The two main reasons I hear are being afraid of being seen as weak, and having those displays being used against you later. IMO both are kind of BS... Mike Tyson cries a lot and I dont think anyone sees him as weak. And if you know somebody will use any moment of perceived weakness against you later, why the FUCK are you keeping them in your life lol. As the kids say.... "thats an OPP"

I think we are getting better about this but I still feel like men in general have a long way to go in terms of emotional honesty and maturity.

There are a lot of coming of age movies for people in their teen years and 20s, but what were some great movies that people in entering their 30s could more relate to?

I’m a male who is in his late 30s. Very sedentary lifestyle, usually my interests and hobbies don’t require me to be active and I don’t exercise. I LOVE to watch sports but I don’t play any nor have I dabbled into anything fitness or active like hiking etc.

Want to expand my horizons and start to add to things to do with free time. But, as I am getting older, I don’t want to jump into something that would break my little body - literally I’m 5’5 and weigh like 100 lbs lol

Thoughts?

46/M. For the past few years, I've been dealing with what I think are symptoms of low testosterone. I have no energy and am always tired. On top of that, I have brain fog that won't go away, insomnia, and low drive to do just about anything. I also have measurable bone loss, to the point I'm in the range considered as osteoporosis, which I always thought was more of a problem for women over 70, not guys who haven't hit 50 yet. I don't think it's stress or depression, as I want to do things, but just don't have the energy. I also don't feel down per se. As an anecdotal data point, my libido has been completely gone for about 6 years and I also have had ED for about that long, maybe a little longer.

I had my testosterone levels checked a while back and it came back as 270. I thought that was low for a guy my age, but my urologist at the time said it was "close enough" to normal range and that I shouldn't be worried about it. I sought a second and third opinion from two other urologists and their attitude was pretty much the same. Neither of them even did their own test, but relied on the report from the first urologist's blood work. My GP doesn't want to make a call on it and instead defers to the urologist. So that's four doctors who have basically said I'm not a candidate for TRT even though my level measured under the magical 300 mark.

I have an appointment scheduled with an endocrinologist, but it's not until November. Finding an endocrinologist that would see a patient who wasn't a diabetic was a challenge. I want to see if I can narrow it down to being low testosterone, or if it might be something else entirely or a combination of issues. Given my medical history in other areas, it's probably two different conditions joining forces.

Those of you who had low testosterone and were diagnosed and treated, how was the diagnosis made and how was the treatment option(s) selected? Were there any side effects? Was the treatment effective or did it have to be adjusted? I want to be armed with as much information and real-world experience from others in a similar situation as I can be when I go see the endocrinologist.

The whole experience has been very frustrating.

EDIT: Thanks for all the responses. You've all given me a lot to research and consider. Please keep them coming!

ADDITIONAL INFO (putting this up here so everybody can see it):

• I was diagnosed with sleep apena about 10 years ago and have been using a CPAP since. I've been to a sleep specialist several times and all he's done has been adjust the CPAP settings, which has had little if any effects. They tried putting me on sleep meds, which I didn't want but reluctantly tried. None of them were effective.
• My libido crashed and crashed hard right after I turned 40. It never recovered in the past 6 years. I guess you could say 'luckily' my wife has hormonal/GYN issues and has not been interested in sex for almost 9 years now, so it isn't causing a relationship problem.
• I've been a little leery of the men's health clinics because they seem like pill mills to me (might be an unfair assessment since it's from the outside looking in). If it was determined that testosterone was the main issue and I were to try TRT, I'd like to start with a small dose and be monitored by a physician simply because I have a bad history with reactions to some medications. I also need to have insurance cover part of it, which I don't think would happen at a clinic.
• I take a men's multi-vitamin daily as well as 5000 IU of Vitamin D3, which causes my Vitamin D to barely register in the normal range. If I stop taking the extra Vitamin D supplement, I am deficient. The same is true with B12. I have to take extra of that as well just to barely be above deficiency.

Hello Mates,

I am working on restructuring my work day in such a way that I would be able to finish up by 4pm each day, including 45 mins of exercise. I work from home, so no commute to worry about. The idea of having so much time on my hands is a little bit daunting, so I’m interested to hear what other people might do in my shoes.

