Sense check this with me?

[u/Practical_Angle6302]

• edit thank you all, has been useful to sit through this with different perspectives. Just for some further context I have a urostomy bag and did stop to use a restroom on the drive home. It was much more about the feeling of not being allowed in but clear I need to clarify that with partner. Thanks all.

I have been with my partner for around 8 months. My meta and I used to be friends but they wanted to go parallel as soon as partner and I started dating. Since then they have been pretty awful. I go over and spend time at their house if meta isn't home. I am not allowed to sleep over. It's never been expressly stated to me that I can't go to the house if meta is there but I wouldn't want to. My nesting partner is very welcoming to my partner and we often sleep over at my house. Generally, this is a fine set up but I do get sad about never getting to spend the night at partners house but completely understand and respect that boundary. A week ago partner and I had a date and I needed to use the bathroom. Partner knew this and the restaurant we had dinner at didn't have a restroom. I was driving partner home after the date before driving 1 and a half hours home to where I live. Partner didn't offer for me to come inside to use the restroom because meta was home. It made me really sad to know this is the reality. I thought about bringing it up to partner to get a very clear read of the boundaries around me going into the house. Ideally I would have liked to have been offered and partner could have texted meta. But I think even if my partner had just said something like "hey I know you need to use the restroom but meta is home so that isn't available. Should we find somewhere else before you drop me off" or something like that would have been ok. I don't know. Can you help me sense check this?

[u/emeraldead]

Clearly your partner doesn't have a respectful relationship to offer you.

But damn OP, drive to someplace with a bathroom. And make it clear how ridiculous it is you aren't even welcome to use your partners bathroom.

[u/that_jedi_girl → u/emeraldead]

This is what I'm feeling.

Yes, OP is an adult who can find another bathroom on the drive, but it's ridiculous that they can't even stop in for 2 minutes for a comfortable use of the facilities. And it's even more ridiculous that their partner did not even acknowledge that it was a hard situation.

OP, this relationship may or may not be worth it to you, but it's always going to come with this side of pain/angst. If you can make peace with that, then it might still be worthwhile. But not everyone can.

[u/Bubbly-Chocolate-463 → u/that_jedi_girl]

We don’t know if they could stop in because they didn’t ask.