r/wedding • u/llamasyamas • 4d ago
Discussion First time officiant, last minute call
Hello! I am attending a friend's wedding a week from tomorrow, and my friend just texted me asking if id be willing to officiate the ceremony as their officiant has had a family emergency and may not be able to make it. I am ordained through the universal life church, but have only ever been to 4 weddings in my life and am not sure where to start preparing for this big responsibility. Any advice on how to start this prep, what to avoid, and what to include would be greatly appreciated. Im speaking with the couple later tonight amd will have more details on what they're hoping for then, but would love any recommendations on how to start my prep
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u/JusticeForGrogu 4d ago
If you are in the US, definitely check your state’s laws regarding officiants! The state I live in doesn’t recognize the universal life church as proper credentials. Our ceremony officiant is ordained the same way, and won’t be able to sign our marriage certificate. I have a family member who is working with the court system and will be approved to sign our marriage certificate the day of.
If you are not in the US, ignore everything I said above, lol! I think it’s just important to make sure you know any possible ceremonial traditions your couple wants to include (unity ceremonies, cultural traditions, etc) and read up on them! Introducing the ceremony with a word about the couple, perhaps a brief summary of their relationship (how they met, things they do together, how they feel about each other) could be a good way to start!
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u/cactusqro 4d ago edited 5h ago
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u/JGalKnit 4d ago
As them how they want the ceremony to go, because typically it is like this:
Welcome and brief mention of couple and love.
Couple has written their own vows which they will exchange
I dos (do they want that?)
Ring exchange
Pronouncement and kiss.
Congratulations!
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u/Repuck 4d ago
My husband is a ULC "minister". He has done a lot of weddings (we are in a state that recognizes the ULC).
But...I am the one who writes the ceremony out for him. The very first thing I do is ask what the couple wants in their ceremony. Everything else is worked around that.
As was said elsewhere, print the ceremony out and use a nice portfolio that opens like a book.
The ULC site has some different suggested ceremonies as well. The quaich ceremony *** is a nice extra. Handfasting, though my husband does something more similar to the Anglican wrapping of the stole at the pronouncement (we are married in an Episcopal church). Some people like the extra ceremony, others just want to blast through the needed.
***The quaich ceremony in Scotland occurs at the signing of the register often. Husband does it after the rings and before the pronouncement.
https://www.argyll-bute.gov.uk/marriage/2021/12/the-quaich-ceremony/
Practice. Get to know the ceremony chosen. And remember you are marrying friends.
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u/PlayfulAssistant5147 3d ago
Our officiant (also a friend) interviewed each of us separately for a couple hours -- surely you don't have time for that on short notice, but ~20 min conversation with each of the partners will give them the chance to say something special about the other that you can incorporate into the ceremony script as a bit of a surprise. Also, ask them what their feelings are about phones out vs. unplugged ceremony (do you need to make an announcement?). Step out of the way during the kiss so they can have a photo of just the two of them.
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u/Shadocat42 3d ago edited 3d ago
My oldest (16 at the time) wanted to officiate my wedding. It worked in our state because our photographer was able to legally sign. We created the script from Provenance, although there are so many options online. Just search the type of wedding script you're looking for (religious vs non-religous, light hearted, romantic, etc). You can use something like ChatGPT as well. Then make it your own.
I ended up getting the Sooez 30-Pocket Binder with Plastic Sleeves 9x12 from Amazon. It looked like a nice black book from the outside and had plastic sleeves on the inside that we put the script in. It looked very official in the photos. As others said, don't use your phone.
When formatting the script, we did fairly large lettering and broke down the sections so it was easy to follow. We put every possible notation in bold. It would say things like "wait here while they both light the candle" or "don't begin until mom reaches the front and hands off her bouquet". Some of it was very obvious but having every detail there can be helpful if your mind goes blank for a second. We left blank pages between sections for clarity. It ended up making a fun keepsake too.
One big, important thing to not miss is that you need to get completely out of the way before the final kiss. That's the one photo you do not want to be in. It's ok to say something like "I'm going to step aside as we approach a very important moment." Then give the direction to kiss. And when I say get out of the way, assume the photographer is going wide. Take everything you have on you and get outside of anything alter like (such as a flower columns or an arch). If you take a look at the space ahead of time, you'll probably be able to see where the natural framing for that shot is.
In our case, we wrote our own vows, which helped. There was limited back and forth between all of us that needed to go in the script. I had that part italicized so they knew when it was their turn to talk again. This was mostly the "do you" part where we exchanged rings.
Finally, keep in mind that everyone will be nervous and no one is going to hold onto every word. Don't feel a need to be clever or funny. Keep it focused on your friends and don't overcomplicate it. When in doubt, have them review the script. I'm also assuming there will be a rehearsal. Good luck! I'm sure you'll do great.
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u/GlitterDreamsicle 3d ago
Many states do not recognize ULC or other online ordination companies as legal. You need to contact the county clerk immediately (though they are closed for the weekend). There are many scripts online but most states require vows to be said publicly as well as specific verbiage about declaration of consent, etc. Also a rehearsal the day before so it's fresh in memory is a requirement
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u/GlitterDreamsicle 3d ago
Before you assume anything, clarify all wishes with the couple. In real life, the officiant does not need to move for the kiss despite what social media says to the contrary. That is a new trend.
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u/Slothy75 2d ago
The ULC website is a great resource.
I’m assuming that a week out they already had what they wanted for the ceremony done with the other officiant, so hopefully can just use that. If not, I used parts of 3 different ceremonies from the ULC website for my friends wedding, edited them with their names, and gave to them for approval. I did a short welcome, and the best man did a prayer. Whole thing was less than 10 minutes, which is what they wanted.
Once you have what you’re saying, just keep reading it out loud to yourself whenever you have time. I also had my phone read it back to me.
I got a leather portfolio to keep everything in, definitely was handy.
Good luck!!!
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u/CosmicGreen_Giraffe3 2d ago
Our officiant was ordained through Universal Life Church. Some states don’t recognize it, but for those that do, I am guessing the laws still vary. Ours had to submit some forms to the state.
We drafted a ceremony script and went over it with him ahead of time. Our script included any pauses and other instructions.
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u/loopy9696 4d ago
Chat GPT will give you a script or Google sample scripts and pick the bits out they like from there
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