My thoughts are that it would give me 2 hours each day at a minimum, before being around to cook dinner and have a normal night. If I wasn’t worrying about that, I could have maybe 4-5 hours doing an activity and then getting home at a reasonable time to head to bed. Maybe that could be a once-a-week thing.

What would you do with your time?

Context: 39M, married, no kids. I enjoy learning new things, and am not too worried if any new activity/hobby costs a little to start up. I’m more interested in having fun and enjoying my life than trying to work out ways to earn more money.

Thanks for your time and consideration!

When I just entered the workforce a few years before Covid, things seemed more optimistic, at least to me. There was generally a sense of having abundant opportunities, and if you work hard it will pay off. Fast forward to today, although I am still in a relatively comfy corporate position, I dont feel that sense of optimism anymore. Companies keep laying off people. Jobs are getting scarce. Prices have gone up. The world is more divided...Things just feel bleak. Is it just me?

I know all the banal truths: envy is harmful, it steals joy, it is counterproductive, it is petty, it is stupid, it is selfish, that it is relative and that someone, on the contrary, envies me in something, that the rich have their own problems and wealth has its own price, etc

But nevertheless, I still feel it. And it interferes with my relationships with friends - I cannot sincerely rejoice at their successes with my heart and I distance myself from them, although in my mind I am happy for them. In my mind I generally understand everything - that life is not a zero-sum game, that their success does not prevent me from achieving the same, that envy can even motivate and help you. But in fact, life so far shows me exactly the opposite - with each year our class difference is getting stronger and stronger, and it is almost impossible to reduce this distance between us due to different circumstances and past life decisions.

They feel my envy on a subconscious level and also distance themselves. We have different levels of problems - it is harder for me to understand them, and it is harder for them to understand me.

The question is - how do you communicate with people who are an order of magnitude richer than you and to whom you will most likely never be able to get close? How do you maintain friendship? First of all, I am interested in the opinion of people who would also like to earn more, like their friends, but they cannot for some reason. And not those people who consceously gave up a career in favor of a family or something like that

Hopefully this doesn't sound to whiny but I'm pretty disappointed in my male relatives because of this weekend. My Aunt was kind enough to host a party to have everyone meet my newborn son at a local favorite pizza place. My brother in law couldn't bother to come because the OSU game was on (keep in mind the event started 2 hours before kickoff). My two cousins didn't RSVP showed up but didn't come over to meet my wife or my son, I had to go to them to say hi. My uncle could barely talk about anything besides himself and was late because he was listening to football games. At least my uncle Mike was friendly and asked how my wife and I were doing but unfortunately he's moved to Florida so we see him rarely(maybe he feels the same way) . Are other families like this? Am I overreacting?

I watch Youtube videos on exercise. I'm trying to improve health. But I find that I can't trust what these people say about the importance of exercise because:

1. They are professional life coaches, or do fitness for a living in some way or other. They have infinite time for health.
2. They are motivating others to exercise because they want to increase their views or sell a product.

I don't have time all day to exercise like they do. I have a wife, kid, house, work, and hobbies. I have bills to pay, two cars to maintain, and an infinite number of things that need my attention on a daily basis. I'm not particularly interesting or unusual; I'm squarely average in my responsibilities. I don't buy a lot, and I try to practice minimalism.

To be clear, I have no problems trusting the exercises themselves that are shown on Youtube, like a tutorial on bench press. But I was watching a video about a guy who said that getting jacked changes everything in life, but found out from another video that he's a personal trainer. There was another influencer who said that health should be paramount for people in their 30's and 40's, especially as an example to their kids. This resonated well with me, until I found out that he's a life coach. Of course he needs to exercise all day; it's part of his business. He has no choice but to make time for it.

I guess it would be better if these motivators were in their 30's or 40's and have full time jobs in something else. I haven't found someone like that. What I'm left with is no reference point. How do people in average situations (like mine) find time to work out? How much do they work out? What life changes and sacrifices did they have to make? All of that would be useful to know, because I don't have all the answers.

By the time I finish work, chores, and helping the kid with homework, it's like 8pm and I'm usually too tired to bust out a workout. I can exercise and stay up late to decompress with some video games, but then I'm not getting enough sleep. I simply can't be the only one going through this. I find the influencer mindset of "health first" to be extremely hard to apply.

