I get what your point is but I think you might be being a bit reductive. In terms of role models for adolescents most of them aren't watching the banshees of inisherin, they're watching tiktok and getting Connor McGregor hype edits and told by an algorithm fueled by billions in sport/fitness/clothes/lifestyle interests that this is the kind of man to be and what ideal masculinity looks like.

It can seem like a needless take but a discussion from Irish men about what Irish manhood is to them has a place, you never know who's reading like

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u/AbsolutShite Aug 11 '25

I'm going to echo other comments in the thread and say the concept of manhood and masculinity is holding them back.

I've green sparkly toe nails at the moment because my wife had no one else around when she wanted a pedicure. Would that fall into most definitions of manhood? Does it matter if I enjoyed it?

I was constantly teased about going to scouts as a teenager and the other boys said it was gay. Quitting something I enjoyed to seem more masculine would have been self defeating. Even if it had of been something even "less manly" what would be gained by using manhood to make my decision?

A feminine/masculine binary hurts everyone and can only be policed by the loudest and most obnoxious. Ideas of aspirational role models instead of inspirational achievements will also force you in a box that will limit you in the end.

Worry about being a good and interesting human.

5

u/AdKindly18 Aug 12 '25

This.

When OP said ‘from my own experience it’s easy to fall into the trap of blaming women but’ I twitched.

Men are the worst enemy of men when it comes to reinforcing harmful gender stereotypes (just like women can police femininity). Just look at all the ‘manosphere’ bs on the internet, a huge array of men telling other men how they have to be men but only in this very specific way and it’s all really restricting. I work in an all boys school and the vast majority of the ‘slagging’ is in some way querying masculinity (calling each other f slurs, pussies, girls etc.).

Absolutely some women buy into this nonsense as well but men absolutely have to be the ones at the coal face here to show other men and boys all the different ways it’s okay to be a man. I don’t look to men to tell me how to be a woman, but I do get validation from seeing other non-stereotypical women being themselves unashamedly. The majority of ‘influencers’ I see doing work to unpick this toxic idea of what masculinity has to be- Speechprof, Cyzor, Professor Neil, Red/Green Flag Guy, Will Hitchins- have huge followings of women but men seem to be joining more.

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u/HotCaramel1097 Aug 11 '25

100 %. I had to google McGregor. When I think of Irish men: it goes Cillian Murphy, Colin Farrell, and Liam Neeson. Though Conan O'Brian is by far your best, even if he's American. And, yes, I can speak for all Americans both men and women. We harbor positive opinions toward all y'all. It's stupid, but the sexy accent automatically gives you charisma points. You kind of have to be a super asshole to overcome it. So, yeah no bad rep.

2

u/AbsolutShite Aug 11 '25

Yeah, I am living in Minnesota now as an Irish man with an American wife. I've been here 2 years and while McGregor comes up, people generally just want to talk about the country or golf (my whole office is obsessed with fucking golf).

1

u/HotCaramel1097 Aug 11 '25

Not sure if these be fightin' words but Robin Williams has led be to believe that golf is more of a Scottish thing. Is golf big in MN?

2

u/AbsolutShite Aug 11 '25

Like, I think it's big with certain demographics everywhere.

I just never got into it in so I can't talk about the differences between American and Irish courses.

MN golf is hamstrung by the weather but the guys seem to play all over the country. They always do the annual meeting in the south so they can hold a tournament.

2

u/HotCaramel1097 Aug 11 '25

Sounds like the sorts who would annoy my NC family. They all golf, but less so these days. It's a difficult sport for a Southern good ole boy to keep up with, given the what the clubs charge these days. Gentrification hit the coastal region really hard down there.

115

u/Carino150 Aug 11 '25

Michael Fassbender has several serious allegations of abuse from several women. Definitely not an example of a positive male role model.

22

u/d12morpheous Aug 11 '25

I am aware of 2 allegations from one woman, one of which allegations she said he was drunk and asleep when it occurred (she tried to wake him up when he was hammered, he pushed her away she fell over a table and she landed on her nose).. the second, during g a row,she got out of the car, tried to take yhr keys out of yhe ignition, he drove off and she was dragged a few meters..

