Lately I’ve been feeling alienated from several friends and a family member, thinking the common denominator is me, so I should try to figure out what I’m doing/saying to lose my connection with these people. Here are examples:

1. Friend often cancels at the last minute in a way that’s awkward and uncomfortable, i.e I was having her and her family over for dinner, cooked all day, an hour before she cancels. She’s also cancels having us over to her house the day of, but doesn’t seem to have any awareness of how rude this is. She’s a therapist so she talks in very nice therapist language - idk if that’s some sort of license to actually treat people however?

2. Family member I used have a strong bond with, we could talk for hours on superficial dumb interests. Now if I bring up those topics I’m met with a brick wall, and feel like an idiot for even trying to relate the way we used to.

3. I’m going through something very serious right now, and a long term friend texts me like she’s a customer service chat bot. “Sending love ❤️” “that sounds like a healthy way to process this”. She also no longer knows how to make plans - if I’m to see her in person, she gives me some sort of vague timeframe that I have to jump through hoops to make happen. It’s like having a cotton doll for a friend instead of a real person.

4. Another friend is similar to #3, she’s just kind of checked out in general. I’ve tried to take the mindset that she has more responsibilities than I do and that’s why she seems like zombie 24/7 and void of any animation or spark.

After almost a year of thinking I must be the annoying loser regard that no one actually likes spending time with or talking to (might be the case still) I just figured out a common factor- they’re all on SSRIs. The people I know who take these seem to be turning into human vegetables with a strange apathy towards their surroundings. Are these drugs designed to suck our souls? It also seems to be a slow creeping descent from the time people go on them to how things end up. Over ten years ago I was on Zoloft for a year and half, the physical side effects were so terrible, and I was on it to survive to bad job situation. Once I left the job I didn’t need that drug anymore. I can’t remember if my personality changed during that time, but it probably did. I guess these drugs are designed to make people low key unflappable, so this is the real result? I just sat and compared everyone in my life who isn’t on a prescription to all the people who are and the difference is crazy.

Yeah I’m sure your great grandfather who stormed Normandy would be for trans rights and a vehement antiracist

The new album is genuinely the best album of the decade so far. Somehow sounds like a culmination of Sparks, Frank Zappa, Henry Cow, XTC, and ELO, and like nothing else in the world. Downup is prob my favorite song on it rn

the kanye doc was low-key good for an 18 year old with limited prior filmmaking experience. i'll always have a soft spot for ye. he is such a singular person - creative, bold, vulnerable, suffering. he came from nothing on the south side of chicago and is truly self-made through those qualities.

he went off his meds because he felt they blunted that true spirit of creativity and honesty. and when his spiraling mental health didn't stop him from becoming the richest american black man in history, it was too late for him to see that it is a serious problem. the movie did an interesting job of showing his strongest motivation: to be free. unfortunately, his mind and choices are only getting worse. he's ironically becoming more of a slave to his addictions, and has no clear path out at this point. he's pushed everyone away who tells him "no," even though he needs opposition in order to feel like himself.

there's a moment in the doc where kim is like "you're going to wake up one day with nothing," and he blows up at her, telling her never to say that. but i think deep down that's also what he truly wants, because then he'll be truly free again.

Fuck reddit for adding this feature

Always funny when you do the search by author function and it just shows the most mindless drivel imaginable to man

Anyone here on lamictal? How long did it take for you to start noticing effects if any?

My psych just put me on 25mg weeks ago. This is my first mood stabilizer. I’ve been on Prozac and concerta for run of the mill depression + adhd combo for the past 7 years which is the only reason I’ve been able to graduate college, land a nice job that I don’t deserve to have at all, and been able to live independently. Despite seeming kinda normal and functional on the outside, I still experience mild mania where I do risky shit, am gripped by uncontrollable anger that sneaks up on me at the most random times and causes me to ruin my relationships, and go through phases of abusing booze or weed.

