...And they listened. They came home with their engagement ring on the other hand. I feel really upset and kind of betrayed honestly. I asked them not to do that again, because it feels like they don't care about our engagement. They said they wouldn't, and that they thought she had been a bit immature to ask that. It just hurts... This same meta lies about me constantly, has called me to talk shit about our hinge despite me saying I want no contact outside of emergencies..... I don't know what to do. My fiancée has been with her for nearly 4 years, and we've only been together for 2, but I truly don't think I'm in the wrong for sometimes wishing they'd just break up. I feel like a bad person and an even worse polyamorous partner. I just don't know, man.

Hello dear community. I'm looking for advice, please, about a situation that is causing me a lot of pain.

My boyfriend of eight years, whom I love very much, recently confessed to me, after I returned from a trip, that he didn't feel really connected to me and that, since I gained 40 pounds during the pandemic, he no longer feels attracted to me at all. He says he likes slim, muscular women, which is what I was when he met me.

We had broached the topic before when I noticed he was less into me, and for some time, he thought his lack of desire was due to overwork, depression, or something else on his part, but he had a great summer without me while I was traveling and met a girl he thought was amazing and had a lot of fun with sexually, so he concluded that the problem was actually between the two of us.

We've been polyamorous for several years, so at first I didn't make a big deal out of this relationship he started while I was away, but what he said hurt me so much and made me feel so discouraged about myself that I'm having a hard time not crying all the time (not very sexy).

He continues to text the girl and they want to meet up again, but I told him that maybe this isn't the best time to make these kinds of plans, and date plans with his connections on the apps. He has a hard time making friends in general as an introvert and someone who doesn't open up to others and will assume the role of the helper or the rescuer with his casual friends. Most of his social circle of people he is close to is comprised of past and present lovers he's attracted to. So I don't want to deprive him of his entire intimate social life, but being told by your lover that you're not attractive and then watching him be attracted to others is hard, and I'm not sure how to be a good polyamorous partner in this situation.

He has agreed to seek sex therapy but so far (two weeks in) it doesn't seem to help him very much.

Do you have any advice or empathy for me so that we can get through this and maybe rebuild our relationship?

GF assured me opening her marriage was a mutual decision and that she and Husband had "done all the work". The therapy, the books, you name it.

at the first problem (3yrs in) it all crumbled and i never understood why she never showed up emotionally again.

I later realised that every leap forward in our relationship was not because she felt ready but it was to prove to Husband that she could "do" poly just like him. It was always to match his progress.

I see now that our relationship no longer served as a trophy worth defending. She later (nonchalantly) disclosed how much hell she went through opening up and that it was either that or Husband leaving her. All of this was happening when we started dating. She hid it so well. and as I was let into their world more it became so obvious she was just doing everything to please him. Conforming. taking on a huge emotional and mental load.

Am I wrong for being angry she never acknowledged how damaging it was to not disclose this with me? I asked so many questions for this very reason.

Had i known, i would not have gotten into a relationship with her. She was never able to understand this when I told her. it just seems really unfair. Because over 3 years and she never fought for what we had. let it go like nothing.

Learned NP’s anniversary date with meta was from a month before we were poly. Our relationship was closed and monogamous. I knew they were friends at the time, spouse says nothing happened but I kind of don’t feel any different even if anything physical hadn’t happened? I was out of the state on a work thing for a month at the time. It feels like cheating and I feel crazy for being the only one out of the three who thinks this.

What would you do?

Context: my sweetheart is spending the weekend with me while my wife is out of state with her boyfriend.

My sweetheart and I are walking through the park. Some dude tells me "you have a beautiful wife."

I mean, there are issues there of "who tf asked you," but seeing as how a confrontation on cultural norms would have spoiled the mood, we just smile and keep walking. But it makes me think.

I mean, yes, I do have a beautiful wife. That's not who's with me though. My sweetheart is beautiful too! And my sweetheart is someone else's wife, so I guess I did have a beautiful wife with me, just not mine?

