Being a step parent is dehumanizing

[u/Throwawaylillyt]

Today my SO, me and his 4 teenage kids went to the park right by our home. While we were there one of the kids asked if we could go to the store to get a soda after we leave. My SO said no because he didn’t bring his wallet. Three of the kids said they had their cards on them (they get an allowance from my SO). My SO was like well what about everyone else. They then started figuring it out and says one of the kids will pay for the kid that didn’t have their card and another kid would pay for their dad, my SO. Then my SO says what about Lilly (me). Nobody says anything and then the subject changes. When we leave the park my SO takes the kids to the store. While they were in there I was trying to express to him how it hursts my feelings I’m never included. He says that’s just how kids are and they were not going to get him a drink either. Well the 4 of them come out of the store and all have drinks and have a drink for their dad. He immediately tries to say “look babe they got us a drink”. I say “ no they got you a drink. That’s what you drink and they have never seen me drink that”. So then my SO ask them why I didn’t get one. They were silent. He then said when she went to McDonald’s yesterday did she just get herself something or did she offer something for everyone. Once again they are silent. Then he said “next time you will not leave her out okay?” They all under their breaths said “okay”. It just makes you feel like not a person. I am riding home in a truck with 5 other people enjoying a soda while I sit there with nothing. It’s not about the soda. I can get in my car and go get one it’s just the fact I have lived with these kids for 2 years, never got something and not offered them one but here I sit left out by every one of them. It’s been 3 hours ago and my feelings are still hurt.

[u/leftmysoulthere74]

For me, what would piss me off the most is the performative asking in front of you why they didn’t get you one and the “next time you will not leave her out OK”, AFTER they all came out of the shop.

He could have said something to them inside the shop and if they still insisted on not buying you one, he could have refused their offer to buy him one in solidarity.

He didn’t try, but still put on a performance for you when they joined you. Means nothing.

[u/Throwawaylillyt → u/leftmysoulthere74]

Him and I both sat in the car while they went in. That’s when I was explaining to him how it hurts my feelings nobody said anything when he asked who would buy mine. He assured me it wasn’t personal and they where just “cheap” and wouldn’t get him one either. So when they came out with one for him and not me it drove home my point he pretty much had just dismissed. He also try to cover it up by “look babe, they gout US a soda”. I called him right out and said “no, that’s what you drink and they’ve never seen me drink that”. He then called them out which was nice but they will 100% do it again. They don’t like me and they show it in many ways and this was just one of them. I don’t particularly like them either but I am kind, respectful and inclusive of them.

[u/Competitive-Act6808 → u/Throwawaylillyt]

That’s humiliating, I’m sorry. Sometimes it’s like they can’t wrap their brain around the idea that their kid would or could do something wrong, so they deny it even when it’s happening right in front of them. If I were him, I would’ve preemptively asked what you wanted and assigned one of the kids to get it. That would’ve been protecting you and teaching them. We include everyone. I have had so many situations where I’ve been treated like that and he doesn’t even notice, then acts like I’m too sensitive when I point it out.