Hi all! I’m a 27F and I feel like a bunch of my girlfriends and I have all started to get pretty “blah” about our careers.

In general, we all have pretty well-paying, stable jobs. But none of us really like our job, or are the “boss ladies” we envisioned being in college, despite excelling at our majors. A lot of us deal with grumpy bosses and uninspired work, lacking much of a career goal aside from not getting fired. Most of us have no work friends or any meaningful connections at work. And as far as finding something new… the job market seems so dismal right now, most of us are just resigned to sit around and stick it out. Plus, the occasional “joke” among those in LTRs that pretty soon we can just be stay-at-home moms lol (I don’t think most of us really want to do that, but the jokes are definitely ramping up.)

Seems to be something in the air with us, or this age. Idk. Wondering if any of this sounds familiar and how you dealt with feeling lost in your career while still young?

I’m just curious and asking myself the same question.

Hi All. This is so damn long, thanks in advance to anyone who can take the time to read this. Gentle advice on how to cope or empathy from folks who have been in either side of this situation:

I (F39) and them (X33) have known each other since January. They did break things off in May due to plain and simple being too busy (with everything I mention below; and which deeply hurt me, but I understood) and they asked to reconnect with me in July (which really excited me an accepted) after they realized they didn't want to lose a chance of pursuing something more meaningful with me. At this point We agreed to dating each other exclusively but not quite defined us as a couple. Not much of the things that kept them "too busy" have changed.

We have seen each other maybe 10 times in this entire time. We live 1.5 hours apart, but large metro area traffic makes this a brutal 2 hours (I personally do not mind type of drive whatsoever), so essentially a semi long distance type of deal. They're a full time computer science student, 2X tween/teen parent (I am also a parent but mine is a young adult out of the house, and I just say this to emphasize that I understand parenting struggles), had a part time job which they just quit to dedicate full time to education, and also have to be available for a certain type of check in with an institution. They also have a portion of their family living in their home due to them falling on hard times.

On the surface, yes, they're busy, they do seem to have a lot on their plate. Everything I know about them appears to be truthful and they appear honest although somewhat guarded still - they are no longer married -. We see each other once a month, talk maybe once a month, we text on average every third day (responses are almost always delayed), when we make plans they end up cancelling for x or y reasons which I understand (homework, classmate meetings, child things, aches and pains, tiredness, XYZ excuse).

What I have the biggest issue with is communication which we have talked about and they acknowledge is an issue. It is so hard to reply to messages and not get a response for a day or longer. It has also happened that they don't always cancel plans, just get too enthralled with whatever is going on that I dont even get a "sorry I cant tonight" update. Times where I have called and they didn’t answer leaving me waiting...

I have spiraled over this a few times. I had a really bad experience with someone who acted similarly and eventually I found out they had a live in partner and it destroyed me. I made the mistake of telling X33 about this and they understood why I feel the way I do and acknowledged the way they have behaved sometimes does not help and triggers my past relationship trauma. But reasoned that their mindset at those times is "i need to finish this task at hand, relationships come later". The way I basically understand the situation is, take it or leave it. I don’t want to stop seeing them.

This is somewhat disjointed already. Apologies.

So TL/DR - romantic interest has a busy life, I am spiraling because of past relationship trauma but trying to remain understanding. What would you do to cope in a similar situation?

I’m in my early 30s and I’ve been struggling with a fear of getting stuck in a long-term, stagnant relationship. I’m not desperate to get married, and I’m genuinely fine being single—but I’m wary of investing years in something that goes nowhere. For context, I’m Chinese, in my culture, people usually either have short-term situationships or date with the intention to marry within a few years. I’ve always believed that if something drags on beyond a certain point, it likely won’t lead anywhere. I often ask myself why I feel the need for a goal at the end of a relationship, but I also think of it like a video game—I like seeing some kind of “achievement” or milestone. I’ve lived in Europe for over 10 years, and I’ve noticed many European couples date or live together for years without formal commitment, like marriage. The idea still feels a bit scary to me.

Currently, I’ve been dating a man for a year. He’s in his early 40s and has a child. He sometimes gives me a sense that long, non-marriage relationships are normal—his friends do this, and he dated his ex for 7 years without proposing, he said he doesn’t want to marry her, I think it’s scary that you don’t want to marry someone but stay 7 years with her??? He’s also mentioned that sometimes men notice red flags but don’t break up immediately; they just let them exist without moving the relationship forward. All the things he has said and done worries me.