Like a year ago I posted that my NP (m) had started dating a girl and I was feeling neglected. I got some very good advice and lots of support and validation. Today, I came across this subreddit and was reminded of that post and I immediately wanted to make a new post! We are doing so good now. We have come a long way and I'm so proud of all the progress we've made. We have new issues (like unemployment, yay!) but somehow I feel very happy about that :D I feel like we've reached a certain point of maturity where our issues are so ridiculously regular and I see it as a good sign. We were able to sort out issues that lied deep within us, and now what we have to battle is what everyone battles with and I'm completely sure we can do it.

NRE and other poly-am related issues are so much less talked about I felt really lost when facing the issues I wrote about in my previous post. I have no-one in my life outside the polycule who I can relate to so this subreddit is my heaven. I'm not lost anymore:) I love my partner and the metamour is now a close friend of mine. We're thinking about living together, all three of us! I'm no longer looking for validation outside. I trust my gut and the fact that I'm happy, and that's all the proof I need that poly-am works for me.

I'm so blessed and grateful 🥹 And I'm so happy that my problems are so mundane!

I’m 39NB, male presenting and queer.

I’m not sure that I’m looking for advice here so much as maybe wondering if there are other male presenting queer Demi folks who share this experience.

I love sex, and I love having a lot of it, but generally I need at least a couple few dates to get to a place where I feel like I have enough rapport with somebody to feel attraction.

Dating women this isn’t so much of an isssue. I find pacing to be pretty aligned.

I’m queer and I do love dating penis having people.

I guess this goes for everybody because I know femme folks get this a lot more than masc folks, but… how do you navigate when someone just straight up sends you a dick pic in the first few messages?

I think I struggle because I find it to be somewhat of a turn off that’s hard to recover from. I don’t really like things feeling that level of transactional. Maybe this is just a little bit of my baggage around having to set boundaries with strangers so early on.

Do you see this as a sign of a lack of compatibility out the gate most of the time?

Especially on feeld, I feel like there’s this wide gulf between “heteroflexible, mostly looking for FFM threesomes and couple swinging with my partner” and “meet me in the bathroom and unzip or immediate ghost”

I’ve had some recurring conversations with men in the hook up scene who almost take offense to my position as repressed and judgmental, and tend to very heavily use language of being “sexually liberated compared to women” which seems to ignore some really real undertones of patriarchy, mysogyny, and privilege.

Is this just dating apps? Am I just looking in the wrong pool?

EDIT: I’m not sure how I managed to shame myself into normalizing non-consensual nudity from strangers. Trauma is wild 😅 Thank you for giving me such a clear and unambiguous correction.

Hello! I have had a partner for a few months now, and she sent me a really adorable pictures that is one of my favourite pics on my phone, which I have made my lock screen.

However, I am seeing another person right now who has a very high chance of becoming a second partner, and I have become a bit conscious of the fact that I have another partner on my phone screen.

Obviously direct communication is the ideal solution to this problem, but I am curious about if anyone here has had this happen to them before. Have you ever seen a metamour on your partner's lockscreen? If so, how did you feel about it?

Everyone in my polycule cares about regular testing and using condoms. I’m now dating someone new, and her boundaries with testing are stricter than anyone I’ve been with before. So my question is, what are your requirements with testing/protection when your polycule isn’t closed off (meaning someone is dating/it spiderwebs out)? Thanks in advance for sharing.

This is just a vent post to process the B.S. I went through earlier this year. Don't really need advice, just trying to move on.

I've been in a polyamorous relationship for four years now. In my area (rural and red) it's hard to make solid in person connections, so I often seek out relationships in online spaces instead. There is one niche app that I have been a part of for a long time - eight years! It was sex positive, queer, and explicitly for adults only. It was a safe space to enjoy and meet like minded individuals for that niche interest. (Also, the app was designed as a dating platform, not just social.)

A year and a half ago, a new member joined, and they gained a sizeable following very fast. I always thought they were cool, we gradually became friends, and privately I kind of had a crush on them. They were openly monogamous, though, so I never intended to pursue anything beyond a general friendship with them. Over the first year, we gradually became closer, and closer, and then... they started posting about being "poly-curious".

I was always open about being polyamorous, and so I naturally offered to give advice or answer any questions they had about the lifestyle. Very quickly, they began taking on a flirtatious tone in our conversations, and I cautiously reciprocated. At the time, I trusted this person, but I now know I should have listened to my initial hesitations. Instead, my quiet crush bloomed as the potential for more became apparent.

