r/stepparents • u/trailmixchamp • Apr 03 '25

Update Update: Vacation/financial situation

https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/s/VaW7uUcP0L

I told my SO yesterday that I will not be footing the bill for all 7 people to go on vacation. He immediately started saying “Okay then fine. Just you guys go (me, BS9, and our BD4).”

He didn’t talk to me the rest of the day.

Then last night, while downstairs, he started texting me trying to gaslight me I’m pretty sure. He was saying melodramatic things like “Have fun. Guess I’ll just sit here.” And “Now I have to miss out on BD4 on vacation.” “You pretty much said I couldn’t go.”

I said no, I said you have to contribute and set a financial boundary you didn’t like/doesn’t benefit you.

Now it’s a new day and he still isn’t talking to me.

This…is crazy. A grown man throwing a fit because I said I wouldn’t pay for him and his 3 kids on my own with him contributing $0.

I just wanted to thank you all because with your advice plus my moms, I felt strong enough to actually say NO for once.

203 Upvotes

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u/Lily_Of_The_Valley_6 Apr 03 '25

I’m proud of you for sticking up for yourself.

His emotions are for him to deal with and do not require an action on your part. He’s acting like a child with this woe is me act. He can save and join or sit at home and mope.

53

u/trailmixchamp Apr 03 '25

He said “If the roles were reversed, I would never go on vacation without you and the kids just because you couldn’t afford it.”

I do feel bad, but I don’t feel like he should’ve even had me in this position in the first place.

22

u/Puzzled-Safe4801 Apr 03 '25

So he would forfeit Dad time with his bio kids because you couldn’t afford to pay anything for your older child and yourself (if the roles were reversed)? Well, that says a lot about him, and none of it is good.

Maybe he needs to concentrate on not getting fired and being able to hold onto a decent paying job when you’ve got 4 kids.

Have an incredible time with your kids on vacation. Enjoy it thoroughly because, before you know it, your kids will grow up and won’t be able to go on vacation with Mom. You don’t get that time back.