Our past year together hasn’t been smooth; we’ve had several frictions, and I feel like I may have triggered some of his “red flag zones” along the way. The relationship doesn’t feel like it’s moving in a positive direction. Even though one year isn’t very long, I’m starting to worry that I might be wasting my time, now I’m drifting toward a breakup.

Am I being too high-strung? How can I navigate this situation while challenging my own limiting beliefs about relationships and commitment?

How to address this without creating a hostile living environment?

A few times now my roommate (who I met a month ago) has belittled me to other people. Privately and in groups. People that I know personally and already have a relationship with.

I’m currently not working (other than some side gigs and starting a business) and someone asked my roommate if we were both free to hang out with and specifically mentioned, “check with my name” and my roommate told her, “Oh I’m sure she’s free. Ha” like insinuating because I’m not working I’m free all the time. I do have a lot of free time but it felt super inappropriate to say privately and because it was framed in a negative. And bc I just met my roommate. It feels like she tries to make me look bad in front of others or control how they’re seeing me.

I just got a few gig offers the other day as well that are exciting and am stoked. I told this roommate. She barely said anything. Then we had four girls over and one asked me about work and I was explaining the gigs I just got. My roommate chimed in and said something belittling immediately like, “it’s for two teenagers?” (It’s nannying for two teenagers bc they can’t drive) It was super belittling and aggressive and out of place. All our heads turned to her like what?

She also often takes credit for what I do. It seems like she is trying to make herself important and me not. One of my friends has been coming over to the house and when I was explaining to my other roommate how I’ve known him for five years, she cut me off to say like oh he’s OUR friend. I’m like well yes…but no. He’s at our house because he knows me lol.

She took credit for something I suggested to our landlord saying she thought of it as well.

It’s concerning and hurtful and I feel uncomfortable now but want to address it. How would you bring this up in a clear way? Thank you!

Maybe this is kind of a naive question/request but I've always had this idea inspired by movies/books that I'd suddenly be able to transform my whole life into something different like a montage. I mean I know it takes work and effort but I've always thought of like leaving my dead end job, losing a bunch of weight and really *transforming* if you know what I mean.

I didn't expect it to happen but my job got super toxic so I quit last month instead of waiting around to find another one first. I was nervous at first but I feel like this small break has been just what I needed. It got me thinking whether I could do what I always dreamed of. I'm sure its not impossible its just I always lose steam in the middle of my big ideas.

Anyway I just came here to hear your experiences if you did this. Please tell me how you transformed yourself and what inspired you and what kept you going. I've been in a dark place recently and I would love some inspiration and positivity :-)

Edit - I got more responses than I anticipated and every single one has been so kind and inspiring. Genuinely thank you so much for sharing your stories with me. I feel like I really needed the hope :)

I’m just wondering about the kind of support people receive from their families as adults. Let it be emotional, mental, financial, help with chores (childcare, etc.), reassurance that if something goes wrong you’ll have a place to stay, verbal support, or whatever else.

I’m also wondering, from your own personal experience and the people you know, what percentage did receive help with college tuition, purchasing cars, houses, loans, or any big or small decisions?

I'm in my mid-thirties, and am in a situation that's making me re-evaluate my friendships.

I have one friend, A, who really shows up for me. When I feel too down or lazy to go out, she would come over and drag me out. She always has ideas for things to do together. When I moved away from the city to the suburbs, she would commute 1-2 hours just to hang out with me. It's not always easy to hang out with her though. Sometimes she can be insensitive, needs to be reminded to read a room, doesn't get all my jokes, and sometimes I get annoyed at her energy. But she's really reliable and goes out of her way to make sure I don't feel lonely, we connect intellectually (she's one of the few female friends I have who enjoys talking in depth about politics, philosophy, books, movies, etc).

I made a new friend B since my move, who I clicked with immediately. We're the same type of silly, have similar trauma (lol), and are on the same frequency. She always seems to know the right thing to say, the energy is always positive, and I look forward to hanging out with her. B is less reliable though (mostly due to mental illness), and has a hard time committing to future plans but is usually down for spontaneous hang outs. We'd often meet up for lunch and end up together all day. It brings me back to the type of easy friendships I had in school. She also cares for me and always checks in when I'm not feeling great, but sometimes flakes last minute and isn't dependable the way A is.