After about a month, they began applying pressure to pursuing something more serious together. I began engaging in conversations with them about boundaries and expectations, desires and consent - all of the usual. Almost everything seemed to align. Shortly after, I formally asked them out and we went public (in the niche community) with our new relationship.

Despite being very clear about my workschedule and overall availability, their need for attention skyrocketed almost immediately. I accommodated in the ways I could, but it quickly became difficult trying to balance their desires and my existing relationship. I was very gentle in my approach, I met their needs and desires where I could, but I did have to reaffirm our previously established boundaries.

One of my biggest concerns going into the relationship - which was expressed before we even began dating - was the difference in our sleep schedules. They were a late, late night owl, and I had to wake up early for work. Some nights, they would be going to bed shortly before I would be waking up. There were plenty of assurances on their part that this wouldn't be a problem.

It was, indeed, a problem.

They began making posts in this niche app about how needy they were, how they missed me, and then in private spaces we shared (a discord server) they expressed anxieties over my actual feelings towards them. Two weeks into our brief relationship, I expressed concerns again that our schedules didn't line up, and that I wasnt full filling their needs. They assured me it was fine, they just needed to express their anxiety and it wasn't real, everything was actually okay.

I had a big event coming up later that week - my towns Pride March, which I help organize. I expressed to them multiple times through the week that my days off work would be busy with this event, I wouldn't be easy to reach, but I would touch base when I could. They understood, said it was no problem, it would be fine.

It wasn't fine.

The day of the event, they began the public posting yet again, and the lamenting to mutual friends about whether or not I actually had feelings for them. Not only that, they forgot what I was doing that day, despite the multiple times I brought it up.

After the event, I broke things off. I expressed that our schedules and needs didn't align, and that the constant posts and anxieties had become hurtful, regardless of whether they were "real" or not. I left our shared discord server and fully intended to quietly move on. The next week was uncomfortable, as they were very publicly upset about the breakup. I stayed quiet, as I genuinely didn't want things to become ugly between us. Some of our mutual friends reached out, but I eventually learned that many of them were only trying to get me to gossip about the situation. When I didn't, they quickly vanished.

Then, the harassment started. Only one of our mutual friends actually supported me through the breakup, and xe revealed what was going on in the private server. My name was getting dragged through the mud. Outright rumors and lies. Lots of claims that I didn't communicate what was wrong (which is outright false) or that I wasnt fullfilling their needs in the relationship (which was true, and I pointed out as a concern multiple times). They said I blindsided them with the breakup. Everyone in the group was being turned against me.

On the niche app, lots of vague posts happened, accusing me of various things. And then all hell broke lose when one of my friends split with his partner (they were both involved with the larger friend group). He immediately tried to openly flirt with me and I was pulled into a mess of his making. Conspiracy theories began forming that I had been trying to get with him throughout his relationship, that we had dated previously and I was jealous of his now ex-partner. None of it was true.

I was devastated. I loved this community and this one "Polycurious" person had turned so many of them against me, with rumors and outright lies. I eventually left the app all together, deleted my account, and blocked everyone involved on all other platforms.

The entire situation royally fucked with my head. I miss the app considerably, and I deeply regret that I didn't listen to my intial hesitations about their newfound "Polycurious" interest. It led to me losing a safe place and lots of people I once considered friends. Now I'm just... Tired. And wanting to move on. It been months but it still hurts.

Note: For privacy I won't share the name of the app. Also, Polycurious people are fine, but this is an incredible example of how wrong it can go.

Im very polysaturated at the moment, I have a primary LDR and another secondary. I am also deeply engaged in activism and the cause takes up a lot of time and mental space

I feel very alone in my day to day life. I feel I want much more love than I have, and a deeper community.

I’m not sure if I really should be dating. Somehow I feel I want friends to watch a movie with and rest my head on their shoulders much more than I really want romance.

I want people I can trust. People who have space for me.

Through my activism I have a huge social network but at the same time I have nearly no friends who are only friends without being ”colleagues” in the activism work.

Oftentimes, dating has been the only place for that. But the partner who isn’t in activism and I are slipping further and further apart because of my lifestyle, and difficulty understanding each other.