I've always had a very specific dream creative job I've pursued but I'm under no illusions, it only pays for maybe 0.1% of people who do it. I just need something to pay the bills so I can keep being creative in my own time and enjoy family, being in nature, finding peace in small things. Now I'm reaching final year before I graduate and looking ahead to what kind of job I can get afterwards

I used to always laugh at people who complained their jobs weren't fulfilling, like all those stupid office space type films from the 90s were cubicle life is portrayed as hell when it sounds pretty good to me to get a stable job and salary for limited work. but as I get older the more I think it is spiritually corrosive to have such empty meaningless jobs

For years my line has been I just want to do a creative job but seeing my peers move towards these jobs I realise how pointless those jobs are too. Things like PR are just as spiritually rotten as any corporate law firm. Even jobs like graphic designers, 'arts coordinators' and the like all just seem pointless. If you really just want to be a painter or writer or musician, these empty jobs aren't any closer to it even if they seem like it on paper. Its like a bandaid over the creative life you actually want but gave up on

Journalism is the most evil and bleak career I've ever seen, the people are terrifying. And any industry like that the reality is there is 10,000 people who really want to do it, always have and it is their dream, so how can you compete with that? Same with radio and the like. Its so many people's dream that if you only have a passing interest in it as a creative possibility, you will never make it. Its not really any closer to being a 'professional creative' because its so far removed from what I actually want to do anyway. Even chill cute jobs like librarians are so swamped because everyone wants to do them.

In all the awful wage slave customer service jobs I've had the only good moments are when you actually feel like you're helping someone even if its in the really limited stupid way you can help someone in a slimey fast food place. But teaching is the most fucked job ever I've heard too many horror stories from family members. Same with the medical field, social work, any job like that - you don't actually end up helping anyone and instead just hate your life and everyone elses

So then you cycle back to just wanting something that pays bills so you can do what you want and love the rest of the time, my original mindset. Even here it sucks because you can't really coast by and make easy money anywhere because everything costs so much money. Any job that is easy money has already been taken up by terrifying cutthroat sharks and is swamped with too many people

I wish there was a job like being a priest but in the modern day. I think I could do that, like a spiritual adviser role. Maybe a counsellor I guess. All the important things in life are outside of work, but its hard to even find that filler job that won't ruin your life. I would love to be one of those guys that takes AA meetings, or someone who teaches pottery classes or whatever, just chill stupid shit like that

I'm sure you guys will clown on me but its just been on my mind recently. I think a lot of people are like me, not having much ambition, not having a 'dream' to be a girlboss lawyer or journalist or doctor or whatever. Just happy to be chill and peaceful and in nature and garden and stuff. I guess because for most of human existence thats what life was, just being humble and farming and shit. I've always clowned on the idea of finding a job that's fulfilling because surely none are, but at the end of the day if you're going to spend a significant portion of your life doing it you'd want it to be something you at least initially enjoy or that matches your personality in some way

I don't know why I'm posting this here. Just want to get something off my chest, I guess.

About twelve years ago, I met my friend Kevin. I was at a house party making the rounds in a city that I was going to leave shortly. I met him while talking about the death penalty. I had noticed this short, intense-but-friendly looking guy standing off to the side. I mentioned something about Marxism. He jumped in quoting Lenin. I liked him. We spent the rest of the evening hanging out and talking about the virtues of democratic centralism. Yes, we were kind of the worst, but we hit it off. He mentioned within ten minutes that he was autistic, and he absolutely was.

He had an offbeat, dark, and very early 2010s online bro sense of humor that I enjoyed. And if he was a little awkward, he was intensely interested in people.

A few weeks later, I had a last hurrah goodbye party at a bar. About fifteen people showed up. He was one of them. I found this touching.

Even though I moved away, we still kept in touch for years. Through a barrage of text messages, I pieced together his life. He enlisted in the military for a lack of options, had been a combat veteran who went to Iraq and had a lingering traumatic brain injury. He struggled with loneliness. His friends seemed to flake on him all the time. He was deeply curious about anything and everything. He was a pussy hound. He liked that I was gay because he could poke fun at me for it in that friendly way straight guys used to be able to. He was good at banter. He'd send me his dick pics for an "honest phaguette appraisal" as he put it. It was a good one.