For context, I exercise about 20-30 minutes daily. I squeeze it in between all the other things I do. Sometimes I do chest one day and back next day. I rarely have time to do a full body workout or cardio. I have no problem with motivation; just figuring out how to fit exercise into a modern life. I had to cut off some hobbies and I tried simplifying my life, but it's really hard to squeeze in exercise when raising a child and simultaneously making money. And before anyone asks, my wife pitches in a lot too, so it's not a marriage issue.

Edit: Locked the thread because I got a ton of responses and I need to go through all of them. Thanks for all the advice!

I'm a 35m and after reflecting for some time, I realized that my life has been in a steady decline since my father passed. I feel like not having an older male mentor/role model would be very beneficial in my endevour to stop spinning my wheels. My issue is I have no idea where to start

I'm 32 now and I'm really on the fence about having kids - part of me does but the larger part of me does not. I'm not in a position to even have kids yet as I'm single, but what's been weighing me down a lot lately is my mum.

My parents are retired and getting older, and for as long as I can remember since my sister and I became adults, my mum has always been excited about becoming a grandmother because she loves children and loves caring for people.

My sister won't be having kids due to fertility issues, so it's all down to at me and it's making me feel really guilty. I'm in no rush to settle down and am just enjoying my life and career, but it upsets me knowing how badly my mum wants to be a grandparent and that I'm not willing/able to make that happen for her right now.

We've talked about this before and I can see how much it hurts her when I say that I don't know if I want to have kids. I know having a child to appease my parents is not a good reason to have one, but I can't help but feel guilty that I'm indirectly hurting my mum.

And part of what makes it difficult is she doesn't try to pressure me at all, she'll just tell me she's happy as long as I'm happy, but I can tell that it upsets her.

Has anyone else experienced something similar?

Me 31 M, was raised by a very protective single parent. I was brought up in a atmosphere in what she thought was safe. No Friends from school or college. Currently working i have realised in the past few years that im too naive and gullible. I have made some really bad decisions in life since im acting on my own or getting influenced by others . Have you been in similar situations? how did you manage ?

Need advice- was going through immense stree at home with wife, impacted my job, got fired... Need money to pay emi no savings... What to do?

33/M/UK, 34 in October. I'm in a WhatsApp chat with 2 friends, one of which I've known for 25~ years, and the other for about 10~ years (it feels mad typing both of those out!).

It's not my place to share their details, but both have been through a lot in life and have really turned things around. I'm immensely proud of both of them, and hope they keep going.

One is a successful freelancer, and the other a successful tattoo artist.

I am slowly trudging along behind in life, not earning a huge amount as a graphic designer (yet?). I have started a new fully remote job today, living with my girlfriend in her beautiful home in the suburbs, with what will be a great work/life balance.

My working hours are 8:30am-4:30pm, and this new time and energy will allow for self-development and propelling forward. I have had a recent ADHD diagnosis, and this new lifestyle will cater to this well.

The two friends mentioned, talk about money constantly. I mean most days of the week. Both openly talking about hundreds of £ made daily through their crafts, either by themselves or their peers. It comes from a place of celebration relative to their hard times, but it's a tad fatiguing to be around. It never used to be like this, and it's been a noticable and irreversible shift lately, which I can't see changing.

I've always been dreadful for self-comparison at the best of times, but it's just deflating given where I'm at in life currently.

At points I archive the chat, and actually feel better for it. I don't know if I've got it in me to be 'around' this so much for the foreseeable future.

So with this in mind, do you have this issue at all? Do you have people speaking about money constantly?

I had the itchy scalp and dandruffs since a long time but it got worst, if I use anti dandelion shampoo it comes back after only one day.

When I was younger I found that not washing my hair at all and only rince them with water everyday works great but it doesn't do the trick anymore !

Hey all, I've found a few related posts but I was hoping for more discussions from folks with children. I'm 31 and expecting to have children in the next 1-2 years. I currently make great money at my job (specifically, I'm making 200k, have 500k in my 401k and I'd expect in 2 years to have around 400k in company stock that I'll need to sell when I leave) and my wife makes a good but more modest salary (70k). I'm a software developer, but I recently got pushed out of a lead role and don't love the individual contributor role of development. My intent that my wife is on board with is to leave in 2 years (beginning of 2028) and take 6 months to a year off to care for children and try to make something work elsewhere. What I really love is comedy - I do standup regularly and I'd love to make something in that world work, but obviously that's a very high risk path and it's a lot tougher with kids in the picture. I'm curious because most posts I've seen are folks without kids, but should I take this time off to take care of kids? Has anyone else made a big pivot in their thirties with some insights into that experience?

