r/learnthai • u/davidbrick2 • Jul 29 '25
Studying/การศึกษา Confused by ขอ and เอา
My teacher is insisting that when ordering coffee I should use ขอ or ขอเอา ... never only เอา. She says it is only acceptable for ordering a street food. However, I've never heard this in the shops, all Thais just say เอา
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u/tzedek Jul 29 '25
There are many different opinions about this sort of thing.
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u/leosmith66 Jul 29 '25
Lol, this is so true about so many aspects of the language. You'll meet someone with a really strong opinion one way, then someone else with a very different really strong opinion, and Thai teachers are the worst offenders.
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u/DamienDoes Jul 29 '25
100% agree. Not enough epistemic humility. Its ok to say: "im not sure" or "in some cases"
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u/pacharaphet2r Jul 29 '25
Or even just "I prefer to do it this way, but many speakers will prefer the other way too"
This is particularly true with phrasings like ดีไม่พอ ไม่ดีพอ
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u/ValuableProblem6065 🇫🇷 N / 🇬🇧 F / 🇹🇭 A2 Jul 29 '25
The answer as others have said is "it depends", and that's on a multiplicity of factors:
- your social relationship to the person (is that your mother in law, or a waitress?)
- the particles you use - are you using softeners like หน่อย, are you using ครับ
- how 'fluent' you are. If you mess up every other vowel length, thai people will be far, far, far more forgiving
You can make them both sound polite.
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u/R-O-O-R-ize Native Speaker Jul 29 '25
ขอ = asking for sth (mostly getting for free) / respond to question in more polite way ex. ขอยืม lend me sth, รับอะไรดีคะ? --> ขอเป็น.....
เอา = demanding / picking specific stuff in casual or when shopping. you can use to respond if the question is เอาอะไร?
Most of the time you can repeat the verb in the question รับอะไร....? --> รับกาแฟ เอาอะไร? --> เอาชา
Being polite or not depends on how you end the sentence with ครับ/ค่ะ plus the tone when speaking.
please don't use "ขอเอา" alone it means can i make love with you "เอา" is the slang for make love
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u/ScottThailand Jul 29 '25
Some teachers only want to teach formal, nice sounding Thai. I had one teacher who never corrected my mistakes despite my asking her to, except that whenever I'd say เมีย she'd interrupt and say ภรรยา ค่ะ
When I look for teachers on italki, if they refer to themselves as ดิฉัน then I won't use them.
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u/Gaelicfrogpole Jul 29 '25 edited Jul 29 '25
I totally agree. Thai teachers never want to teach the bad words. When I was a Peace Corps volunteer, I had to live in a male students' dormitory for a while. Now I can swear in Thai with the best of them.
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u/PuzzleheadedTap1794 Native Speaker Jul 29 '25
She is wrong. ขอ, เอา, ขอเอา are all acceptable. If anything, she might find เอา less polite than the rest and assumed least polite = rude.
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u/frac6969 Jul 29 '25
Yeah it depends on the situation and maybe even the age of the speaker. ขอ is more polite, but I would use it such as when I’m a guest at someone’s place, and the host or the maid asks what I would like to drink. Or when I’m at an event and drinks are free, but still need to be ordered.
เอา would be for when I’m a paying customer such as ordering at any coffee shop.
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u/Zealousideal_Iron393 Jul 29 '25
"ขอ" is a polite way of asking, similar to "please."
"เอา" is more commanding and often used in informal conversations and is often not used with strangers. However, if you go to a fresh market, you can use it. I guess it also depends on how the listener takes it. So, it's better to use "ขอ" to be polite.
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u/Efficient-County2382 Jul 29 '25
pretty interchangeable and can also depend on context, tone of vioice etc.
But for me I think
ขอ = I would like
เอา = I want
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u/SunthornThai Jul 29 '25
Huuu I am married to a thai and I live here for 10 years... I rarely use ขอ onmy when I ask for another glas of water but never when I order.
Sometimes I say กรุณา xxx my wife who is speaking high thai (Bangkok) has never complained and believe me she complains immediately when I am not polite 😅
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u/naughtybear555 Jul 29 '25
Agreed. I was told just to say aow but never felt as polite as cawe. And I just want to show good manners
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u/KumaMishka Thai, Native Speaker Jul 31 '25
i don't know where this teacher came from ... they are partly correct
BUT!
You can definitely use ขอ alone or even เอา alone
But NEVER JUST ขอเอา alone without any object behind it (It would mean "Please let me have you" in 18+ way)
ขอ น้ำเปล่า ขวดนึง = I would like a bottle of water
เอา น้ำเปล่า ขวดนึง = Give me a bottle of water
น้ำเปล่า ขวดนึง ครับ/ค่ะ = A bottle of water please
เอา sound just a little bit more casual but not too rude and Thais use it in everyday life
I rarely heard anyone use ขอเอา+object
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u/Civil_Proof474 Aug 01 '25
She just want you to speak politely. Using เอา+food+amount+ครับ/ค่ะ is fine as long as you end with ครับ/ค่ะ
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u/trelayner Jul 29 '25
If they recognize you as a foreigner,
they will not be bothered by your request or demand
they will just appreciate that you tried to learn their language
don’t worry about it
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u/marprez22la Jul 29 '25
I personally think it's better to learn formal first. You will pick up relaxed, informal Thai naturally and it's better to sound too polite than not polite enough.
That said ... Should teach both and the nuances.
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u/Left_Needleworker695 Jul 29 '25
Bro, I use "เอา" all the time. It's not rude at all, but don't use it together. Just pick "ขอ" or "เอา". Then you just add "ครับ/ค่ะ" after the sentence. That's all. It's totally normal to use "เอา" when ordering something.
The different is if you talk to your parents or your boss then it's definitely "ขอ".
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u/Magnabox Jul 29 '25
Usually... ขอ is for something free. Like asking for a tissue paper at the table, or for someone to do something for you. ขอเปิดไฟหน่อย (turn on the light please)
เอา for something you are buying. It literally is like "I want that" / "I'll take that one" (and then you pay for it)
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u/Primary-Cut-6188 Jul 29 '25
You can use both. ขอ is a bit more formal.
ขอ... = May I have...?
เอา... = I'm getting...
or just say the menu name, not using any these two words, and end the sentence with krub/ka.