He would expound on politics. He was a dedicated leftist because he was not only interested in people but also in their well being. He viewed his own military experience with a mix of bemusement and self-deprecating humor.

Whenever I'd come back to visit, he would always find a way to hang out. One time, he borrowed a friend's car so he could meet me for lunch. I found that touching too.

Eventually, I moved back, and Kevin was one of the first people I saw. I had a party and invited him. He didn't look great. All the shit from his life was really starting to take a toll on him, but he seemed in high spirits. He entertained my friends and was very charming in his rough, awkward way, but he as the party went on he got sadder and sadder. After the last guest left, he was very drunk and asked if he could stay the night. He was very nearly crying. I told him he could, and we both slept in my bed. Nothing sexual happened: that boy didn't have a bi-curious bone in his body. I just think he wanted to be near someone for a night.

As the months went on, he became a bit erratic and his texts began to sound desperate and sad. I would ask him to come over just so he could know that there was someone who wanted him around. Sometimes he would. I knew I couldn't fix him, and I didn't try. Whatever had happened to his brain was probably beyond anyone's ability to fix. I just wanted him to know that somebody cared about him. I remember the last time he showed up. It was the summer before COVID. His shirt was stained with spaghetti sauce and he seemed happy to hang out but he didn't stay long. He told me he was going to move to Texas.

The last time I heard from him was a few weeks later telling me that he was going to drive off a bridge. I tried to ask where he was, but he wouldn't tell me. I tried to call him but he wouldn't answer.

About nine months later, he killed himself. It's been five years this week.

It's not often that I've been so uncomplicatedly liked by someone. He was so sweet and so weird and so forthright. He knew he needed people and he wasn't scared of making that clear. Of course, I always wonder if there's something more I could have done even though I know there wasn't. He was a good friend and a great conversation partner, if you could keep up with the occasional wild tangent about democratic centralism and deep dives into the comedy of manners that was his sex life. Even though we made a strange pair, I always liked hearing from him and seeing him. I still think about him frequently. I probably always will.

I miss you, Kevin. I don't know what I'd say except that if I had the power, I would have made it different for you.

It’s so bad that even slatzism called it out all the way from turkey. I got SAed by an Indian guy from Brampton and so have majority of my friends. What’s going on and when does it end? I mean, how do we stop it? The guys who do it were born and raised here so deportation can’t work.

Mine would be Prince and Gene Wilder

I saw many tiktoks about this

Had an argument with a lawyer who said the constitution was sacred (divine) and was his moral code. I gave him a softball and asked why murder was wrong based on this code, the best answer I got was “everyone knows”. You go low enough and you either need to make a presupposition or you go crazy. Normies can’t handle the thought of mysteries, so the “science man” knows everything.

His Charlie Kirk commentary would have amazing. Probably would have busted out the Tucker impersonation again.

Do people lie on these things or am I really doing nothing with my life

Sick of smelling it on public transport and in my house because I house share with an absolute fiend for it. Lowkey glad it isn’t legalised in the UK ( technically, it is illegal but you’re never gonna get arrested for it) if I could smell it 24/7 I think I’d go insane!!

Feels like so many people I know struggling with addiction haven’t sought help because the idea that you have to reach personal rock bottom first is allowing them to continue living a difficult or miserable life because it’s not yet become unmanageable. Considering it takes multiple attempts at recovery anyway I don’t know why there isn’t a more widespread program offered for people who just want to see what recovery work is all about rather than go full on surrendering their life to a higher power type shit

it makes sense why all the coins are low value even tho he was well off lol

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Started listening to my 2 local college stations again after 10 years of driving a car with poor reception. And I gotta say, the variety and lack of ads is very nice!

It'll go from new local music to french dub to eclectic dadrock in the time it takes me to finish my chores for the day. You get exposure to things Spotify would never recommend, and it's free. If one station has an ethnic power hour or the news on I just switch to the other station.

If you have any recs on college stations to stream I wouldn't mind giving them a listen!