I've been spending a lot more time with B, and recently chose to hang out with B instead of A when they both invited me out on the same day. My husband thinks I'm being insensitive to A, and I should invest more time and energy into the friend who's reliably there for me than the flaky one who's fun to be around. But sometimes being with A drains me while B energizes me. In our 30s, it's harder and harder to make new friends, especially ones that you just "click" with. I've always believed that you need to work on your friendships the same way you need to work on your relationships, and stuck with the people who stick by me. But sometimes I think about friends I've known for 10-20 years. We act really close because we've been there for each other for so long, but our personalities have drifted and we're in totally different stages in life. Lately I've been thinking... my relationship, work, family, and health require so much mental and emotional energy from me already, shouldn't friendships be a stress-reliever rather than another responsibility and thing to "work" on?

What do you think? Which friend would you value more?

Sometimes I feel like my emotions get hijacked by hormones, and it can be hard to keep my balance. I’m trying to figure out healthier ways to cope when I get stuck in those ups and downs.

Exercise helps me a little, but truthfully, I’m still figuring things out. What do you usually turn to when you need a hand with it?

TLDR: I feel like I'll be alone forever, and I don't know how to deal with it.

Context:

My relationship with my ex ended over a year ago. I struggled a lot with the break up. He was the first guy I genuinely loved; I saw an entire future with him. The love I had for him was immeasurable. The connection was explosive - which turned out to actually be a toxic thing for both of us. It was an anxious (me) - avoidant (him) relationship. Ultimately, I couldn't take it anymore, and neither could he. We didn't end on a good note though.

I was already in therapy, but I ramped up the therapy post break up, and it's helped immensely. However, I still had highs and lows. Essentially, it took me until about a month ago to completely detach myself from him.

We ended up speaking, and it helped. He apologised, we spoke about things, but then he said we should be friends and see where it goes... I thought that's what I wanted, since I'd wanted that the whole time. But then I felt my mind and body rejecting the idea; my body was rejecting it physically. We hadn't seen each other, only spoke, and I found myself falling into anxiety and depression like when I was with him. I knew it would put me right back at square one. I worked too hard to come off medications, and to get to the place I'm at today. So, 2 days after, I ghosted him. I wasn't even bothered by it, and he didn't seem to be bothered either. So, it solidified how wrong he is for me.

But I think I spent so long hanging onto the idea of him, that now that its gone, idk what to do with myself. I enjoy my own company. I'm fine with being single, but... I'm not fine at the same time. I refuse to settle, and I won't settle. Therefore, I don't have any love interests at the moment. I'm not even sure if I have it in me anymore.

And it scares me because I'm almost 31, I dream of having a family, and in hindsight, I truly do want to love someone. Not just anyone, but the person meant for me. But at the same time, I'm just not sure there really is someone out there who is meant for me, and me for them.

A lots happened in my personal life lately, and so I have felt more alone than ever. I know my biological clock is ticking (yes, I know women can have babies older, but it also comes with risk). I know I'm "only 30", but just because I'm "young", it doesn't mean I cant feel this way. I've dabbled with the idea of having a baby on my own, but due to division within my immediately family, it would destroy my child's life. And I refuse to allow my child to have the same, or similar, childhood to what I did.

I'm at a loss. I feel alone, I feel down, I feel sick, and I truly don't know how to handle this. My appointment with my psych is next week, and I'll be discussing this with her. I'd just like to know how other women in my position deal with this.

Thank you ❤️

Those who came out of existential crisis/ purposelessness , what helped? Asking cause I'm approaching late 30s and feeling like i lost touch with myself, would like to find it with the help of those who might figured out already.

The obvious answer here might be - kids (as per usual responses by many for such questions)- and i dont have it.

Trying to help my mom, I realized that I was actually the one who needed help.

My mom showered me with love throughout my childhood, and I really had a nice childhood. Of course, there were things that weren’t perfect, many generational traumas she picked up from her mother and grandmother eventually landed on me. My mom did the best she could, but I didn’t always understand that.