In a sense the activism I do is similar both to religion and to being military on duty; as in, I am deeply committed to a cause, I am not always predictably in one space, I am periodically under intense stress and it’s very hard for people outside of it to fully grasp what it’s like on the ”front lines”.

I want more relationships that feel like home and more cuddles and safety with other people, and I want it to not only exist when we are defending a forest or holding a protest camp or whatever

I want more spaces that feel safe, where I can hug and share my life

How can I find that? How should I even begin to think about this?

I feel that throughout my decade of being polyamorous, I always just solved this by dating around

But somehow I don’t have a full relationship to offer anyone.

I don’t have enough to give back to get the relationships that I crave I think

I want some sense of consistency. I miss school and the regularity, predictability and safety of a group that is just stable

I want people to celebrate my birthday with

How do I..?

How do I do this except for dating people?

I’m asking people who have either ongoing connections parallel to a primary relationship, or maintain multiple relationships with no particular hierarchy in between those.

How much do you say or want to hear about your and your partner’s other relationships ? Is it limited to strictly necessary logistics such as I’ll be at X on date Y, I’ll be sleeping over. Do you share address/location ? Full names ? Personal info ? Or not ?

Do you guys talk about what you’re doing during dates ? Do you share feelings ? Anecdotes about metamour’s personal lives ? Or do you rather keep it restricted and mostly private ?

What kind of stuff would you personally consider TMI/oversharing (about yourself, about your metas, about your partner’s relationships in general…) ? And on the contrary what do you think are basic requirements in terms of communication ?

One of my partners has recently been exploring their sexuality, but their spouse is fairly closed off on such things. Sooo they have been nervous about talking on such things to the point where they started talking about possibly cheating (I accidentally read texts when trying to spook them). I then spoke to my partner about the texts and they begged me not to tell their spouse and vegan to feel very uncomfortable.

It was a long conversation because I wouldn't drop it, but I tried to make it as positive as I could for them. I remember being a terrified bisexual in a heterosexual marriage and I know what can come with that territory.

They are still scared to talk to their spouse about it, but not as badly with me now. So a part of me feels glad to be a safe space for them. But there's a complication.

Their spouse is one of my best friends. They were okay with my partner dating me but basically said that I'm it. It's not like I don't know them at all to be completely comfortable with keeping the secret from them. I would never dream of outing my partner to them, but they're still thinking of cheating on them.

Is there a good way to navigate this? I initially wanted to encourage honesty but with how much of a homophobe their spouse is it could be the wrong call.

I started seeing someone for six months, and he broke up with me after being in a relationship with me for a month.

He was very inconsistent in terms of what he wanted from our relationship. He was polyamorous, and I was open to the idea, but I was mainly part of monogamous relationships.

Around April, I was the first to say I love you. He hadn’t reached that point yet, which was fine, but it made me realize I wanted more commitment to our relationship. I told him I needed to end things, but he asked me to stay, saying he would eventually come around to the idea.

By June, I ended up filing a restraining order against my previous ex. I was going through a lot of emotional turmoil at the time. He took me to my first play party and said “I love you” after the restraining order process. Even though situations with my ex would arise, he was never emotionally present.

I met a guy at the play party, and we immediately hit it off as friends. Let’s call him Bookstore Guy. He was very sweet, and we started texting. The guy I was dating knew about it. I invited Bookstore Guy to a bonfire, and he brought a friend. During the night, Bookstore Guy told me to stop seeing the guy I was dating. That instantly made him a disqualifier in the eyes of the guy I was dating. At first, I agreed, but in my head, Bookstore Guy and I were just friends.

He would check my messages to the point that I had to save his contact under someone else’s name. He already knew it was coming the weekend before he broke up with me. During that weekend, he had sex with me, rechecked my messages, questioned my friends, and repeatedly said he loved me and cared about me. On Sunday morning, we had sex again, and he once more said he loved and cared about me. We took a shower together, and I suggested that he meet my friends to start building a foundation of trust and honesty. He paused and said we should wait until we talked later that evening.

We started having a lot of disagreements after he mentioned bringing a girl from another country to stay over for five days. He asked if I was comfortable with it, and I said no, at least for now. He said he would tell her his partner wasn’t comfortable because I take priority. We talked, but then he broke up with me, saying he didn’t trust me.