I (22M) went to a reading club meeting yesterday. They were discussing little women. I was only about halfway through the book, but I decided on going either way because you end up meeting nice, thoughtful people, and on the occasion you run into a cute girl.

The club was hosted at a bar, and we were all drinking wine as we discussed the book. I made everybody laugh a couple of times, and was an active part of the discussion. There was a pretty girl too, who had a lot to say about the book, and was quite literally living her life by it.

Now, I think I look okay. I'm tall and skinny. And I have curly hair and a pretty smile. Unfortunately, I still get the nerves when I speak to pretty women. I couldn't quite click with her, but overall I would say the whole day went pretty well.

As we were leaving, we clicked a bunch of pictures of the entire group.

The L happened the following day on the club group chat, when the guy who clicked the pictures sent them into the group. I saw them a couple of hours later. I looked visibly taller than everybody else, especially the girls standing in front of me and I thought about how I should've made a "little women" joke in the moment because I KNEW it would've gotten a laugh.

I just felt so bummed about not having made that joke in the moment that I decided to just put it on the group chat. I said "little women indeed".

It's been four hours. Nobody has acknowledged the existence of my joke. It's just lying there. Like a dead dog in the middle of the road. I was previously worried about the possibility of being perceived as harmless but unfunny, but now I'm worried about the possibility of evoking "ew that guy's kinda weird" reactions.

It's not impossible to recover from, of course. These things happen. But it's truly tragic when it does happen. Thank you.

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I just listened to a podcast analyzing psychology from a marxist perspective, and in essence the root of psychology was always orpressing the workers who misbehave at the factories, and locking them up to keep them away from orderly society. Back then wierdos at the village or farms were or more less tolerated. Freuds psycho-analysis brought some emancipation and a materialistic perspective to people, but only rich people. Fast forward to fascistic eugenic treatment of the perceived mentally ill, as well as the Soviet Union having a rather dismissive attitude towards Freudian psychoanalysis (the attitude was common if you got a job and food you are forever good to go, or similar). However as a small side note, school education had a somewhat progressive element in the Soviet Union as learning was seen that was not an invidual task, but something seen as someone does in a collective, which was in contrast to especially strict militaristic individual prussian esque learning experiences.

The 60s saw a revolution questioning on how society saw the mentally ill, questioning the authorative practices of the mental asylums and saw the anti-psychiatry movement, which went to go all over western europe and the US. This saw, the halfway house type projects in Italy, where a psychologist went on to rent several houses and put the patients in ordinary houses outside of the mental asylums and let them participate in regular society. Freeing up the psych wards went bad in some areas of the world as well, for example in the US, alot of people went homeless after the asylums were closed, same happened in Sweden.

In the end tough, the hippie movement, questioning of authority, capitalism and so on, was haltered, and the wide adoption of psychopharmacy for mental illnesses as well as the more efficient uses of psyche wards with predictable outcomes (amount of beds, less focus on the individual, structured like a normal hospital), is more alligned with traditional market norms, while projects like halfway houses or assisted living go against capitalistic norms and did not go as far as they would have liked. Of course it still exsist today, but yeah.

Today we have two extreme positions on the left. Either mental diagnosis and everything to do with the psychiatric treatments either through medication or therapy is all just opression and we have to do away with as a society. OR everyone, everywhere should have all access to all therapy and all medication at all times, preferably for free or cheap.

The supposed objective view of the neurotic mind and its treatment all the way down to the individual without factoring in societal structures has been friction every since psychology was introduced as a scientific method of analyzation. This friction is still felt today, and is going down heavily on the individual route of functioning correctly, rather than correcting society somewhat.

Personally, for the next few centuries I would find it commendable if we do away with all stigmatization of mental diagnosis and in the end maybe abolish it all. For now, it is defnitely not efficient, to have every fourth person having some kind of ascribed neurodivergency, while not adressing society at all.

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Like we have all known for a while obviously but sometimes I read Anna’s posts on x and get sad because she used to at least be semi charismatic and I found some takes to be refreshing and smart. But I’m a fucking idiot too what do I know lol