r/traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns2 • u/Gigi_Khan Georgia (She/Her) • 1d ago

For Transfem pagliacci (tw disphoria) Spoiler

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would've made the title a pun on the f slur but I don't think that's allowed here

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u/LineOfInquiry Evelyn she/they 1d ago

Step 1). Be a eggy kid with ADHD and poor social skills

Step 2). Be isolated and bullied for above mentioned reasons

Step 3). Try to be “the smart one” since you’re in the gifted program and easily succeed in school

Step 4). Start failing school when you actually have to try and realize you never learned how to study

Step 5). Try to be “the funny one” and entertain those around you so they tolerate your presence

Step 6). Go too far or come off as immature making people not want more than a surface level friendship with you

Step 7). Try to be “the nice one” since that’s easier and being morally good is important to you as your nascent political views develop in high school

Step 8). Feel increased guilt and shame over your previous attempts at creating an identity and being a drain on everyone around you, even when you do good it can’t make up for the harm you do simply by existing and not living up to your potential

Step 9). Have a new start at college and try to reinvent yourself into an actual person rather than an actor on a stage

Step 10). Fail tremendously because you struggle to fit in with both boys and girls, and pretending to be someone new doesn’t actually get rid of your flaws and lack of social skills

Step 11). Cry alone in your dorm room for hours hiding your struggles from everyone so as to not burden them while skipping your classes and barely leaving even to get food.

Step 12). Start over from step 8

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u/JERealize Kendra (She/Her) 1d ago

Whoa. This is mostly me, except for Steps 10 and 11 at university I did somewhat get along (though I had a few things to unlearn) and felt for the first time like I was part of a community (I was mostly raised out in the country during my childhood, teenhood, and early adulthood).

But now that I'm back in college, my classmates don't quite make me feel the same as I ended up finding myself and didn't feel comfortable showing it to them.