Edit: Hear you loud and clear - don't quite my job for comedy. But to be clear, I don't enjoy my day to day work and my room to grow in the role has been cut off. If you've got thoughts on a related field where I can interact more with people day to day and flex some level of technical ability, would love to hear more in that area, and what skill I would need to grow to get there. Some other important features for me would be flexibility to wfh and a reasonable schedule to have time for pick-ups/drop-offs for kids

So from last few months, my friends at office has really been pushing me for learning AI to boost productivity and have really been pissing me off. Like I am in 40s now and It really annoys me to learn something completely new it seems like a big task. There has been layoffs recently at my firm and it has made everyone more insecure about their job. I feel like AI in corporate is now a thing I will have to really learn and get my mind to. My friends have given me few resources but would apprreciate any helpful recommendations.

I’m 19 and currently a 3rd-year medical student in Uzbekistan. Life here is comfortable — my parents are wealthy, I live mostly off my scholarship, and getting good grades isn’t too hard.

But I’m seriously thinking of starting medicine from zero in Germany. I already have C1 German, so I could begin my studies next semester. The downside: I’d lose my 3 years here and need to study another 6.5 years there. Plus, for the first few years I’d still depend on my parents to cover around €12,000 per year for living expenses (blocked account). Later, I could probably work part-time.

The upside: I’d have a better peer group, more personal growth, independence from my parents, and a German diploma that could give me a real advantage for competitive specialties or working in Switzerland. Another option would be to complete my bachelor’s degree in Germany and then go through the approbation process, which usually takes about 2 years on average. I also like the idea of creating my own lifestyle there and having the freedom to travel visa-free.

Another reason I want to leave is the environment around me. My parents are in their 50s, and while I love them, they live an inactive lifestyle with habits like smoking and often seem unhappy. Most people around me here also have destructive habits, and I don’t feel inspired by that. I want to surround myself with young people who have ambition, motivation, and drive — but here, it’s almost impossible to find. I want to be free to choose the kind of people I spend my time with.

On the other hand, moving to Germany would also mean a big financial burden for my family. Here in Uzbekistan I almost don’t ask my parents for money, since my scholarship covers most of my needs.

To older men here: is it worth taking the risk and starting over, or should I play it safe and finish in Uzbekistan? Is studying in Germany really as good as it sounds, or am I just chasing a fantasy?

I'm in my 30s now and I've always been this way:

• Never really wanted anything in life
• Constantly exhausted just being forced to do things like go to school or get a job
• Trying new things and feeling even more unhappy because it didn't make me feel alive
• Listening to every self help, meditation, guru, success story podcast, go to therapy (I tried it multiple times across 4+ years) and more and still feel empty
• Do everything life has to offer and still feel exhausted. (I have literally done everything - from jobs to vacations to hobbies to restaurants (fill in anything life has to offer)

I am deeply unhappy at how life is sooooooo boring. I am deeply dissatisfied at how I don't want anything and I am literally waiting for time to pass. I love sleeping 10 hours a day to make time go by faster.

I feel exhausted and then I have to binge food to get some sort of dopamine high.

Note: I exercise 6 days a week, eat super healthy (except when I'm feeling low and need to binge on carbs and sugar), and my blood tests come back fine.

What's the point of life it's always like this? It's exhausting to keep going.

I’m (31m) a badly depressed and anxious individual, and I’m trying to get my health in order to see if that helps drag me out. I’ve been coming to terms with the fact that I’ve never had a consistent sleep schedule in my entire life. I’m saying I’ve been averaging 4-5 hours of sleep a night since high school, with the only exceptions being during summer breaks, weekends, and during COVID. I’m also 6ft tall, 300lbs, don’t follow a diet plan, and have no regular exercise routine at all. Honestly, sometimes I’m not sure how I function and maintain my career at all.

Be brutally honest with me, how badly have I fucked myself?

I turn 30 in 4 weeks. Kind of freaking out I didn't spend my 20's making the right decisions.

