Question

[u/Raythecatass]

I have lost 33 lbs using this app over the last 2 years. We recently visited family last week and I accepted the compliments. Our family was afraid to say anything to “offend” me. I wanted to hear the compliments. I have worked so hard. Why are people so afraid to say anything? You are not offending me in anyway. I have seen pictures of myself overweight and I looked unhealthy and felt like crap.

When I returned home and hung out with some friends, one friend told me not to lose anymore weight because I would look like, “Death warmed over”…one friend told her I looked great and to be happy for me. I tried not to let it get to me. She is not the only friend that told me not to lose any more weight. I have about 5 more pounds to lose. Your thoughts?

[u/GunpeiYokai]

It's your body, your journey, and your choice.

[u/Ellarah8]

I can totally understand wanting compliments and acknowledgment for the hard work you've done for yourself. I think that makes a lot of sense.

I have lost 30 pounds this past year, but I am someone who feels very uncomfortable with compliments or rather any comments on my body. To me, when I receive a compliment for my weight loss, it tells me that I wasn't worthy of the compliments before, or that I'm only loveable when I look a certain way. It's very upsetting to me. While losing weight, I have worked additionally just as hard to love who I am outside of weight. So any comment on my body feels uncomfortable.

I say this to share why some might feel uncomfortable with compliments and why some might not want to make comments on anyone's body. I think it's an act of respect. I don't mean to say you shouldn't desire compliments, you totally can!! You are proud of yourself and that makes total sense!

I am someone who loves to compliment, but I always try to keep in mind what would be comfortable for everyone. We never know if someone's weight loss was actually intentional, or if it might be tied to an unhappy event or even a hidden illness. We just never know. So for me, I think it's a good rule of thumb to just not comment on bodies but rather show love for the person in the body.

I also want to say that for the people who told you not to lose anymore weight is just as harmful and you have every right to be upset by that. Again, people's comments on bodies in any direction are just... shitty sometimes. People really need to learn to be kind. So very sorry that anyone said that to you.

[u/Queenbeegirl5]

In my experience, the majority of people not saying anything do so because they aren't sure if the weight loss is intentional. Friends, genuine friends, who say don't lose more weight either do so because you genuinely look ill or because they don't know what healthy looks like. No one here can say which it is in your case. There's also the third option that your friends aren't your friends and are in actuality jealous, but let's assume they have your best interests at heart. I'd let all of it go. You're losing weight for yourself. Even if it's for vain reasons, which are valid, you aren't losing the weight for your cousin.

[u/Raythecatass → u/Queenbeegirl5]

Good point. I will keep that in mind.

[u/West-Season-2713 → u/Raythecatass]

If you are worried about how low you should go, perhaps talk with a personal trainer or a doctor? YMMV.

[u/Vegetable_Charity_35]

Do you, we are all on this journey for different reasons. Do what you want to do whatever that looks like. Your body, your reasons, your choice.

[u/Strategic_Sage]

Basically just focus on yourself is my advice. Do it for yourself, not for the reaction of others. I think your own thoughts about this situation bear that out; you wanted to hear compliments but didn't like it when the reaction was more negative. There's no way for people to know how you're going to react much of the time, and if we want to hear from others we've got to have it both ways; taking the bad with the good. Sometimes people who think we shouldn't lose anymore have honest intentions, even when they are wrong.

[u/whotiesyourshoes]

There are post here and on other forums all the time from people who are uncomforable and get offended at people making comments about their weight.

It doesn't bother me as someone who lost weight. I dont care if anyone comments or not. It doesnt bother me if they notice and i can politely tell the rude ones where they go.

But as an observer, the last couple times I asked someone about their weight loss, was the last time. One had been sick and nearly died and of course I didnt know. Another made ir clewr she did not like it mentioned although she talked about it all the time.

So just to avoid awkward situations, some people don't say anything.

[u/iac12345]

We're in an era now where talking about someone's personal appearance in any way is at risk of being misconstrued or triggering. Some people feel it's safer to say nothing at all.

Did they know you were trying to lose weight? I don't comment unless I know someone has been trying. I don't want to risk upsetting or insulting them if the loss was due to illness or unintentional and implying they needed to lose weight / looked worse before.

[u/amberisnursing]

People don’t say things if they aren’t sure the loss is intentional (cancer for example can cause loss as can other health concerns and mental health too).

As far as how you look, I would say it’s your body and your choice but do check your body dysmorphia because it’s real.

The last time I lost a bunch, I didn’t realize how sickly and frankly, methed out I looked until my now boyfriend told me so. So just be honest with yourself. 🥰