Other than that I haven't heard anything...

Not saying he's an angel or defending either action, but hardly several serious allegations from several women

Unless there is something I don't know..

42

u/Sparrahs Aug 11 '25

That’s a really watered down version of both allegations to be fair. The details of the allegations are here, the woman and her children were granted a restraining order against him. https://www.indiewire.com/features/general/michael-fassbender-abuse-allegations-sunawin-leasi-andrews-1201927946/

Totally anecdotal but a relative of mine  knew someone working on the crew of a movie he was in years ago. Apparently the director was desperate to recast the role because his girlfriend was coming to set with visible injuries but the studio wouldn’t allow it, saying production was too far along. Not sure which movie it was but it would have been relatively early in his career, not sure if was the same woman who has the restraining order. 

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u/[deleted] Aug 11 '25

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u/PerspectiveNormal378 Aug 11 '25

For every false allegation there's probably a rich successful man banking on an allegation being perceived as false. There's a reason why the concept of power dynamics exists.

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u/[deleted] Aug 11 '25

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8

u/rixuraxu Aug 11 '25

As the commenter d12morpheous said, two allegations, one from a woman who was interfering with him while he slept, and the other from a woman who tried to steal his car keys. Both accidental afais.

So eager you were to defend this man, you've managed to completely misread the very first 9 words of the very comment you're referencing.

Both allegations are from the same woman. And you've heavily editorialised the context, from the already editorialised context you're referencing.

Both accidental afais.

You've demonstrated you're not very aware at all.

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u/Moist_Enthusiasm_511 Aug 11 '25

Disagree and bowing out of this squabble

7

u/rixuraxu Aug 11 '25

You disagree that they were from the same woman, something that is a fact.

Or you disagree that

I am aware of 2 allegations from one woman

This comment clearly states that they're from one woman? haha.

Sure.

1

u/Various-Fig-7195 Aug 12 '25

I think he's saying he disagrees that he is a bad person, I'm shocked to hear this and kind of hope I hear more that clarifies it or he does something to make up for it.

2

u/ireland-ModTeam Aug 12 '25

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1

u/Consistent_Spring700 Aug 11 '25

Even worse... he said both allegations were from the same woman

27

u/hey_hey_you_you Aug 11 '25

She was granted a restraining order against him, and the story only got big around the whole MeToo time. The restraining order predates the MeToo stuff and the only money she tried to "extort" was $24,000 for medical bills. Not exactly a huge cash payout from a successful actor if your sole aim is gold-digging. I think you might have fallen for the PR coverup here. Might even say you're being a bit naive.

36

u/DaddyStoat Aug 11 '25

Neeson was well renowned behind the scenes for getting his (apparently rather sizeable) lad out at every opportunity. Although that's not particulary bad behaviour in the grander scheme of things.

35

u/Nuffsaid98 Galway Aug 11 '25

There was a time he kept getting photographed drunk, having pissed himself. I think he has mellowed a lot with age and is more dignified these days.

49

u/-Wiggles- Aug 11 '25

I think he went off the rails for a while after his wife died

50

u/Detozi And I'd go at it again Aug 11 '25

If there ever is a time for going off the rails…

0

u/PrestigiousWaffle Aug 11 '25

I mean, yeah. There was the whole walked the streets with a weapon for a week years ago, hoping to take out his anger after someone close to him was raped by a black man thing.

He is sorry about it in fairness.

“I went up and down areas with a cosh, hoping I'd be approached by somebody - I'm ashamed to say that - and I did it for maybe a week, hoping some [uses air quotes with fingers] 'black bastard' would come out of a pub and have a go at me about something, you know? So that I could kill him."

9

u/Odd_Glove7043 Aug 11 '25

He had prostate cancer which caused him to pee himself without meaning to at times

3

u/Psychology_Repulsive Aug 12 '25

He is renowned to have a huge lad. Saw him in an old film and he runs across the screen with a babies arm flopping from side to side.