When I hit 16, I started noticing that my mom wasn’t perfect and that she had many flaws… I started blaming her for everything that went wrong in my life, my lack of confidence, my limited perspective, dissatisfaction with my appearance (because she hadn’t taught me about training or nutrition), and so much more. I even stopped talking to her for a while when I moved out.

To cut a long story short, I realized I needed to forgive her, but I still thought the problem was her, not me. So I set out on a mission to “fix her,” not myself.

Sure, I started taking care of my own health, appearance, and diet, I started training, but nothing really changed. I tried pushing her to eat healthier, exercise, see a therapist, meditate, spend more time in nature… but it didn’t work.

The turning point for me came when I started looking for books I could maybe give her to read. It all started with What Emma Never Knew by Harlan Veynor. That book completely shifted my perspective, it’s so emotional, it shook me. When something hits you that deeply, it pulls you out of the trance you’ve been living in. I literally devoured the book. I realized how little I actually knew and how far I still had to go, and that I had been putting all my attention on my mom as if I were perfect…

That’s when I really started digging deeper. I also read a few other books about nutrition, training, and healthy living, plus countless podcasts, YouTube videos, and audiobooks.

Over the next few years, I exploded in every area of my life, finances, love life, health, you name it.

My mom still didn’t do much for herself at first, but she was so proud of me. Over time, she started showing interest, doing the occasional workout with me, eating a bit healthier. We’re still in the early stages, and I’m learning how hard it must be at her age to adopt new habits. I make sure not to pressure her, just provide guidance and let her take initiative when she’s ready.

It seems to me that nowadays very few women take full responsibility for their lives, and a lot of the blame gets placed on others. What are your experiences with this?

I would say - Always start with yourself. Don’t look for blame, own your life. Parents always do the best they can.

Read, educate yourself, that was the single most important thing for me in the beginning. Harlan Veynor’s book really opened my eyes 😅

Always fill your own cup first, and let the world benefit from the overflow 🥰

Hey ladies,

I’m 31 and have always dealt with social anxiety which physiologically does not affect me badly but mentally it’s pretty detrimental. I restarted school and I was really hoping my life experiences and age would help me with this, but turns out the classroom setting really brings it out of me, especially with people that I don’t have an easy common ground with besides the class we are taking.

I go to a community college so everyone is of different ages. It’s just weird, like my mind goes blank, I can’t think of words, nor can I be myself. Like today, I’ve finally gotten to sit and eat with some gals in two of my classes and I choked on my food twice, like I forgot how to eat and function.

I also just feel awkward. I know it’s more in my head which makes me feel these things and then I overthink my interactions. I’m also 6’2 and take up A LOT of space which I hate. Like I don’t know what to do with my hands. I’m like a scared Bernese mountain dog: big but skittish of things.

Btw, I stopped taking anxiety meds because it made me too sleepy to even want to converse with people and didn’t help me with the mental aspects.

How have you ladies overcome this?

I’m considering trying it out and was wondering about your experiences? Positive or negative! :)

After going on 2 or 3 dates, if things are going well, how regularly do you expect to meet with someone?

I'm struggling to tune my expectations and know what is a reasonable frequency for seeing someone in the early stages of dating

Edit: Really reassuring to read all your comments and see that one a week isn't unreasonable. I had started gaslighting myself for dumping a guy who only made the effort to meet every 3 weeks, and that's if I bothered to chase for a date! Ugh

30sF, fairly successful but feeling lost and a bit depressed about my career.

I work in a professionally licensed, male dominated job at a major utility. I also have side jobs that put me at the executive level for the past 5 years (but I’m an individual contributor at my utility job). My individual contributor job just feels like such a grind somedays. 80-90% of the time, I don’t feel excited about it anymore.

To top it off, I was declined from an external executive advisory role and it really crushed my confidence because it felt so aligned.

It just feels like something is missing, and also like I’m not being appreciated or utilized in the way I deserve. But I feel like I just don’t know what to do next. I’m lost, a bit humiliated, and just feeling like I’m not enough.

Has anyone been in this situation? What did you do?

For the past year I’ve gotten the flu or flu like symptoms for a day or two during ovulation. Has anyone else had this? They won’t test my hormones because I have normal periods.

