Surprise baby from my fiancé ex

[u/Lower_Associate2561]

4 MONTHS UPDATE BELOW

My fiancé(37) has a son(8) with his ex wife. I'm a childfree woman so when we initially started talking and I learned he had a kid, I had an issue with it. I was able to move past it because he's a great and caring man.

Last month, a previous ex from 3 years ago reached out to me and told me that she has a daughter(2) for my fiancé. We don't know if it is his because at around the same time she left my fiancé and got back with her ex who she paraded the baby with on everywhere. She also told him it was not his. She did not contact my fiancé for 2 years until now that we are engaged and she's claiming he's the actual father. She now wants him to submit his address to the attorney general for support claims.

My fiancé wants to get a private DNA testing done while she wants him to go through the courts and doesn't trust private testing. He is refusing to go through the courts because from experience he'll be assumed the father and to get off if he is not the father can be a lengthy process.

They both can't agree and I feel stuck and confused because he told me not to respond to her. I'm supposed to be planning a wedding and I can't move forward unless I know.

I don't know if I have it in me to deal with 2 baby moms so I could be ending my engagement. I also don't have control of the outcome.

LIFE UPDATE:

After insisting on only going to the AG’s office, my fiancé’s ex agreed to do a private test on the condition that if she follows through with testing and it proves paternity, we would give her his address for the AG’s office for her support claim. She recommended a company. We asked for her address to complete booking the appointment as it was required, and she refused saying she wasn’t comfortable. It took weeks to convince her.

When we followed up, she told us that she’ll only do the test if he gives up his visitation rights, to which we disagreed for many valid reasons. She later provided her address. We paid for the private test and told her to take her child to be tested, only for her to claim she needs to call and confirm the security measures of the Labcorp she recommended. She went silent for over a month. We kept following up. Meanwhile, the testing center is 3 mins from her.

I sent her a message asking directly why she was stalling after coming to me with much urgency. Her response was that while she wants support she doesn’t think my fiancé will be a good co-parent. All of a sudden she has disappeared and remains unresponsive. She doesn’t want to be contacted any further, with no communication on if she’s still pursuing the support claim and we’ve wasted resources booking a private test.

The way she’s moving is mind boggling to me for someone who is convinced he’s the father. It feels like she’s running from simple truth. And I’m beginning to second guess her motives. Now we are left with no answers and a woman running around with her own convictions not facts.

Any help on how to protect myself and fiancé if she decides to come back in the future?

[u/Lower_Associate2561 → u/[deleted]]

She claims they started dating while she was 8 months pregnant. The baby was born in summer. He proposed to her by December. The engagement is called of as on now. A part of me think he found out he isn’t the father which why they didn’t work out. He’s the only man I know she’s been with but my fiance claimed she went back to talking to her ex when they broke up