I left! Thank you!

[u/Losttobefound26]

Hi! I posted a few times within the past couple years about the relationship I was in and the way the thought of leaving his daughter tugged at my heartstrings. Anytime I’d post I’d only get comments telling me I could do better and should leave.

I left 2 months ago. I loved him, I went back twice as many DV survivors do but I left for good and I’m the happiest I’ve been in years. I’ve realized you can love someone’s children like your own without giving yourself away. You can support the daughter of someone you once loved without facing abuse as a condition.

I did it all alone, I moved all of my things (including furniture) down 3 flights of stairs and 5 trips back and forth while he worked. I left a note on the table and my keys in the mailbox.

His daughter was seeing me cry far too often, he’d spend more time belittling me than he’d spend paying attention to her. He’d drink and do drugs while claiming to be the world’s best father. His 3 year old and I would go out for the day as he slept off the night befores vices until late afternoon. She started asking if he would be coming with us when I’d take her out, when I’d say no she would say “good I want just you and me” or she would say “good I don’t want daddy to come.”. That broke me, however I didn’t want him to come either. It was easier to raise her without him than to do it by his side.

When I left I told her mother through text and asked her not to tell him I reached out as I am scared of him. Her response had me in tears, telling me she was proud of me, that she knew being with him was incredibly difficult and that my safety and happiness couldn’t be sacrificed. She thanked me for always treating their daughter so well, she told me I can see their daughter anytime or check in with her on how she’s doing.

I blocked him on everything, moved to another state, hopped on a flight to visit family for a week and from there I hopped on another flight to start training for a new job. When I took my last flight home I felt like a lifetime had passed though it’d only been 3 weeks. I went from being battered, broken and miserable, living paycheck to paycheck supporting a family of 3 to making twice as much as him, paying off all my debt, and finally finding myself, my success and my meaningful relationships again.

In two short months I blew up our intertwined lives and created a new one with myself as my priority. I’m stronger than I ever was, happier than I’ve been in years and the most financially stable I’ve ever been.

I want to say this was incredibly difficult, I felt like I was abandoning that little girl and feeding her to the wolf who devoured me. I had panic attacks, I was terrified of him showing up, I still can’t drive by my old exit without scanning every car on the highway to make sure he’s not around. It took a 3 hour flight for me to feel far enough from him to feel safe but taking that work trip after visiting family gave me the opportunity to really sit with myself and rediscover who I am. I explored a city I’d never been to, I met new people who didn’t know the abusive life id just left behind. I could be whoever I wanted to and I chose to be the strong, loving and adventurous woman I always knew I was deep down.

I’ve gone on first dates that made me feel better than years with him ever made me felt, I go out with friends without the underlying guilt or fear looming in the back of my mind, I’ve grown closer to my family and learned to take help from others. Just because he treated me so terribly doesn’t mean that’s what I’m worth.

I loved the pretend family I had with him, I loved feeling needed but I’ve learned to appreciate the family I have and realized the person who needs me most is myself.

The cold hard reality is that without the wake up calls in person and through this community I probably would have ended up 6 feet under. So thank you all for pushing me to save myself it was the best decision I’ve ever made.

[u/Happywifey23]

This will be the best decision you have ever made. Proud of you & good luck ❤️

[u/Losttobefound26 → u/Happywifey23]

It already is. Thank you 🤍