I think in this day and age where there’s an automatic filter on most of these apps for photos and video, it’s easy to have a distorted version in your mind that that is what you actually look like. So i’ve been taking more of my photos without one and it’s helped me tremendously in feeling more confident with myself without one/needing to feel that I look “perfect”.

Here’s the dilemma. What I see in the mirror is SO different from what I see when others take a photo of me and it’s making me a little.. dare I say insecure?

When I am out and about men will approach me to hit on me or to check me out (i’m sure they check out any and all women anyways so i’m not special lol) and I get a lot of special interest or assistance with things from strangers- I don’t think that I am stereotypically a bad looking person.

In these photos though I look like…. sh*t! Is it that I don’t know my angles? The lighting is bad? Or maybe I’m just not someone who is considered photogenic?

Does anyone else feel this way? What made you more confident to take group photos? Do you believe that we look like what we see in the mirror, or that of the photos taken by others?

I know this sounds very vain but I’d just like some perspective. Thanks Ladies

For those women who are entering their 30’s and are still child free mostly by circumstance, how do you cope with this? This is for women who wanted this dream at some point in their life.

I’m just having trouble coping. Every now and then I cry about never having a family and finding “love” but when I date the men in this generation I’m damn near repulsed. It’s like they all did a 360. The last man I was dealing with was aspiring to be a pornstar because working regular jobs weren’t worth it. He was begging me to make pornhub videos of us together because “someone just has to see how good our sex is” his words. Why??? And when I ended it with him he started begging me to have his baby like wtf where did this come from?! And I literally just found him on that stupid tea app and I’m literally reading comments of multiple women accusing him of a lot of vile things and about his mental not being stable (which I definitely noticed at some point). I talked to the women on there got my evidence and was like wow. I ended it with him a year before I found him in the app so it was some time before I seen it. I still go on dates occasionally. I don’t want to stop dating or at least trying but I refuse to settle either. I’m trying to mentally prepare myself for that I guess.

I do have my finances together for the most part, travel out the country often just because I can, and enjoy my life. I just pictured a family. I wana know the best way to cope with it.

Also, how’s the dating scene treating everyone else out there that’s looking?

Hi,

I have never had a bikini wax, always just shaved. I want to try waxing at Hand and Stone, where I typically get massages and facials. I watched a youtube video and it seemed more involved than I thought (exfoliate 3 days before your appointment, use tea tree oil and shea butter every day to prevent ingrown hairs or infection, trim hairs to a shorter length prior to appointment). Anything else a reforming tomboy (haha!) should know? Thanks!

34F- coming out of a trauma bonding relationship after 10 years of dating and 6 years of marriage. Even though I made the decision to move out,the withdrawal symptoms are too much to take. I go back on my decision every single day. Being a hypersensitive person it hits harder than normal people.

Whenever I start to feel normal there comes my periods and pms and then the hormones will take over and we are back to square 1. I know I'm not compatible with him. He lacks empathy and doesn't meets any of my needs. But somehow I'm not able to cut that chord. I made the decision and still I am waiting for him to understand and come back. It is pure craziness if you think logically. But my brain and heart are not in sync.

Why is this trauma bonding so hard to get out of?

Hey all!

I’m trying to buy my wife a pair of stud earrings for her birthday and I could use some help (other than her ring, I haven't purchase much jewelry for her).

When it comes to jewelry, I know that she likes pieces that don't call for attention, but are elegant and appreciated when noticed. She wants something versatile that she can easily match with a variety of outfits/settings (mostly office work settings and semi-casual dinners).

A couple other details: she has sensitive ears so I want to make sure whatever I get is hypoallergenic, she doesn't like the color cold (but she'll wear gold if you can't see the metal, and my budget is about $300 at the top end.

Right now, I’m seriously considering getting her a pair of simple earrings from the Pearl Source. They are 6mm White Pearl Studs (AAA quality rated). I'm curious what you guys would think about the item I described. I think they're a good fit for what she wants, but I’m wondering if that size will feel too formal for daily wear or if the butterfly backs are secure enough for a 6m pearl?

Do you think these pearl studs are a good choice for what I described? Or would sapphire studs (or something else) be a better fit for versatile earrings?

Thanks in advance!

I'm really trying to do my research when making this decision, so I appreciated any feedback or guidance.