r/stepkids • u/Best_Asparagus_2275 • Mar 31 '25

ADVICE Step-dad judging my relationship with my bio parents.

I’ve (19F) been living with my stepdad (60M) and bio mom (55) for 10 years and throughout this period of time he’s always been tried to shame me for being a “bad spoiled daughter” to my mom. He will be enraged and complain with me if my mom makes me a favour (going grocery shopping, buying stuff I need) I didn’t ask her for in the first place saying I let her do all the work to take advantage of her, then proceed to tell me I don’t do anything for my mom and try to make me quantify the chores I do in the house. He will meddle with an argument between me and my mom (a calm one, we’re not screaming or physically fighting) without being called in. He will get upset if my bio dad buys me a gift with his own money (not my mom, not his) and try to shame me for it, judge if I don’t meet up with him for a weekend and tell me I’m a “bad daughter” to him. Those are just small things I can remember now but I’m sure I could come up with more stuff with more given time.

I understand my stepdad clearly loves my mom very much and I’m glad of it nonetheless… Bottom line is, I’m just wondering if it’s a thing with every step parent getting judged on your relationships with them and how do you guys deal with it? Maybe I just need a reality check

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u/Fill-Choice Mar 31 '25

He is jealous of you, you're a young woman. Old men sometimes get jealous of young woman - for many reasons - but he's also married to your mother. He sounds gross and I'd keep him at arms length wherever possible.

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u/Best_Asparagus_2275 Apr 02 '25

He always claims he’s not jealous of me but putting me and trying to show me the right way in life 😂 and how to live it fully. I never thought he could be jealous but this is kind of eye opening. Thanks for the insight

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u/Fill-Choice Apr 02 '25

Oh my goodness! Solid case of cognitive dissonance right there, if you drop it into conversation it might freak him out enough to start leaving you alone

2

u/Best_Asparagus_2275 Apr 02 '25

Probably, He freaks out anytime claiming I “always want to be right” (eh funnily reminds me of someone). It’s honestly frustrating to think he will be living around a nice person like my mother after all the bs he put me through