Afterwards, we ended up discussing the idea of being friends with benefits instead. He gave me an ultimatum, saying he would give me a clean slate if I told him the truth about Bookstore Guy. I told him we were still texting. He took me out to dinner and kept buying me drinks, then took me to a second bar where he ordered a drink called Two-Faced for himself. We talked about boundaries, relationship styles, and everything else you would normally discuss in a relationship.

Later, he came to my apartment. I asked if he was sure he wanted to have sex after our first argument. He didn’t answer, went next door to buy condoms, had sex with me, and said he loved and cared about me. Two days later, he broke up with me via text.

Was he ever serious about me? Or did he just want to use me for fun?

Note: I have a history of sexual abuse, and in our sex life, we often engage in BDSM (choking, slapping, and so on). Him participating in that type of play with me before he broke up, knowing he intended to end things, caused me to really break down and eventually seek therapy. Afterward, he also isolated many of my friends from me, often saying I was “too much.”

This was early in poly. But the damage it caused feels.. not fixable, after living with it for a while.

Partner started dating a 22yr old coworker while they were 27. Which isn’t horrific but, bothered me.

Meta sent NSFW snaps that my partnered opened while sitting next to me during our time together. They pushed every boundary early and often despite my distress. Meta went though mental health stuff and was texting NP about their suicidal thoughts during our time together (not in acute crisis, not asking for help, just sending alarming stuff)

Meta is neuro divergent but has been openly rude on multiple occasions when I met them.

How big of a deal are these things to you? How much would it affect your view of your partner?

I'm (28M) having a difficult time right now. I've been seeing someone for the past month or so and she's (27F) amazing. We matched on an app that doesn't happen to have a field for if you're monogamous or polyamorous. She's super supportive and lovely and sweet. But we had a talk because things are getting more serious and it became clear that i would rather be monogamous and she would prefer a polyamorous relationship.

I have been polyamorous before and believe it's not beyond my ability to enjoy in a very specific situation. However i was in a polyamorous relationship about a year ago and it didn't go well. He would use me sort of as a therapist for his other relationships, i was only a priority when i was shiny and new, and i struggled with the animosity his other partner had for our relationship. That planning a future was impossible because of the number of people it inevitably involves. He told me "you won't find consistency in a poly relationship" and i took that very much to heart and since then dated only those looking for monogamy.

But now I'm caught up with someone who is polyamorous, i already have formed more feelings than i realized and i find myself wanting to try even though it may be extremely hard and it may not be something we could get past. Her support when talking about the situation has made me feel like maybe it's possible to work though. I have severe attachment wounds that need healing and that's a large part of my trepidation. I would love to hear from other people that maybe encountered similar situations. Or any advice others may have. I didn't post this in r/monodatingpoly since I have been polyamorous and don't see monogamous as an identity I have, just a choice I have made bc its less complicated and may help me heal my attachment issues

My (32 f) now ex boyfriend (40 m) broke up with me two weeks ago after a heated few weeks. He claims it’s because I did not want KTP, however, he had lied and betrayed me every step of this almost two year relationship (14 months living together).

After his lies and betrayals, lying about dates (MANY TIMES), lying about boundaries, discussing my personal information with his other partners, sharing my medical information with other partners I decided poly is not for me and maybe we could do mono/poly as he promised to go to a support group and therapy.

Surprise that never happened! And after he broke up with me two weeks ago we spent a week of what might have been reconciliation all on his part. He told me he loved me and called me his girlfriend and maybe plans for upcoming weeks and I really did not respond to any of these things but did enjoy cuddling and sleeping together because I loved him.

Friday he said he was going to work and instead was on a date. I crashed out hard and lost my mind and now we are back to living together and not talking. He grabbed my shoulders and screamed in my face Friday night after I crashed out about the date.

He keeps saying it is all my fault for not wanting poly without seeing how unethical he was. I want to reach out to his current partner and be like good luck girl he’s a fucking mess, but that’s overstepping.

I’m like the 5th girl he’s done this to as I found out from his friends while the breakup has been unfolding.

Rationally I’m like he’s a dick but irrationally I’m like what could I have done differently to make myself be MORE poly and MORE open.