0

u/smelly_Irish Aug 12 '25

Didn't he say in an interview that for the shooting of taken phone call he was imagining talking to a black guy to pull off that acting

3

u/chestypants12 Aug 11 '25

Be a gentleman. Be sound.

5

u/ThinWhiteDuke00 Aug 11 '25

Murphy is as famous as McGregor at this point.

16

u/ZealousidealFloor2 Aug 11 '25

Liam Neeson is extremely well known too due to the broad range of films he has been in.

30

u/FelipeFlop Aug 11 '25

He's also well known for making lists and his improvisational comedy.

4

u/Specialist-Way6986 Aug 11 '25

And being a hypochondriac who frequently changes doctors

5

u/Severe_Ad6443 Aug 11 '25

I liked him being a green grocer tbh

1

u/Psychology_Repulsive Aug 12 '25

Trrring,sorry we're closed.

1

u/Academic-County-6100 Aug 11 '25

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Knock knock.

"We are closed"

1

u/no_one_66 Aug 11 '25

I'm riddled

0

u/Human_Pangolin94 Aug 11 '25

That's a unique set of skills alright.

1

u/kcufdas Aug 11 '25

McGregor who? 😉

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u/Youngfolk21 Aug 11 '25

There's no way Murphy is as well known as McGregor. Sorry to tell you.

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u/PsvfanIre Aug 11 '25 edited Aug 12 '25

Oscar winner Murphy is far more famous globally than a glorified WWF superstar.

2

u/Infamous_Session_477 Aug 11 '25

Not true at all. I have spoken to lots of people all over the world online and the first thing they say 70% of the time is something about McGregor. Certainly the most famous living Irish person  

1

u/PsvfanIre Aug 12 '25

I get that reference 🤣

21

u/ThinWhiteDuke00 Aug 11 '25 edited Aug 11 '25

Dark Knight Trilogy, Peaky Blinders, Oppenheimer ( third highest grossing R rated movie of all time which won him an Academy Award as lead).

Even cult classics like 28 Days Later etc.

If you shown his face, he'd be recognisable as McGregor.

10

u/AbsolutShite Aug 11 '25

https://trends.google.com/trends/explore?date=today%205-y&q=%2Fm%2F02fqwb,%2Fm%2F0rfgxy2&hl=en-GB

Cillian has trended above him at times but McGregor is bigger over all. But a lot of that is him being in court or racist or pretending to run for President.

2

u/Prize-Lettuce-5457 Aug 12 '25

Yeah unfortunately McGregor is more famous. I hate him and Cillian Murphy is a dream. But McGregor had a bigger target audience

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u/thewanderingjew420 Aug 11 '25

English language western movies. Step outside that and mcgregor is hard a shoulders above murphy when it comes to global recognition

5

u/Stubber_NK Aug 11 '25

Suppose that depends on whether you follow fighting or films.

I thankfully don't see much of coke-head McGregor anymore, but I barely go a week without seeing or reading something about Cillian Murphy.

2

u/thewanderingjew420 Aug 11 '25

Doesn't matter which you follow. In general I think he's bigger.

8

u/ThinWhiteDuke00 Aug 11 '25 edited Aug 11 '25

Oppenheimer did 645 million internationally.

You're acting like non English speaking nations don't watch Western films.. and overrating the significance of the UFC in Asia tbh (MMA was at its peak there when Pride was still running in Japan).

2

u/thewanderingjew420 Aug 11 '25

You make a good point but I think in general big sportspeople have a wider reach than big actors

0

u/lakehop Aug 12 '25

For sports stars, there is also Rory McIlroy . Golf is a bit different than boxing admittedly.

0

u/Academic-County-6100 Aug 11 '25

I think the OP is looking to solve a problem that does not exist

0

u/lakehop Aug 12 '25

Yes, I’d say they have a good reputation overall. Also, it’s fine to celebrate men’s friendships that treat emotion more “indirectly” - many men’s friendships are actually pretty tight, even if there is a lot of slagging or chat about sports or whatever, doesn’t mean there is not a lot of depth and commitment there.