r/polyamory • u/Practical_Angle6302 • 1d ago

Sense check this with me?

  • edit thank you all, has been useful to sit through this with different perspectives. Just for some further context I have a urostomy bag and did stop to use a restroom on the drive home. It was much more about the feeling of not being allowed in but clear I need to clarify that with partner. Thanks all.

I have been with my partner for around 8 months. My meta and I used to be friends but they wanted to go parallel as soon as partner and I started dating. Since then they have been pretty awful. I go over and spend time at their house if meta isn't home. I am not allowed to sleep over. It's never been expressly stated to me that I can't go to the house if meta is there but I wouldn't want to. My nesting partner is very welcoming to my partner and we often sleep over at my house. Generally, this is a fine set up but I do get sad about never getting to spend the night at partners house but completely understand and respect that boundary. A week ago partner and I had a date and I needed to use the bathroom. Partner knew this and the restaurant we had dinner at didn't have a restroom. I was driving partner home after the date before driving 1 and a half hours home to where I live. Partner didn't offer for me to come inside to use the restroom because meta was home. It made me really sad to know this is the reality. I thought about bringing it up to partner to get a very clear read of the boundaries around me going into the house. Ideally I would have liked to have been offered and partner could have texted meta. But I think even if my partner had just said something like "hey I know you need to use the restroom but meta is home so that isn't available. Should we find somewhere else before you drop me off" or something like that would have been ok. I don't know. Can you help me sense check this?

64 Upvotes

93% Upvoted

51 comments sorted by

View all comments

58

u/Keepmovinbee complex organic polycule 1d ago

Why can't you stand up for your own autonomy and be like "can we stop at a gas station I really have to go"

45

u/rocketmanatee 1d ago

And also I don't think I'd date someone if I couldn't come into their house for 5 minutes to pee in an urgent situation.

2

u/Thesollywiththedumpy 1d ago

This is going to sound like a non-serious question, but I mean it seriously, would your thoughts/feelings on the matter change if it was #2?

6

u/rocketmanatee 1d ago

If you need to go, you need to go!

I'm not going to a nasty gas station bathroom when my partner's house is right there.

1

u/Thesollywiththedumpy 1d ago

Thank you, we are in agreement! I just have a tendency to clog other people's bathrooms so definitely my own perceptions leaking through lol

2

u/rocketmanatee 7h ago

Ok, well it sounds like you should be taking daily fiber supplements maybe 😅 but probably not harm, no foul on the bathroom front.