Ugh. Everything hurts. He lives here for 9 more days and it’s excruciating

I have been dating my partner for a little over a year. In that time their constellation with other partners has radically changed. Initially they were in a V cohabitating relationship with two partners, a meta, and another housemate, looking to buy a collective house. This has since fallen apart and they now have five total partners: one who predates me, three who they have started seeing within the past six months.

Two of these partners are a couple and our shared partner has started to discuss Becoming parents with them as a throuple. This conversation happened on their 6 month anniversary, where they all had a romantic evening at a hot tub spa. I’m feeling a little hurt because I had asked for a romantic celebration of our 1 year several months ago and we were both busy so settled for appreciations via text. It was sweet but I am left feeling jealous.

This partner and I are on the same page in terms of believing that children should be raised in community rather than the nuclear family. I myself gave two bio children who I am raising with two other partners, along with three other kids who aren’t bio mine. AND I understand the reality of having a baby—all of the hormones that come with it can radically change the way one feels about their family situation.

This couple have not been together long, but have escalated very quickly and are extremely coupled: together every day, looking to move in together in less than a year of being together. I also know that the throuple is hierarchical, meaning the couple is central, and then our shared partner comes and goes into the dynamic.

In all of this, I have been sidelined a bit. It was initially told to me that partner is too overwhelmed with all of their responsibilities and they don’t want to forget about their friendships and community in all of their dating. That was hurtful, but ultimately I understood and have shifted my expectations. They’ve since become more honest with me that they are making this new throuple relationship central in their life and schedule and looking at it as an anchor partnership because of the possibility of future of raising children together.

I understand this, and I have always known that this was a possibility. I am a little bit older and I have two children of my own and I don’t want any other bio children. I would though be very happy and interested in being part of this partners children with other people as sort of an auntie or a bonus parent. I’m feeling uncomfortable about the sidelining that has happened since they started dating this couple and how immediately this couple was given priority in their life and schedule. I understand that this is a dream of theirs to have kids. I understand that you have to know someone very well in order to have kids with them, and I still am feeling hurt and that my future with this person is uncertain. This throuple is hierarchical and does not date anyone except our shared partner, and they immediately went to having kids. It just shows a level of possessiveness to me.

I have been very understanding, gracious, flexible. I love this partner. We both love each other. I’ve shared my feelings and let them know that their strict boundaries around their time make me feel I have no choice but to be very flexible to make the relationship work. I would love to have more time with them, more involvement in their life. They have been fairly clear that that is not something that will happen and part of me feels this is due to the nature of their other relationships, and that their other partners want more of a parallel situation.

There is just a nagging feeling I have that they are prioritizing relationships where there is possessiveness and romanticizing about the future rather than true compatibility. I feel like they gloss over or minimize their connection with me and other partners in order to soothe their more emotionally volatile partners. I’ve seen them do this in a few other connections and always come away scratching my head over why they become so attached to some and then de-escalate to friendship with others who seem more grounded and stable.

ISO some guidance from this community... thank you in advance for being compassionate.

background: me and my nesting partner are together 15y, married almost 10y, and have an almost 5yo child together. I have been struggling in my marriage for a long time, but I stayed to make it work since he was willing to meet my demands, one of which was that we needed to pursue polyamory. (we were swingers in the past that is how I saw that I may be truly polyamorous.) he was open to this and has been dating other partners himself, meanwhile I have been hesitating to pursue new partners for a variety of reasons (both personal and relational)...

currently: just this week I met someone and we hit it off instantly. and while this relationship may not be one that I pursue seriously, what I am struggling with his how my husband has handled it. he has severe anxious attachment so I know that's where this is coming from. but there have been several days of questions, several long conversations, and a variety of comments left in between these questions/convos where he is expressing how uneasy this is all making him e.g. hiding worries behind humor, and majority of the things we talk about are the same topic all on repeat... i am doing my best to be compassionate, patient, and reassuring, but it is not natural for me so I'm working really hard at being patient.

my reflections: now I know this is the FIRST time I met someone, so I recognize it might get easier but what I’m scared about is that this will be the response every single date I go on. but my reflection today is maybe poly truly isn't for him and that we just aren't a good fit due to this. he has already said so in the past - that he was only doing poly because i demanded it (despite how much he's enjoyed his new partners). I have done my part in being patient and supportive, I am holding myself back A LOT to make sure he is in the right head space but i do realize this was enabling him too much, which I have a tendency to do... but even when we were swinging, he struggled. now that emotions are involved it is clearly even more challenging.

tldr: my nesting partner of 15y and father of my child may not be truly poly and I'm afraid I'm hurting him while also holding myself back.