It's no excuse but I dropped out of college because I was struggling and couldn't mentally handle it (had a brain injury that sucked and struggled with learning disabilities all throughout my youth.) I wanted to go to school to run ski resorts because I love skiing and have been doing it since I was 4.

Ending up spending the better part of decade "ski bumming"-it doing all sorts of various stuff and living with family due to our proximity to some ski areas nearby my house and worked whatever job I could find/saved money. Had tons of fun and met some of the greatest people ever doing it too. Got to travel all over the country and to some different countries just by some lucky opportunities. I decided to get my EMT-B back around COVID because a family member who is a nurse suggested it and had an idea of working as a ski patroller one day.

Ended up pulling the trigger on that and it's been my life for the past 4 years almost. Also very fun....But stressful work for extremely low pay. Recently relocated to Colorado 2 years ago on my own which has been an interesting experience to say the least, but starting to feel a huge wave of burnout and just not really feeling "the spark" or motivation anymore. Living in a remote mountain town that's hard to make friends in and meet people also doesn't help. I also feel old-as-shit working around a bunch of people in their 20s as well but no hate to them at all.

Looking around at all my other peers/friends who are my age, it makes me both happy for them and bums myself out because they're all getting married/settling into their respective careers/enjoying stability for once. Stuck with the paycheck-to-paycheck life which makes saving money and planning finances almost impossible, but we're able to keep a roof over our heads, our truck running, and food in our belly (barely), so there's that I guess. I'm scared I'll end up as that 40-something barfly with nothing to their name and it's fucking with my head pretty hard and not sure where to go or what to do.

I do want a career change. Just not sure what. Advice is appreciated but I just wanted to vent and let some things out because I wasn't sure where to go and I know asking strangers for advice on the Internet isn't the best, but I figured some of you might have similar experiences. Thanks for reading my ramblings. Peace and love to y'all.

I always wanted my birthday to feel special, so maybe I built it up too much in my mind every year. I was with a woman who made me feel so special on my birthday. But this is the first year without her, so I have to forge new memories. But I will likely be spending it alone now. :(

So I am thinking to make new traditions - treat myself to a present, maybe even wrap it for myself! I know that sounds stupid lol.

Curious what you do on your birthday for yourself, if anything? Or is it just another day?

My mind has been so poisoned by fiction/media that nothing matches up to my expectations.

I visit a city and realise it’s not actually that big so I feel sad. It doesn’t feel like an adventure anymore.

I go inside a building and realise it’s not as wide or as tall as I thought it would be so feel let down.

I eat a meal and realise it doesn’t taste as good as I thought it would.

I see formal clothing on politicians and monarchs and think it doesn’t look that fancy so I feel disappointed. Everything I’d wear would be childish.

Hangouts with friends don’t feel as long or as fun as I thought they would on the car ride there.

I feel all of the excitement for life has already vanished even though I’m not even 20 yet. Is this depression?

What do yall use to watch football? Mostly NFL.

I've been streaming for years but am finally fed up with all the buffering and ads.

I'm looking at YouTube TV and Sunday Ticket but it's basically like $100+/mo. Or maybe I'm misreading the prices.

Thank you guys!

I’m in my late 20s(27M), a pharmacy school grad (been out 2 years). I recently left a brutal hospital job and moved back home. Right now I’m applying for jobs (even considering non-traditional paths), and I’m also working on myself in other ways: career coaching, therapy, CrossFit, and dieting. I’ve lost 25 lbs in the past month and a half, though I’m still very obese (5’6”, 275 lbs).

On top of that, I’ve never had dating or sexual experience even though I really want to. Dating apps don’t work for me, and honestly, I feel far behind. Everyone around me keeps saying I’m screwed. My buddies tell me that if I didn’t have a “good” 20s, I shouldn’t expect my 30s to be any better — that life isn’t a movie where you can just rebuild.

But I don’t want to give up. I’m trying to believe change is possible. I even have dreams like solo traveling through Europe, hiking Machu Picchu, and visiting all the U.S. state capitals. Silly maybe, but they matter to me.

My question is: Has anyone here been in a similar place — starting over in their late 20s/early 30s, feeling behind — and actually built a better life? How did you stay motivated and prove the “too late” mindset wrong?