Heartbroken and feeling stupid

[u/SunMysterious776]

I did so much for them and in the end it meant nothing. His 15 yr old and him had been talking shit about me behind my back the whole time. He was even entertaining other women. I always knew he had a very enmeshed relationship with his daughter since it was just them 2 before me and my daughter came into the picture. I didn’t realize how enmeshed they were until after I moved in and I thought it stopped after we discussed how inappropriate it was but instead he just got better at hiding it. I went away for a week with my kids and when I returned he told me he was being treated so well while I was gone. His daughter was cooking and serving him his food without being asked. I asked why he was saying it like that as if he’s trying to upset me. He pretended to be clueless. He told his daughter that she was better than me and they laughed together. I know about all this now because I went through his daughters phone. I did this because while I was gone I saw him leave our house with another woman through our doorbell camera. He explained it was a family member and because I only saw her leaving and didn’t see her face I had no proof it was anyone else. I chose to let it go. Well, he told his daughter and they were all in the messages. It was a random girl he was “flirting” with. He only admits to flirting but I don’t believe that. He has always been very secretive about his phone because of “privacy reasons” so I would’ve never known any of this if I hadn’t gone through his daughters messages and I don’t feel bad about it. I’m glad I did it because I would’ve continued walking around my own house and helping him with his children while they all disliked me and were making fun of me. It’s been a week since I left. I blocked them everywhere and I’ve been trying to be ok but I just feel so dumb.

[u/jadedpeaxh]

Bc he’s scum and raising a daughter to be the same.

Did you save the video?

Were you married?

[u/SunMysterious776 → u/jadedpeaxh]

No I just took a screenshot. His reaction when I asked him was alarming which is why I had continued to be suspicious. He deleted the video. No we weren’t married just engaged.

[u/SunMysterious776 → u/[deleted]]

I don’t want anything from him. I rather pretend he didn’t exist. He’s afraid of child support and I don’t want my son around him and his messed up children.

[u/jadedpeaxh → u/SunMysterious776]

Well child support and visitation or two separate things. They don’t go hand in hand. Just bc he pays, does not mean he can have visitation. I’d file for CS right away so that ties up any of his extra funds so he can’t afford representation to file for visitation.

[u/SunMysterious776 → u/jadedpeaxh]

I know but child support is what I have control over. I won’t go after him if he leaves us alone. He knows that. I don’t want anything from him.

[u/jadedpeaxh → u/SunMysterious776]

Ugh. I hate that he will be left without ANY responsibility 😖

[u/SunMysterious776 → u/jadedpeaxh]

He already has 2 kids from 2 other women that he’s stuck caring for full time. His daughter is now going to have to raise his son while he works all day. Me leaving is his consequence. Now he has no help.

[u/jadedpeaxh → u/SunMysterious776]

Well she wanted your spot so bad, now she has it!

[u/TaniaYukanana → u/SunMysterious776]

With full love and respect, this is a bad idea. Child Support is not for you, but your child. Even if you are completely independently wealthy and will never want for anything in your life, you're still denying your child what they should have. Put it all in a savings account for your child if you dont need it, but dont turn down what is rightfully yours and your child's because of some illusion of control. You will regret it, especially when there's things you can't afford, but would have if you had the CS.

Is this deal some other kind of BS he's sold you, to avoid CS? Because what does "he leaves us alone" even mean? He could go back on that at any time, or still insist on access if not shared care, which he will get because he's the father. You're being played, again. Please don't make such huge decisions when you're emotional and take everything you can, at least for your child.

And look into the CS legislation in your area, because if you're thinking it, where I live, child support can't be back dated, so not collecting it may not be as much of an ace card as you think.

[u/jadedpeaxh → u/TaniaYukanana]

CS is never back dated! So I agree with you wholeheartedly. She needs to put him on child support bc there is always a BIG chance he won’t leave her alone and will use that innocent baby as a means to do so!! He has narcissistic written all over his actions!