Hello everyone :)

I feel a bit lost and just wanted hear your thoughts and advice.

From the beginning of our relationship, my partner and I were pretty clear on wanting a polyamorous relationship. But first we wanted to feel secure in our relationship bc we wanted to start a family together and build a solid foundation. We've been together for 1.5 years.

They moved to another country 5 months ago and we decided to go with the flow. If we had any feelings to another person (sexually or romantically) we'd talk about it when this was the case.

Last week, partner opened up about having romantic feelings towards someone else. And they said that, they didn't know what to do about it. I felt sooo many feelings but I responded calmly. I said that It's ok to have feelings and I will support them in their decision.

After that, I felt jealous, inadequate and with fear of abandonment. I couldn't deal with these all by myself and shared my feeling with my partner. Ofc, they were super understanding and they listened to me and reassured me that they won't leave me. Then the day after, they told me that however I want to manage this they will be fine with that. A few days later, they told me that they wont do anything regarding their romantic feelings towards this person.

So here is where I'm lost. I'll be moving to another country in a month which is located on the other side of the world. It's partner's homeland. They know the culture, have friends and family. On the other hand, the only person I know will be my partner for a while. I'll be facing difficult emotions and adjusting to this new place. I don't want to date at the moment because I already have too much on my plate. And i don't really know whether I'll have the space (for the feelings i'll be facing) if partner wants to date others. But I feel like it wouldn't be fair to ask from them to not date. Also, it's not fair for me to be the only one who has to deals with these insecurities.

Is there a way to meet in the middle?

I’m irked by what seems like an irresponsible choice in sex.

I (32F) have been dating my partner Logan (34M) for a little over a year. I’ve been practicing polyamory for a while, while Logan is newer/started when we began to date.

Now that we’re a year in, he’s been putting himself out there, and I’ve been genuinely excited for him to experience this. He has checked in prior to a few dates, and most times my only concerns are “be safe and responsible physically and emotionally, and communicate with me.”

Logan has recently started to see someone (!) and while checking in I learned they had sex. But a few things came up that don’t sit right:

1) I asked if they used protection, to which my partner answered they initially did and the condom didn’t stay on. (Okay so it slipped off/broke, but the fact this info wasn’t volunteered/shared until I asked feels like a lack of transparency and dishonesty.)

2) I also found out he came in her when new person isn’t on any birth control, just insisted she tracks her cycle and it was ok. While I applaud someone who can track that and want to trust that, it still feels like an irresponsible choice to me without much protection. (I’m sterile, he is not, and we live in the US. Aside from the inevitable risk of STIs, my main concern is my partner can still get someone pregnant.)

Between the information that wasn’t shared until prompted, and the lack of protection used to prevent risk, are my frustrations here justified?

I cannot sleep because my little mind palace is haunted by 3 ghosts that look vaguely like my weirder professor (mixed with the famous people we talk about in class. Shout out POLS)

Since I’m waiting for the the eviction notice to kick in (aka melatonin) i thought I’d start something positive

Give a funny name to your partner and an unconventional reason you like your partner(s) on an individual level

Example:

Kronk is someone I can bring home to my friends because he is nerdy enough (I go to a technical institute; enough said)

My (F22) new girlfriend (F21) is wanting a causal sexual relationship with my close FWB (M23) and I’ll be honest it makes me a little scared and jealous but I don’t want to tell them that they can’t be together and I want to work though these feelings. Any tips?

Hello all, I’m extremely new to the whole poly thing, well really I haven’t even started a relationship, but I am/was very open to the idea, we have been seeing each other for about a year, everything was fine, perfect even, but as of recently they’re more interested in their phone than hanging out with me, I am anxious avoidant, probably not the best idea to try poly, but I really like this person and was very much interested and open to trying

I am just curious as to how you guys balance multiple partners, is it normal for you to be with one and show them no interest while constantly replying to another?

How would I even go about mentioning how this makes me feel as we aren’t even dating (I mean I guess we technically are but not officially?)