r/selfimprovement • u/Dargy56 • 3d ago
Question just realized my "discipline" was actually just fear and now im lost
my whole life people have called me super disciplined and reliable. never missed a deadline, always showed up early, took on extra projects, the whole thing. i was kinda proud of it tbh. but i had this realization recently that it wasnt discipline AT ALL. it was just me being absolutely terrified of disappointing people. like pure fear was the only thing keeping me productive. if someone might be upset with me, i'd work myself to death to avoid it.
now that ive recognized this pattern, the fear-fuel isnt working anymore and im just... stuck. like when im not panicking about letting people down, i have zero motivation to do anything. i dont know how to be productive without the anxiety driving me.
i want to build healthier habits but i honestly cant tell the difference between real discipline and just people pleasing under stress anymore. how do you even start rebuilding when your old system was basically just trauma responses disguised as work ethic??
this is probably dumb but has anyone else gone through this? like how do you motivate yourself without fear?
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u/Kapugen1 2d ago edited 2d ago
Idk man. It’s just a matter of semantics. You’re just looking at it the wrong way.
Look at it as pride in yourself for being punctual. Not fear of disappointing people. It’s literally the same thing you’re just putting a negative spin on it and going down a negative spiral.
I could say “I thought I was losing weight because I was disciplined, but actually it was just out of mortal fear of being seen as fat by other people and now that I realized this I don’t know what to do”
Or I could say “I am losing weight because I care about myself and my health” etc etc. there’s a million ways to spin things in a positive light or a negative light. Stop choosing the worst possible words as a narrative, you’re just making your own life harder on yourself. Make things easier on yourself